Crazy insane madness between the Christmas shopping and STILL a bit sick, I've been neglecting my blog. I just wanted to wish everyone Happy Holidays! I'll be back on track after January. For now, a little clip I had taken from the deck of my apartment. Santa Claus came to town! (Of course, without gifts and in a plow truck...)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
This, I Have Learned...

Think about it - the seven deadly sins (not getting all high & mighty & holy rollin’ on you), but these things are valid in our lives. Pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth are all semi-related to people’s behaviors.
First, take pride. Nobody wants to apologize or admit to their wrongs. Their “pride” will be at stake and they’ll feel vulnerable. Pride makes a person believe they are superior: why should they beg for forgiveness or even state that they may have done something wrong when they “think” that they haven’t? “Off with their heads”, the Queen said. And that’s exactly how they think of themselves---as “The Queen”. Someone please kick the goddam pedestal out from under their feet?
Envy: These are the desires for others’ traits, statuses, abilities or situations. If someone envies the way you live or covets anything you have in your possession, chances are, the friendship/relationship you have with them may be a false one. It may have been a motive just to get to where you are, to be who you are, or to have what you posess. Think about your past relationships that didn’t work out. What was the one thing they seemed to have had their eye on?
Gluttony: Hrmm, not sure if this can apply to relationships, however if someone eats you out of house and home and drinks all your vodka, kick them out ASAP!
Lust: Oh this is my favorite one! We get so caught up in it sometimes that we occasionally confuse this one with “love”. People often do it and then realize the initial reason of going into the relationship was because the sex was mind-blowing. Oh yeah, he/she had an “okay” personality. Pfffbt.
Greed: “I want, I want I want”, is all you hear from this person. They get what they want and they don’t stop at just that. If you’re someone who has a bit more coins than they do, and find yourself signing the tab after a good meal at a restaurant each and every time, make a mental note of it. You don’t even have to be rich in order to be used. I have had this happen to me twice in my life and never forgot it, however I never regretted it either. A gift is a gift and that’s that... Learn from it and then move on.
Sloth: This possibly can pertain to relationships, the typical meaning is: “habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness”, however in the religious terms, it points out the avoidance of physical or spiritual work. I had dated someone who wasn’t spiritual at all and it brought me down to the point of depression. We all need people who can edify us in some way or another - and that is a huge thing for me, which is why my wife and I have been together for so long in my opinion. I had someone pretend to be spiritual in order to get “closer” to me, but I would have preferred them to be “real” and honest about who they really were, not someone they tried to be or, pretended to be.
This morning, I heard someone say, “There are three sides of a story--the two people involved and the truth.” I couldn’t agree with that more. I remember my wife coming home and talking about her good friend and how she is going through a bit of turbulence in her relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, I really like this friend, however I never fully go by the story I hear, because I know that there is a silent rebuttal from the other person’s perspective. Listen to two people arguing: “What? I never said that! How can you say that?” It’s constant disagreements. You can’t take sides no matter how badly you want to be friends with them. Just stay out of it. The truth is revealed through the eyes of God, through the eyes of the past, present and future. The truth comes out eventually, when all efforts to distort the person’s character have been exhausted.
I have recently encountered this - where the truth came out and people’s eyes opened up to a new look at a situation that had been going on for over two years. It’s funny when someone lies often enough, chances are, they believe their own lies and it does become “truth” for them. It’s even that much harder when the person who is lying is very believable, even producing enough crocodile tears to overflow a dam.
Sometimes you just have to let nature take its course and let the truth come out on its own. Remain silent and wait. Patience is definitely a virtue.
This, I have learned...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Let Go & Let God . . .

