Friday, June 30, 2006

Veal Chop or Hot Wings?

Words are meaningless without action applied. People can conjure up sweet persuasions to make you do this or that, but if you’re strong in your faith you’ll conquer this technique. If not, you were confused to begin with. Everybody thinks they’re right. They’re fustian spew of literature they’ve read in the past or words they’ve heard from some ole wise man echoes in your mind as you try to figure out your own way.

What about in relationships?

“Well you did this and it made me angry!”
“Well if you didn’t do that, I wouldn’t get so pissed!”

“YOU” is the key word when you want to continually argue.

“I” is a word that identifies how you feel. How can anyone argue with how you feel?

“Well I felt hurt when you said this…”
“I’m sorry, I felt hurt when you did that…”

You can’t argue with someone who feels a certain way; the same with a person who believes a different religion or the ‘same’ religion based on other beliefs. The constant butting of heads will have you fleeing to the pharmacy for more pain killers…or to the beer and soda to drink your woes away.

Accept Christians who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong. For instance, one person believes it is all right to eat anything. But another believer who has a sensitive conscience will eat only vegetables. Those who think it is all right to eat anything must not look down on those who won’t. And those who won’t eat certain foods must not condemn those who do, for God has accepted them. Who are you to condemn God’s servants? They are responsible to the Lord, so let him tell them whether they are right or wrong. The Lord’s power will help them do as they should. ~Romans 14:1-4

That’s just an example on life in general—not food per se. But speaking of ‘foods’ and people who don’t eat certain things, I’ve encountered something interesting.

One evening, A good friend and I were discussing foods we enjoyed. I told her that one of my favorite dishes at this particular restaurant that we love was the veal chop. They make it really good- and I enjoy it. She quickly glanced at me in horror.

“Do you know what they do to those poor little calves?”
“Well, I have an idea, but if I don’t eat it, someone else will.”
“But they’re caged up and only milk fed, Deb.”

I sat there and thought about it, and decided that if it was still being served on the menu, I want to order it. I don’t want to feel guilt about eating something that I truly enjoy.
Then I thought some more.

“Jen? Don’t you enjoy hot wings?”
”Oh! I love them!”
“Aren’t those…baby chicks?”

Then she thought for a while. I have nothing against what other people eat, drink or do; I just focus on my own thing and occasionally make a wisecrack here and there about stuff. Even with religious and political beliefs---what you feel in your heart to be true is true for you. Who’s to say that God isn’t speaking to you? Yeah sure we can chuck it up to psychotic moments and hallucinations, but in reality, and biblically speaking, people ‘saw’ with their own eyes things that would be unfathomable to us ‘now’. I mean, if someone came up to you and said, “Jesus was standing right outside the doorway before! It was amazing!” Would you truly believe them? Does it matter if “you” believe them or not? It only matters what they believe to be true. Were people hallucinating back when the time Jesus was alive? Who knows. I do know that it made their faith greater. Who can say that the people who wrote the books in the bible weren’t a little delusional? We don’t know that. We choose to go on blind faith.

It’s science vs. spirituality. God is not of this world. Scientific evidence will always conflict with the spiritual nature. This is why so many atheists will debate sightings of Christ, angels or apparitions. What about those who see ghosts? Or those who are sensitive to spirits? I know I have sensitivity to spirits. My house is slightly haunted. We have all seen the same woman walking around our house. Who’s to say that we’re psychotic or if we’re actually seeing a real ghost? Maybe we had one too many martinis...

So let the theologians, Christian believers and other religious radicals bop each other on the head with their bibles. Sit back, have a beer, and enjoy the beliefs that you hold true to your heart. No one can take that away from you.

Thursday, June 29, 2006


It’s been raining here for days. I woke up this morning hearing the sounds of a downpour as Madelene started getting ready for work. Storms always have this calming affect on me, unless I’m out driving in it of course. I feel fortunate that I don’t have to drive to an office anymore. My work is from home and I can enjoy the rain, rather than fear driving in it.

Ever since I got wireless internet, I’ve been working out of my living room instead of my office just for a change of atmosphere. As I gazed outside overlooking the view of the lake and mountains, I heard the sounds of ‘night’. It was humid out and the rain had just dissipated for the time being. Loud mating calls from the frogs were echoing out of the woods, and the sound of chirping crickets were everywhere—almost in stereo.

I poured myself a huge cup of coffee and sat for a moment. What if this all changed? Have you ever had that feeling that your life was about to change soon? I’m not saying I’m some psychic freak with ESP or anything---even though it does indicate that in my profile---but that intuition bug sometimes knocks on my door. There’s something in the air that tells me, “Your life is about to change drastically,” and I have no clue what that might be; although I can surely guess all I want.

Maybe the change will be my living arrangements, or maybe it’ll be a new career of some sort. I know that I am happy being “who I am”—despite what some harridan has to say about me. So I know that my decision about being in a gay relationship will remain the same—and so will my wonderful relationship with God. No one can tell me otherwise how to live my life…only God can. Sure I can joke around and come off as this freaky little wag to lighten things up; then some people take it as a contradiction to my whole being. Life is too short to be so damn serious. God is the creator of humor. I think that’s one thing a lot of people are forgetting.

I totally appreciate everything God has given to me. My life has been a true blessing. I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of my friends coming into my life and especially having a wonderful family who are like my best friends. I may bitch and moan about this or that, but my feelings never change.

So needless to say, I don’t know what the change will be, but I’m willing to go through it and let God guide my life. Maybe this weather will start changing. That’ll be a start!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Cricked Necks, Cunnilingus and OCD

Being sick and immobile has its advantages and disadvantages. The nurturing and caring aspects of your partner/spouse could be a wonderful thing. Having a cricked neck and a girlfriend in the other room with the stomach virus can be frustrating. I occupied the living room while surfing the net and trying my hardest not to put on that TV. My girlfriend stayed in the bedroom as she nursed her virus and made numerous trips to the loo.

We were both hurtin’ to say the least. I ended up surfing and making my rounds to various blogs. Some left a bad taste in my mouth; much like a floppy wet chicken that’s been sitting out on the counter for days. (Not that I have ever dined on such a thing before…) I know everybody’s views and opinions are so different and unique, but others are harsh and crass with no respect for the human life whatsoever.

“Honey, can you make me soup?” Madelene screams out from the other room as I gasp at some of the vicious spews on someone’s blog.
“Sure. Be right there.” I said, as I tried maneuvering my stiff neck and headed off to the kitchen to make her something to eat. Keep in mind I can’t lift my arms very far due to the extent of my neck and back pain, so to even grab a pot from the cabinet below seemed like the most difficult task I ever had to do. I looked like some freaky robot trying to break dance in my kitchen. Yeah, not a pretty sight.

The only thing I had as far as soup de jour goes was one of those Lipton Ring-O-Noodle packets. You know—the type where it’s loaded with more salt than the ocean---the one that makes me blow up like a tick. After one bowl of this soup, my ring practically buries itself into my finger. It’s awful.

OCD kicked in big time today. I had to take Mad’s temperature which means disinfecting the thermometer which involves a lot of soap and water, followed by a ten minute soak in Listerine. Doorknobs are swabbed down with alcohol wipes and the phone has to be wiped down anytime Madelene uses it. I know—call me insensitive, but that’s just how I am.

Here’s the tricky part. I have to go back in that bedroom to sleep. We obviously share the same blanket. Do you think it would be obvious if I grabbed the blanket and threw it in the wash for a once over? Pretty lame of me, huh? I’m willing to take the risk and be in same room as her; the same room to which she is pouring out her germ-filled lungs into the same air I’m breathing in. I’m thanking the good Lord that we have sufficient air conditioning, because if we didn’t have it—it would definitely be sofa city for me. Warm air equals what? Say it!... Say it!... GERMS!

As I said, my neck is stiff, which made me notice something else that I have never thought of before. I’m lying on the couch and look up at the fan that’s spinning around rapidly circulating the air. It then hit me. I never wash the back of the panels of the fan—which can only mean one thing---germs are flying in every which direction! Dust bunnies with wings are whipping through my clean living room as I’m breathing in what I think to be is clean air. I have to get out of the house. I’m thinking way too much.


I know what you’re thinking. I must have sexual issues with my OCD lurking within. I do. To the millions of women having sex with me now, it’s not you…really…it’s me. You’d think I’d wear a huge hefty bag while being with my partner due to all the manias I have about germs. But I don’t. I’m pretty normal in that aspect. I know, way too much information there.

In another topic, I just found this funny article (while being completely bored today) from the Discovery Health website about the taboo of oral sex between heterosexuals:

“…Some heterosexual people believe that the only real and proper way to express their sexuality is by having intercourse with the penis in the vagina. Others feel threatened by the age-old myth associating oral sex and homosexuality and fear participation in mouth-genital contact may be a sign of their deep-seated homosexuality. There is, of course, no evidence that those who practice oral sexual acts are inclined toward homosexuality.

