Living Proof

The one thing I've noticed, especially as of late, is that people seem to thrive off of negativity. They can say that their thoughts and actions are justified, but they stir things up, wreak havoc or just throw themselves in a pit of depression. I was one of them. I stayed in my depression for long periods of time. But the one thing I noticed was that my negative energy only fed off of others alike who were also negative. I couldn't get much from the positive people because their frequency was much different. But in the same aspect, because of their higher frequency, they sometimes pulled me out from that dark pit. So in turn, I learned another thing: it's nobody's responsibility to save you. Nobody is obligated to help you in any way. One day, I just decided that I was no longer going to torture myself. I mean, granted -- I still get anxiety from time to time, which leads me in a very exhausted depressive state, but I pull myself out of it quickly now. I try to be ve...

What may feel important to you may be on the back burner for me. I don't waste my time trying to store my nuts for the future when "now" is all I have. I may not be here tomorrow. I have other thing to worry about, like "now". I can only do my best. I have just enough for each day that comes. There's a story in the Bible talking about manna. Manna is basically, just having enough, or spiritual nourishment for some. But it originally came from the story of when the Israelites had just come out of Egypt. They were in the desert when the Lord said to them, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days." So Moses said, "You will know that it was the Lord when he gives you meat to ...

"Why are they wearing HAZMAT suits?!?!" Lately, it has been quite the plethora of ailments that either led me into the doctor's office or the emergency room. Sometimes, I have a quiet spell of good luck. Well, that was hardly the case this month. I now just make jokes of it all, but it does get crazy from time to time. My list of ailments this month include: nightly myoclonic jolts, a gigantic boil behind my ear that infected my entire system giving me a high fever of 102, hot grease that was splattered into my left eye and last but not least, heartburn so bad, that it tore up my entire esophagus making it impossible to swallow. I started to vomit half dollar size globs of blood. The pain was so excruciating that there wasn't any way I could possibly sleep. The fact that I couldn't even sip water without it coming back up was a cause for alarm. The round-the-clock NSAIDs I use for my menstraul cramps (Advil) was the main culprit on top of stress. ( Read this a...

I'm sitting here listening to the rain, trying to finish up a chapter from my book. Hopefully it'll be out before winter hits us. I've been thinking a lot. And by a lot, I mean obsessively thinking to the point of insomnia. I'm very sad, but I know that sometimes it's necessary to just drop people from your life without any sort of explanation whatsoever. Most of the time, it's because we're old enough to know what we don't want in our lives, and that the person who is filling up your love tank with a bunch of toxic waste should learn the hard way of why they're being dropped. An explanation would just conjure up a negative response. As I have learned, silence is the best communicator when distancing yourself from negative people. As I always say, "Just pretend I'm dead," and that's that. You don't have to give an explanation of why you died, because you're simply not there any longer. While pushing up daisies, they can f...

I'm waking up. My eyes are starting to open again. With all negative things in the world that may lurk around, I'm starting to actually see the vibrant colors in the fall leaves. Strange things have been happening. I was having a bit of a hard time financially. It was my fault, because I didn't gauge it right. I always used to tell my friends when they were having problems meeting their quota at work, "Don't worry, God always makes up for it." This time, I sort of lacked the faith that God would make up for it, until I opened an envelope with an apology for a lost payment. "What lost payment?" Apparently, I had residual income that was stuck in cyber limbo somehow. Usually any money from writing falls into my account electronically, however this time, they cut me a check for the same amount that I was desperately needing. Fearing the overused cliché, "nothing's a coincidence" -- I still believe that to be true.  I was always a positiv...

Recently, a friend had written a post entitled, " A Twelve Step " which spoke about addictive friendships/relationships and I wanted to expand on it through my own experiences. Let's use some fun clichés first: "No two people are alike", "each person is like a snowflake, unique in their own way" - true true true, blah blah blah. But there is a common denominator among unhealthy relationships, and that being the addictive part. Like in an intimate relationship, the break up to make up scenario is one I think we all have been through. We hate em', we love em', then we hate em' again. It definitely takes two to mingle and two to really brawl. I am grateful that my wife is the polar opposite of me. She defuses when I'm up in arms. After seeing her calmness, that alone calms me. I'm learning through her how to be calm. It's really not in my nature, but I try. When you have two people who are friends or in a relationship, who ha...

"Ahhh! I just wanna go home!" Have you ever walked into a room and felt tense, nervous and perhaps a tad self-conscious due to the energy you felt walking inside? They say (God knows who 'they' are), that bees and dogs can smell fear - they sense your energy right away. But I don't think it's just limited to bees and dogs. I truly believe that people can sense or pick up negative or positive energy regardless. Take for example, last night... Madelene and I ate dinner at our favorite restaurant. We usually sit at the bar and order some appetizers. We're friends with the owners and have known them for years. There was something not right in the air - something a bit 'off'. Their demeanors were down - almost as though they've been defeated in some way or another. It also trickled over into the employees. Our peppy little waitress (when we actually get a table) looked down in the dumps, even though she had her sparkly smile on for us. Her en...

It’s been quite challenging for me lately, as far as debating whether or not to continue a journey of friendship with someone I cared for very much. We’re all complex and have our own opinions, beliefs and whatnot. It’s normal. But when an argument or a disagreement takes place, when is it time to draw the line in order to decide whether or not staying in the friendship is a healthy choice? It’s one thing for two people to disagree about whatever, but it’s another to insult or attack another on a personal level. For instance: you and a friend argue about a misunderstanding or perhaps, a break in a promise that was set - those things can be resolved. But when your friend personally attacks you - whether it’s about your physical appearance, insults about your family or maybe an attack on your integrity: when does it come to the point of realizing your friend obviously has hidden resentments, anger or even jealousy toward you? 

I ended a friendship a couple of weeks ago. This person re...

The other night, I decided to head over to the bookstore and park myself in their cafe, grab some coffee and maybe pop a chapter or two out for my second book that I’m working on. I wasn’t getting much inspiration at home and needed a different atmosphere. Madelene was with me, off searching for books then periodically coming back to my table to discover disappointing finds. She must have gone back and forth about ten times before parking herself for good, ending up purchasing a magazine as well as a calendar. We work well together when we go to a bookstore/cafe, because she realizes I’m not there to browse around - I’m there to possibly pick up books for research, people watch, drink my cafe mocha, and possibly gain inspiration in a different setting. Sometimes other people in there are way too annoying in order to muster up any type of content. There was one guy speaking so loudly into his Bluetooth over at the counter while waiting for his order, that I nearly threw my coffee at hi...

The contractors that our homeowner’s association hired are now replacing a roof on top of a nearby building. By law, you’re allowed to start working at 7am, as far as high noise decibel levels go. I understand while you’re hitting a nail into a surface that you may get about 5-10 whacks in at a time, but these fellas are hitting the suckers at 50 whacks per nail. It’s almost comparable to having ten pileated woodpeckers right outside of your window. Good morning. Can you imagine if this was happening while having a hangover? Which is one of my favorite reasons about quitting booze. I may be a little high strung off the java brew, but I tell ya, I haven’t felt this great in so long for such a long span of consecutive days. Last night after coming home from dinner, I went to bed at 9pm and woke up at 7am (to the wood pecking construction crew of course), without waking up once. It’s a miracle. There had been countless mornings a couple of years back, where I’d wake up to numerous amounts...