Living Proof

Typically I don’t like to reveal letters from a friend, but this one struck me as something I should share with everyone. This friend will remain anonymous out of respect of her privacy. Her words speak pain and they cry for help. Her agony of what she goes through reflects on what she paints on her canvas. She’s a beautiful person with so much passion. Her work is absolutely amazing. There’s a reason why a beautiful person such as herself goes through so much turmoil. Here’s her letter to me: "Hello Deb, I haven't heard anything from you in a long time what have you been doing? I have decided to contact your friend’s gallery. I finally put up a real website, please check it out. I have been down about woman. I try to hide it but it like I keep being reminded how in little ways of the major disappointments I have endured in my last relationship. So I am hiding and hoping life won't find me. Maybe the feelings are good for painting but not much else. Anyway enough about ho...

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Maybe not in the court of law, but it definitely plays a huge role in my life. I remain silent, because anything I say is always taken out of context. Anything I say is used against me for reasons of guilt, shame, discomfort and self-serving purposes. I feel trapped. I can’t speak a word. I can’t say what’s on my mind without thoughts of possible repercussions. One truth may lead to “this” disaster, and the other truth may lead to “that” disaster. If I can’t be honest then I have to remain silent. How long can I go before I finally burst? My worst fear is hurting someone. It also goes hand-in-hand with hurting myself in the process. I’m stuck. “What’s on your mind?” A select few ask me. I can’t. Fear rises up within me and I start to shut down. I tune everything out and go into my own world. “Nothing.” I say. I used to write such revealing stories on my blog. Now, it’s come to the point where m...

It’s one of those days where the news guy is telling us, “Don’t go out there today! It’s going to be the coldest day in years!” Fine. I’m staying put. No one go to work or do any errands today! Do not go out to get your mail and do not even attempt to open your door if someone’s on the other side. We have to protect ourselves here. If anyone is going to make a huge fricken deal about the weather, it’s the news. They want “big news” and they want everyone to know…you’re in it! Most people tune into the news just to hear the weather if it’s bad outside. The newscasters seem to hype it up a tad and make a fiasco out of it. “Blizzard conditions” and “wind chill” are exaggerated terms in order for the viewer to go, “Ooooh, wow!” What about the “heat index”? Another exaggerated term for telling the temperature. As a matter of fact, the newscasters don’t even bother telling you the temperatures anymore. They just hop on the screen and tell you the heat index or the wind chill temps. It’s kind...

What’s the proper etiquette when a break up is taking place? What do we say to the ex or what do we expect from the ex? Do we say anything at all or do we simply just pretend nothing ever happened? I’d like to say it depends on the relationship and if the two people involved can engage in a cordial friendship. Can two lovers demote one another back to being friends? What if the relationship never started at as friends? See, there’s the problem right there. Any successful relationship has the foundation of friendship. Those who started right off the bat in a lustful and sexual way will most likely see negative results in the end. Or am I wrong about that? The main question is, when do we finally let go of the ex? Do you remain in contact for a period of time before you part ways? Or do you linger on and torture yourself of what ‘could have been’ until you’re blue in the face? There are different types of people. You have your types of people where they hang on as long as they can. They...

This is a letter from a friend who chooses to remain anonymous. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your inner feelings regarding your experience, my "anonymous" friend! Dear ~Deb, I was wondering if you would post this on your blog. I typically blog about the Bee Gees, installing vinyl floors, and why the WNBA is not a commercially viable sport. You might imagine I have loads of regular readers, but I don't want to post on the subject of religion (for fear I might lose him, I mean them). I am an avid reader of your blog, and this subject seems much more at home with your blog. Plus, I don't want to be labeled a "kooky religious type" by my readers, so I would like to share these thoughts more anonymously. I had a dream recently, and this one little dream has changed my entire outlook on life. How can that be, you wonder? I dreamt about my mother, and it was one of the most intense dreams I have ever experienced. My mother died less than one year ago, an...

Does a clay pot ever argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute the one who shapes it, saying, “Stop, you are doing it wrong!” Does the pot exclaim, “How clumsy can you be!” How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, “Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?” ~Isaiah 45:9-10 It’s hard to determine, but I can see patterns of my niece Sonya becoming more and more familiar to me. My entire family thinks my niece shares traits much like myself, in fact she’s a repeat of me when I was her age. My sister ends up blurting out my name while calling for her. She’s reminded of the days when I was that age, when my sister would baby sit me. I always poke fun at my sis and say, “You’re totally reliving my youth!” Sis claims that I touched her stomach and put some spell on her, making her unborn child a ‘spawn’ of me. We laugh and joke about it, but in reality we find it oddly amusing that Sonya is a replica of what I used to be at her age. Not only does she res...