Historically and currently, oral sex, including cunnilingus, has been frowned upon in some cultures and by some religions. It is prohibited in some cultures and even illegal. Underlying the social disapproval and legal strictures are powerful age-old religious prohibitions against oral-genital contact. Centuries of religious scholars have believed and preached that oral sex is unnatural and against divine law. Whether because genital-mouth contact was not a procreative act or because it was erroneously believed to be strictly a lesbian activity, cunnilingus was officially prohibited. In our culture the non-procreative aspect is the most pertinent in that it is the procreative potential of sex that has traditionally transformed it from bad to good in the eyes of many religions. The weight of religious teachings throughout history has had a strong influence on legal and social rules. Many states in the United States still have laws about what are termed "unnatural acts" which include prohibitions on mouth-genital contact. Technically these laws still remain on the books in some states, but are rarely enforced. As the influences of religion on government have diminished, society's experiences with sexual practices have shown that these prohibitions were unnecessary and that cunnilingus is a safe and natural sexual practice between consenting adults. ”

I’m wondering if you know who is participating in these heathen-like activities. I know—way too much time on my hands!

UPDATE: Please visit Miranda's blog and see what she has to say about her love for her partner, as well as her love for God.

Also, as I've been advised to pronounce a certain word a certain a certain Texan...Can "y'all" visit Kathi's Christian blog to read her thoughts on what a loving Christian is?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Cut the Umbilical Cord Already!

In my previous post, I did correlate my neck pain with my mother, but I regret doing that. Today she just proved her nurturing and loving ways. She always proves her nurturing ways in a bit of an aggressive way, but I love her anyway.

See, even when I was younger, she was okay with the concept of me dating other guys. They weren’t a threat to her. The thought of a woman taking ‘her’ place was the real threat. A woman would ‘take care’ of me; nurture me and be the other woman who could provide that sort of care.

Instead of bringing home Mr. Right to meet my mother, I brought home Miss Possibly Right. She didn’t approve of any of them. Either she looked like a tramp or she must be a prostitute. In my eyes—the girls I brought home to meet mom were ‘good enough’ to bring home to meet mom. Get me? So the ones that I did hide from mom were a bit on the wild side.

Since the day I moved out of the nest, mom babied me. I’d come home from school to a perfectly cleaned room. It was almost as if you walked into a new hotel room that the maids primped up for your arrival. Laundry was done, carpet was vacuumed and the bed was made. She never left any chocolates on my pillow though. That was traumatizing. I had my own bathroom in my bedroom—which was always disinfected to the max. That bathroom was the cause of my OCD. Everything has to be clean as the loo I grew up with.

Each morning she’d prepare a big breakfast for me to start the day. I hardly ate lunch at school because my mother had a gourmet lunch waiting for me at home around 2pm. I’d wait. I refused to eat sloppy joes from some gross sweaty lunch maid who hated all of us. God knows what she put in that meat! Anyway, I’d come home to see a beautiful healthy lunch sitting there with a large glass of iced-tea. After lunch, I’d head out to play with my friends or I would simply take a nap until she woke me up for dinner.

When I was eighteen years old, I was working long hours and coming home by 7 or 8pm. At this time, mom didn’t clean my room, but she still did a few loads of laundry here and there… Ah hell, who am I kidding—she did all my laundry still. I cleaned my own room, because she refused to climb over the new waterbed she got me, and get stuck in it trying to make it perfect. Plus—I had ‘little stashes’ in my room that I didn’t want her to see. So, the real deal is, mama was forbidden to clean my room. I told her I would do it instead.

At the age of twenty I met Madelene. My mother finally approved of someone I brought home. Could this be? Mama gave up on fighting for me? I couldn’t get over it. She actually was happy with my selection. Who wouldn’t be though? Madelene’s a beautiful person inside and out. She got along with every single family member—even the difficult ones. She soon became part of the family.

The day I moved out with Madelene was a sad and happy event all wrapped in one. I was finally leaving the nest to spend my life with the woman I loved. Mom never thought I was serious as I rummaged through the newspaper looking for condos and places to rent out. She would always look at my father and say, “She’ll never leave…” And my father would always reply, “Why would she wanna leave here? She’s got it made here!” And that was the end of that. They gave one another comforting dialog to move passed the awkward, ‘my last daughter is moving out’ syndrome.

Reality hit when I was packing up my car with bags of clothes and belongings. No, I didn’t have sophisticated luggage or bags. It was hefty bags and I was fine with it. Millions of trips back and forth from my house to the new condo we were going to live at finally came crumbling down when my mother saw me take the last load of whatever out.

“Come hug me mommy.” Mom said, with tearful eyes. She called all her daughters ‘mommy’. It’s a term of endearment for Italians to do this. Just like the Latina culture where they call one another ‘mamita’ or ‘ma’.

She hugged me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe. She started crying and then I started to cry. She sat Madelene down to explain what was needed to take care of “Deb”. This was the embarrassing part.

“Remember, she likes her bathroom pristine and cleaned daily. She starts off with breakfast every morning—she doesn’t skip. She loves to have her sheets tucked in—not left out. Her sanitary napkins have to be ‘this kind’ (leaving that brand out thank you very much) and she needs two boxes ahead just in case so she feels better. Everything has to be two ahead, from her shampoos, soaps, toothpaste and hair products. If you see one left in the inventory of your cabinets, it’s time to get another.”
“Rose! I know, I’m gonna take good care of her. I love your daughter and I’m going to make sure she is happy. Don’t worry, okay?”
Mom said, as she hugged Madelene tightly.

I managed somehow to live on my own, and do things for myself for the first time. It was quite an experience for me. I actually enjoyed it! I never knew that grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning could be so much fun. It was my ‘own place’, and I was able to personalize it with my own unique style. It was much more fulfilling to clean, cook and do someone else’s laundry. Why? I guess love has a lot to do with it. I showed Madelene I cared by doing these things. I wanted to. I enjoyed it, because it made her comfortable. Now I know why my mother did this for me. Some may disagree with that sort of thing and say that it’s unhealthy to baby a child until she’s a young adult. To me? I appreciated every single moment of it.

Now that I live upstairs from mom, she is accessible. No, she doesn’t do my laundry or clean my apartment up here, but she does offer many delicious dinners to us. This morning, Madelene woke up very sick. She has a stomach virus and can’t get up to do anything. I woke up with my neck stiffer than ever. I can’t do anything but lay here on my bed writing this to the world. I can’t do anything else.

My mother didn’t hear anybody leaving the house. She didn’t even hear anybody stirring around. We get a phone call. Guess who? She asked what was wrong and if she could do anything. Well, moments later, she came running up to our place with a gourmet breakfast and hot coffee. She asked if she could do anything for us. She’s off to get some heating pads for my neck and some medicine for Madelene.

Even though I make fun of my mom and compare her to the mother on “Everybody Loves Raymond”, I don’t think I’d want it any other way.

I’m totally a mama’s girl!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Pain in the Neck

It always happens when I least expect it. Some sort of weird ailment arises where I can’t do a damn thing. First it was the back pain which led to numerous visits to the chiropractor who did absolutely nothing but irritate me and show me how ‘excited’ he was to see me. Lying there on the table seeing his pants rise up while he 'cracked my back' disturbed me a little. That ended quickly. I decided to go that weird ole’ holistic route and see my Reiki massage therapist who fixed me up good.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a stiff neck. I’m chucking it up to stress. I’ve been suffering from anxiety attacks and constant worrying over every single fricken thing. I’m prone to it because of my mother. She worries about everything. She’s a walking nerve. She put the fear of God in me when I was younger.

“Don’t go outside up the road! There’s bears and wild dogs!” She said this so that I would stay close to the house. Fine. But now that I’m older, those words ring through my head leaving me to ‘stick close to home’ as an adult. See the manipulative pattern here? Lions, tigers and bears!

This morning I woke up once again with a neck pain that nearly had me paralyzed. I couldn’t look to my left or right—just straight ahead. Amy said I should wear a collar. Yeah, one of those ‘I got whiplash and gonna sue your ass’ type of collars. Can you imagine? At first, my initial thought was one of those poor funnel collars a dog has to wear so they can’t bite their wounds. That could start a trend---or just increase my alcohol intake.

“Look! Balloons!!!” Madelene screams, as she points to the sky outside the house.


For the love of God, my neck!!! I heard a crack and then I felt the intense pain go from my neck to my shoulders. I saw the balloons though. I guess someone let a bunch go loose and for some reason, they flew over my house, leaving me with more of a twisted neck. God definitely has a sense of humor.

