Living Proof

Relationships are tricky. Regardless of what anybody tells you, relationships take work. All that 'magical-butterflies-in-your-stomach' kind of passion eventually fades away, and before you know it, you're going to see the real person--the person they've been hiding for quite some time. The "real person" may even be better than you've imagined....or not. But here's the thing: it's taking two individual people from two entirely different backgrounds and lives, and then meshing them together. You do not "become one"--you become two people sharing their lives together. Once you start believing that you "become one," somehow, perhaps someone, will try and control the situation if that "one life" seems to change or becomes 'different' in some way. With that being said, those two people may change views and beliefs, and sometimes, those views and beliefs become entirely different than yours. Maybe their desired livi...

Sometimes I feel like the word "forgiveness" is overused, or perhaps misplaced at times. For instance, forgiveness not only means pardoning an offense, but it also means to pardon certain behaviors or personality types. To be completely honest, I find myself having a hard time connecting with certain people---which doesn't mean it's all their fault. I place blame on my view of them, their behavior or maybe a clash in opinions and beliefs. It all depends. In the past, I have had a couple of friends who were just bluntly honest to a flaw. I remember this one time, we were all having dinner at a local restaurant and bar. We were talking about our passions in life, mine being art, writing and music, and the other people were very passionate about exercising and going to the gym. They were in super tiptop shape! I admired their dedication to their health. For me, I've never really cared if I was 'thick' or overweight. I mean, granted I'd like to lose wei...

As I've been back and forth between a couple of grief support groups, I'm learning a main theme among everyone who has lost someone dear to them: loneliness and abandonment. I'm not even speaking of feeling abandoned by the deceased loved one -- it's abandonment from friends, family, acquaintances, etc. People seem to just leave your life just. like. that. I couldn't believe all of these people felt the same way I did. When I was caregiving for my mother, my friends would either come over, or sometimes we'd meet them for a drink or two -- nothing major, but they were still in my life. After the funeral, and after all of the "condolences" and "I'm here if you need to talk" kind of gestures, it was as if every single person drove off into the sunset to never return again. It's approaching the one year mark since my mother died and I've only spent a handful of times with my own siblings. I seriously thought that it would be the tot...

You can probably scroll through my entire website and find an article or two similar to this one. I guess it's something I speak about often only because it rears its ugly head again and again. At this point in my life, I just want uncomplicated and pleasant friendships with no hidden agendas, or jealousy or some sort of underlining anger. I also want to say that I'm not easily offended, unless it happens more than a dozen times. Then I'm at my boiling point, where the comebacks or even downright insults (proverbial slaps in the face) come rising up to the surface. Simple rule of mine: be nice to me and I'll be nice to you. But I keep finding people who are just...not very nice. I'm very observant to the possible causes and can empathize. But I could never randomly hurt someone, or insult them, even if I didn't particularly care for them. It's not how I work. But when someone presses my buttons more often than not, I tend to be a little more blunt, perha...

They say that if you don't like something about yourself or about your situation, then change it. Sometimes, it's easier said than done, and other times, it's just a matter of whose opinion is affecting your thought process. I can give you several examples. I love coffee, but I have insomnia. The logical answer would be to quit my caffeine intake, but it makes me happy in the morning (or afternoon if I went to bed at 5am.) Mainstream and medical opinion is "you should lose weight." Sounds healthy, right? My inside numbers: 110/70 bp, 210 cholesterol (not too shabby) and hormone levels, thyroid gland, every other organ in perfect shape. I run up and down the stairs 100 times a day, can lift fairly heavy things and still have my breath. Not too bad for 43 years old. I have no issue with my 'lumps & bumps' but sometimes other people do. So is that my problem or their problem? If I feel comfortable being "me" and being happy regardless if I...

There's a fine love between love and hate. Love can quickly turn into hate, as well as hate turning into love. Are they one in the same, or do you truly think someone can "hate" on someone without some sort of feeling of sadness, (loss of the friendship or relationship) or a deep admiration for them? And what I mean is this: when somebody falls indifferent towards you, doesn't that imply a lack of interest? Which is worse? A deep seated hatred for someone ( why ) or a true lack of interest -- an uncaring feeling toward someone else? Hatred implies that there are underlining feelings -- or unresolved issues brewing. About ten years ago, I had a falling out with a friend of mine. We were working on the same project together, so it was more work-related. She was talented, intelligent, funny and very compassionate. We disagreed on something so strongly, that one day it just tore our friendship apart. And although I had less respect for her stance in something th...

Over the years, I've learned several things 'not to do' while living in this crazy world. It's hard to make the right choices when you'r'e conflicted about what's "right" and what's "wrong" -- and granted, sometimes there is no right or wrong, it's just a matter of opinion in most cases. In most circumstances where I think I should let someone know my opinion, it usually is. ..until it isn't. And what I mean by that is -- have you ever told someone you care about that their spouse or significant other was cheating on them? 9 out of 10 times, you'll find that it will always backfire. You then become the "bad guy" -- and morally speaking, you would think that you should be able to go to your friend with this crucial info -- but the bearer of bad news can quickly become the enemy, or at least, "the one who told me" -- which gives them a bad feeling every time they see you. So in my opinion, it is best...

This week has been really strange. I came across quite a few Christians who showed their distaste for people of the LGBT community this week for whatever reason. They explained that it was "wrong" for two people of the same gender to be together because their bible told them so. They were surprised that I was Christian and yet still married (to which they don't consider it a marriage) to a woman. It's funny because these people were incredibly nice -- they just didn't agree with the lifestyle. Even when they said it was "wrong" -- they have been programmed to believe it was "wrong". And that's OK. But there's a fine line between having strong beliefs and hurting others with faith-based assumptions about a lifestyle that's not factual. And by the way, it doesn't help the situation by stating that you have a gay friend or that your sister or brother is gay. It's the same thing as saying, "My best friend is black," ...