Today is July 21rst. On this day, four years ago, I lost my father at 12:21 in the afternoon. He lost his battle with cancer. For some strange reason, most of our relatives die on the 21rst, and on the 21rst minute. And for some odd reason, I always see the number, 12:21, or 1221, as those who see 11:11 all the time on the clock.
Funny, I seemed to have strengthen my faith due to losing my dad. I've had so many signs and dreams that cannot be explained. It rejuvenated my faith to a much higher level. It was like, I knew that I knew that I knew...that something out there, someone out there, a God, a deity, a higher power was definitely evident and willing to show proof. Not many people get proof of a god or their own faith. Some people lose hope and turn to atheism, hoping to get questions answered, hoping to find themselves, and most of all, find God again.
When Dad left us, there was an unspeakable and indescribable sense of peace that overcame us. We were all able to sit down during dinner and talk about Dad in positive ways. It's not like we wanted him to leave us -- but we wanted the suffering to end. We couldn't bear it any longer. All of us, tired and exhausted from being "on call" for another trip to the hospital in the middle of the night, or taking turns sitting with him while he zoned out on all those pain meds that made him into a zombie. Most of our suffering was during the time of his suffering. So when his suffering ended, it almost felt like our suffering lessened, but now with the remaining loss, the remaining void of our father and my mother's husband. And as I've said before, the silence around here is almost deafening. His prominent energy, loud laughter, and his powerful personality is all a memory now.
If you've ever dealt with watching a loved one suffer with a disease, especially the big "C", it's just excruciating to endure. It truly puts your faith on the line. Many prayers go unanswered, but in reality, they were answered. We feel ignored by God or somehow, ripped off. During times of desperation during our grief, we sometimes want to reach out to psychic mediums and find out if they're okay -- as if we could possibly do something about it. We wander over into other faith systems and see what their beliefs are like. We then seem to close off "religion" or "God" a little, because sometimes, it angers us that we have to go through this heartbreaking time in our life. No one's immune to death or immune to losing someone through death.
For me, I delved back into my faith because I noticed the miracles. Be open to the little "hellos" and the subtle signs of God speaking volumes to you. It may not come in the form of a voice, a letter, an email or other types of "black and white" messages. You have to be open to seeing the possibilities of the afterlife. I became more aware and conscious. I started to wake up and when I did, I saw all the blessings of life and death.
Jesus said, "There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly." --John 14:2
"We know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down--when we die and leave these bodies--we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will not be spirits without bodies, but we will put on new heavenly bodies. Our dying bodies make us groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and have no bodies at all. We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by everlasting life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit. So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. That is why we live by believing and not by seeing. Yes, we are fully confident and we would rather be away from these bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord." --2 Corinthians 5:1-8
|Planting a tree for Dad.|
And may all of us rest in peace. Our minds are overloaded, overwhelmed and saddened by losses of our loved ones. They're at rest and we're not. Think about that for a second. They're actually telling us to "rest in peace" while their souls are free and painless. We suffer so terribly. Let them see us conquer this dreadful world. And let them also see us appreciate this beautiful world. There is good and bad, depending on how our minds perceive it.
Never lose faith.
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