Mom calls me.

“Deb? You guys wanna eat with us? We’re having chicken.”
“Oh that’s okay ma, we’re having pasta tonight.”
“What? You don’t like my chicken?”
“No ma, that’s not it… We already have dinner and my neck is really bad.”


Well, I’ll have some left over if you wanna come down to have some.”
“Thanks ma, I’m fine…really.”

Guilt trips are frequent here. Not that I don’t love my ma’s cooking, but sometimes I just can’t make it. Either way, she ends up getting offended and starts assuming reasons of why I’m not touching her dinner. It’s almost the same as “Everybody Loves Raymond” where the mother has no trust in Raymond’s wife as far as cooking and providing goes.

Back to my pain in the neck…no…not my mother. My neck has been wrapped in a huge towel to keep it warm. 800 mg of Motrin have been consumed and a few massages from Madelene have been finagled. I think I might milk this thing for what it’s worth.

I also want to thank all of you who visited Madelene at her new blog. She was so happy to see comments! It has inspired her to write more. Bear with her though, she isn’t the quickest typist, nor is she handy with roaming around on the internet. She’ll be posting here and there. She loves to write, but sometimes doesn’t have the time. I encouraged her to blog because she has such insightful thoughts and a creative outlook which she hardly gets to show often in her line of work. I think it would be a great outlet for her.

Now to tend to this pain in my neck. Gotta call mom.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Christians Who Are Spiritually Dead

Standing back observing some recent discussions going on regarding ‘what’s right’ and ‘what’s wrong’ has really surprised me. People seriously think they are capable of judging one another. As a Christian, the main theme on this earth while we are here is to love one another and to love God with all your heart. That’s the biggest commandment that God gave to us which is written clearly in the bible.

I’m finding that most people are quoting Leviticus (which is the Old Testament) a lot. If you are a Christian, this no longer applies. The Jewish law still lives by this. The Old Testament is great to read discovering the history before Christ. Fine. But what does that say about the New Testament? Why did Jesus die for us?

I recently found someone quoted this scripture located in the Old Testament:

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination" (Leviticus 18:22). "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" (Leviticus 20:13)

Now if that person were to really delve deeper into the entire concept of sin, he/she would know that this no longer applies. This is the old law.

What about shellfish? I’m sure he/she enjoys a great shrimp cocktail once in a while and can be seen cracking open a lobster claw at a fancy restaurant from time to time. Who knows---I’m not judging.

Leviticus also states this:

As for marine animals, you may eat whatever has both fins and scales, whether taken from fresh water or salt water. You may not, however, eat marine animals that do not have both fins and scales. (shellfish) You are to detest them, and they will always be forbidden to you. You must never eat their meat or even touch their dead bodies. I repeat, any marine animal that does not have both fins and scales is strictly forbidden to you. ~Leviticus 11:9-12

Hmm…And that’s right near the passage where it talks about homosexuality.

Have you ever sat next to someone who is menstruating? How would you even know “Aunt Flo” was in town unless she snapped at you rudely?

Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. If you touch her during that time, you will be defiled until evening. Anything on which she lies or sits during that time will be defiled If you touch her bed, you must wash your clothes and bathe in water, and you will remain defiled until evening. The same applies if you touch an object on which she sits, whether it is her bedding or any piece of furniture. If a man has sexual intercourse with her during this time, her menstrual impurity will be transmitted to him. He will remain defiled for seven days, and any bed on which he lies will be defiled.
If the menstrual flow of blood continues for many days beyond the normal period, or if she discharges blood unrelated to her menstruation, the woman will be ceremonially unclean as long as the discharge continues. Anything on which she lies or sits during that time will be defiled, just as it would be during her normal menstrual period. If you touch her bed or anything on which she sits, you will be defiled. You will be required to wash your clothes and bathe in water, and you will remain defiled until evening.
When the woman’s menstrual discharge stops, she must count off a period of seven days. After that she will be ceremonially clean. On the eighth day, she must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons and present them to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle. ~Leviticus 15:19-29

What about incest? This still happens within certain communities and the people who practice this live by the Old Testament only.

You can never have intercourse with a close relative, for I am the Lord. Do not violate your father by having sexual intercourse with your mother. She is your mother; you must never have intercourse with her. Do not have sexual intercourse with any of your father’s wives, for this would violate your father. Do not have sexual intercourse with your sister or half sister, whether she is your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was brought up in the same family or somewhere else.
Do not have sexual intercourse with your granddaughter, whether your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter; that would violate you. Do not have sexual intercourse with the daughter of any of your father’s wives; she is your half sister. Do not have intercourse with your aunt, your father’s sister, because she is your father’s close relative. Do not have sexual intercourse with your aunt, your mother’s sister, because she is your mother’s close relative. And do not violate your uncle, your father’s brother, by having sexual intercourse with his wife; she also is your aunt. Do not have sexual intercourse with your daughter-in-law; she is your son’s wife. Do not have intercourse with your brother’s wife; this would violate your brother. Do not have sexual intercourse with both a woman and her daughter or marry both a woman and her granddaughter, whether or son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter. They are close relatives, and to do this would be a horrible wickedness. Do not marry a woman and her sister because they will be rivals. But if your wife dies, then it is all right to marry her sister.
Do not violate a woman by having sexual intercourse with her during her period of menstrual impurity. Do not defile yourself by having sexual intercourse with your neighbor’s wife. Do not give any of your children as a sacrifice to Molech, for you must not profane the name of your God. I am the Lord. ~Leviticus 18:6-21

Some Hasidim engage in inter-marriages. This is not uncommon. Hasidim interbreeding and intermarrying were to elaborate on the ‘clan’ or the ‘tribe’ of this community. The purpose of intermarrying was to preserve one’s inheritance of the family and for unity. There are communities today that still practice this. There’s more at risk here than just having your wealth shared with someone outside the family. Birth defects of babies are very common among intermarried couples. They share the same genetic material, which causes health problems and birth defects for the baby.

In my hometown, the Hasidim are the most religious people who practice their faith daily. They never work on Saturdays, they keep the Sabbath and watching televisions is unheard of and forbidden. Their clothing alone reveals to me how great their faith is in God. To wear a long black jacket in the midst of summer tells me that it’s more than just a fashion statement. This is called faith. Even though I do not agree with intermarrying due to birth defects and other health problems caused by this, I can understand their way of living. I can see that keeping their inheritance and unity within their family is sacred. So with that, I have respect for them and I do not judge them in any way. This is their way of living. So what’s my point you ask? My point is that the Old Testament is just that. All this being considered, even the Hebrews do not practice the Old Testament—even though that is their bible. Most of the entire book of Leviticus is based on the sin of intermarriages and incest.

Do not practice homosexuality; it is a detestable sin. ~Leviticus 18:22

Okay, so now that we know that whoever eats shrimp, lobster, crabmeat, whoever loves someone of the same sex, whoever enjoys an elegant ostrich dinner, or sits on the couch of a woman that is menstruating, are all going straight to hell? Hmm… This is a lot to absorb, right? I can’t imagine our God saying that all mankind is going to hell. There are millions of people who eat shellfish. What about going to a female friend’s house? How can you know for sure if she is menstruating? Is she going to say to you-- “Oh no! Don’t sit on my couch! You’ll be defiled!” I’m only trying to make a point here, which is that some people do not understand the gay lifestyle, nor would they ever practice it, because it is not their way of living. The same goes with the Hasidim lifestyle, I don’t understand their way of living entirely, nor would I practice it, however I do not judge them. It is just not my way of living. Whatever lifestyle someone leads, let God be the only judge.

A message for those “Christians” who are quick to judge:

If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves that we have passed from death to eternal life. But a person who has no love is still dead. Anyone who hates another Christian is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them. ~1 John 3:14-16

For someone to constantly point out your flaws and sins is someone who is spiritually dead; for they don’t even look at their own sins.

Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, “Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,” when you can’t see past the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. ~Matthew 7:5

It has to drain the energy out of someone to take notice of every single flaw of another person—unless they are unhappy with their own situation in life. What sin are they committing that they feel the need to point out yours? Are they ‘without’ sin? Are they perfect? No one that walks this earth is perfect; not one single soul is pure. So why pick and choose which sin you hate and try to make others feel bad?

For those “Christians” who pointed out that homosexuality is just as bad as rape, incest and murder—remember this:

1. RAPE hurts
2. INCEST hurts
3. MURDER of course hurts

How has homosexuality between two consenting adults who love one another hurt you? Please explain in detail how this has affected your life. This question goes to those who consider homosexuality just as bad as those three above.