Taking a look of how my life has been back then to now, I now realize I was a huge hypochondriac when I was younger. (Okay, just a tad now too.) In my twenties I was able to work out every day of the week, drink without really feeling the effects of the hangover the next day and never really understood pain until recently. The only pain I have felt since I was 12 years old was menstrual – which I happen to get severely. After 30 years old, I started feeling the pangs of getting older. First it started out with my first real experience with back problems. I remember I was in the shower putting hot water on my back, trying to relieve the ‘dull ache’ I had been getting for the past couple of days. When I got out of the shower to put my hair into a towel, BAM!!! That’s when my back gave out on me and I went tumbling over the tub onto the floor. Lying there naked, I screamed out to my girlfriend, “Help! Help! Help!” And thank God she was home that day. She had to remove this very large wet...

Finally New York, you have snow! I’m thrilled to see the beautiful white blanket laid across my property. Usually by the time Christmas ends I’m sick of this stuff, but it’s such a relief to see that winter is really here! Most people prefer the summer, however I enjoy the warmth of winter. I know, it sounds like an oxymoron. The thought of snuggling up to a roaring fire with my sweetie and pouring a nice cup of hot cocoa (with Bailey’s of course) makes me feel wonderful. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

You really have to wonder if what’s being shown on TV is actually the real deal. I’ve come across certain reality shows where I had to ask myself if this was serious. How can so much drama be drummed up in approximately one hour? (One hour = one day in TV land.) I have a good friend who used to produce reality TV shows. A lot is 'set up'. Yes, all in all it was real, but a lot was added, lines were added and more emotion was ordered from the directors. My first gripe is the famous Rosie O’Donnell vs. Donald Trump match . Think about it, if these two were really fighting it out, Donald would just have sued her without commenting on any network, especially "Entertainment Tonight ". Rosie O’Donnell has been cast out by her own people. She has a lot of controversial history. She needs to get back into the limelight. I thought " The View" would help that, but unfortunately, she needs to enhance it. What better person do to this for her than Donald Trump? But why ...

This may come across as controversial or narrow-minded, but I have a strong opinion on something that I have absolutely no control over. Let me explain… Take for instance an AA director. This person is required to have experienced a past problem with alcohol. He/she must know the hardships and the consequences that go along with being an alcoholic. They also must share the same experiences of breaking the habit of drinking. They have to be sober, yet have the history in order to fully grasp what the other former and current alcoholics are going through. The director of the AA meeting should be able to relate to each person and how hard it was to stop or limit their intake of alcohol. Stories and personal information are shared in order to establish that trust factor. They’re in it together. What about the concept of the psychiatrists and psychologists? Of course they spent years in school studying about the human psyche, but how can they relate to people who have panic attacks, depres...

It’s not a secret how my life has changed dramatically after a break up a few years back. I’ve learned a lot from it actually. Speaking in current times, I can envision myself from when I was still in that relationship. I handled things much differently. I was a complete different person, yet the same soul inside. I like to call it undeveloped. One thing I’ve learned is that old scientific saying- action causes reaction. I still have a hard time doing things “right” in my present relationship, but I’m no longer that resentful bitter person that I remember back in my old relationship. The learning experience was a blessing for me. It helped me to not take my partner for granted. It gave me the insight of how the other person may be feeling. Although I’m still nowhere from being perfect or ever will be, I know that some things may not be good for the relationship. Trying to explore new options and ways to cope with difficult situations has been challenging, yet rewarding wh...

Total waste of a roaring tiger (Bengal cat) and a big vicious dog (Golden Retriever). There’s a huge dilemma going on at my sister’s house. This crap is baffling and mysterious. The average person could have easily overlooked this. But it all came to a head when something obvious was found. My sister walks into her house after a long day of work. She sets her keys on the counter and decides to grab some food to cook dinner. She notices that a few of her canned goods were gone. She thought, “Hmm, maybe I used them and forgot about it…” Whatever. She continued to prepare dinner and notices that there’s coffee left in the pot. She doesn’t make coffee in the morning and neither does her boyfriend. So who made the coffee? It then trickles back to the thought of, “Who took my canned goods?” Okay, aside from that, sis has to use the “ladies’ room”. She calls it that because she forbids her boyfriend to use the one in the bedroom. It’s hers. She has claimed it. No man can enter her office...

