Living Proof

One of my favorite writers once wrote about her distaste in people loosely using the term, "I feel your pain," while comforting someone else, as if they're trying to share in their unfortunate experience in some roundabout way. I believe there are different levels and deeper scales of "pain" when it's purely emotional. Losing a pet, losing a friend, the loss of a loved one, a family member, and the worst I have seen just recently, was a friend who just lost her 1 year old baby who passed away while napping. I cannot even fathom that kind of pain, just sympathize and can only wonder if her life will ever be the same again. I can't even compare it to the loss of my father. My comfort in losing Dad was that he is no longer suffering. He lived to be 75 years old and had a great, long life. A life well lived, of course until the end. That alone, comforts me. But the unresolved and unanswered questions from God Himself, asking Him, "Why? Why do you have...

Are you putting me on a diet??? To my surprise, I'm still maintaining the Paleo lifestyle and learning more in depth about it. I learned about ketosis, carb intake and how more fat in your diet = more weight loss, considering it's from a good, clean source. With that being said, I remember rolling my eyes at my gluten-free friends whenever they had parties and served up gluten-free crackers or pasta. It was gross and I still think so. I never try to mimic foods that I can't have. I see a lot of people who are on Paleo mimicking pies, cakes, pancakes and other treats, just to satisfy their sweet tooth in some roundabout way. Although I do believe whatever works best for 'you' is fine, but for me, if it doesn't truly taste like the REAL thing, I'm gonna eventually want the real thing. So, I stick to all the other amazing options out there, trying to incorporate new foods I never thought would be a liking to my palate. I have so much appreciation for my mom...

Caution: Objects may be closer than they appear. I rarely have a consistent view on anything, because things change, people change, the world changes, barely ever staying in one lane. Flip-flopping and lying politicians (and presidents) usually leave us feeling confused over our choice in whether or not to be a democrat, republican, moderate, liberal, undercover socialist or whatever you wanna call yourself 'today'. Things look good until they finally shows their true colors. My coffee in this picture looks cute and accessible in this photo, but I assure you it's not. I have to literally reach over, squish my dog to get my mug, and then on top of that, have my sciatica zap me in the ass for doing so.  Things aren't as they seem. One day you can be sitting with the one you love, and the next day, they can be gone in a flash just like that. The world, our world, is so unstable and unpredictable. I see certain people posting up inspirational quotes -- quotes to live by...

Every fall it feels like a new start. Maybe it has to do with imprints of my past childhood when I started school every September, but this year it feels a bit different. This past summer was absolutely torturous, being in and out of the hospital with stomach bleeding and excruciating back pain. Finally, I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My pain is very minimal, manageable and sometimes, not even present. My stomach feels as though it has healed nicely since I quit NSAIDs and had a therapy of stomach medications and antibiotics. I feel back to "me" again and I thank GOD for it. I even went out dancing the other night in three inch heels. (I know I know, that's pushing it, but damn it felt good!) I even ventured out to my friend's' BBQ, where all of our buddies from high school gathered around and had a blast. One friend commented, "Damn Deb! We haven't seen you since before the summer, glad you're finally here and not in your assign...

Did you ever wonder about people's "bad habits" and why they do what they do? Some people smoke, some people drink, some people do both and others head to the bigger stuff to fulfill their "highs". I remember when I used to smoke two packs a day as a teenager. Addictions start at a very young age, especially today. You'd think a teenager wouldn't have a care in the world: no bills to pay, no steady job or health problems from aging -- just school and it's trivial little teenage dramas. But there's much more pain involved: lack of acceptance, low self-esteem, stressors from flunking, and of course, being bullied. I had all of those "problems" that caused me to not only smoke, but drink heavily as a kid. Health class taught us that smoking was a stimulant, but every single time I took a drag of my cigarette, it relieved my anxiety somehow. With each puff, my problems seemed smaller. And not that it got me "high" --- there was ...

What's it been, a 5 day break? Not bad. Every time I jot stuff down in this blog, things seem to 'move' mysteriously. My pain has lessened, from a level 10 on the pain scale to a nice solid 5. I can definitely deal with that. Anyone who says that laughter is the best medicine has never had sciatica pain. I had a couple of friends over last night who nearly put me right back into the hospital because they made me laugh till I literally HURT. So, it flared up a tad and I was able to maintain without the drugs. This entire summer was just horrible, horrible, horrible. Pain, drugs, hospitals, ER nightmares, doctor appointments, blah! I went shopping yesterday and grabbed a shirt that says, "LOVE LIFE". Yeah, me. I truly believe there's some truth to the saying, "Gotta fake it till you make it" -- so I'm sticking to that. Here I am sitting in my beautiful office complaining about sciatica pain and how scared I am about taking pain meds, while there ...

My writing is becoming less and less. My desire to write has always been, yet I'm stifled and told to "shut up", or sometimes, "go fuck yourself". In about a year's time, I've lost my dad (yes you've all heard) and have gone through excruciating and underestimated chronic pain that I cannot take any longer. It's made my quality of life not worth living. I'm zombied out on Percocet, because I got an ulcer from NSAIDs and I can't take any other pain relievers. So I'm stuck with the stigma of an "addict" when in fact, it's for pain only. So I sweat it out for a week or two without meds, screaming and crying in pain all night without a wink of sleep. Then I'm a "nuisance" because many of the times my "level 10" pain requires trips to the ER. I've become a huge burden, on others and on myself. I can't live this way anymore. Please forgive me if my writing somewhat dissipates into another meanin...