Living Proof

For some people, expressing themselves is pretty easy. For others, it might be the hardest thing to do. A writer has to be vulnerable enough in order to grab the reader's attention. If the writing is somewhat surfaced, without any depth whatsoever -- (unless it's about technology or gaming types of genres) then you'll most likely lose your readers. People are looking for a commonality with other people. Most people who read my blog are very quiet about their own lives, so they jump onto my blog and realize that their life isn't so messy after all. There aren't a lot of people who have the courage to say, "Hey, I suffer from anxiety and depression," or "Hey, I love God but my life doesn't reflect a perfect Christian so much." Nobody's perfect. We're human and we all make mistakes. "Quiet people" don't want to be seen as "crazy" if they talk about mental health, and in most cases, they don't want to be seen...

There's always a little truth behind "just kidding". It's almost as if someone were to test you over and over again, but ended it with a "jk" or made it out to seem outrageously ridiculous. But the pattern still remains -- the constant joking around and tampering with "what if" -- what if you were to respond the way they wanted you to? Then it no longer becomes a joke. Or perhaps they're just getting it all out there to plant a seed in your mind, this way later on, you might think about what was said? I'm a big joker myself, but I draw the line with sexual innuendos or things that may offend the person a great deal. A "just kidding" doesn't suffice with stuff like that. Cultural Etiquette. I'll never forget my friend "Joseph" (we'll go with pseudo names for now) who had a few friends over his house. It was in the middle of February and we had just finished having a snowstorm. Since the roads were all...

Yesterday morning while cleaning up and getting ready to head out, I was listening to Joel Osteen as I usually do.  I flip back to Joyce Meyer when he has nothing updated on his app - but he is my absolute favorite. Anyway, he was talking about waste in our lives and how all the crap we go through is basically "fertilizer", which will eventually bloom new flowers so to speak. The "stinky stuff" in our lives will manifest beautiful outcomes in due time. And without the fertilizer, nothing positive will grow. Makes sense. Great analogy, I thought. Every aspect of our lives has these growth periods, whether it's work related, relationship issues or family struggles - we all have these ruts we fall into that we think won't ever change. I used to throw in the towel way too soon with every single thing in my life that gave me a challenge. I didn't want to deal with it, plain and simple. But, when I stuck it out and learned that my faith alone will push me fo...

I know I wrote something similar before, but it continues to just haunt me. Just to give you an idea, I'm going to tell a little story. I remember this girl I used to work with. We'd go to lunch with a bunch of other girls from the office. It quickly turned into happy hours every Friday night. It was a lot of fun, and yes, it was sort of cliquish, but we genuinely enjoyed one another's company. The conversations were endless and the laughter, infectious, but for some reason, I could not bear to hear too much of what this girl used to ramble on about. We'll just call her, "Michelle". There was one particular evening when we went out to Friday's in northern New Jersey. We all sat at the bar to grab some dinner and I was sitting right next to her. A newbie joined us, to which I was glad because in my mind, it's the more the merrier type of thing. Apparently, I come to find out she is not liked at all by Michelle, although she smiled and said hello to ...

Whenever I see my friends complain about other people, whether it be about their behavior, their lack of attending certain functions or they’re just not doing enough -- I tend to feel bad for them. I never think about a certain friend and say, “Well he or she doesn’t do enough for me” - it’s more of a question of “Am I doing enough” , which makes me wonder about other people’s motives. I have a hard time trusting people through my own personal experiences. Either one friend expected way too much from of me, whether it be money, more time or whatever - and if I don’t ‘pull through’ for them, I'm gossiped about in the henhouse as a ‘vedy vedy bad person’. (Yes, done with an accent & all.) I can only do my best, and sometimes, my best isn’t good enough for some. I have encountered people downgrading my relationship with my wife, telling me that I wasn’t in love with her because I had been with her for this many years. I have had so many friends judge my lifestyle, judge my entir...

For a very long time, I played “the little victim cry baby” and complained about who did what and he said she said bullshit. And because I chose to “let” it affect me, it also affected a great deal on my overall health and well-being. It’s hard to turn your back on someone who is literally insulting you, bashing you or betraying you in some shape or form. The crazy thing about it is, the more you respond to it, the more it will increase. And I know most will say, “Well I had to defend myself” - and we all want to defend ourselves for reasons of “self-respect” - but in the process, are we actually hurting ourselves in the long run? Is it better to walk away from an abusive person (verbally speaking) or to stay and defend yourself - fight it out till someone wins? There are so many different opinions on this. I speak mostly about trivial gossip, rumors, people who just want to annoy you for a living. I literally had someone verbally bashing me day in and day out, and I felt this consta...

