Showing posts from March, 2019

Are You At the End of Your Rope?

Sometimes it can be frustrating to have unanswered prayers. Even the message behind praying for stuff is convoluted somewhat. Some Christians believe that you shouldn't pray for "stuff" and that if you do, that it's a form of idolization -- for instance, you'd rather "things" more than a relationship with God. But biblically speaking, that's just not true at all. A lot of pastors will try and say that you should ask for deeper things and to only use prayer to praise God. Well, yes---praising God and being grateful for what we have now is important. But God wants us to go to Him for everything else too. It's up to Him whether or not those 'orders' get fulfilled. If our own earthly loved ones can provide "stuff" for us, then what makes us think that God can't? In Luke 11:9-13, it clearly states: "And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on kn

Don't Cry

Even the Strongest People Cry Throughout my entire life, I was always told, "Don't cry, baby, don't cry," by both my parents. They wanted to see me happy---they wanted to see me OK and they certainly did not want to see me fall apart. Maybe in a way, they'd take the blame and say it was all their fault somehow. Or maybe, they didn't want to cry themselves. Most of me believes that they loved me so much, that it hurt them to see me in some kind of pain, whether emotional or physical. I remember many years ago, I had to go for lasik eye surgery. I was legally blind and the surgery was risky. They made me sign all of these forms saying that it was an 80/20 chance of me going completely blind, with the exception of a cornea replacement---not in my favor of course. I said, "I'm blind anyway, just do it." When I came out of surgery, it was more intense than most would go through, because my cornea was too thin, and needed much more time to heal. I

How I Stopped Making Pain, Trauma & Grief My Identity

Years ago, I suffered from chronic pain. Some doctors called it "degenerative disc disease" while other physicians referred it to "fibromyalgia." They couldn't quite pinpoint what was wrong with me and why I was experiencing such excruciating pain. They admitted me to the hospital for a week to do some testing for autoimmune diseases and other possible diagnoses, to only come up with "myalgia." I guess it's another word for, "We don't know, but we're gonna slap a label on it." During that time, I also developed an ulcer due to all of the NSAIDS (ibuprofen) I was taking to relieve some of the pain. They also gave me Percocet, but it didn't work quite as well as the anti-inflammatories. I had no choice because my stomach would suffer. When I realized I was developing a dependency on the pills, I weaned off and tried smoking weed, which did nothing except make me high and hungry. I never understood why people used it for pain.