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Showing posts from October, 2010

Two Girls Together Are Okay, Right?

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“I don’t mind two girls together, but a dude and a dude --no way! It’s gross.” he said, as he puffed on his cigarette, continuing to talk about his recent sexual romps with these “hotties” from the nightclub. I listened to my friend, trying not to make a fuss of it all. I knew where his heart was. Within minutes, he began to speak about religion and how it is so important to go to church, to which he felt bad that he hadn’t attended in three whole weeks. I interjected and said, “Well, there are some people who sit in a church pew every single Sunday like clockwork, yet they don’t even know God personally. It’s just a routine for them. I think it’s better if someone has a personal relationship with God, rather than to pretend they do.” He nodded his head in agreement, “Absolutely!” ...He had no clue. It was no use. He went back to talking about his sexual escapades. I then had to ask him what he thought about promiscuous heterosexuals vs. a monogamous loving male couple. He had no lo

All in My Head...

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Our thoughts sometimes can prevent us from having healthy friendships and relationships on various levels. Insecurity plays a huge role, so the more self-conscious someone is, the more they may withdraw at times. I can even relate to this because this happened to me. I didn't like myself very much. With that being said, it had a negative impact on my outside relationships. I would immediately think someone didn’t like me because of ‘this’ or ‘that’ , but in reality, my mind conjured up all of these false pretenses with no factual basis; just generated from self-deprecation. It was just a “feeling”. How could I love anybody else if I didn't even like myself? If I walked into a room full of straight people with my partner or perhaps, a room filled with family and friends, my mind would immediately rush into panic mode: “Are they staring at us because we’re gay? Am I too ugly? Are they not talking as much because they don’t like my partner? Do we look too much like lesbians?"

"Why Can't I Be Me?"

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(The photo above is me around the age of 7.) “Why can’t I be ‘me’?” I always heard these words in my own mind while growing up. And at times, I even heard, “Why can’t I be him?” A close friend of mine yesterday, Marlo Bernier, a wonderful filmmaker explained to me that she used to ask herself if wanting to be another gender was ‘coveting’ - although she knew better. It was just a rhetorical question that mimicked what some may have suggested due to religious standpoints. She knew who she was even when she was physically a ‘he’. Today seems to be much different. There are many more options available and a slight bit more acceptance, however you’d be quite surprised how 2010 isn’t much of a progression; it’s only by means of available hormones and surgical procedures that makes this manageable on some levels, both emotionally and physically. I can relate to praying at night, wishing I’d wake up a boy. ..with boy parts. I wanted to be a straight kid - a straight boy into a straight m

Repressed Homophobes

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If I have gained any perspective about homophobia, sadly enough I’d have to say I’ve learned an awful lot this past week in Provincetown, MA. This small town is one big gay mecca for those who want to be themselves without any judgments or ridicules of their sexuality by those who are ignorant or perhaps, homophobic. For the past decade or so, my wife and I have been visiting this town in confidence that if we decide to hold hands walking down the narrow streets filled with shops, cafes and art galleries, that we would not be mocked for being lesbians. We’re typically not the PDA types (public display of affection) and we don’t go around putting our relationship in other people’s faces, however it is a very liberating feeling to be in our element with people alike, and those who aren’t judgmental. To be “ourselves” in our own hometown would be like seeing a nun and some burly man kissing on the side of the road. (Of course you wouldn’t see that because nuns are usually lesbians anyway

Tyler Clementi: Let's See It As It Is

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As my wife and I were driving across the George Washington Bridge this past Saturday, I took notice of all the people riding their bikes, jogging, walking their dogs and looking so happy about finally having crisper autumn weather. I then looked over to my side at the rusty railing that was no more than three feet tall. I kept staring at it, as the illusion of it moving was simply answered by us traveling at 50 mph. I thought out loud, hoping Mad would understand where I was coming from, “How many times has that railing felt the desperate grips of somebody who was full of grief and hopelessness, ready to take their finally leap into the cold waters of the Hudson?” If you believe that objects hold energy, can you just imagine what that railing must be filled with? Tons of people have held onto that railing so tightly, so desperately, crying, and perhaps even feeling numb from all the emotional grief they have recently gone through. I started thinking about Tyler Clementi and wondered