Enjoy your weekend! Sorry for the serious tone of this post, but I felt the need to address this issue once again, but in a different aspect and directed to certain people who have made very judgmental comments this past week.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Hair Styling Rookie

Ew. It’s way too hot out for me to do anything productive or fun. I’m more of a fall & winter bunny. The hot weather doesn’t sit well with me, nor does it do anything for this hair of mine. I took control and got myself to the salon for a well needed haircut. Friends and family know that I rarely cut my hair unless it’s absolutely necessary. This was a five alarm frizz alert—plus my hair was getting caught in the back of my jeans it was so long. Not good—especially not being in my early twenties. It’s hard being twenty-five. Shuddap.

Anyway, I went to a new salon to try out one of their ‘new girls’ fresh out of beauty school. Let me explain why I go to these rookies. First of all, they spend a good portion of the appointment trying to make everything perfect. There’s no margin for error. The ‘professional been there for ten or more years’ type of beautician is way too confident and usually thinks he/she knows what you want. They “ask” you what you want, and then they do anything they feel needs to be done. Cockiness and way too much confidence doesn’t sit well with me when someone is standing behind me with a pair of scissors ready to take away my pride and joy.

I walked into the salon and they knew immediately who I was. “Oh you’re one of the sisters!” All three of my older sisters go to this salon. They've been waiting to get their paws on my mane for quite some time now.

“Hi! My name is Jenny! I’m your hair stylist for today,” she says, as she shakes my hand, “Come with me, we’ll get you washed up.”

Now, Jenny wasn’t what I was expecting at this salon. You usually have your super model looking types running up to you ready to strangle you with a black vinyl smock. This girl was different. I doubt she’d be able to pass the detectors at an airport with all the facial piercing she had going on. I sort of studied her face because it looked as though she spent about two days applying her makeup. She had that raccoon ‘shadow the eyes intensely and make it look like you've been doing heroin for months’ look and black lipstick. Her hair and nails were black. Her hair was straight and cropped short up to her neck. I guess it’s the ‘goth look’. You can tell she was young—so it wasn’t some middle aged broad trying to be all hip or anything.

Let me categorize this by hours.

Hour #1: Hair wash was amazing. She practically gave me the longest most enjoyable hair wash ever! She massaged through my scalp for a good twenty minutes with the shampoo. We talked about her schooling and how she is fresh out of high school. Yes, she is eighteen years old. I tried to conjure up some ‘cool chat’, but it just didn’t go over so well. We knew a few people here and there, but that was it. Then she applied the conditioner on my hair which was another twenty minute massage. Wow, this was incredible.

“Do you mind if I give you a free conditioning treatment and put you under the dryer for twenty minutes? It’s totally complimentary since you’re a new client.”
I said, thinking that maybe she thought my hair was a rat’s nest and needed some extra treatment.

Hour #2: “Come sit at my station and let’s talk about what you want to have done.” Jenny says, as she makes her way across the floor. I sat down on her swivel chair which was really cool, because it was like a chaise lounge. She threw the trendy little black vinyl smock on me and placed one of those heavy lead-like padding on my shoulders so the hair would fall evenly.

“I just want three to four inches taken off, with long layers.”
“Great, would you like me to put some angles to it?”
“Sure…Why not?”
I said, giving this girl the change to give me something a little new.

Let me tell you how precise she was. This girl practically cut each individual hair to perfection. She spent another hour just cutting and angling my hair. I couldn’t believe how articulate she was. She even brought a stool with wheels to sit with me as she glided around me working like Picasso on one of his masterpieces. There was hardly any talk, and when there was a little chat, it was her asking if I needed a drink or wanted some coffee. I tried making small chat, but I think she was concentrating way too hard on making my hair perfect---which by all means---knock yourself out! I’ll stay quiet! I already acknowledged she was a newbie on the force, so I was willing to shut my trap and let her work.

Hour #3: She knew I came in with curly hair, and now it was time to style it. My hair (as you can see in my photo) is very curly, but it takes a lot of chemicals to get it that way. Believe me, it’s not naturally curly, it’s naturally straight and wavy. Diffusers are great inventions. Anyway, she starts putting this oily weird crap in my hair and then takes two of her fingers and starts rolling a few strands to give my hair ringlets. Can I tell you how bad I look in dreadlocks? That’s exactly what I looked like getting out of her shop. I looked like some whacko from Jamaica who smoked one too many bones. I thought to myself, “Oh dear God I can’t wait to go home and redo my hair!” I was nervous and tense about how the cut came out. I had no clue because she didn’t even let me see.

Once I let the dreadlocks loose in the shower when I got home, and blow dried those puppies out—I have to say this was one of the best haircuts I have ever had. Okay, so the girl can’t style for crap, but I gotta say she definitely has talent. Her angles and cuts were so accurate and so even, that I have made her my new ‘hair cutter’---not stylist mind you.

I’m sending her a basket full of goodies today to say thank you. For the amount of years I have been getting my hair done by the same woman who has been cutting hair for eons at a different salon—this was quite a pleasant surprise. Who woulda’ thunk? An eighteen year old fresh out of beauty school did a terrific job!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Barbeques and Triple Bypasses

Last night was so beautiful. It wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. The sun was setting and the breeze felt great. Madelene and I opened a bottle of wine and cooked burgers on the grill.

Now here’s the tricky part. If you want to enjoy your wine or beer—or whatever your poison is, you have to drink well before eating Mad’s famous ‘house burger’. As my friend Alyssa would call them, they’re a complete buzz kill. So now we have adopted that saying for Mad’s famous house burger---to the “Buzz Kill Burger”. This beast will completely sober you up.

It all started when we started barbequing at our parties. My friend Tara would help out and we would prepare all the food and make sure the alcohol was sufficient enough to fulfill the needs of our alcoholic friends. We stopped at the grocery store and picked up a bunch of those hamburger patties as well as other meat products that would have my vegan friend cringing over.

These hamburger patties were so embarrassingly meager that people were asking for seconds, thirds, and some wanted even more. Needless to say these burgers were totally not a buzz kill, because people were drunk, overstaying their welcome and we had one girl who literally was rolling off my lawn in the backyard screaming God knows what. Never again will I serve up little meager patties like that.

As I’m watching Mad cook this “Buzz Kill Burger”, I’m noticing that my alcohol intake is creeping up there. Might as well put a straw in that fine bottle of wine because I know this burger’s gonna ruin whatever ‘good feeling’ I’m getting from this grape juice. By the time dinner rolled around, I was ripe. I guess you can say it’s like liquid drano in a sense—wash out all that cholesterol you’re putting into your body.

Now what about the French paradox? They eat tons of foods loaded with butter, trans fat, meats full of cholesterol—but they claim that the wine cleans them out. It has the reverse affect. Then researchers discovered that it wasn’t just wine, it was alcohol in general; whether it be vodka, tequila, gin or even a cold beer. I know alcohol thins out your blood, so there must be some truth to this, right? Then I always wonder why some people gain a lot of weight off drinking. Empty calories, I know, I know, but why do some big drinkers remain thin while eating tons of fatty foods, and others get that “Molson muscle”? Is it all about metabolism?

Forget about weight for a minute. The cholesterol factor has me worried. As I’ve posted once before, my parents used to cook with lard, bacon fat and other horrific sources that would make any healthy artery clog. I know for a fact my mama’s still using the good ole’ bacon fat. I try to steer clear from that kitchen. I have an alarm on my hips that screams out, “DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!” Anyway, her family and the family before that did the same thing and lived to be well into their late nineties.

What’s the true secret to living a longer life and eating the food we really love? I honestly believe that if your stress levels are very high—that alone blocks off energy within your body which ultimately tenses everything in your system—which tenses up the arteries. You hear, “Oh stop getting so mad! You’re gonna’ blow a gasket”, or “You’re gonna have a stroke!” I think these sayings have a bit of truth to them. That’s just my theory though.

What are your thoughts? Do you think that cardiovascular disease stems “more” from the foods that we eat, or does it relate to being overly stressed out?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Waiting For My Zippo

“Didja’ get da’ zippo yet Deb?”
“The what?”
“Yanno, the zippo that you were supposed to get.”
Mom says, as she poured another cup of coffee.
“Well didn’t the cable guy come?”
“Oh! The high speed internet?”
“Yeah yeah, whatever that thing you put on your blacktop is.”
“Blacktop?... You mean ‘laptop’?”
“Yeah, the thing you go on the intercom with.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother. She is just a doll for not knowing the exact names of our high tech gadgets or to some ‘not so high tech gadgets’. It was a nightmare when I introduced her to caller id. Mom didn’t know what to do with herself.

“Well how do you know if someone is calling you?”
“The phone will ring ma.”
“Well how do you see who’s calling?”
“Look at the screen ma, it’ll tell ya.”

