Showing posts from August, 2007

Prayer Request

Madelene's going into the hospital tomorrow to have surgery. Can you please say a prayer that the doctors' hands are guided by God, and that her recovery time is quick? She has been going through some physical turmoil for quite some time now, and needs to have this major procedure done. This is the first time I have ever seen her look nervous about something. She'll be in the hospital for 4-5 days and then I'll be helping her for about a month or so to recover. Any prayers would be so appreciated at this time Madelene, remember, by His stripes, you are healed! I pray that you recover from the painful experiences of what you've been through. May God touch the hands of the surgeons who work on you tomorrow. I pray that your fear goes away, because you know God is there with you every step of the way. I will always be there to take care of you. I also pray that you recover from the awful hospital food! I'll be sneaking in some goodies for you! Love, Deb

For the Long Haul...

When does the newness fade out when being in a long-term relationship? The days of laughter, butterflies and fun have taken a break and went dormant. Or has it gone away forever? The spark has turned into smoldering coal; still hot enough to keep the intimacy going, but not as blazing as it used to be. Do people expect too much when it comes to relationships? Do they anticipate the “excitement” that new relationships have for the long haul? Or are people getting lazier when it comes to maintaining a relationship? Some people claim that relationships should flow; that they shouldn’t have to work at it. I disagree with that though. I feel that in order to maintain a healthy relationship, there’s work involved. It’s a gratifying work that comes from love. Sex is sex, but when love in involved, there’s a whole new meaning to it. Sex is just the bonus. Who can say that they would stay with their significant other, God forbid something bad should happen, like a disability where they couldn’

Senior Citizens and Technology

The world of technology has wreaked havoc on my poor parents. They’ve gone from rotary telephones, to cordless phones, touch dial with an answering machine attached. Voice mail would be another challenge to tackle and we’re just not there yet. On a previous post, I’ve mentioned how my mother would call me up and ask if I could bring her my “blacktop”. “ What ma?” “Bring the blacktop over.” “What do you mean?” “I need to look up a certain product for the pool and none of the stores have it.” “Oh, you mean my laptop!” Fine. I bring over my laptop and she makes this comment that I shouldn’t meet people on that “intercom”. “The what?” “Don’t you be meeting people on that intercom!” “You mean, the internet, ma?” “Yeah, whatever it is.” When I used to work for a telecommunications company in their call center, I remember senior citizens calling in, asking for technical help with getting onto the internet. “Well, my son just bought me this thing here that goes on my computer and I don’t know


Anger is a compelling feeling to which many take action upon. It nearly consumes you. The emotional reaction affects your verbal or physical response. It’s a negative emotion, to which a lot of people give into. In fact, a lot of studies show that people, who get angry often, usually are at greater risks for high blood pressure, stroke and heart disease. This emotion isn’t only dangerous for other people around you; it’s dangerous for you as well. I’m no stranger when it comes to popping my own cork. I tend to lash out with words, or sometimes, as my sisters will say, I have a “poison pen”. If one of my sisters upsets me in some way, I’ll send them a very powerful and angry email. These are first responses. I usually never wait for the second response, which is a calmer approach to it all. They always say to wait 24 hours before you respond to something while being angry. Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. ~Psalm 4:4 It’s so h

Inevitable Change

Thank you for those who commented on my previous post. It was an unfortunate mishap that turned out to be an outburst from something that had nothing to do with me. I understand him all too well though, because I’m just like him at times. While staying at a friend’s house, I received numerous calls from my mother upset, asking me to talk to my father. She said he was crying. This big man full of power---crying? He apologized, but not in the conventional way you would think. There’s no verbal, “I’m sorry”, or anything of that nature. It’s gifts or underlying jokes and gestures, implying that “it’s okay”. I accepted his “apology”. It’s his way. Instead of walking in, leaving him with a questionable look on his face, I ran over to him and gave him a big kiss and a hug. The big bully giggled. “Sit and eat! I maydja’ some pot roast!” “Ya fatha’ made it, Deb.” My mother said, trying to put all the credit onto my father. They’re both a team in the kitchen. At that point, I wasn’t very hungr

And He Wonders Why I'm Gay...

