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Showing posts from January, 2009

Today Was a Good Day

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This bench means a lot to me. It’s a place where I go to think, reflect and try to get a clear head. Today was only 25 degrees out. I went and got a Starbucks Cafe Mocha and sat by myself. There weren’t many people jogging or walking their dogs as usual. There was a silence that I never heard before on this bench. From afar, I could see the kids ice skating on the pond from the other side. I remember my mom taking me to ice skating on this pond when I was that age. I remember sitting on this bench having deep conversations with my true love and watching the ducks pass by, floating so carefree in the water. No matter what season it is, this bench is mine. It always comforts me when I’m feeling down. I didn’t feel the chill of the 25 degree weather, instead, I felt the warmth of the sun glowing on my face and the heat of the coffee warming up my hands. Today was a good day. Thank you all for the advice you have given me on my previous post. I really appreciate it and I have b

Trying to Take My Own Advice

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I'm not sure whether or not it's easier to give advice while not experiencing something, or give advice having gone through it already. "Easier said than done." "Been there done that." "It gets easier with time." "Time heals all wounds." Since I know what it’s like to go through anxiety and depression, I feel that I can give advice on what works for me when I’m neck-deep in it.   I have written “how to” articles online as well as tips on my blog. I’ve told people numerous tips, such as: eat bananas, take vitamin D, get some sunlight, write it all out, drink coffee, exercise and watch a good comedy, etc. All of these are great tips because they have all worked for me in the past. The one that helped me the most was a vigorous work out at the gym and then tanning right afterwards. That was like a drug for me. It did wonders! Now I’m in a funk. It started a couple days ago actually. I first started getting signs of fatigue.

Psychic Reading Results...

Psychic Appointment & Amy Beckerman

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Today I will be going to the psychic that found me in the grocery store.  I will keep you all informed later this evening about the details regarding my "ex-husband".   Oddly enough, this photo really looks like her too!  (Kinda cute!)   Stay tuned!  ------------ Also, if you would be so kind to just do this simple thing... Please cast your vote for my friend, Amy Beckerman so she can get on The Big Gay Sketch Show.  It only takes one click--it's not hard at all.   Click here to case your vote!   You can check out her stand up comedy act below!

Calling the Psychic

And then she called back... To be continued...

Weekend Update

Happy Endings

For My Sneezing Fetish Peeps...

Small Fetishes

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Yesterday, I made a short video in my previous post explaining how Madelene sneezed on me while I was asleep. With in four hours I had over 170 hits on Youtube. When I woke up, it was over 230. My home videos don’t usually get many hits, as much as the ones focused on suicide and homophobic fundamentalist Christians . Then a few comments started trickling in. One woman asked if I could get Madelene caught on film sneezing. I responded politely telling her that would be a funny idea. No problem. Then, a gentleman personally emailed me through Youtube and asked if I was ever able to smell the “mist” of Madelene’s sneeze, and if so, what did it smell like. The woman who requested to see Madelene sneezing has a whole Youtube account dedicated to this human function. I spoke to her personally through email and she explained to me that there are many people out there who have a fetish (sexual or not) for sneezing. In the past, I had a friend who had a huge foot fetish. I never

Going Stir Crazy in Zero Degree Weather!

"You're So Vain"

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Apparently, there seems to be a rumor out that AA is a pick up joint. I guess everyone is sick and tired of meeting people in bars, or on internet dating services and chat rooms, that now they have figured out the perfect place to meet their other half---at Alcoholics Anonymous. Lovely. Who would have thought AA would be such a lure. Maybe an advertisement such as, “Meet the girl or guy of a lifetime at Alcoholics Anonymous. Enjoy a meaningful conversation over a cup of freshly brewed coffee while nibbling on a jelly filled sugar coated donut or sucking on a delicious hard candy given out by one of our local drunks. How sweet it is! And please, no alcohol.” As I threw my belongings out on the long pull out steel table, “John” said hello. Of course I greeted him back politely. He notices that we both share a love for the java bean elsewhere; a more distinguished cafe: Dunkin Donuts. His stare drilled into my very being. I became a bit paralyzed by his 'deer in the headlig

The Side Effects of Caffeine

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The funniest things are never caught on film. Madelene and I went shopping the other day and we got new stuff for our guest bathroom. We had purchased a new toilet seat with a cover and a little woven basket to hold things like nail files, cotton balls and whatever. We have an old bathroom so we needed to spruce it up to make it look more inviting. As Madelene was leaving for work this morning, she grabbed what looked like one of those children’s floaty devices for swimming pools. Having forgotten our toilet seat extravaganza, I asked, “What is that? ” She turned around and just gave me a blank stare, hoping it would sink in momentarily. Then it did and we both started laughing so hard, that we could barely get her out the door. With the toilet seat inside a bag flung over her right shoulder, me still in my pajamas and my coffee on the ledge where I had placed it to let her out the door, we both tripped because of the weather sealant under our door. It buckled up, leaving bot

The Day Before the Below Zero Temps

I'll keep you updated on the chill factors! And those of you who complained about my "porn music", I changed the tunes for you a bit. Enjoy!