You’re probably wondering what grudge people are, but I do have a very good explanation. Have you ever been around somebody who constantly “ughs” every little thing in life? Everything is either an eye roll, a sigh, an eckkk or just a grunt of an unenthusiastic gripe. I can totally understand when people complain about something they don’t like or they don’t particularly care for, or perhaps, they’re going through a rough time and ‘grunting’ through it all - which is fine - but when does it come to the point of grunting at every little thing in life? Within the past year, I had to remove a couple of these “grudge” people out of my life. Their negativity eventually rubbed off and there I was, grunting about this and that. They’re the types that sit there and flap their gums about ‘she did this’ or ‘he did that’ and ‘why me, why me’... . If you stay with them long enough, you’ll find that you’ll be doing the same thing, or at least to some extent. Then you have your ‘fishing grudge p...

Everything I do, everything I have done, including everything I plan on doing, has one underlining motivational factor: Madelene. Whether or not other people view us as a "family unit", that’s exactly what we are, even without having children. She’s my family. She’s my wife, my best friend and the person I trust 110%. I seriously don’t have fun when I’m not with her. It’s not that I need her to be with me 24/7, but it feels like there’s something missing. If I’m out with friends and I order a delicious martini, I think, “Oh Mad would love this” , or if I order something I think she’d like, I’d save half and bring it home for her. It’s just not the same without her. We had gotten into an argument not too long ago -mind you we hardly ever argue, but a disagreement once in a while is healthy. This one was one of our biggies. She said to me, “Do you want me to move out so you can think clearly?” I stared at her thinking, “Oh my God, I couldn’t stay here if you left!” The thou...

Trust is to be earned. It doesn’t happen instantly and sometimes, it never develops for whatever reason. I’ve had trust issues for a very long time, for many reasons and because of many people. I also know, that while one person many hurt you, another person may not do the same. People are different and we shouldn’t bulk everyone into the ‘not to be trusted’ file, but when one person after the other betrays your trust, how do you let down your guard again? Eh, we can always say, “Trust no one”, and be on our way, but the best feeling in the world is to be able to trust someone completely, with everything you have, knowing that your secrets, your thoughts and your heart is safe. That, I have with Madelene. That’s what a true best friend is. We also have a friend that we know, who without a doubt, would hold any secret sacred. How do we know this? It’s by the way she keeps quiet about others. She doesn’t talk about anyone in means of gossip or “did you hear about this or that and...

There are many things I like and dislike, not as though you really care, but we all have our little tweaks about stuff. I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to people, but sometimes it’s just too much to say, “Alright alright, whatever, that’s the way you are...” and so on, and so on. I cannot tolerate catty women. (And some men for that matter.) And not that I mind a little gossip here and there, but it’s when people talk nicely in front of you and then once you leave, you are the brunt of their “juicy gossip”.  Once they’re in a huddle, and another decides to leave----they have just found a new person to “talk” about. Here’s the vicious cycle, and I believe this is derived from an old Jewish law---correct me if I’m wrong please. Gossip kills three people: the speaker, the listener and the person being spoken of. For one, you never want to be the speaker. The speaker gets the bad reputation for not being trusted. The poor listener is doomed with the tem...

What does it mean? Whoever you talk to- a friend, spouse, family member or a co-worker, 95% of the time, they will agree with whatever you have to say regarding a personal matter that’s going on in your life. Some advice may be a little too over the top, and others may be generalized for the sake of staying neutral, but overall, you’ll come to notice that the advice you get from the people closest to you will deter you from making a conscious and wise decisions of your own. Influences. People who are close to us have the influence to persuade us one way or the other. Sometimes, people do it out of self-gratifying reasons. Sometimes, you have to ask yourself, does this person want something out of this? What would he/she gain if I told them this, or got advice from them about that? Does this person have a romantic interest in me? Or is this person jealous of the relationship I have with whomever I’m having the problem with for whatever reason? How do you determine what’s “good advice”?...

Touching on the topic of gossip is a difficult one, because whether or not we know it, we all gossip in one form or another. What exactly is gossip? 1. idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others: the endless gossip about Hollywood stars. 2. light, familiar talk or writing. 3. Also, gos·sip·er, gos·sip·per. a person given to tattling or idle talk. 4. to talk idly, esp. about the affairs of others; go about tattling. –verb (used with object) Idle talk or rumors are mostly seen as ‘lies’ or ‘exaggerated truths’ about a person. Even writing about someone is considered gossip, as shown in the web’s dictionary. In the Jewish culture, it’s been told that gossip kills three people: *The speaker *The person you are speaking about *The listener But at what lengths do we consider “talk” about other people, gossip? Do we stop talking about how Julie’s husband just got a promotion at his job? Do we stop talking about our kid’s achievements in school? Do we go as far a...