I like the rain, because no one can see my tears... ~Author unknown For whatever reason, I’m learning more and more how people tick. Sometimes people do things in order for them to feel better. I’m reminded of a friend who told me about her relationship with her ex-girlfriend. With the constant put downs and insults regarding her appearance, it left my friend feeling insecure with low self-esteem. Why would someone who claims they love you want to make you feel ugly or make you feel less than attractive? Why would you criticize someone who you adore and love? If it’s an issue with health or hygiene, then yes, I can see where the little ‘sit down’ would take place. That’s understandable. But the fact is, my friend is the most attractive woman and yet her ex-girlfriend really damaged her confidence level. Here’s my theory on why anyone would verbally abuse their spouse or lover. If the person dishing out the attacks is feeling unattractive, then there’s a great chance that they ...

As low as the price of coffee, you could estimate $100 for ten cups. If it wasn’t bad enough that Starbuck’s charges us $5 bucks a cup, we now have coffee that sells for $10 dollars, and you don’t get the bells and whistles like you do at the gourmet shop. It’s just a plain cup of black coffee. What makes these beans so special? The process of how it’s brewed. No, not the coffee brewing type- the digestive brewing type. Let me explain. If you haven’t heard about this until now, very bored people discovered a new way to drink coffee. It’s called “ Kopi Lowak ”. The Kopi in Indonesia translates to “coffee”. The way these beans get processed is through a cat’s digestive system. No, I’m not lying. The cat literally has to digest the beans, and then crap it out in order for you and everyone else to get freshly ‘brewed’ coffee. I’ve seen this on the Travel Channel a few times about different cultures and gourmet coffees. Now it’s all the rage in New York and other major cities. My question ...

Not for nothing, but if you’re going to be the mayor of New York, you’re going to have to deal with a million questions and be expected to dish out some serious answers. As you all know, I never get into politics all that much. It’s not only confusing with so many lying politicians, but the mere fact that each story changes its course within minutes frightens me to the core to even touch upon any political subject. It’s worse than talking about religion—and you know how I can go on and on with that! Anyway, I’m sitting here watching CNN about the big breaking news of the smell of rotten eggs being spewed out all over New York City. Apparently there was a gas leak, or there was a release of the chemical mercaptan , the additive which produces an odor when the odorless gas is in the air. It’s a safety precaution for people. “Close your doors, windows and central air!” But they say we’re ‘safe’ …or are we? Why would they urge us to evacuate buildings and close off all our vents? Preca...

Attention Worrywarts! A lady whose friend was a chronic worrier said to her one day, “Do you realize that 80% of the things you worry about never happen?” “See,” her friend replied, “it works!” Seriously, Jesus said, “Don’t get worked up about what may…happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever…come{s} up” (Mt 6:34 TM). Worry doesn’t rid tomorrow of its sorrows, it just robs today of its joy. Plus when you make a mountain out of a molehill you end up having to climb it. A salesman who usually drove an old car and wore outdated clothes turned up at his office one day in a designer suit, driving a BMW. “What happened?” his buddy asked. “Remember how I used to worry about everything?” he said, “Well I hired a team of professional worriers; now I tell them my problems and they do all my worrying while I go out and sell.” “How much do they charge?” his friend asked. “$5,000 a week,” he replied. “How can you afford that?” his buddy asked. Smiling he replied, “That’s their worry, n...

Lately, I’ve noticed that a lot of my own friends are signed up with Myspace. To me, I thought it was a juvenile website based on meeting friends and friends and more friends. True, you do meet tons of new people, but I didn’t get the base of it. It has blog options as well. It also has an area where people leave comments to you right on your web page. This I didn’t get- because I thought, “Well what are they commenting to?” They’re basically just ‘hellos’ and little funny cartoons they leave and just a reminder of who’s thinking about you or who wants you to comment on their page. Depends. Anyway, I made fun of my friend for having this. I mean, we’re in our thirties and it seemed sort of ridiculous to even entertain the idea of putting a web page out there like that. Well, I signed up. Not only that, but I’ve came in contact with old friends from high school, and friends I haven’t seen in so long! It was kind of nice to reconnect. I’ve also met some really interesting people on ther...