During the holidays people can become sad, overwhelmed and cranky. I don’t exclude myself from that sentence either. There are more suicides, family arguments and extreme depression and anxiety. Especially this time of year, people usually think about lost loved ones and people who they have lost touch with throughout their lives. A whole medley of chaotic thoughts get rustled into a mess of psychological bullshit. It happens to the best of us, sane or insane. It was so much different when we were kids.
Being that this is the most “expensive” time of the year, we tend to look through our archives of achievements or, sometimes, the thought of the lack thereof. It makes you wish that the holidays weren’t so gift-based, as it should be united-based. As we grow older, we morph into different characters, sometimes involving impassiveness towards our own family members and close friends at times. It happens. Personalities, lifestyles and the people who surround us sometimes clash, leaving a gap in between what was once left as a “whole”.
It’s those types of things that get to me more than physical trauma. As you all can probably see, I can laugh through weird physical traumas, health issues and mishaps, but when it comes to the breaking of a relationship, whether it be friendship or familial, emotional pain is much worse than physical pain, in my opinion. A physical wound can heal in a few days, sometimes leaving a scar. An emotional wound heals slower, and when it does scar, we sometimes tend to pick at it, reopening that wound up again. That’s why the holidays can be so devastating for so many.
I know, a total 'Debbie Downer' post, but I guess I felt the need to write this out since I have lost a family member of my own who was close to me due to unfortunate circumstances. I have lost her as a friend and now, as my own sister. All I can do is pray that she is well, that she is happy and content in everything she does. She was my best friend my entire life, besides being a sibling. With that, I have said my peace and I am ready to let go and let God take over the rest.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Missing Finger Update
Just a little vlog to update you on my "issues", as well as torment Madelene in the process. She asked not to be on film, but I had to get a few sneak shots in regardless. I've become a mean old woman.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
First Snowfall of the Year
Friday, December 04, 2009
Slap Choppin' & Hoppin' to the ER...

Saturday, November 28, 2009
Bayerische Lockdown



Needless to say, I made breakfast inside. I still have to brave the winds in a little while so that I can make the “big trade off”----a half eaten turkey with stuffing for my mom and dad so that we can take home four huge stuffed artichoke hearts. She refuses to release them unless I give her the goods. It’s like a huge drug trafficking scheme. “The Artichoke & Turkey Trafficking Organized Crime Family.” Ridiculous right? But it’s a fair trade. I don’t want that turkey morphing into some kind of funky chicken a week later. That stuff reeks to high heaven. The entire fridge starts to smell like ass if left in there long enough.
I hope everyone had a terrific Thanksgiving with family & loved ones, and I hope you all have a great weekend! Now onto more stressful events, like decorating and shopping for Christmas. Let the chaos begin!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Dysfunctional Holidays

While I sit here mutating, waiting for my noon appointment, my neighbor Parveen has been ridden of the swine flu for the past week or so. I keep texting her, asking her all sorts of questions about every little detail she has gone through. She’s ready to throw her phone into my bedroom window right now. “Did you get pneumonia?” “Can you breathe?” “What kind of medicine did they give you?” Once I found out that you have to breathe in some sort of white powder, I thought to myself, ---ANTHRAX! Now you can see the process of my mental illness. Maybe it’s a psychological thing because once I found out my neighbor got the swine flu, I immediately developed a high fever. These walls must be really thin.
My Thanksgiving guests who are on Facebook have all become fearful of coming here this Thursday because of my status messages. Now it’s just Madelene, me and a 20 lb turkey for two. I kept insisting that I didn’t know if I had the swine flu just yet, and to wait until later this afternoon so I can give them the verdict. “No thanks” was the response. Hell, I’d be the same way too though. I can’t blame them. We hardly have space for this 20 lb beast and I had suggested that we just cook our frozen turkey breast instead, but it wouldn’t be “tradition” if it was without legs, Madelene stated. So swine or no swine, that bird will be cooked regardless. We’ll be eating turkey for months to come.
Since I am stuck home, I will be entertaining myself with catching up on all my favorite blogs, reading, playing stupid Facebook trivia games, poking people and of course Twittering until my tweeter is worn out. Feel free to entertain me.
And now, to entertain you. This video is hysterical. It’s about how Facebook can ruin a relationship.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Self-Sabotage




It’s a dirty world out there and hell if I’m not going to vent about it. Even going into the grocery store has my anxiety at an all time high. I use my sleeves to push the carts. Those handles are germified to the max. You don’t believe me----watch an episode of 20/20 about it. They put the blue light on the handles of grocery carts to find that there was even fecal and urine matter on those handles, let alone spit from kids.
I just wrote myself a post that will have me hiding in a bubble for the rest of the year. Why do I do this to myself? I just sabotaged any plans I had made for the day.
Now you know the process of my self-sabotage techniques. Use them wisely.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Overpopulation Is So Overrated

