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Showing posts from February, 2006

Hold Your Breath--And Don't Touch That Doorknob!

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As I was heading out to see my shrink, my phone rings. It’s my friend Tamar. She sounded all raspy. She came down with the flu really bad and stayed home from work. Now, Tamar has to be one of the healthiest people I know. She runs marathons and takes such good care of herself; however she works in an office where the bug cubicle hops from one pod to another. This weekend, Madelene (my partner) and I went out with Tamar & her friend Brian. They were both healthy. We went to this really nice restaurant nearby. It was so crowded that we had to squish ourselves in a mob full of people who were also waiting to be seated. I knew something was lurking in the air when I heard a few coughs. So yesterday, I rushed out the door to pick up some needed things for her, such as tea, honey, medicines, a roasted chicken as well as beautiful tulips to lift her up a tad. I checked in on her, and she sounded as though her condition worsened over a matter of a couple of hours. Her cough was producti

My Mind: The Natural Disaster

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It’s just not healthy for me to watch documentaries or shows that deal with natural disasters. My mind can’t fathom it, and I go into a silent panic mode. I sit in fear watching things like The Weather Channel’s “Storm Stories”, to the Discovery Channel’s special programs on any other disastrous events that can take place. I don’t even like watching the news at night. Madelene (my girlfriend) always puts it on so she can see the weather for the next day—and I’m like, “NO! Get your weather elsewhere! I can’t watch this stuff!” I finally figured out why I get most anxiety attacks at night---it’s because I watch the news right before going to sleep. Anyway, yesterday I was watching a documentary on volcanoes. Why in the world would “I” have to be concerned with the threat of a volcano erupting? I live in New York—not Hawaii. I figured this would be a ‘safe’ show for me to watch. I was wrong. More Ativan please, and pass me a beer while you’re at it! So, I was watching the Discovery Ch

Who's That Girl?

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The mysterious Leesa has always captivated us. Her stories and life experiences have swept us into her world. Who is Leesa though? What is she really like? We only have one headshot photo of this beautiful southern woman whose intelligence is far beyond the average blogger. Her inspiring words pull you in as well as her risqué erotica . She is a woman who’s faithful to her husband; yet a woman with many fantasies to be told. Have they been carried out? Have her journeys been all a façade? What about her tales---are they all from a secret past? She is an enigma to all who read her. She is brilliant in her writing, which keeps us coming back for more. Leesa forces us to do this; to be our own judges. To fantasize what she is like. So, with that being said, I present to you … Leesa . I only had a headshot, so I drew in what I thought she may look like from the head down. You left us only to imagine...

America's Most Wanted

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Please be on alert for our very own blogger, Mike . Investigators on ABC News and CNN reported last night of Mike’s arrest for attempted robbery and indecent exposure. He was first seen by Walmart’s cameras sifting through women’s lingerie and apparel. He has been growing his hair into a mullet and has been seen wearing make up on occasion. Mike has escaped from prison and is now headed towards the northeast —particularly in the New York area. He is armed and dangerous! Do not attempt to approach him. Rumor has it that Mike is trying to do whatever it takes to make his marriage work, so he is trying to appear more like a woman. He refuses to shave his mustache, but is willing to do what is necessary in order to keep Deb happy. Some say he has already started hormone therapy. Changing his sex may be a possibility. He has already booked a trip to Thailand. This may be the reason why his behavior is erratic and unruly. If you see Mike , please report this to your local police depart

How May I Help You?

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There are things I just don’t understand. I’m not one to make a list of pet peeves, but this is probably going to come out looking that way. I just get baffled when I come across certain things; the way people behave or just the way things are set up. Why, oh why, would you not use an English speaking employee or person to handle your deliveries? I promise you, that I will no longer order Chinese take out to be delivered and give them directions to my house over the phone. “Okay, where you live?” “123 East Nunya Ave. Just make sure you make a left at the corner deli.” “Ah, right!” “No left.” “Right!’ “No. Make a left at the corner deli. I’m the third house on your left.” “Right! Third! Right.” “No, do not make the third right, it’s left at the corner deli, and the third house on your left on that street.” I love these guys with all my heart. They are the sweetest people, so I really feel bad poking fun at them, but this is a huge problem. Well, not really, I just have to get off my l

