Living Proof

Have you ever thought about your struggles in life and wished you could trade it in for something else? We all have crosses to bear and I think that's specifically designed for each individual. I keep hearing, "God won't give ya what you can't handle" and "If He brings you to it, He'll get you through it," but sometimes our thought-to-be "big problems" are something we would want back if a larger issue came barreling through our front doors. I'm going to be honest here.  I cursed God last night. I was angry.  As the most imperfect Christian you can meet, I set a time every single morning for at least 1-2 hours to pray and meditate. I don't tell a lot of people that. If I don't get to do it in the morning, I do it before bedtime in my living. I make the room dark, I light a few candles and use sage for cleansing. I've been on this bizarre journey with God -- one that I never thought possible. He has given ...

Sometimes I wonder if insomnia has a purpose. Maybe God's trying to say, "Come pray with me" or perhaps He keeps you up for five or more days just so you'll crash into your third rem stage in order to communicate with Him better. I haven't figured that out, but I found a few websites that fully believe in this god-driven method. Maybe it's a test, and let me tell you, if it's testing my lack of sanity and inability to maintain composure, then it worked. Let me just say what an irritable, cranky, over-emotional whack job I was during the six days I was awake. I had no filter. And I knew when it was coming on. By 10pm, we usually take the dog out for her last 'walk'. Then 11pm, I'm watching Seinfeld. This is my nightly ritual. Once it starts hitting midnight, it seems as though the numbers on the clock start flying off the handles. 1am, 2am, 3456  -WAKE UP! That's how fast it feels like. They say you should never look at the clock when you ...

For the most part, I'm willing to do some pretty strange things to relieve my anxiety, like watching some weird guy on Youtube talk in this 'serial killer-like' voice just to hypnotize me into a state of calmness. I even go as far as ordering a few I-Doser mp3s , which are binaural beat mixes that work into your brain subconsciously giving you a feeling of euphoria and other various feelings. Kids these days are using them to experience the feeling of marijuana and even cocaine --- sounds horrible, right?  But, it's 100% safe. They do simulate the feeling due to the binaural effects to our brainwaves. I remember one night I wanted to experiment with one. I never did drugs before and knew I-Dosers were safe, so I downloaded "Acid". At first, I felt very calm, almost as if I was floating. Then, in the middle of the track, I felt my bed move a little. Then it started shaking. It wasn't shaking because Mad was watching TV while I had my earbuds on and she s...