The other night while Madelene and I were grocery shopping, we had seen a woman and her three boys, probably ages that ranked from 3-8. They were running around knocking products onto the floor and throwing things at one another screaming bloody murder. I smiled at the young mother and told her how cute they were, and she just laughed and said, “They sure aren’t right now!” Madelene and I had always spoke about having children, maybe just one, but our life would be so different. I know I’d be a great mother, because I’d probably be very overprotective, but in the same aspect, I’d probably would have the worst anxiety attacks ever because of the lack of control mothers sometimes have. I wouldn’t be able to do my work in peace. I wouldn’t be able to get a full night’s sleep or even have a quiet dinner with my wife. I just don’t want to give up what I have now, which is peace. I don’t want to sacrifice it. Call it selfish or call it what you’d like, but it would be more selfish if I had a baby and didn’t provide enough attention to him or her as they would definitely need. We love to travel and do things spontaneously. The mere thought of all the crazy things that happen in high schools alone is enough to make me want to never have kids. Recently, a kid in a nearby high school was planning on simulating a Columbine-type of attack on the same date as the previous one. He had it all planned out too. This never happened 20 years ago. The worst thing we had, (which was a blessing for those of us who hated school) was a bomb scare that some idiot called in just because he wanted a half a day of school.
From what I have witnessed, I see parents struggling so hard to keep their kids in line. I see the stress on their faces and also, their sadness. I’ve seen parents get divorces because it’s just too hard sometimes. Some face other problems like the lack of time they have as well as the lack of intimacy. I don’t want to be a soccer mom, driving my kid to every single game or rehearsal and then have to haul them over to their friends’ houses only to have to pick them up hours later. I give credit to every mother and father out there. It sure doesn’t seem easy. I love kids, but honestly, I don’t think I will ever have them. I really thought long and hard about it and it’s just not in the cards for me.
I’m sure there are many blessings in having children and so much love that’s given and received in return. My mom raised four girls and said it wasn’t ever an issue or problem raising them. Now she sees what others mothers go through, especially having people who work two full time jobs. I think the world is a balanced mix though: there are people who are breeders and others who are simply meant not to have children. You can thank me later when you see the overpopulation decreasing greatly.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Let It Go . . .

Let it go.
Those words, “let it go” is so easy for so many people to say to someone, isn’t it? We mourn for too long. We let our emotions linger endlessly for the average heart, which leaves us bitter and developing unhealthy relationships thereafter. The faults of the ex become the pseudo faults of the new person in your life. The more you talk about the “evil ex”, the more you’re going to have those feelings, whether they are loving ones incognito with bitter words, or feelings of complete hatred, which to me, is a sign of jadedness. When someone who has loved you with all of their heart says that they now hate you, it’s usually quite the opposite. It's repressed due to anger. There’s a fine line between love and hate. I do believe this is true.
Whenever my friend hears of any talk, even negative talk from her ex about her through the grapevine - in her mind, any talk is good talk. Meaning: she doesn’t care if he’s talking good or bad about her - she is still on his mind. And she’s absolutely right. The more he goes on and on about her, it shows that she had and still has an affect on him. If he didn’t say one word, she would be lost and miserable. She needs feedback- good or bad. It’s her only way of still remaining in part of his life. It’s all she has to hold onto.
I truly hope that she is reading this right now, as I’ve emailed her about a “special post” I had written. This post isn’t meant to be mean-spirited in any way, because God knows I’ve been through the same thing. It took me well over a year to finally say, “Ok, this is what is, let it go and move on.” I finally did, but it takes a lot of time, and for her, it’s taking a little more time than expected. It depends on the person and two people involved. This doesn’t mean that I never think about my ex from time to time - it’s just a file in the back of my mind that I sometimes entertain, but in very different ways. I don’t sit there and talk negatively about my ex. I sometimes tell my close friends what I had been through and that’s that. It’s over with. There’s no, “Oh she’s just an evil bitch”----it’s a simple, “Yes, I have dated her for a little while and things didn’t work out”, with a few added details of course. But, most of the time I hardly think about it anymore or even talk about it. There’s a sense of peace that goes into it and I’m sure my friend will finally get that once she stops all the yip-yappin’. The less talk, the less thought, and of course, out of sight usually goes hand-in-hand with out of mind.
Many people say that if you were with someone for two years, it’ll take you one year to get over it...four years together, two years to get over it - and so on, and so on. So basically, half your time with the person is the time you will mourn for them. I don’t know if that’s the total be all and end all truth, but through my own experience, I believe it. I’ve always compared breakups with deaths. The bitter part about a breakup is, the other person is out there choosing not to be in your life. In some cases, a breakup is much more hurtful. But remember, it takes two people to ruin a relationship. Every time I hear that there is only one person to blame (unless it was an abusive situation), I tend to say, “Well there’s always two sides to the story.” Nobody’s perfect and especially in relationships, you’re clashing two personalities together. There’s bound to be some conflict somewhere, even if it’s gone unnoticed. I believe if a person truly loves you, they accept all of you, not just what they conjured up in their minds. They love your mind, soul and body, but they also have to love your idiosyncrasies, your stubborn sides and yes, sometimes your mean streaks when we all get cranky from time to time. It’s called being human. If we’re seeking the perfect relationship, we. will. never. find. it. It’s about finding someone we’re compatible with, whom we can accept on every level, except for abuse. We need to love ourselves more, learn from our past mistakes and hopefully move on from hurtful wounds that will eventually be a scar or, ...just a memory of ‘a time when’...
If you find yourself still blaming your ex for ‘this, that and the other thing’, take a little bitterness overload inventory check, and realize one thing: they are no longer in your life.
Let it go . . .
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Do Re 'Mi Mi Mi' Fests