Faking It

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a lesbian going on a blind date. (Yes, it’s a true story even though I just ‘once upon a timed it’…) Back in the days of newspaper personal ads, there were no pictures to be exchanged, nor a free way to contact your ‘person of choice’. There was the good 1-900 number that you needed to dial in order to listen to your messages. Fine. $2.99 for the first minute, $20 bucks thereafter. Whatever. I was still in the closet and really didn’t want to ~start spreading the news~ in New York. I preferred my lifestyle to be a little more discreet at that time. The phone call was quite pleasant. No complaints. Now, I have to change names to protect the guilty. So her name will be…hmm…Brittany. Why did I pick that name? I’ll let you know in just a little bit. We spoke a few times over the phone, and became very good friends automatically. She explained to me that she worked for a publishing company in New York as an editor, as well as attend

Positive Reinforcement—Apply Within

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My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ~2 Corinthians 12:9 It’s done. It’s already decided. The funny part is …I can’t even tell you. I’ve decided to take a step that is beyond my character. I wonder what others will say. I wonder if I’ll even care. They never did. Or did they? Psychotic moment? Or just a recent observation I made? Most of us are constantly in this moving cycle. Wake up, shower, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch T.V., go to sleep and then start over again. Some people have it even more exciting. Wake up, shower, wake up the kids, change the kids, feed the kids, bring the kids to daycare or school, go to work, pick up the kids, come home, feed the kids, fee

Is There a Doctor In The House? I Need Medical Advice!

Desperately trying to get into shape for the warmer months, I’m constantly trying to advance my workouts. I used to be a big fan of free weights and building muscle—to burn fat, but that didn’t work for me. I found myself getting ‘thick’ oppose to thin and toned. Not the goal here. Then I started running. A friend of mine at the gym suggested I first start off slowly. She told me to start off with a jog, and then work myself up to a run. I did this, and became addicted. I loved the feeling afterwards. It was such a rush. I began to shed pounds and find myself losing weight faster than ever. (Mind you---I always do a warm up as well as a cool down before and after each workout.) Then I ran into a problem. I started getting very bad heart palpitations. During my running sessions, everything would be okay. It was when I went about my day and especially in the evening—my heart felt as though it was punching me in the chest. It was a huge flutter-like feeling. I thought I was having a hea

Alumni Nightmare

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Everywhere you look on the net, advertisements for ‘Classmates.com’ will pop up, or some way to get in contact with someone from years and years ago. The school I used to go to has this alumni ‘look up’, where you can find anyone from your graduating class or anyone who attended that school. They have email addresses, phone numbers and information on what they’re doing now as well as if they’re married with kids and so on. Of course, these people voluntarily give their information to the website. This isn’t information that is gathered up by website lurking devices. I’m not putting these services down, but I really don’t understand why someone would want to contact another person if they haven’t spoken in 15+ years. Do you know how much someone can change over a period of time? And if this is a love interest, the chances of them being married with an angry & jealous wife or husband are a great possibility. I just don’t understand it. Okay, so you want to look up your best frien

Psychotic "Or" Psychic?

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Am I spiritually warped? Or am I just psychotically spent? I’ll let you decide. All my life I have had vivid dreams. We all have. What makes this a little different are my visions when I’m awake. My mother has the same thing too. If we are relaxed enough, we can actually see faces; various faces. We have no clue who they are and what they mean, but they generate in our minds. It first starts off with a purple smoke-like beginning, and then after some time, faces begin to appear. Sometimes I can see people doing ordinary things, as though they were just living life, doing dishes or whatever. I had even guessed what Madelene's sister was wearing and what she was doing at a particular time and place. Both were shocked that I 'guessed' so correctly. I started getting upset over it at the age of twenty. I started seeing psychics and fooling around with psychic enhancing oils and other weird paraphernalia. Not to say that it worked, but something did happen where it was almost

AND THE WINNER IS...

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STEFF! Steff! You just won a care package from ~Deb. This is definitely something to ‘brighten up the room’ when you’re feeling down. But that’s not all! There’s more!... Included in your gift that brightens up the room, there’s something for your honey to keep him wrapped up for a while. Still not satisfied? Because Steff answered the ‘secret question’ so promptly, we threw in an extra ‘helper’ just to show how much we really do care. Items enclosed in this package are sure to make any night...a special night. Steff answered a question from the comments in a previous post. I asked what takes away menstrual cramps —and she got it correct! Due to the nature of the question, she received a prize that will help her cramps-- if need be. Enjoy your care package Steff! Remember, look out for that ‘secret question’ ---you just might be the next winner! WARNING: By answering any of ~Deb’s questions, prizes include whatever the subject matter is about. If ~Deb asks a q

