Saturday, January 18, 2020

Boundaries

It's been quite some time since I've written anything lately. Between the stressors of the holidays and of course, a sprinkle of family drama, I kinda neglected this blog. For the past few months, I learned something very valuable. I still have to be mindful to practice it, but it makes sense and it sounds so incredibly simple. Keep fighting. Keep fighting for your life. Keep fighting for positive mindsets. Keep fighting for your ability to overcome daily stressors and unexpected ones. When your mind is consumed with thoughts about what other people think of you---remember---what other people think of you is none of our business anyway. When people are unhappy with their own lives, they will search for a way to make even their loved ones unhappy. It's just an unwritten law that truly doesn't make sense---being that this person supposedly loves you. But the truth is, hurt people hurt people. Once someone goes off the handle and becomes a toxic among you and your household, I always believe you should forgive them. Pray for them. When they constantly lie about you, tell elaborate stories about something that has never taken place time and time again, forgive them anyway. But at some point, I think it's fair to say to keep them at a distance. Peter asked Jesus, "How many times should I forgive someone?" And Jesus said, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven times." By saying we are to forgive those who sin against us seventy times seven, Jesus was not limiting forgiveness to 490 times, a number that is, for all practical purposes, beyond counting. Infinite.

Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I am quick to forgive with never bringing it up again. Hey, I make my own mistakes and I'm grateful for those who have forgiven me in the past. But the thing is, I tried to never do the same offense again. When you're dealing with someone who is bitter, resentful and jealous of whatever it is---you have to keep in mind where the madness is coming from. When you have toxic people in your life, there are certain boundaries you always have to keep up, which is unfortunate. So when you come to the point where you witnessed the straw that broke the camel's back, you have to make a decision: to forgive and forget, or to forgive and let go. There are a few things you can do, which I have chosen. If the person comes to you asking for forgiveness, this time, that person has to admit to what they have done and said---not just "Well, let's just leave it all behind us." No. You have to tell me *what* you are sorry for and what lies you have chosen to say in the midst of your smear campaign. I usually don't get too upset like this, but once you hurt my better half, and tear that sweet and loyal woman down to the bone and verbally abuse her----you're gonna have to do much more than a crappy text asking for forgiveness again.

This person who has hurt Madelene and myself, has left a trail of lies, to which we have receipts for---meaning, every word, every lie that came out of this family member's mouth is accounted for by a long string of paper trails as well as videos. I keep everything. I learned to do this after her millionth time of hurting us. Usually, I never talk about family drama or my distaste for what someone has done to me. But right now, I need to write about it because it was the most hurtful thing she has ever done to us. During times of her rage, she has called Madelene and her family disgusting and despicable racial slurs-----then walks away pretending to be this "nice woman" to fool everyone. You don't get to do that to us anymore. I was lucky enough to record every outrage and tantrum she threw, even one where she flipped out on my mother while she was sick.

I refuse to be abused any longer.

I refuse to let anyone disrespect my life partner and my best friend in the world.

You can't go around life hurting people all the time. You can't keep going on telling lies about someone who has proof otherwise. I'm not quite sure how this person lives with herself, knowing the damage she has left behind, but for me, I'm able to sleep at night. And that's all I can say.

My thoughts on this is, keep forgiving people. Keep understanding the unhappiness and misery they suffer, as all of us do from time to time. But also, keep your boundaries and self-respect from having this ever happen to you again. So Jesus says 70 x 7 times of forgiveness? I went well passed that number, Jesus (even though it was symbolic for infinite.) I will continue to forgive when the person is genuinely sorry, explaining what they are sorry for.  At this point, all you can do for people who intentionally hurt you is to pray for them, because they're suffering in their own way.

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Boundaries

It's been quite some time since I've written anything lately. Between the stressors of the holidays and of course, a sprinkle of f...