The waitress walked over to the other end of the counter with her pot of coffee and gave me a refill, and then asked, “Do you want something to eat?” I thought to myself, waitresses ask questions to other people all the time. It’s never what they would like to eat or drink, it’s always about the other person, but then again it’s their job. In some way, that has to trickle over into their personal lives. Even being a salesperson, sometimes you automatically put on that “bright & shiny smile” in your personal life when it really isn’t necessary - it’s just become a habit now. Questioning my own “me me me” fests, and realizing how much Madelene has been helping me with my own projects and passions, I had asked her something important. I had asked her what her passions were, and if there weren’t any obstacles in the way to obtain this passion(s) or dream job(s) - what would they be?
She looked at me, immediately blurting out, “I’d love to be a rescue diver. I want to help people. I’d also would love to be someone who trains dolphins.” I jerked my head back a little, thinking she wanted to do something more in the arts, but then again, that’s probably a “me me me” thought. Madelene is at her happiest when she is near water- preferably the ocean or bay, but I never once thought she’d want to be in an aqua crime scene. I reminded her that bodies under water are much different than the ones that are on land. I didn’t elaborate further than that. Not to diminish her dreams, but I know she gets a little squeamish when I watch autopsies and crime scene shows on the Discovery Channel. So, I learned a little more about Madelene yesterday, and I plan on discovering much more little treasures down the road as well.
Even while interviewing people for the documentary, it’s especially important to ask the questions clearly, and then just “listen”----in complete silence. Not a word, not a peep - just hearing the person answer your question to the maximum length that they can possibly muster up. It’s also important that when they’re “seemingly” done telling their elaborated answers, to wait a little longer, because a thought will then trigger, making them talk even more. But if you think about it, the same applies to the people in our lives. Try it out. Ask them a question, say nothing, and then after they have answered you, wait a little while longer before speaking. It’ll be a bit challenging trying this at a family function while people are continually talking over one another, but try it with a friend or spouse while you two are out for lunch or just hanging out. It’s interesting. People love talking about themselves, which is why people who are there to “listen” become treasured friends. People need to be heard, but then again, people aren’t made to be full fledged psychiatrists either. Everything in moderation of course.
My question to you is: Are you a good listener or talker? Maybe both?
Friday, November 13, 2009
Is God That Simple?

My poor Madelene went through hell and back with me. I wasn’t a bed of roses to live with, yet I tried my hardest to make her happy. I remember about 12 years ago, when we were living in our first apartment, we started going to this Christian-based church in the next town over. I found out that they had a gay ministry. Of course, I was like, “Wow, they accept gays and lesbians here!” But I was wrong. It was an “ex-gay ministry” they had, to which they tried to lay hands upon me and cure me of this disgusting and detestable disease. While Madelene was working late, I would trek over to the church and talk hours with the pastor regarding my lifestyle as a lesbian. I had spoken to a couple of the members of the ministry who really gave me a run for my money about how bad it was to be gay and to still be Christian. Oddly enough, these two women still live together as a “couple”, yet they made a vow of celibacy. Of course this was well after menopause (I’m guessing), which sometimes means . . . Oh well, you know.