The answering machine was another evil that she had to tend with. I had to make the outgoing message for her because all you heard was, “Oh…this? Is this thing on? Which button do you push?” BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

That’s all that people heard. So now my voice is on her machine, and the people who call her are exactly like her---in the sense of being a bit old fashioned.

My aunt calls the other day not realizing that mom’s phone is different from mine in my own apartment.

“Deb! It’s your aunt. I’m on my second cocktail and wanted to see what you all were doing.” Yes, alcoholism runs in the family. When my aunt and uncle venture over from Brooklyn to our place, it’s always a guaranteed good time.

But she addresses me when she leaves messages. She doesn’t address anyone else, because no one else’s voice is on the machine but mine.

So back to this cable guy/zippo dude/high speed intercom tech, I have to wait for him once again this morning because I wasn’t exactly ‘his territory’. He had to get different equipment to set me up. Fine. But when the technician came to the house, he chose the wrong door. My parents’ door.

“Huh? Whaddya’ tawkin’ abow’??? Wha cable? I didn’t call for any cable!” My dad stands in the front of the door confusing the poor guy while puffing on his cigarette.
“Dad! No! That’s for me!” I ran outside like a lunatic cause I knew he went to the wrong door. I had to fix this immediately.

I sat out there with the cable guy trying to figure out which pole was the winner. He checked the one pole, and figured out that he needed to get another guy from upstate to install it. I didn’t understand it—but apparently my poles are all frigged up. We sat there talking for a lengthy amount of time when I realized he had that look. That, ‘is she single look’. I realized we were kind of in an awkward situation- especially when I was talking ‘cable jargon’ with him since I worked for a phone & internet company. It would have been love at first sight if I were straight. The guy was an absolute doll. He could have saved my soul. Now I have to wait for this other technician to get here. Maybe it’ll be a gorgeous woman with a big ol’ tool belt dangling off her hip. That’s hot.

Wish me luck. I’m sitting here waiting for ‘the cable guy’ or hopefully---‘the cable chick’. They gave me a time frame of 8-11am. Hopefully I’ll be full speed ahead downloading porn and Joyce Meyer at the same time.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Bible Thumpin' Time

"Warning Against Judging Others"

Don’t speak evil against each other, my dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize each other and condemn each other, then you are criticizing and condemning God’s law. But you are not a judge who can decide whether the law is right or wrong. Your job is to obey it. God alone, who made the law, can rightly judge among us. He alone as the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to condemn your neighbor? ~ James 4:11-12

The other day, I took some time to pray and meditate on what God wanted me to feel in my heart; to what He had to say about all the conflict and controversy that has been going on between my blog, Dani’s blog, Mike’s blog as well as many others who chose to engage in this discussion. I strongly feel the need to encourage those who feel guilty about “sin” to remember one thing. You are human. We all are human. We make mistakes or we live in a constant struggle to strive to be perfect. God knows this. In my beliefs as a Christian, this is why Jesus died on the cross. God knew our struggle, so He sent His only son to this world to experience this struggle. He saved us from our constant battle of sinning.

And the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as the person who has broken all of God’s laws. For the same God who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said,”Do not murder.” So if you murder someone, you have broken the entire law, even if you do not commit adultery.
So whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that you will be judged by the law of love, the law that set you free. For there will be no mercy for you if you have not been merciful to others. But if you have been merciful, then God’s mercy toward you will win out over his judgment against you. ~James 2:10-13

Yes, it’s good to try to obey laws of God. The most important thing is treating others the way Jesus would—and if you’re not Christian---than it’s treating others with the same respect you would want. Is that too much to ask for? I find it extremely sad when someone takes it upon themselves to say, “I judge you! You’re a sinner”, when in fact, we all are. We all are in this together, so why be against your brothers and sisters? That’s really who we are. We are all related as humans. Must we fight and quarrel about what’s right and what’s wrong? Do we feel the need to convince the whole world that ‘we’re living the perfect life’? It’s pointless; it’s meaningless.

You were getting along so well. Who has interfered with you to hold you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom. But it takes only one wrong person among you to infect all the others—a little yeast spreads quickly through the whole batch of dough!
I am trusting the Lord to bring you back to believing as I do about these things. God will judge that person, whoever it is, who has been trouble and confusing you. ~Galatians 5:7-10

Dani and I were getting along so well. We spoke on the phone and exchanged emails. We spoke upon our differences and how God brought us together despite our different viewpoints. We were okay with that, until she tore me up and criticized me with her judgmental remarks. Some people may be influenced by her, feeling a huge amount of guilt for being homosexual. Those people who feel that guilt will turn away from God. That’s why most of the gay and lesbian community refrain from attending a Christian oriented church. The fear of the judgment of mere humans will hold them back from God. How sad is that? How sad when God finally judges the person who made all the judgments upon us?

“The Most Important Commandment”

One of the teachers of religious law was standing there listening to the discussion. He realized that Jesus had answered well, so he asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”
Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Here, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important. Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater than these." ~Matthew 22:34-40

So with that, Dani is committing the worst sin of all. She is not loving her neighbor, nor is she helping anyone by her contradicting preaching of the bible. She cannot back up what God truly wants us to do. All she can do is point out the flaws and imperfections of people—when in fact she should be pointing out how God is loving and how we should love one another. I know some people will debate that and say I am putting God in a “kumbaya” status, but why do you think God even created us? Do you think He created us only to punish us for our physical desires and carnal nature? Do you really think God doesn’t have enough love to forgive everyone of his children? The expectations of God has been washed away. To forgive someone is a very hard thing to do sometimes. We’re full of resentment and we’re like elephants—we can’t forget. God is capable of doing this. If God made the world, He can certainly have the power to restore your soul and make you right with Him.

Yes, Adam’s one sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness makes all people right in God’s sight an gives them life. Because one person disobeyed God, many people became sinners. But because one other person obeyed God, many people will be made right in God’s sight.
God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful kindness became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. ~Romans 5:18-21

Kumbaya God? I think not. A gentle God who loves us unconditionally? Definitely. I’m touching upon this subject once again because I have been receiving many emails from gay Christians who were afraid to comment on the board due to judgments that were being passed along freely here. I want to give the message out and even do some ‘bible thumpin’ that GOD LOVES ALL. Get rid of the guilt, get rid of the words of people who hate and judge! God loves you! God accepts you! God wants you to follow Him, and make Him your number one priority. Don’t be afraid to come to God with whatever it is you’re struggling with. Don’t let discouraging words bring you down and make you lose faith in God. God IS kind. God IS forgiving. God IS love. Would you expect less of Him?

Please let that be the message that settles within your heart and within your soul. And in closing, I just want to say while I was typing this all out, these were the scriptures that jumped out at me when I opened up the bible. It wasn’t a coincidence that God led me to these passages. I didn’t have to flip through pages or do any research. I prayed before opening the bible and this is what God presented me with. This is what “I” believe to be true.

Peace be with you all!

Red Flagged

Today’s a big day for me. I’m venturing into the world of wireless internet. Oh, that’s right, make fun of me and tell me I’m living in the days of rotary telephones. Sure. I see how you all are. But today is a huge step for me. Rather than sit and wait ten minutes for a page to load and an hour for a picture to attach, I am going to finish work quite early—which means more time to play. The sad part about this story is that I used to work for an internet company who provided DSL. I stuck to the good ol’ dial up internet. Getting bumped off every fifteen minutes was enough to drive me batty. I’m neurotic as it is.

So I sit here, waiting for the ‘cable guy’ to come. My mornings are precious. I rely on my huge cup of coffee and half a bagel with egg whites to start off my day. The company gave me a time frame of 8-12---as they usually do. I get a phone call, and the cable guy says, “Well that may not be my route.” He has to call me back to see if I’m his ‘territory’. Great. This means working with dial up for a little while longer.

I used to go on field visits with the technicians at my old place of work to get the ‘full experience’ of my job. It was a phone/internet/DSL company that I worked for. We would go into houses that were really beautiful—from new constructions to old Victorians that were just stunning. Then you have the people who didn’t live so well. Worst of all, there were people who didn’t understand the concept of ‘cleanliness’. No, I’m not talking about being messy here and there—I’m talking about completely and utterly unsanitary to the point of dry heaving. Cat litter that hadn’t been changed in months, food that’s been laying out for days and funky smells coming from God knows what.

There was one woman who was listed as a ‘red flag’. They refused to go into her home because of the conditions she lived under. We had the right to refuse anybody who lived in unsafe and unsanitary quarters. This woman was a handful. She would complain and call the PUC (Public Utility Commissions) on us all the time. She even resorted to filing a police report about the company claiming they were being discriminative. It wasn’t about race, gender, religion or anything else—it was about our employee’s safety that we were concerned with. It was a health concern.