Tonight I’m hiding out. It’s a bizarre story, however, all too familiar when I think back to my childhood. This afternoon, I went out upstate to enjoy the beautiful weather and go out to a café and have lunch. I stopped by antique stores and just sat down to people watch. There was a cool breeze and I really didn’t think anything could go wrong. Everyone was out and about, in flip flops and wearing their casual clothes. Couples were hand-in-hand and other people were walking their little dogs enjoying the end of the August weather. I arrived home around 5pm. My parents live underneath my apartment. I have to go through the house in order to get to my place- which was never a problem…until today. “Why da fug’ did ya leave the damn doors open?” My father says, in this 'already been sitting there stewing' type of tone. “Huh?” I said, walking in with Madelene and trying to make my way up to my apartment. “Some guy came in here looking for someone else! You’z gotta

Facing My Fears

Usually, a lot of people will view my anxiety disorder as if something provoked or triggered it. Sometimes it’s triggered by an incident, but in most cases, they're subconscious thoughts or concerns that I can’t even figure out myself. The thoughts are so hidden, yet so visible on the outside. Doctors will explain that it’s a chemical imbalance. That’s true, but in most cases, I believe they’re subconscious worries that try to hide. It’s like an elephant trying to hide behind a tree. The most visible signs I give off while having a panic attack are rubbing my neck, scratching near my ear or picking my cuticles. It’s a nervous habit. I guess it’s to deter people from knowing I’m freaking out at the time. I must admit, I haven’t ventured off to the supermarket in a long time. Instead, I’ve been going to the farm market. It’s small, the people know me and it has everything I need …well most things. Today, I plan on going to the big supermarket. The last couple of days, I’ve been pla

Hiding Behind Religion

A cross between denying one’s true self about who they are and hiding under a religious mask can make for disastrous relationships. Guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, anger, resentment and lack of self-esteem can literally destroy a person. Living a lie starts to define the person who hides behind the mask of religion. All of these emotions are not of God. Who pours out all of these negative feelings upon a person? Do you believe God wants you to feel this way? Do you think that God wants you to ignore who you truly are, just because “religious” people have set forth rules? How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, “Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?” ~Isaiah 45:10 Why are we doubting how God created us? Interestingly enough, it seems as though even the high priests, such as the Pope can’t make up their mind about what’s wrong and what’s right. On Time’s website , it reads: “Reportedly, the Pope might consider accepting condoms as the lesser

Sabotaging Relationships... Who Can We Trust?

No one knows what we’re feeling, what we’re thinking and how we’re manifesting all of our emotions inside of us. They can assume, guess or even conjure up scenarios of their own, but they’ll never know if we don’t communicate it to them. Do we have to? Do we need to communicate every single emotion that flows within us? Or can we just walk around letting these emotions weigh heavy on our hearts? It’s a personal thing…I know. Deep seeded emotional pain has to be resolved in some way, so each person can live a life without resentment or anguish. Forgiveness is great, if one can manage to do it. The main thing is, self-respect. You can forgive a person all you want for inflicting pain upon you, but you have to keep in mind that your self-respect is important too. You don’t want to let the same person keep repeating emotional harm to your well-being. I’m not trying to imply ' building a huge wall' to protect yourself…that’s not where I’m going with this. There’s a fine line betw

Constant Peace

Let your spirits be high, your worries be low and your peace be constant. I prayed this for someone I know going through some life struggles. We all go through them in different ways. Sometimes, I look at certain people and say to myself, “How dare I complain about something so trivial!” Maybe it wasn’t trivial to me at that time, but sometimes I have to gather my thoughts and realize that things can be much worse. Complaining is basically venting. It never does any good, except to get it off your chest. This morning, I woke up to the sounds of raindrops pit-pattering against my windowpane. I was underneath a plush goose-down comforter, lying down in bed. It was the first cold day in August. I know, that must sound weird, but it was cold and rainy. These are my favorite types of days. I usually get a big blanket, a huge cup of soup and watch movies. I still needed to do some work and make it to the gym afterwards though. After work and exercise, my evening is planned with dinner and

Hurry Up to Wait...

