Living Proof

Remember when you were back in grade school, and during recess the kids would pick their teammates for their dodgeball game? More and more of your peers were leaving your side because they were lucky enough to get picked. Your mind starts racing, thinking how nobody wants you on their team or that you're not good enough. The self-loathing thoughts start rushing through your mind, leaving you to feel nothing more than mediocre---you were one of those "last but not least" kids. With a lump in your throat, you did the walk of shame over to whichever team needed one more player. Even as you enjoyed the game, you still weren't giving it your all because let's face it, most of them didn't want you on their team. Isn't this kind of similar to what we think about when we try to belong to a church? When I was younger, I attended Catholic school, or (CCD) so I can get my communion and confirmation. Most Italian Catholics did this, even if they were lukewarm in...

"Another day," I thought, as I slowly crawled out of bed to make my way over to the coffee pot. Madelene left earlier than usual for work, and all I had was the sound of my chihuahua snoring as I dragged my feet across the kitchen floor. My mom always yelled at grandma for dragging her feet around, and then later down the road it was me saying, "Ma, pick up your feet when you walk," until I eventually became my mother. I stared outside the kitchen window waiting for my coffee to brew. I could see that the pool was finally covered and the surrounding landscape was nicely trimmed for next summer...if there is a next summer here. At this point, we're just biding our time, until something 'speaks' to us--maybe a smaller house, a townhome, or even an apartment. I just want to downsize and live comfortably. This old house is too big for us. I will definitely miss the big backyard with the gorgeous views, all the barbecues and dinners outside, bonfires lat...

Relationships are tricky. Regardless of what anybody tells you, relationships take work. All that 'magical-butterflies-in-your-stomach' kind of passion eventually fades away, and before you know it, you're going to see the real person--the person they've been hiding for quite some time. The "real person" may even be better than you've imagined....or not. But here's the thing: it's taking two individual people from two entirely different backgrounds and lives, and then meshing them together. You do not "become one"--you become two people sharing their lives together. Once you start believing that you "become one," somehow, perhaps someone, will try and control the situation if that "one life" seems to change or becomes 'different' in some way. With that being said, those two people may change views and beliefs, and sometimes, those views and beliefs become entirely different than yours. Maybe their desired livi...

Sometimes I feel like the word "forgiveness" is overused, or perhaps misplaced at times. For instance, forgiveness not only means pardoning an offense, but it also means to pardon certain behaviors or personality types. To be completely honest, I find myself having a hard time connecting with certain people---which doesn't mean it's all their fault. I place blame on my view of them, their behavior or maybe a clash in opinions and beliefs. It all depends. In the past, I have had a couple of friends who were just bluntly honest to a flaw. I remember this one time, we were all having dinner at a local restaurant and bar. We were talking about our passions in life, mine being art, writing and music, and the other people were very passionate about exercising and going to the gym. They were in super tiptop shape! I admired their dedication to their health. For me, I've never really cared if I was 'thick' or overweight. I mean, granted I'd like to lose wei...

Slowly plugging away attempting to write my second book, I've taken a much different avenue this time. Back in 2003, when I wrote my first book, my outlook was strangely different than it is now. Although I claimed to have been "born again" -- I truly wasn't at all. I admit this. And what I mean by not being born again as I claimed, I speak about the deep relationship I have with God -- not just "Oh I believe in God, therefore I'm saved." And...while faith and belief in God alone will ultimately get you saved, it's the 'fruits' of your faith which are most important. I kept asking God to change me -- to have me get to truly know who God was. I wanted a deeper relationship with Him.  The truth is, the Holy Spirit cannot live inside a body full of sin and sinful thoughts. There can't be two oppositions living under one "roof" so to speak -- and yet -- while the flesh is weak, the Spirit is stronger. You don't have to be p...

If you're like me who suffers with anxiety attacks, then you probably suffer from your mind constantly yapping away until your body starts feeling it physically. I've read so many self-help books and articles on how to "conquer anxiety" and how to "still your mind" -- but all of them held a similar message: meditate. Let's face it, most of us don't even have the time to sit down and have a cup of coffee, no less meditate. Some of us just can't get rid of all that chatter going on in our little noggins. It must be nice to live in some peaceful commune where all you do is meditate and practice the art of silence. But that's not reality. Our reality is here -- in this world -- with all the loud sounds, angry people, deadlines and children to take care of. We're swamped, and even if you're lucky enough NOT to be swamped, you are indeed, swamped with your thoughts. Even if you work from home like me, your mind can really throw a tantrum ...

Anticipatory Grief If you think back to a time when you were going through the roughest stage in your life, can you remember what pulled you through it? Do you remember how long you suffered for? If you were to have asked me a little over four months ago if I would be "OK" if my mom was going to pass away the next day, I wouldn't even entertain the thought. Even while my mother was in excruciating pain, I had hope that she would have gotten better. There was something telling me that this was the final stage. See, Mom kept a secret from me. This whole time I had thought she had stage two cancer. She was on stage four with no other options from her oncologist. She kept this secret to save me from killing myself. The month before she died, I got to take her to the shore, spend time with her, gave her a Mother's Day BBQ outside by the ocean with our family, and it was just magical. What happened next just spun my whole world around. I was having anticipatory grief. Mo...