Anytime I sit here waiting for ‘the cable guy’ whether it be for my satellite TV or today for my high speed internet, I always go into this cleaning frenzy. I’m usually pretty clean, but lately I’ve been slacking. My office is a disaster. Ever since I went on vacation, there are piles and piles of unopened mail on my desk and other things left behind that I was too lazy to get rid of. It looked like the Tasmanian devil whizzed through here at some point. Now that I have a little time to wait for this guy to figure out whether or not “I’m his territory”, I have some more time to clean up. Watch—he’ll probably just set me up from the outside and I did all this for nothing. My luck. Who am I trying to impress anyway? I guess I just fear that one day I’ll be like that little old lady who got red flagged at the phone company.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Amateur Night

Here’s a story
Of a JAP named CP
Who was coming up to see Deb and Mad
She was wearing tons of gold, like her mutha’
She even had real pearls

Here’s a story, of poor poor “hotband”
Who was driving CP into downtown
They were driving in traffic, all together
In hopes to have some fun

Till the moment they stepped foot in Deb’s local bar
They knew that it was much more than a brunch
That CP- can no longer hold her liquor
That’s the way they all became the New York drunks

The New York drunks…the New York drunks…
That’s the way they became the New York drunks…!

Enough with this horrible version of "The Brady Bunch" song. CP and her husband was kind enough to take a ride over to my end of town and see what it's like in "Deb's world". I told them that everything on this blog and what I say holds true. 100% pure honesty dished out on this blog.

We sat down at a table and I noticed CP ordering a white zifandel. Hmm. Amateur drink. We have to get her a real cocktail. No--I mean a 'real cocktail'. You're in my world now CP, you drink what Deb drinks!

Ah yeah--baby's first martini. Ain't she cute? She was so excited to experience the Ketel One martini. She knows that this is Deb's favorite drink, so I took it upon myself to order one for her as I saw her husband cringe in horror. Come on CP, take baby steps---one sip---see how you like it! Oh come on! It's not that bad. The first sip always has a bite to it. It's like sex, it hurts at first, and then after a while, you absolutely love it. In fact, you're addicted to it.

Here's proof of that theory:

She couldn't get enough once she started. CP was fact, I even thought she was handling herself quite well! Then when I headed over to her blog, I found out how hungover she was. Our night out was a lot of fun, and CP is exactly how I pictured her---her personality is amazing!

I have much more pictures of this night, but for some reason, blogger will not let me upload anymore photos. If anyone knows what I can do to provide more photos for this post, please let me know.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Witnessing God In My Life

For as far as I can remember, I always knew I was different. I recall being attracted to the same sex since I was eight years old. I didn’t know why I was. I didn’t know ‘what’ it was---I just happen to find myself attracted to some of my closest friends and eventually came to the conclusion in my late teens that this is who I am. I realized I wanted to spend my life with a woman. I dated guys here and there, but I never got that full connection as I did when I was in the presence of a woman. I felt guilt for many years for feeling the way I did due to everyone around me being heterosexual. I was also raised in a Catholic household. Was I a freak? How come I was the only one that turned out this way? How could I have been influenced at such an early age? I was never sexually or physically abused when I was younger—despite what many psychiatrists will say. So why me?

My entire chemistry would change if I was around someone I truly loved. My heart would race, my palms would sweat, and my whole entire being was focused on ‘them’. This never happened to me when I was with a guy or one of my ex-boyfriends. Don’t get me wrong, I dated a man who I loved very much—but it was much different. I have many male friends who I adore, but just not in that way. I had to keep my feelings to myself until I finally couldn’t take it anymore. When I tried dating guys, I was playing a role to which I lost myself in. I was playing another character—never returning to the real person I was. I had genuine love and affection for the guys I dated, but not the type that makes you want to say, “Yes! I will marry you!” I loved them as a person.

People will argue with me, “Well it’s just as bad as living with someone before you get married.” (Premarital sex)

Well then, if the government would let me marry legally, I would. If that’s the case, I would have married my partner of twelve years a long, long time ago. My relationship with my partner is just like a heterosexual’s, however we cannot have children the natural way nor can we get married ‘legally’. A lot of people will throw that in my face.

“Gay parents are awful and corrupt the minds of our young ones.”

Really? What about parents who are addicted to crack who leave their children for dead? What about scenarios where parents no longer want their baby and end up trashing them in a garbage bin somewhere---alive? You cannot compare heterosexual parents to homosexual parents. We are “all” different. Sure there are not so perfect homosexual parents out there, as well as not so perfect heterosexual ones. Who can determine which parents are better? Who can make that call or judgment?

This morning I spoke to my father. He usually never dabbles into ‘gay conversations’ because I think it makes him uneasy---because he thinks it makes me feel uneasy. He explained to me that he saw a show on television (possibly a documentary---he never remembers names of these shows) but he said that some guy wrote a book about his life as a homosexual. His father was shocked at first, but then realized how happy his son was. His book became a huge hit and his father told him how proud he was.

This morning my father told me he was proud of me. He said he was proud I didn’t hide myself in a closet all my life and also proud that my book started taking off. He gave me such encouraging words this morning that I almost cried. He stated how comfortable he feels around me, my partner and all of our friends who are homosexual.

“It makes no difference! I would still love you straight, gay, or single with no desire to be wit’ anyone!”
Dad said, as he sipped his coffee.

“How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, “Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?” ~Isaiah 45-10

I don’t question why God made me this way. My relationship with God has flourished these past four years into a beautiful union between a father and daughter. When I wrote my book, I prayed and meditated before even typing a word out. There were many times while writing my book, where my fingers kept typing frantically; yet they weren’t my own words sometimes. It flowed out of me effortlessly. My experiences with God during the time I wrote my book was amazing. There were times where God confirmed His love to me on numerous occasions. I wrote about each and every one of them in my book. He made His presence known—He appeared to me.

Here’s an excerpt from my book of a time where I witnessed God’s presence in my life after being in a gay community for vacation. This is something I don’t like to talk about too freely with everyone—because a lot of people will have scientific opinions or say I’m just a psychotic dyke who drank way too many martinis--but read this and learn my first experience of discovering God. Please keep in mind that all things written in my book are 'my beliefs'---as a Christian. I respect all views/religions and beliefs. This is just mine.

"Let Your Jesus Light Shine"

Ecclesiastes 8:1- How wonderful to be wise, to be able to
analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person’s
face, softening its hardness.

When people see that you are enlightened by God, you
pique their interests. You make them feel as though they are
accepted, because they see that you have a strong relationship
with God. Some of my closest friends were non-believers and
semi-believers. I had some friends say to me,
“Well I know there
is ‘something out there’.”
Of course there is! Some people have
even said to me,
“Well I believe in the universe, and that we need
to respect it, because it guides our lives.”
The universe? Okay…but
let me ask you this—who made the universe? It surprises me
how many unbelievers are out there. I have gone through
many Godly experiences that left me bewildered. Sometimes
I wasn’t even sure if I should even tell people due to their
reactions. I thought they would commit me to a mental
institution. On top of that, I feared their judgment upon
me. I know I shouldn’t have been concerned with that. I have
revealed the miracles that took place in my life, and have
had people actually inquire more about Christianity. I even
shared a Godly experience with my ex. That day, I went out
and bought my ex a bible so that she could seek guidance
whenever she needed it. God wants you to share your beliefs
with others. I believe that God works through me by placing
unbelievable miracles in my life and revealing Himself to me.
I then, tell people about the wonderful things He has done
for me.

There was a time I went on vacation with a few friends to
Provincetown, MA. They have quaint shops, art galleries, and
terrific restaurants right on the ocean. At night, they held
shows and had a great night life. It is known to be the oldest
town in history within the United States. One evening, we all
decided to see one of their drag queen shows. I walked into
the place full of men wall to wall. I went over to sit by the
bar and have a drink with my buddies. As the show went on,
these talented men in dresses performed very well. They were
hysterical. As I looked around, I couldn’t help notice that
this room was packed full of gay men, but more so- I noticed
that these men weren’t out for just the show, the place was
based on sexual immorality. I began looking at each man’s
face thinking, “This is someone’s son, or brother, or husband…” I
began praying in my head for all of them to be saved. I don’t
know why I started praying as this show was going on, but
I couldn’t help it. After the show was over, my friend asks,
“Wasn’t that funny?” And I really didn’t remember the show
in great detail. We went back to our rooms to go to sleep to
prepare for another outing in the morning.