There’s a time in everyone’s life when his or her back says, “It’s time for a new bed!” Well, this is my time. Full of excitement and anticipating my new bed’s arrival, I hurried up to “wait”. Furniture guys are similar to the cable guys. They all give you that window frame of time that’s so ‘tentative’ that it makes you sick. “We’ll have our guys be there from 9-12 or 11-3pm.” “Which one will it be?” “Those are the time frames that we’re giving you.” “Well which time frame should I expect them?” “Between 9-12 or 11-3pm.” Does this make sense? Why don’t they just say 9-3? “Fine, so 9-3pm is my time frame.” “Okay.” The girl says, as if she didn’t give a rat’s ass about how long I would be waiting. The next day, (yesterday), I got up early and started cleaning up. Don’t ask me why I have to make the place immaculate, just so two big burly men can zoom in there knocking everything down anyway. I wanted to make it easy for them so they could get the hell out of there fast. It’s not

Anxiety Disorder

As some of you probably already know, I suffer from panic attacks. I’ve been experiencing these attacks since I was 16 years old. I have a lot of people in my life who make assumptions about why my anxiety disorder developed, but I still have a vague idea “why”, yet I know some things make sense. I’m going to talk about why I “think” I got this disorder, and what I do today to relieve them. At the age of 16, I witnessed a very traumatic event in my life . I didn’t think it affected me all that much, because I handled it so well during the time it happened. What I didn’t know, is how it would affect me later as an adult. Being at that young age, I was still going to high school and trying to be a kid. I was influenced by my peers and found out that my stress levels were higher than the average teen going through trivial stuff. A lot people assume kids that age don’t have any stress. They do …very much so. And, when something traumatic takes place, it’s amazing what the body can do whe

I Love You, Carla!

“A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.” ~Toni Morrison Today’s a great day. It’s the day my best friend was born. It’s a day where my clone was procreated before I was even around to see it. God made my clone, knowing that I would need a bigger sister to look up to ---even though she's a tiny little thing! When I was younger, Carla would give me sound advice on what to do. Being the age of 13 yrs old, I even came out to her, letting her know that I “thought” I might be gay, or bi-sexual. It didn’t phase her because she accepted me “as is”. She loved me anyway. I wasn’t flawed to her. She never said a word to anyone and let me confide in her about my huge crush on my best friend that I had. Carla never judged me –ever. She was the first person to know I was gay. “A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.” ~Isadora James Throughout my teen years, she helped

Jail Time Fun

This video is just bizarre. I guess Britney Spear's choreographer is bored these days. Check out this video!

Simple Connections

What is it that draws people together? What makes two people connect as friends or lovers? Is it attraction? Is it same ethnicity? Is it the same religion or political views? What seems to tie the knot between two people who connect so well? I’ve always noticed for myself, when I come across a friend who I simply connect with, I find that it has a lot to do with similar trials we both endured. We relate, we talk …we connect. It’s like being in a strange foreign country where no one knows your language. You walk around for miles trying to find somebody who speaks your own language- but there’s no one. Then days later, months later, or even years later, you find a person who speaks your language—fluently. The relief that follows brings pure joy. I found that with a few people in my life. Some of those people are still in my life today. I received one of those forward emails a while ago that said, “A friend comes into your life for a reason, a season and/or fo

To Save a Homosexual...

What does it mean to be an ex-gay? It could mean anything to many people, depending on their beliefs and opinions. To radical Christians, it simply means to give up your “sin”. They believe homosexuality is an abomination, as listed in Leviticus. They completely ignore the fact that the rules of Leviticus do not apply to Christians today. It’s a good learning tool about history, and how some Jewish people still live today. To other people, being an ex-gay means suppressing your feelings and going back into the closet out of shame. It’s pretending to be somebody else. Who wants to live a lie? Wouldn’t that be a sin alone? Wouldn’t it be horrible to marry somebody of the opposite sex, while knowing deep down inside that you’re really gay? Is it fair to the other person who married the ex-gay? “You’re not living for Christ!” A lot of Christians will chant this line to those who are gay & lesbian and living as Christians. For myself, I rely on God. I live for God. My life is His. W