Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Giving the Benefit of the Doubt
I answered her with an honest response. I explained that I would never do weight loss surgery due to the risks. I keep recalling my partner's good friend who died right on the table during surgery. I would try my hardest to do it myself and make better food choices. As I sipped my drink and delved deeper into my thoughts, which were forming a much bigger opinion, I started to feel a little offended. I mean, yeah I know I need to lose some weight, but to ask a friend about weight loss surgery? Surgeons won't even offer you weight loss surgery if you are under 230 lbs to begin with, so there's that thought floating through my mind. "Does she think I look 50 pounds heavier?" And while that's not a big deal, because many women suffer with obesity, I had to take into account that maybe she was concerned about my overall health....but I just couldn't let it go. I was offended.
That was a definite a flaw of mine in the past. Whenever a friend got too honest with me, I would take offense. Most people would agree with me---like yeah, that IS offensive. But, is it really? I guess back then I was much more insecure than I am now. I had a lot of self-esteem issues and it just consumed me. My thoughts headed over to the vengeance side (silently in my mind of course) like, "You should talk about health as you guzzle down gallons of wine!" There are other health issues I could've brought to her attention, but the thing was---I wasn't being forgiving of her natural honesty, which frankly these days, is refreshing to me. I'd rather someone come out and say it and be honest than flatter me and let me receive my own zip code. So these days, I appreciate honesty.
So my point of this entire post is, maybe I should've been more forgiving of those who I 'thought' were taken advantage of me. Maybe being a "yes girl" made them have an entire different perspective of me. Maybe my "welcome mat" wasn't as sincere as I made it out to be. Maybe this is just all my fault. I'm learning as I go. I'm learning to forgive different personality types, none being right or wrong or good or bad---just different. I'm in no way perfect myself! I'm learning to leave a huge margin of err and offense, in case I was "too sensitive" that day, and trust me, that does happen!
When we're forgiving of someone else's personality type or "offensive comments" -- are we simply being a bunch of pushovers, or do you think it's wiser to let it all go and give the benefit of the doubt instead?
Would love to hear your stories as well. If you'd like to comment on this post, visit me over on my Facebook page or Twitter account. Thanks for reading!
For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog for some of her famous recipes!
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