The Fallout

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What a night. No, I didn’t forget the exclamation mark. What a night. No ‘multiple’ exclamation marks either. Just ---what a night. It was actually a really nice day out yesterday. The sun was shining, the air was a bit warmer, and I was out gallivanting looking for little gifts for Madelene …and my mama. Yes, I’m a mama’s girl. Just ask any of my ex’s. I even went to visit Madelene at work. We hung out outside her office and took a walk together. I was planning to cook for her that evening. She had to work late, so I figured I had some time to shop and have everything prepared by 9pm for her. Wrong. “Honey? Can you pick up some Chinese food on your way home?” Why did I ask her? Well we had another guest. Aunt Flow came to town and decided she was spending a full week here. Those of you who aren’t familiar with Aunt Flow, refer to page 54 in your text book PMS 101. I knew she was planning an early trip here. I felt it coming on two days prior. Sunday afternoon, while watching “T

Letter to Madelene

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Dear Madelene, I love you. I cherish you. I desire you. I think you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. As the years go by, you seem to possess more beauty than ever. It’s not even your beauty; it’s your compassion for others, you’re warm heart, and your giving nature. It’s your love for God, and the way you treat others. You treat me like no one has ever treated me before. I have never been loved so much by someone, as I am by you. You make me feel special and always lift me up when I’m feeling down. Do you know how much I love you? I know we say “I love you” often, but do you know my feelings behind those words? It’s much more than words can even express. I don't believe I was ever in love, until I met you. The connection I have with you is beyond anything I have ever experienced. On top of that, you’re my best friend. I can tell you absolutely anything that’s on my mind, without feeling as though you’re going to get upset or angry at me. Almost as if you totally fi

Blizzard Warning!

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Am I suicidal? I did the very thing I told you not to do. I walked into a grocery store the day of the blizzard. Holy mother of supermarket chaos! I couldn’t believe the mobs of crowds circling the canned goods like a bunch of wild vultures. I can hear their caws from aisle fifteen. Clank! Clank! Clank! Clank! Cans and cans of food tossed into tons of shopping carts. Bottled water? Ah ---forgetaboudit’!!! Gone. No water left. I’m making dinner for Madelene tonight, so I wanted to pick up a few things I needed. I didn’t go because I thought the blizzard would bury me in for a year---I went in like I usually do. People were bumping into each other with their carts like bumper cars. One lady sideswiped me with her shoulder. It still hurts. I went over to the produce to buy some avocados, and this lady next to me takes an orange from the bottom of the pile. Can you guess what happened next? Yep---all fell down. She left me at the scene of the crime. People looked at me like I did it. Ge

Friday's Madness

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Today was a day where there was too much hand shaking going on. Here’s the deal… I went to stop by my sister Carla’s office for a visit. She introduced me to every single person in that building. Each hand shaken, and each time I was frightened. I even got offered to take a sip of someone’s drink that had a cold. Yes, Carla’s friend Scott has taken the initiative to make me feel right at home. The conversation with him was alarming. A forceful cough came after each word. “Will you stop coughing in my direction please?” I said, as he knows I’m allergic to people who are sick. “Do you want a sip of this?” He asks. “No. I don’t want a sip of that.” “He’s sick Deb!” Carla informs me of what I already know. Scott loves to test my nerves. He even asked me what OCD was. I didn't have the heart to tell him, but he certainly has a way of tweaking my OCD big time. There was a time we were all hanging out at his house with a few people. He brought a bottle of wine out, and poured it in ou

Problematic Phobias

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Being around my mother drives my OCD into high gear. I love my mother with all my heart, but there are some things that tweak my disorder into panic mode. Don’t get me wrong--those wonderful times spent having cocktail hours with mom and eating delicious hors d'oeuvres are great. My girlfriend and I love spending time with mom—especially on our day off, so we can indulge in some cheese and wine. Occasionally we’ll have the ol’ chips and dip out and some other over-marinated Italian delicacy laying around. Problem? Mama’s a double dipper. Remember the episode of "Seinfeld" when they made an issue of the ‘double dipper’? It’s when someone takes a chip ---dips it--- then takes a bite--- and dips that same chip back into the dip. Okay. Now the dip is out. Time to eat dry chips. So I head over to the marinated something or other. Now, we’re all ‘family’ really, so it doesn’t matter really. Or does it? I see mom probing her fork into the container of marinated artichokes.