This past month, I’ve been trying to get in touch with the two ladies of that ministry. They are still running it till this day and I have called them to ask if they would like to be heard in my documentary on a non-bias level. I would not make them out to be “bad guys”-----I would make them out to be another point of view. Of course with most people knowing where I stand, it’ll seem difficult to put them in a better light so to speak, but I really would like people of opposing sides to be on my documentary. I’m contacting clergymen of the Catholic church as well regarding their views and pointing out their take on the scriptures that condemn homosexuality. There will not be any debates on this film -- only different set of beliefs and core values. Although my views on this are quite strong, I just hope that everyone could be heard and that everyone can truly give their input on what they think is “right”.
With that, if you are a member of a church or a pastor who is of the opposing side, and who feels that homosexuality is an absolute sin, then please feel free to contact me at deb@debrapasquella.com if you would like to be in my documentary. I think it’s important for both sides to be heard, because the Bible is so complex on many levels, which is the reason for misinterpretations, misunderstandings and well as miscommunication among those who believe in the same faith...
Which brings me to the same question: Is God that simple?
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Gays of Faith Part 2 (Rough Edit for Youtube)
Here's a segment that's just chopped up to fit Youtube, featuring Amy Beckerman and her lifetime partner, Ann Walling.
Monday, November 09, 2009
The Electro Shock Therapy Comedy Hour - Amy Beckerman
Sorry I have been out of the loop with keeping up with my blog, but we went to go visit Amy Beckerman and her partner Ann Walling to do an interview for my documentary and then decided to grab a bit of her comedy piece at The Electro Shock Therapy Comedy Hour so all of you to get a few laughs at and see how incredible this comedian really is. I hope you enjoy this as much as we did! We had such a blast hanging out with them last night, going out to dinner and then going to see Amy's show which was phenomenal!
If you are ever in the NYC area and want to see a great show, please visit Amy Beckerman's site for more detailed scheduling. You'll be hungover from laughter!
If you are ever in the NYC area and want to see a great show, please visit Amy Beckerman's site for more detailed scheduling. You'll be hungover from laughter!
Friday, November 06, 2009
Bad for the Heart...

My stress levels have been rising lately and partially due to my new project. It should be good excitement, but I’m feeling the side effects of all that positive excitement into a bundle of anxiety. The “what ifs” come to mind and now that I have a couple of well known people that will be in this film, the pressure is slightly on to be a complete perfectionist. I had a few audio problems with my last interview, which my friend is going to digitally enhance for me in his studio to make it sound better and I just found out that my new camera which I spent a good amount of money on does not have a sound port. So with all the mic equipment that I have purchased, this all went to waste somewhat. My sister who works for Sony is lending me a different camera for this weekend while I will be in the city interviewing Amy Beckerman as well as shooting parts of her show. It’s basically the fact that it’s a ‘one man production crew’ (me) which freaks me out somewhat. I’m doing all the camera work, editing and everything else that needs to be taken care of for insurance purposes. Madelene is a big help when she can assist, but sometimes I feel like I’m out on a limb here by myself trying to pull this all together. It may take weeks, months, even a year to get this done, but I’m sure it’ll all come together.
The reason this project is so close to my heart is that people need to be heard. There are so many judgmental people when it comes to religion and lifestyles. They want to slam you over the head with a crucifix and tell homosexuals that they need to be cured. Other religions have the same mindset sometimes. This sets people back somewhat into a corner of resentment, making them completely walk away from everything they have once believed and cherished. Although I have somewhat stepped out of the scene of writing about why I feel homosexuality isn’t a sin, I’m finding myself sliding back, wanting to defend those who need to be heard.
As I went to check the status of my post on a message board over at Blogcatalog, someone posted this comment:
“@Pasquella: There is absolutely not a doubt in my mind that you are one of the most sincere people I have ever had the privilege to meet. I also do not have a doubt in my mind that you have a wonderful relationship with your partner, and this is what makes it so hard. For it is just as wrong for you to be in love with her in that way as it would be if she was a married man with three small children at home. As in regards to Scripture, Romans 1:18-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and 1 Timothy 1:8-11 are very clear that homosexuality (even that which is practiced as purely as you do) is a sin that needs to be repented of, and arguing that those passages were written by the Apostle Paul is a moot point. For ALL Scripture came from our Heavenly Father to serve as written confirmation of what He wants to personally reveal to us. Please, I beg of you, keep listening for His voice. For our Heavenly Father is the only One who can convince you of what the truth is.”
I understand that there are people who highly disagree with my lifestyle and I appreciate them trying to “save me”, but what I don’t understand is how they can equate adultery with a loving lesbian marriage -- or any marriage at all. I DO see their point and how they came to those conclusions, but here’s what another person had said:
“Also, you want to be sure not to accuse others of judging in the sense where Jesus does not judge. I have not seen in this discussion anyone judging you, condemning you, calling down the wrath against you, or seeking your punishment but rather warning you against doing those things that lead to those things, just as Jesus did.”
But in the same breath, these people are telling me to repent and give up my sin - aka - get divorced from my wife and leave my best friend behind. It’s contradictory in my opinion. I can totally see why so many gays and lesbians turn to atheism, because they are simply sick and tired of judgmental Christians bashing the bible up against their heads. But it’s not about the people - it’s about the personal relationship that others have with God - whoever they worship. No one should be judged and ridiculed just because of their lifestyle, unless they are seriously hurting someone in the process. I’ve gone over this in the past in my blog time and time again, but somehow, it seems to bubble up to the surface as I make my way into filming people who need to be heard.
I hope the people who I am fortunate enough to interview will have the opportunity to voice their beliefs and reassure others that God still loves them, regardless of their lifestyles. And the entire thread, if you go over to the hyperlink I provided for Blogcatalog was all about people of different faiths---not just Christianity. It was also to see if anyone was interested in possibly being interviewed about their own personal beliefs, yet there seemed to have been a misunderstanding where all these Christians came out of the woodwork to display a whole lotta' judgments about it.
And now, I must prepare to go see the doctor about my chest pains. Religion is really bad for the heart.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Evil Religion