I woke up in good spirits. My friend and I walked down
the street to get a bite to eat. As I was watching the road, I
kept noticing little rainbows on the pavement. When I tell
this story, everyone reminds me that the rainbow is a symbol
of ‘gay pride’—-but no, this wasn’t a rainbow flag reflecting
off something. This was something that I saw that no one else
could. So I continued walking, and glanced over at something
else to only notice another rainbow. I went to my room to get
ready and prepare for the day. I started feeling this euphoric
sense that something was near me. It was a very good feeling.
I told my friend as I was walking around feeling goose bumps
and that I felt an energy of some sort. She is very familiar that
I am sensitive to supernatural forces however; I do not wish to
practice my spirituality in that area. My friend kept asking,
it a good energy?”
I said, “Yes…..very good.” As I kept walking

and pacing around the suite, I couldn’t shake it off. I looked at
my friend and said, “I’m scared.” The feeling was getting more
overwhelming. A few seconds later, I felt as if this energy went
right through my body and stayed there for a moment. As I
felt this energy within me, I shook uncontrollably and fell to
my knees crying. I wasn’t crying out of pain, I was
crying because I felt the Holy Spirit inside of me, and it was
so incredible and strong that I couldn’t handle it. It was too
much—but it was the best feeling I have ever experienced in
my whole life. I asked God to please stop before I died from
this experience, and poof—it was gone! My friend was on the
floor with me as I was shaking and crying saying,
“It’s God! It’s
the Lord!”
She cried as well. The funny thing is, she knew it was
God, and didn’t think that I was having some sort of mental
breakdown. The remaining feeling I had was this wonderful,
peaceful, warm sensation. I carried that with me for the rest
of the day. As I went about my day in old Provincetown, I
noticed that people were drawn to me. People were drawn
to the light that Jesus lit up within me. Ironically enough
this heavenly experience happened in a town full of sin and
sexual immorality. It was the most magical experience that
I have ever had! Now how was I going to explain this to my
friends and family? Especially the ones that don’t fully believe
in God? This was a hard call. But I did end up telling some
of my family members and a select few. Hopefully by writing
this book, I can share this with everyone. Being filled with the
Holy Spirit is the most wonderful feeling, and it also draws
people to you. People notice when someone else if full of
life; filled with God’s presence. Now not to say that I am this
angelic character roaming the earth, but when God is within
me, guiding me, others notice it. There are times where I am
distant from God, where my sinful nature separates me from
Him. Somehow, someway, I always come back. Accept Jesus
into your hearts, and watch the miracles take place. Trust

Daniel 4: 2-3- I want you all to know about the miraculous
signs and wonders the Most High God has performed for
me. How great are his signs, how powerful his wonders!
His kingdom will last forever, and his rule through all

This is my time to reveal what has happened to me. I
speak through experience, not as a ‘know it all’. When I went
through my depression, I didn’t think I would come out of
it anytime soon. I dwelled on things that I shouldn’t have. I
wanted things that weren’t good for me. God led me to write
this book in order to not only heal myself from a bad break
up, but to get to know Him, and trust that He will guide me
on to the right path. The more that I focused on God, the less
my depression was, and the less I thought about my ex.
He has helped me recover from my depression. I feel as if the
fog has lifted and I can see more clearly.

Ecclesiastes 11: 3- When the clouds are heavy, the rains
come down.

I always know that a rainbow will follow…

The reason why I am putting that excerpt up on my blog is to show that I’m not just a person claiming to be Christian; I believe due to faith as well as experiencing the wonderful presence of God. You can debate whatever you think it might have been—but I know in my heart that it was God.

I also want to point out that in any touristy town or ‘wild’ vacation community—there will always be promiscuity and immorality. That's life. In fact, anywhere you go, it’ll be there. All gays are not promiscuous. There are homosexuals who live very healthy lifestyles in monogamous relationships. There are many homosexuals who do live promiscuously—living a life of immorality—just as many heterosexuals do. But that evening, while I was in a room full of gay men, there were things I saw that were a bit risqué and a little ‘out there’---which is why I started praying ~in my mind~ for them.

Each person has their own relationship with God. Some people don’t choose to have a relationship with God. That’s our ‘choice’. God gave us a choice to choose Him, or choose a life without Him. Do I judge people who do not choose to believe? Of course not! That’s “their” right. You cannot change a person; only God can. You cannot tell someone who believes with all their heart and soul, “You will not go into heaven because you love this person!” Let God judge. God knows your heart.

If people persecute you because you are a Christian, don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. When others are happy, be happy with them. If they are sad, share their sorrow. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t try to act important, but enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone, as much as possible.

Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written,

“I will take vengeance;
I will repay those who deserve it,”
says the Lord.

Instead, do what the Scriptures say:

“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink,
and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you.”

Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good. ~Romans 13:14-21

Great advice taken right out of the bible. Thank you all for your input on my previous post--which Dani has taken the time out to write. I want to thank Dani for her time and well thought out post. Her beliefs are firm and very strong, just as mine are. The only difference between Dani and I, is the persistence of trying to change people. Let God handle that. If God wants someone to change--He will do it. He's capable.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

"Hypocritical Love" ~By Dani

I would first like to thank Dani for being a guest blogger and giving us her input on what she truly believes is right and wrong. We both are Christians who love God--however we have very different beliefs as far as what the bible says to be true, and what we believe in our hearts to be true. Our differences had once set us apart and manifested many arguments and debates and now we have established a friendship regardless of different mindsets. Although Dani believes I should repent and give up homosexuality, I believe that God loves me in spite of my sins and my relationship with someone of the same sex. We constantly are battling with the struggle of our physical nature vs. our spiritual side. They are always at war. This is why we are saved through Christ---to save us from our sins.

If you visit this site, you will see how gay Christians live through Jesus and live according to the bible. In my beliefs, we are children of God. If our own parents are able to accept us, then why can't God? Do we think He's not capable?

Here's Dani and her well thought out post on her beliefs. Thank you Dani for taking the time out to explain yourself and share your thoughts. Also, I'd like to keep the discussion in the comment section civil if possible. Please feel free to share your thoughts, opinions, views and beliefs--but let's try to just share and not attack. I've made that mistake quite a few times. Whenever there's a heated discussion, there's always that risk of 'losing' our cool and resorting to the worst kind of debate.


And now...Please welcome Dani!

"Let love be without hypocrisy…" – Romans 12:9

First, let me start by saying thank you to Deb for having me here as a guest here on her blog. I realize that it is very brave of her to allow me to speak my mind, considering all of the controversy between us over the past month or so. I am very grateful to Deb for giving me the opportunity to pour out my heart and speak the truth as I and share my thoughts with everyone.

I know I have not gained much popularity around here based upon previous comments towards me, and I am fully prepared for a massive feeding frenzy of "Dani-hatred," insults and accusations in response to my views in this post. I have prayerfully put much time and consideration into what I should write and all I ask it that everyone read this with an open-mind, and with the same "love" and "tolerance" that each one of you claims to live by.

I must emphasize here that I believe with all my heart that the Bible is the infallible Word of God, and everything in it is Holy, True and Divinely inspired. It is the foundation of the Christian faith and we must strive to completely understand it, without compromise, so that we may live a life pleasing to God, and bring honor and glory to the Body of Christ.

Christians are OBLIGATED to challenge ideals and worldviews which are opposed to Scripture. Many of you have accused me of being "hateful" and "judgmental" for quoting the Bible and speaking the Truth. I realize there have been times when I do come across as harsh and offensive, but if you really knew the intentions of my heart, you would know that my motivation is purely love.

The Bible calls for a balance between what some people think are two opposing reactions—rebuke and compassion. Really, the two are essential elements of true Biblical Love.

Homosexual advocates have been remarkably effective in selling their warped interpretations of Scripture which address homosexuality. We live in an age of "rational" thought, scientific knowledge, survival of the fittest, secular government, humanistic education and cultural diversity. Over the years we have blurred the line between right and wrong, redefined Truth, and perverted the true meaning of Love. The homosexual community, as well as the church have utterly deceived people like Deb into believing, confessing, tolerating, and promoting a false gospel of “love.” Homosexuals, and shamefully many "Christians" have digested an interpretation of truth that is not only warped and wicked, but also completely irrational.

Up until about fifty-years ago here in the United States, homosexuality was not only considered a sin, it was a crime. In fact, the previous 5,000 years or so of world history, sodomy was a crime punishable by death. Even in the recent past, the crime of sodomy was defined as the abominable and detestable crime against nature, and it was a felony in every state. It just so happens that the Bible also defines homosexuality as an abominable and detestable crime against nature.

Today, while governments such as Canada's and the US. State of Massachusetts have legalized sexual perversion, most of the church, to it's shame, either embraces homosexuality or stands idly by in fear of losing revenue. Throughout history, God’s standards have NOT changed because His Law is Righteous, True and Everlasting! Read this => Homosexuality is a Perversion!

