Living Proof

When we hear or read the words "mental health," there seems to be a stigma attached to it, regardless if you are suffering or not. Anxiety, depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or even bipolar disorder, which used to be called, "manic depression"' back in the day are all common things people suffer with. We hear or read these words and then begin to think negative associations with it. Movies and TV shows may warp your definition of what mental illness can be like. Some are severe, while others are less severe--regardless, it is a struggle for many people. Back in the 70's and 80's---you rarely heard the word "anxiety" or "panic attack." The word "phobia" was commonly used, as well as "fear." If someone was agoraphobic, experiencing panic attacks on a daily basis back in the 70's and 80's where they can no longer function in life, it was known as having a "nervous breakdown." Seeing...

If you're like me who suffers with anxiety attacks, then you probably suffer from your mind constantly yapping away until your body starts feeling it physically. I've read so many self-help books and articles on how to "conquer anxiety" and how to "still your mind" -- but all of them held a similar message: meditate. Let's face it, most of us don't even have the time to sit down and have a cup of coffee, no less meditate. Some of us just can't get rid of all that chatter going on in our little noggins. It must be nice to live in some peaceful commune where all you do is meditate and practice the art of silence. But that's not reality. Our reality is here -- in this world -- with all the loud sounds, angry people, deadlines and children to take care of. We're swamped, and even if you're lucky enough NOT to be swamped, you are indeed, swamped with your thoughts. Even if you work from home like me, your mind can really throw a tantrum ...

This year I have taken two large breaks from writing. Back in November I had my hysterectomy that left me foggy for a few months and this past week, I came down with a terrible flu which I'm still recovering from. I'm better, but because of my underlining asthma, the after effects of the bronchitis leaves me hacking up a lung still. Thank God for the prescription cough meds at night or I wouldn't sleep at all. I can see how people get addicted to this crap. I never had such great sleep in my life. Little by little, I've been trying to do more, or at least slowly slide back into my routine again. As soon as I think I'm ok -- I get knocked out by exhaustion and curl up into the fetal position with a mountain of tissues & a few puffs of my inhaler. It definitely hasn't been fun at all. With two trips to the ER to receive breathing treatments and a ton of albuterol and steroids 'to go' -- I should have more energy than my chihuahua. There's no ...

If we're all striving to be a better person than we were yesterday, then what if yesterday was one of our best days? All of these redundant cliches, platitudes and inspirational quotes told by other people tend to make you feel all warm and fuzzy, but isn't it just a temporary fix to just say, "You're life is messed up, so just get your shit together." Due to my line of work, I network with a bunch of online marketing entrepreneurs, life coaches and seminar gurus -- the kind where you'll most likely never see them having a bad day -- kinda like my chihuahua -- all piss 'n vinegar and revvin' to go to new and exciting places. Words like, "journey", "goals", "achievement" and "success" are all used in order to make you feel as though you don't have those right now, so by listening to people rattle off these highly motivating words will somehow make you wanna jump right out of your chair and do something BIG...

Suffering with anxiety disorder isn't easy. There are so many lovely accessories to go with it, like depression, self-medicating and doctors who are too lazy to treat their patients with effective therapy, writing a prescriptions all day and hoping for the best. Like me, not everyone can take antidepressants due to their many side effects. I have to opt for 'talk therapy' and what's perceived as "cognitive behavioral therapy", when it's only some guy who's heard probably 20 people before you whine about similar things just staring at you nodding or asking you, "So how do you feel about that?" I started reading books and articles online. I have learned so much from reading that by now, I should have a fricken degree. I have the type of anxiety whereas if I feel a tinge of pain in my jaw or left arm, I'm off to the hospital getting the works done: EKGs, blood tests, stress tests, you name it. If I experience swelling anywhere (like puffin...

Standing outside in front of a busy cafe, wondering how I ever got over my fear of crowds started to overwhelm me. I started thinking about the days when I had agoraphobia. I’d walk into a mall full of people and my equilibrium would somehow fade out on me, leaving me holding onto something or someone, and at times, be found on the floor passed out. I’d wake up to a crowd of strange faces looking down at me. “Are you ok? Can you hear me? What’s your name? What’s today’s date?” Sometimes, I’d find myself waking up inside of an ambulance. I was hooked up to the oxygen being asked the same things: “What’s today’s date? Who is our president?” At times, the simple answers to all of these questions would slip away from me. Although through the years, I have gotten better. With CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), I’ve managed to break through the vicious cycles of agoraphobia. I started venturing outside of my home. It was scary and this 'new world' seemed so different now.  ...

…as an alcoholic; the person who maintained an illusion of sobriety while being three sheets to the wind. I was the one who proudly admitted I was an alcoholic. I had no problem drinking—I had two hands for each drink. “Come over for a beer!’ “Let’s go out for a drink!” “Let’s go wine tasting!” My life was surrounded by the good ol’ grape and potato juice. As a former bartender and one who makes drinks at everyone's parties, I knew what people liked. Drinks made to perfection and sometimes, an extra dose to loosen up the crowd. Oddly enough, although alcohol is a depressant, when I was completely down or upset, alcohol would make me “happy” and turn my grim mood around ….temporarily. I never knew that the long-term effects were depression and anxiety. I just thought alcohol cured it. I masked my anxiety and depression by drinking through it; self-medicating so to speak. I could always quit…if I wanted to. Sure, no problem, right? One evening while walking over to throw ...

Usually, a lot of people will view my anxiety disorder as if something provoked or triggered it. Sometimes it’s triggered by an incident, but in most cases, they're subconscious thoughts or concerns that I can’t even figure out myself. The thoughts are so hidden, yet so visible on the outside. Doctors will explain that it’s a chemical imbalance. That’s true, but in most cases, I believe they’re subconscious worries that try to hide. It’s like an elephant trying to hide behind a tree. The most visible signs I give off while having a panic attack are rubbing my neck, scratching near my ear or picking my cuticles. It’s a nervous habit. I guess it’s to deter people from knowing I’m freaking out at the time. I must admit, I haven’t ventured off to the supermarket in a long time. Instead, I’ve been going to the farm market. It’s small, the people know me and it has everything I need …well most things. Today, I plan on going to the big supermarket. The last couple of days, I’ve been pla...

As some of you probably already know, I suffer from panic attacks. I’ve been experiencing these attacks since I was 16 years old. I have a lot of people in my life who make assumptions about why my anxiety disorder developed, but I still have a vague idea “why”, yet I know some things make sense. I’m going to talk about why I “think” I got this disorder, and what I do today to relieve them. At the age of 16, I witnessed a very traumatic event in my life . I didn’t think it affected me all that much, because I handled it so well during the time it happened. What I didn’t know, is how it would affect me later as an adult. Being at that young age, I was still going to high school and trying to be a kid. I was influenced by my peers and found out that my stress levels were higher than the average teen going through trivial stuff. A lot people assume kids that age don’t have any stress. They do …very much so. And, when something traumatic takes place, it’s amazing what the body can do whe...