I had one commenter say, “Haha, biblical scriptures to back you up? Uh, no. Even though Scripture CLEARLY admonishes against homosexuality, it's no different than christians who smoke, or christians that get divorced for anything other than sexual infidelity. Everyone sins and so everyone is a 'lawbreaker' according to Scriptures. That doesn't make them evil just as in sin does not equate evil. Sin is just 'missing the mark' or 'falling short' or a 'mistake'. What gets to me is when people try and find loopholes (that are never there) around their sin so they can justify their actions. It sounds to me like an interesting documentary, but I'm not sure why our culture blows up something so small and minute like a sexual preference into a lifestyle, wardrobe, and possibly dialog. It's like Twilight lovers starting to wear all black and fake fangs.”
Another commenter had this to say: "Jesus went to the cross to bring you the real law. The grace of God is not an excuse. Don't say, 'LORD, LORD' or 'Lord, Lord' and think it's enough. Your faith is to be strong enough to quit obvious carnal confusion. Jesus did not pay the price to ransom those who willfully keep following the blind into the ditch or who preach to lead others with them, since wickedness loves company. God's love includes allowing Satan to have souls. The God of Jesus does not block Satan from taking souls and tormenting them.
What you need to do is to ask yourself who is Satan in relation to what you are doing and preaching. You are here proselytizing you know. It sounds very clear to me that you are acknowledging that your relationship is sinful but that it is forgiven even though you do not break it off. Jesus didn't say go and continue sinning. You know that.
'Sin is on earth whether we like it or not.' Well, I don't like it, and it's not going to stay. Sin and the willfully iniquitous, according to Jesus, get separated out. Would it have already happened except that there are lost sheep yet to be found.
As for Leviticus, if you leave it completely out, you are still left with Jesus's clear admonitions against all the various forms of selfishness and harm that he was not obligated to list in some exhaustive, anticipatory, list for the literalists of which you make yourself here in convenience.
He did not say don't have sex with your dog, did he? No, he didn't. Are you going to say that just because he didn't say verbatim not to be homosexual that he licensed it. Well, if we go by that, then anything he didn't name is licensed in Heaven. I know that, that is not correct. In addition, there are many verses that show that Jesus was adamantly opposed to the same sexual deviation Moses also found to be error. Jesus definitely did not throw out all of Moses's teachings. He removed the hypocrisy. He did not remove the prohibition against homosexuality, for it is hypocrisy. If you re-read in complete honesty your own writing here, you will see it.
So, I don't support your project. How I can not do that while asking for God's blessing on you, I reconcile.
Peace"
Over on my Youtube account, someone said these threatening words, “Doesn't change the fact that the bible tells believers to kill homosexual, and it even tells us how.”
My response: "I have accepted the Lord Jesus as my personal Savior and I do have a relationship with Him. I am also married to my wife ------of the same gender through a minister who is also Christian. If you take a look at the video, you'll see where there is no reference that is made to Jesus saying that homosexuality is a sin. This was taken out from the Old Testament.
What about someone eating shrimp or lobster? Do they go to hell too?
What about a man shaving his beard?
What about sitting next to a woman who is menstruating, and how do we even know these days?
What about those laws? They no longer apply since Jesus abolished those laws when He died on the cross. Throughout the New Testament, they speak about the actions of sexuality, whether it was between a man and a woman or two of the same genders.
What about a divorced woman who remarries while her ex-husband is still alive?
What about premarital heterosexual sex?
Are we all going to hell?
The story of Sodom and Gomorrah was based up on rape----not homosexuality. Many people misinterpret these scriptures.
However, again, I will say whether you believe in Christianity or whatever God you worship, I was only pointing out that there are many gays and lesbians who are spiritual ---so I was asking if anyone was interested or knew someone that wanted to be in the film... Nothing in this film is going to be debated upon. It's all about personal experiences. But if you wanted to debate on here and tell me that I'm going to hell, then back it up with valid scriptures and I will back mine up too.
But it'll never end.
Because everyone has a different interpretation of the scriptures. Everyone has a different relationship with God. We're not to judge one another ---and the biggest commandment of all is to love God with all your heart and to love each other as we do ourselves...
P.S. 'Not having sex with your dog' would be under bestiality..."
The thing is, this film is about all faiths, whether you are Christian, Jewish or Hindu - this film is about your religious standpoints and reconciling your lifestyle. Does your religion say it’s a sin? Do “people” of your religion say that being a homosexual is a sin? It’s about people discussing discrimination and adversity of what they had been through due to religion being the common denominator of these debates. It’s not all about gay Christians - this is about gays and lesbians of “faith”---whichever faith they belong to.
The discouraging wave of hateful people out there in the name of religion gives me such a bad taste in my mouth. No wonder there are so many gay atheists out there who simply are scared to death to come to God or even be spiritual, because they feel that they are doing something wrong, because someone said it was wrong. We’re supposed to uplift and edify people - not tear them down and reduce them to a pile of worthless ashes. Any “religion” will tell you that. It’s fascinating to also see many so called Christians who worship Jesus to tell us that we’re going to hell and that we’re disgusting for being homosexual. They reference to only sexual aspects of the union - not the loving relationship between two people of the same gender. It’s always referenced to sex. But when they think about a man and a woman getting married, it’s all about the union and relationship - sex is never an issue. So with this documentary being talked about, I feel like I have stepped back a few years when I was debating over scriptural references and what they meant (or were interpreted as) with other Christians in a combative way.
It makes me wonder: how can there be so much evil in religion?
Monday, November 02, 2009
Gays & Lesbians of Faith
Here's just a short preview/trailer of my documentary about gays and lesbians of faith. Some clips you've already seen, but I have featured Rev. David L. Clarke from Provincetown, MA in this clip to speak about his views on homosexuality and how he reconciles his faith in God living as a gay minister.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Moved On...