Followers of Christ, must NOT compromise on what the Bible says about sin, especially the abomination of homosexuality! No matter how one interprets the Bible, it is abundantly clear throughout Scripture that homosexuals stand in defiant rebellion against nature and the will of their Creator, who from the beginning, “made them male and female.” (Genesis 1:27)

Jesus' two greatest commandments are to love God with all your heart and soul, and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 22:37-40). Since love has been reduced to a mere feeling which is gained and lost on as much as whim, men no longer love God or their neighbors as Jesus Christ commanded them to do.

“This is love, that we walk according to His commandments.” - 2 John 1:6

Although salvation is obtained by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, the fruit of that salvation can be seen in the lives of those who walk in obedience to God's commandments. Christians are called to put their faith into action by loving God and living their lives according to His will. You cannot be "Walking In Love" while boasting in your sin. Shall we continue to justify our sin so that grace may abound? - Certainly not! (Romans 6:1)

"Now he who keeps His commandments abides in Him, and He in him. And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us." - 1 John 3:24

It is completely clear throughout the Bible that homosexuality is not an area where God's followers are free to live by their own feelings of right and wrong. The principles in Scripture which are to guide our lives are set out in no uncertain terms. Sexual immorality of any kind is wrong and destructive, and God undoubtedly forbids it.

While we are all sinners, perfect obedience must be our constant goal. We should not glorify our perversion to the world under the false premise of love, nor deceive those around us into thinking it's okay to compromise on God's commands. Any desire that becomes too important in our lives and causes us to compromise the truth will ultimately cause us to lose sight of God's goodness, mercy and love.

“Then Jesus said to His disciples, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” - Matthew 16:24

Jesus had no patience for half-hearted and hypocritical followers. He was totally and passionately committed to fulfilling His earthly mission, and He expected the same of His followers. Obviously, we can never fully live up to Christ's example, but we can do our best to live out our faith in every hour of every day.

Commitment to carrying out God's plan may be inconvenient, uncomfortable, and it may conflict with your own personal feelings and desires. However, Christians should not continue to fulfill the lusts of the flesh just because they think God would want them to be happy. Believers are commanded to walk in the Spirit, and when we do, the peace of mind, purposefulness of life and eternal rewards will be immeasurably great. Most importantly, when we truly walk in the Spirit and deny our flesh, we are giving a True testimony for Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

"I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law." - Galatians 5:16-18

God does not put restrictions on our lives to be cruel or to deny us pleasure. Just like a loving father guides his children in the right direction and sets limits for them so they do not hurt themselves, God sets boundaries for our own good because He loves us and knows what's best for us. In the same way a child desires to please his earthly father, we also should seek to obey God, our Heavenly Father, in all we do because we love Him.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.” - 1 Thessalonians 4:3

The greatest commandment is to love God. Jesus’ second command is to love your neighbor as yourself. But what does "loving" your neighbor really mean? Doesn’t real love require us to confront each other if we saw that they were sinning, hurting themselves, and blaspheming the name of the LORD?

“Better is open rebuke, than love that is concealed.” - Proverbs 27:5

While everyone is accusing me of being "hateful" and "judgmental" towards Deb for being a "Christian" lesbian, I am the only one who loves her enough to tell her the truth. Here is a scenario I gave on another post of mine: Deb is recklessly speeding down a mountain road and all of her friends are cheering her on saying, "Way to go, Deb! We love you...No need to slow down, just do what makes you happy." Meanwhile, I’m waving my hands shouting out, "Deb - slam on the breaks! There is a cliff ahead! If you don't stop, you’re going to die!" But, her so-called friends keep telling tell her, "Just ignore Dani! She's just a judgmental bigot. If you want to drive off a cliff - Go right ahead! Do what feels good because we love you, and no one can judge you!" What kind of "loving" friend encourages the other to continue driving down a road towards death?

“A friend loves at all times.” – Proverbs 17:17

I am not here to be "Holier Than Thou" or a sarcastic know-it-all. But as a real friend, I am here to tell the Truth of God’s Word in love and drive Deb towards repentance instead of off a cliff. If we see those around us living in disobedience towards God, is it really "loving" to let them continue on living in sin and rebellion? Can we really love others the way God wants us to without passing judgment on them?

In Romans 12:9, the Apostle Paul says this - "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good."

How can we abhor evil if we cannot even make a judgment about it? We can't - It’s impossible! Homosexual acts, along with the spiritual and cultural agenda which promotes it, are the epitome of evil. Sexual immorality is clearly in violation of God’s Law and those who participate in it are evil. Homosexuals are not only sexual deviants, as are fornicators and adulterers; but they also have gone a step further in their wickedness and exchanged the natural use into that which is against nature, and exchanged the truth of God for a lie. (Romans 1)

Deb once said in a previous comment of hers, “there is a huge difference between God knowing your heart---and having evil intentions.” The Bible says in Proverbs 23:7, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Continuing to live as a lesbian makes Deb evil in God’s eyes. But, if she truly wants to live for God, she must change her heart, turn from her evil ways and pray that God will help her overcome her weaknesses.

"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." - Romans 8:26-27

When I come across a woman like Deb who defends her lifestyle and openly mocks God by identifying herself as a “Neurotic Christian Lesbian,” I have an obligation to tell her the truth about her sinful ways because I love her, have compassion for her and don't want to see her destroy her life while taking others down with her. More than that, I love the Lord Jesus Christ, and I am called to stand up for Truth and Righteousness which includes rebuking people like Deb.

“Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth.” - 1 Corinthians 13:6

God is Love. God is also Holy, Just and Righteous and He “hates all who do iniquity (Psalm 5:5). God does not merely send sins to hell, He sends people to hell! Our hearts must be pure and our eyes always need to be toward the One who is Love, otherwise we could fall away from God forever. Once we have a good conscious, we will learn to love as the Savior loves, in TRUTH and WITHOUT HYPOCRISY!

“Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith.” - 1 Timothy 1:5


In Closing to Deb ~

I know this has been quite the crusade between the two of us, and I admit that there were times that I was unnecessarily harsh and offensive. But through all of this controversy, we have been able to find some common ground in the Lord, and we have become friends. I think you are a fun-loving gal with strong passions and desires. That being said, my loyalties are to Jesus Christ, and if He commands us to love our neighbors like we love ourselves, I will to tell you to REPENT because I do not want to see you damage your testimony for Christ and continue to hurt those around you. Just like with any of my friends, I will not tolerate your sin and perversion for any reason. As 1 Corinthians 5:11 says, "Do not even associate with any so-called brother if he is a sexually immoral person."

If my words are offensive to you, ask yourself this: Are you offended because I am being hateful and mean, or are you offended because what I say is true? Think about it for a moment and remember that the Truth is oftentimes offensive!

Wrapping things up, let me now take this moment to remind you of a post you wrote back in September 2005 titled, Evil Spirits…Be Gone. You were writing about a bad church experience condemning homosexuals and you said this - “Madelene and I decided that we will not be tortured like that; however, we will include God in everything we do. He comes first, above all. Without God, we are nothing…Being in love with Madelene with all my heart gives me happiness; having a personal relationship with God, means the world to me.”

Now I am sure you love Madelene, but "being in love" with someone is not a justification for continuing to live in sin. Where in the Bible does it say do what feels good to make your heart happy? You and your partner were not being tortured by the church, your feelings got hurt and you were offended by the Truth. If God comes first above all, like you claim, then you should make Him first above all. God is calling you to make a choice Deb: Either continue to mock God by openly living in disobedience as a lesbian, or abandon your lifestyle if you truly want a personal relationship with the Lord of your life. You can NOT have both!

"For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin." - Romans 6:6

Will you continue to be a slave to your sin forever, Deb? For your own sake and those around you, I sure hope not. Take up your cross, deny yourself, and follow Jesus today! Do not let this sin of homosexuality reign in your mortal body any longer so that you obey its evil desires. Put your sin to death once and for all, be a "Doer of the Word" (James 1:22), and don’t be a hypocrite any longer!

Thanks again for giving me the platform to share what is on my heart. My prayer is that you will receive this in the LOVE of which it is intended.

Sincerely in Christ,

~ Dani

(Copyright 2006 - All rights reserved)

Saturday, June 03, 2006

I'm Back...

It's been quite a vacation. Plans changed from a beautiful peaceful getaway in the Hamptons, to a wild and crazy week and a half in Provincetown, MA. We ventured out with a few friends to enjoy the good ol' Cape.

To give you an idea of how the vacation was---Madelene left me for a much...umm... 'well rounded' and voluptuous woman. And to even think I had some dangerous curves! I can't compete with this one.
I'll be back Monday (or sooner) once I take a vacation from my vacation. Sorry I've been neglecting my blog.

Growth Spurts

Yesterday, someone shared a quote with me that resonated with me so much. She said, "Just remember, trying to hurt me by bringing up my...