Living Proof

Between a lack of sleep and my thought process brewing from the early evening hours, I found myself awake, eyes wide opened, hoping at any given moment, the sandman would come find me. I tried chamomile tea, reading long painstaking articles and even tried deep breathing, visualization type of stuff. Nothing worked. I feel “change”, and no - not the menopausal type of change, but change in means of how I think and how everything around me and in my life has taken a slight shift. Change is good, but often at times can leave me scared and questioning every single thing in my life. Years ago, if you told me my dad cancer, I’d know without a doubt that he wouldn’t give up. He’s a fighter. I looked up to my dad because he was so strong, brave and nothing ever got him down. ..except for this. Not even a year ago, I couldn’t imagine him giving up. His positive attitude, his energetic spirit and laughter were all ingredients to kick this thing. Now, when I walk into the room where he rests his...

Since 2005, when I first started this blog, a commenter who went under the name/blogger id of “GW Mush” started commenting. His real name is Mark. He was generally polite and very funny at times. I enjoyed his visits and thought nothing of it. Most of his visits revolved around my blog and my fellow writer/friend, Susan’s blog. Susan and I discuss religion, politics along with frustrations of everyday life. I have toned it down a bit during these past couple of years due to a lot of hate mail by other religious zealots regarding my views, beliefs and whatnot. Like clockwork, Mark would comment on both our blogs with either something funny or something with a double meaning, which could have been taken either way. It started to get a bit shady. I’d receive tons of emails from him with photos of flowers, hearts, teddy bears and all of this ‘wishing you a great day’ type of email but with very flirtatious undertones. At one point, I was receiving an email daily, if not twice a day. I tha...

Years ago, when COPS first came out on TV, I remember being amazed that they were actually filming something “real” - something candid and almost in a roundabout way, sneaky. It was fascinating to see all of these criminals caught on film, whether it be robbing bodegas, selling drugs on the street or for domestic violence - all of our “inner busybodies” stirred within us like some nosey neighbor who would peek out of their window with each passing siren. For the most part, we all want to know what’s going on if there’s a crime outside of our home, or if we’re somewhere that happens to have a crime taking place. We want to be ‘in the know’, and this show gives us some of that fulfillment. I was hooked on it for years, until new reality shows started to surface. I remember being addicted to the “realness” of it all. But as time went on, and the more I started to know people in the business, the more I started to learn that “reality” TV isn’t so much reality any longer. If you think abou...

In recent days, I haven’t written anything about anyone in particular, not even in my ‘encrypted’ type of post. Today is different. Since it’s a full moon and I’m feeling a bit feisty, I’m going to be writing ~ one of those types of posts~... It’s not like I have this huge secret because everyone knows I’m an open book for the most part, but there are still remnants of my past that still haunt me today. At times, I feel like those remaining bits from ‘a day when’ have all picked up & left and moved on. ..until she reappears in one way or another. I’m not sure if absence makes the heart grow fonder or angrier, but in this case, I got my answer through a comment she had left for me on my blog. And from her very own words, answering my question of “why”, which I will use for this post, “Does it matter?” So let me ask “you” ----why does it matter? Why does it matter what I write about? Why do my opinions and beliefs still matter to you? The last time we spoke, you were very ang...

This year has been a brutal one, between the amount of snowfall we got and the below zero temps, it’s making everyone borderline homicidal. People are going absolutely stir crazy and when they do finally get to have a half decent life outside of home or work, they bring all of that negative energy out in the open and spew it out everywhere. Let me explain... Today has been one of the nicest days in. . .geez, I don’t even remember. It hit a whopping 60 degrees. After I finished up work and did things around the house, I stepped outside to visit a couple of friends and picked up a few things from the grocery store. Let me just say that every. single. person I was in contact with today was cranky, rude, mean, nasty, irritable, bitchy and/or whiny. No doubt, this weather can definitely get you down. Even I have been in one of those ' I hate people' moods. I asked one of my nicest friends today if she had that same feeling. She threw her hands down on the counter and said, “Oh my...

We start giggling everytime Valentines day comes around because as corny as it may sound---we celebrate this holiday all year 'round. I am very blessed to share my life with you (even though I drive you crazy with my eternal sneezing fits.) Achoo! *sniffle-sniffle* Every day you make special by waking up and making me a breakfast fit for a queen. The delectable smells wafting through the air stir my hunger and each scrumptious morsel is enjoyed to the fullest! You look very sexy with your beautiful brown curls pinned up and your concentration is on my lambchop dinner! I have a blast with you all the time, whether we have a full course meal or beer and wings--it tastes better because I having it with you. You make me laugh all the time and understand my corny humor. You always know when something is not of interest to me, by some expression on my face that I am still trying to determine what it is---so I can avoid expressing it, dammit! How do you know? I am constantly invading...

Without You Sometimes I can just look at you and know what you’re thinking. It’s not predictability. It’s our connection. It’s our likeness and differences that make us mesh so well. It’s our understanding that although we’re very different and lead different types of lives, we always come back to the one life we live together. Our friendship, our relationship, our marriage isn’t perfect, and if it were, it would be fake. “Hi, how was your day?” “Fine, and yours?” “Fine.” “Goodnight.” “Goodnight...” No... It’s more than that. It’s knowing that after a hard day, you can rest your head in a place that’s truly your “home” - a place where you are loved and taken care of. I know I can come home and find love inside. This place wouldn’t be a home without you. It would be just four walls and my empty heart. It would be cooking for one, perhaps take out. ..alone. It would be dreaming about my best friend, my wife. Mornings would be dreadful. No more breakfast for two, just a cup of coffee. .....

Have you ever watched a TV show where instantly, you either loved or hated a character? And throughout the entire season of watching the show, your ‘first impression’ of that person just sticks. And at times, people’s perceptions of others who are on TV goes even a bit further - assuming their 'real life' character is that way in real life too. My wife and I have had the pleasure of getting to know Ryan Nickulas from The A-List NY , on screen and off screen. His character on TV, in my opinion is how it is in real life: warm, caring, sensitive with a bit of sassiness. It's very consistent. My wife and I took more to Ryan and his husband Desmond, I guess because of their long-term relationship as well as dynamics. Last Friday, we were invited to interview Ryan in his home for our documentary. We were greeted by Desmond & their two adorable pugs at the door. We set up our equipment at the dining room table and waited for Ryan to come in. Before interviewing anyone, I alway...