As I was reaching up trying to grab one of the last Saucy Susans in the grocery store (because I dowse everything in that stuff), I overheard someone asking one of the employees what aisle their Duraflame logs were. The clerk gladly gave them the information and explained that although it’s usually in that aisle, they had ran out because they sold out quicker than expected. The woman asked if he could check the back to see if he had another box lying around somewhere, but the clerk explained that he knew there wasn’t. This didn’t sit well with the lady and she said, “Well it’s not like you’re an over achiever in the line of work you do, so I wouldn’t expect you to go above and beyond your duty.” I. wanted. to. strangle. her. How dare she insult this hard working kid - and yes - he was a kid, probably right out of high school trying to make a buck or two. There are some kids who don’t work and rely on mommy and daddy to supply them with everything. This woman really pissed me off. She looked like one of those wealthy housewives who hadn’t had to lift a hand other than to get a manicure done. But my question is: why? Why are people so mean to other people? Why are they so cruel and so quick to bite back so hard? This kid did nothing other than to explain that the store had ran out. She should have thanked him for the information and of course...moved on.
We have this Italian restaurant nearby where Madelene and I grab food from to bring home. It’s nice to sit at the bar and eat there too, but most of the time, we’re more cozier at home. Anyway, while picking up our food, another man was waiting for his takeout as well. We were both sitting at the bar patiently. All of the cooks and the help in that restaurant are Mexican. Now let me tell you - I have seen the former Italian cooks and these Mexican guys can cook helluva’ lot better than them. Anyway, the chef came out with his little white get up and asked the bartender a question about the guy’s order. The man perked up and asked, “Are you cooking my food?” And the chef looked puzzled and scared and said, “Yes sir,” in a very heavy Spanish accent. Well, this man went off about how awful it was to be spending money on Italian food when it was clearly made by Mexicans. Then he went into a whole other issue about how wrong it is to stay in a country and not learn the English language fluently. I. wanted. to. strangle. him. Not because I have known the chef since forever (and ever since he was a busboy), but because it was so disgusting on his part. This guy worked his way up from busyboy, to waiter and then learned how to make the food even better than the former chefs who went to school for it. The man paid his tab and of course...moved on.
I seem to always encounter these little interactions with people and wonder how they hell they were brought up. How can you just treat someone like absolute pure shit and then live with yourself afterward? Some people hold very strong opinions about some things, but keep them to yourself in public and stop showing your fecking ugliness to the world. It’s disgusting to see people treating others like this. There was one time I went off on a woman because she was in a Korean farm market yelling at the cashier who was ringing her up. There were two women standing in front of me. One was checking out her produce. She was a large, say 6 foot tall and big all around, and the other woman behind her was about 4’11, skinny and fragile looking. I see this behemoth-looking woman fumbling in her purse for her wallet. She pulls out an American Express card.
“Ah, no, we don’t accept that here.”
“Well you used to!” the behemoth blurts out. Now mind you I’ve been coming to this market since it opened and they never once took American Express. They’ve had the same machine there for years.
“So you don’t take American Express anymore?”
The cute little Korean guy looks down, frustrated that his words weren’t understood, possibly taking too long, when the woman starts getting angrier.
“Huuuuuuuuullllllllllooooooooooooooo?” she says, as though he was some idiot.
Deb’s temper rises. I was fuming over the way she made this cute little man feel like a pile of shit.
“I’m not sure if you heard him or not, but he doesn’t take American Express, never has, and not once since this place opened have they taken a card that is hardly accepted anywhere.” I said…hoping I wouldn’t be eaten.
“Well they should have a damn sign that says that!”
*blink*
*blink*
“Maybe if you opened your eyes ma'am, you’ll see the bright yellow sign that tells you what they do accept. They also don’t accept Monopoly money, however, they didn’t list that as things they ‘don’t’ accept.” I replied, in a very calm and creepy tone. I’m still waiting for this woman to take a bite of my left shoulder at this point. She throws some fresh cash on the counter that looks like it’s just been spit out of an ATM machine and grumbles a few obscenities at the Korean guy and me and then waddles out of the store furiously. When my turn came, I plopped my 2lbs of salmon on the counter and said, “Tough crowd tonight, huh?”
There are times where you have to stand up for people and times where you just have to keep your mouth shut. But that one incident, I couldn’t help but tell this woman off....and then of course, I moved on.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Trying to "Get It"

