Friday, September 07, 2012
Let's NOT Compare Tragedies
To all the animal lovers out there (as I am too), take no offense, but how the hell can you compare the life of a person you love to the life of an animal? And while I also think that my little Lola is "part of the family" and love her very much, I also know in my heart that humans come first in my world in terms of life. However, with that being said, I would never, ever minimalize anyone's grief for their pet who is part of their family, ever. I would never state "Oh since you're out and about you must not love your pet" --- and just by merely stating the word "pet" gets her all riled up. She yelled at me once again, "He's not just a pet!!!" I know that in her grief, she is lashing out, but once you compare my experience with yours, and especially if you downgrade my feelings, the argument is over. I told her to be well and that this would be my last text message to her, ever. We all mourn differently for different people, different PETS, and different reasons altogether. My sadness is not the same as yours. If you choose to suck down vodka from morning till night -- good luck with that. See if you pull out of your depression faster than I do. And while not trying to sound bitter, I actually feel very sorry for her because she has no outlet other than her drugs and alcohol. What's sad about this is that she and I never had a fight within the seven years I have known her.
Maybe you think I sound bitter in this post, but in all seriousness, I feel very bad that I can't be there for her right now and yet, I feel justified in my choice due to her actions. After the loss of my dad, sure I've stayed in bed at times unable to get up and ready to face the world. I isolated myself because I couldn't face anyone without crying. And sometimes, it still happens. There are times I can't even see my own mom because I want to 'keep it together' for her - not let her see me cry for a couple of reasons: to provoke her sadness more or to make her feel less important. Sadly, sometimes people actually think that and I don't want any of those negative feelings being portrayed to her. I've self-medicated with a few glasses of wine, but knew when to say, "Ok, no more." In fact, I have been drinking much less these days because I know it'll only make me worse and amplify my sadness. My mom asked me yesterday, "Why aren't you having a drink with us?" And although I really wanted one, I just told her I'm trying to watch my weight, but the fact is, I want to be in control of my feelings around her. I want to make her laugh, not cry. I have plenty of time to cry by myself if need be, which is okay. It's healthy. ---Side note: once my mom and I stayed away from alcohol for three months to see if we could lose weight. We only lost 10 lbs so we said, "Screw it, the ten pounds isn't worth it," and then opened up a bottle of wine. We always laugh at that.
So what's my point?? Do I even have to make one? I'm just a bit aggravated about how insensitive some people can be during their own times of troubles. For me, even if I'm going through the most horrifying tragedy in my life, I would never insult someone else's 'lack of' grief or compare it to mine. I would always be there for them, but this time, I. just. can't. Part of me feels like a horrible friend and yet part of me feels slightly relieved to be away from a self-destructive person who has little to no compassion or regard for human life, as she's mourning for her PET. I'm sorry, but don't even go there with me. And now I must go and hug my dog. Ironic, huh?
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