Home Depot Lesbians

Preparing for the below zero temps here in New York!

My Thoughts On AA

Idling Mood Swings

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I hate people today. I hated them yesterday too. In fact, it all started the night before last. Madelene and I had just finished dinner and moved into the living room to watch rerun episodes of House . It was snowing outside and the newscasters had predicted a big snowstorm that ended up being nothing more of an inch of fluff. City folk might appreciate it, but it was definitely amateur night for the native New York country bumpkins. Although we’re pretty close to the city, we’re not exactly in the woods either. We live in a huge complex filled to the brim with people who were just plain sick and tired of the Bronx. If you ask one of the new owners or renters where they came from, you’ll be sure to get “Bronx” for an answer. They consider this to be the backwoods, compared to where they used to live. I know ‘backwoods’ living and was raised on a mountain a mile up high, where you could view three neighboring towns. There were no neighbors on either side. We were alone. We’d ge

Twitter & AA

My Work History

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Can I blame everything on Mercury, or is it just my life being so ass-backwards lately that nothing is going my way? Evne my spelilng hsa been jsut awful lately. My editor swings back my work and slaps me in the face about five times before it gets submitted for publishing. I really should consider waitressing or acting. Even as a waitress, I’ve always sent the wrong food to the wrong table, gave them potato salad instead of cold slaw and always forgot to include their artery clogging tarter sauce with their fish and chips. God forbid the wrong check was tossed on the wrong table. All hell broke loose or I would get a wink from the truck driver who received the $1.00 bill for his ribeye. He’d always come back on Tuesdays with a twinkle in his eye. The poor guy always had a little schmutz on his scruffy beard and a flannel shirt that reeked of gasoline and motor oil. I always wondered if he had a wife and family at home. After my waitressing days and officially done with school, I went

On a "Lighter" Note...

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It’s Wednesday morning and Madelene just left to go work. It was a rough night. I slept out on the couch. After a nice dinner and a game of scrabble, I had to go to the bathroom. I noticed that when I turned on the light, it lit up white--not the golden glow our lighting usually gives off. This lighting reminded me of a rigid florescent classroom or a cold warehouse. It was disturbing. I came back out and asked about the new bulbs. She gave me the box to the rest of them and it said, “cool natural lights”. They were GE energy smart bulbs. They last for five years. They save you money of course. I’m all for saving a buck or two, but I am not going to put up with weird funky lights that make my eyes blur. I quit drinking--that alone should save us a bundle.  Then I went to switch on our patio light which glows inside our living room. It was a yellowish-green color. No. On top of this putrid color, it had to warm up before getting to its potential brightness; much like

Be Careful What You Wish For...

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In the past and not so far away, I use to be guilt stricken. I used to let it take over my entire life where I’d be doing everything and anything out of guilt. It could be so vaguely done that I didn’t even realize the reasoning behind it. I just thought it was something I had to do. I don’t care anymore. It sounds so selfish and cold, doesn’t it? “I don’t care anymore.” I say this in terms of doing things out of guilt, apologetic repetitiveness and the “assumed” right thing to do. But if I delve a bit deeper into the reasons why I do what I do, it might make a little more sense if I said, I did it out of selfish reasons; the total opposite reasoning of why I don’t care anymore. I’ve muttered the words “I’m sorry” too many times. I’ve constantly begged for forgiveness from others, when in fact a simple “I’m sorry” would have sufficed.  After that, it’s up to that person to forgive me or not. Begging for forgiveness means “you’re not worthy and not a good person if the forgi

The Great Pressure Cooker: Our Tolerance

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Some people can maintain their rage and anguish like a pressure cooker; steaming to the point right before the boiling process. They can maintain a level of sanity. But what if something goes wrong and it starts to boil over? This sturdy stainless steel device that was thought to be so strong, so sane, so “normal” literally and figuratively flipped its lid. My fascination with human behavior always made me dig for the hidden desires and motives of other people. What makes them tick? What makes someone hurt another person? In worse case scenarios: what makes people kill? In my own views and beliefs, it was always thought to be a process of some type of human detachment; a way to separate oneself from emotional and physical well being of another person. I’ve also come to the conclusion that any form of rejection or isolation in younger years, as well as present time can conjure up the messiest types of purges through anger and resentment. For instance, look at all those shoo