“Lisa?”
“Deb---I’m so sorry. I’m still at this weird poetry reading. This lady is pouring fake blood onto the stage, demonstrating her hatred for President Bush.”

Sometimes someone will show me their work of art and if I don’t particularly care for it or just don’t “get it”---I’ll blurt out, “Oh I like the shading and colors.” It’s my way of saying, “My 4 yr old niece can paint better than that!” Again, art is an expression. Not everybody is going to like your poems, your writings, your paintings, your photography or your ability to play an instrument that have dogs howling at night, but you can rest assure that some people are always going to be coming back to your work because they totally “get it”.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Empty Nest


I use to get flack from other people, which I had then noticed, were not very close to their own families. They’d lecture me about being in my late twenties into my early thirties about still living at home. There was no problem on my side or my parents’, but there seemed to have been a problem on those people who looked down on it. And now, looking back, those people who criticized me were the very ones who were envious over the close-knit bond my family had. They’d always want to come over, and some felt as if they were part of the family. These very people either had no family in the immediate area or they had volatile relationships with their parents and siblings. The ones who were close with their families always thought it was great that I lived in an upstairs apartment in my parents’ house. There’s something to be said about that.


Gotta go, mom’s on the phone...
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Blaming My Reflux



Other than that, I haven’t really gone out all that much because of my stomach problems lately. I seriously think when I’m not feeling well, I notice all sorts of annoying stuff around me, but when I am feeling good, I don’t notice all the b/s that goes on. There might be something to that. Just like when people are having a shitty day, they’ll take it out on people. I guess I’m doing that on a blogosphere basis.
I’ll blame it on my reflux.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease)

Acid Reflux Disease, also know as GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease) is so common among many people, but if left untreated can be actually really dangerous, in fact, even deadly. It can range from having surgery to even esophageal cancer. Most people pop an antacid and forget about it. But, it’s been way too long and I’ve had my share of every single OTC meds to meds prescribed by a doctor to tell me something is seriously wrong now.
Because I have had this problem for a long time, I have always advised other people suffering through it what to do. I basically masked the pain with all of these antacids and reduced a lot of my calcium intake. Whenever I stop taking the meds and begin eating the spicy foods I love, drinking my strong coffee in the morning and enjoying a cocktail every once in a while, it will hit me like a ton of bricks. So until I heal, everything I love is off limits. It’s going to be a very bland few weeks for me. It’s also going to be a quiet home for Madelene since I can barely speak. I think that’s the upside for her at least.
I can use a few prayers right now...
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mombasha Nostalgia






(All photos were taken by me over at my parents' house.)
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