Living Proof

In a recent conversation I had, the person looked at me in amazement and said, "Wow, it must be so cool to live with another woman!" Although it wasn't an insult, I sort of felt the need to poke her ribs a little. I asked her why she felt that way since I view it as any other marriage. She said, "It's great, because it's like having your best friend be your spouse." "But isn't that what marriage is supposed to be?" "I mean, it must be really cool to share everything with your wife." "But isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? "You know what I mean, girls communicate more and do things together more." If you're straight and reading this and thinking, "Yeah, she's right," I have to beg you to reevaluate your own marriage. Marriage is supposed to be two people, two best friends, two lovers, two people who are able to communicate with one another and share everything together and ple...

Back in the day when I used to frequent gay bars around the area, I rarely took note on who was straight, bi, gay or lesbian. All I knew was that it was a place that accepted gays and lesbians - it was a place that accepted me. Anyone else who wasn't gay or lesbian were more than welcome to come join us. It wasn't a big deal, unless the person was some sort of pervert harassing the clientele -- that's a different story. That can happen anywhere. When my wife and I go to places like Provincetown, 90% of all bars and restaurants are gay and lesbian clientele, who are also "straight friendly" --- meaning, they accept everyone. We don't judge you by your orientation, because we don't like it being done to us when we walk into a straight establishment. Makes sense, right? June Thomas, a writer and critic for an online magazine called, Slate , feels a bit differently. In fact, she feels that heterosexual people should not even walk into a gay establishment...

Each time Madelene and I stop off at a diner, we sit at the counter. Even at a restaurant, we eat at the bar. At the table, it's like your begging to be served, waiting and waiting and waiting. If you're the type to drink your fine wine with a crazy straw, then the bar and counter may just be your cup of tea. Quicker service. I found myself with an hour to kill in between appointments yesterday afternoon. I was hungry, I was tired and needed coffee desperately. I walked into the nearest diner by myself, and sat in between two old men wearing similar flannel shirts and baseball caps (with some sort of company logo on it). I grabbed a stool and put my keys and phone down. The waitress quickly noticed me and said, "Do you need to checkout, hun?" I was a little confused. "I didn't even order yet." Her cheeks turned bright red and she let's out an, "Ohhhh, you're ordering food to go?" As I sat down in my seat, I said, "No, to stay p...

To be completely honest with you, I'm really not sure if being gay is a choice or not. There hasn't been "concrete" evidence that it's purely genetics, but then again, there are unexplainable behaviors in young children that determines their sexuality later on in life. For me, I knew all my life I secretly preferred females. I also dated guys when I was a teenager. I even fell in love with one man. Overall, I "chose" to live a life with a woman because the emotional connection I have with a woman exceeds any connection I ever had with a man. Some suggest that I'm bisexual. I'm not. I'm just a person who loves whoever I fall in love with, regardless of gender. My point is: it doesn't matter if it's a choice or if it's genetics - it's about loving someone and wanting to be with that person. It's about your happiness. I have had a couple of my 'gay' friends, (one lesbian and one gay man) say to me, "Deb, I hope...

Is it so bad if it was finally discovered, revealed and scientifically proven that being gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual or transgendered was all but a choice? Even for myself, I sometimes want validation for my decision of being gay, for deciding not to go with the husband, kids, big house on a hill with a white picked fence three dogs in the yard kinda' deal, but everything is always in the gray area. I don't have a problem with my "preference" - my "choice". Didn't God give us choice? Mom always said it would be a harder life, but when I look around at all my friends, my family and other people who have the life people "should" have, it doesn't look so easy to me. And not that I want the easy way out, but I was never ridiculed by any of my friends or family for being gay or having a partner of the same sex. Other Christian people, yes. See, the discrimination that comes in all colors also includes other groups, like minorities and...

Through having spoken to many bisexual women, I'm finding there's a fine line between the labels of "bisexuality" and "polyamory". Most of the LGBT...and I guess we're adding the "Q" for queer -- they frown upon bisexuals simply because it's like a slap in the face for the lesbians. Like, 'have your cake and eat it too' type of mindset. Are they confusing bisexuality with polyamory? We all want acceptance, whether gay, lesbian, transgender, but once bisexuals want the same acceptance, we seem to fling it out the window as this horrifying attempt to make excuses to cheat on your spouse. For instance, would you think it was cheating if a wife strayed on her husband with another woman? Depends, right? For me, I see no difference, unless of course it's a polyamorous lifestyle. What about women who are truly bisexual, yet monogamous with whoever they made a commitment with? It seems unfair that many people of the lesbian community ...

Paula took a deep breath and let out a pathetic Monday morning sigh as she hung up her coat in the employee closet. “I’ll just never understand why that girl chooses to live a harder life.” I remained quiet, sitting in my cubical overhearing pre-coffee mumblings of her complaints. It was 8:40 am, twenty minutes before we had to punch in. I always came in early so I could boot up my computer and prepare myself for a day of mayhem filled with an array of irate customers that would call in to bitch about a two cent increase on their phone bill. You had to mentally and physically prepare for this type of work. I heard Paula shuffling around her desk and rambling over on the other side of the tall wall that separated us. “Did I do this to her? I mean -what would make her become a lesbian at the age of seventeen?” I thought to myself: become a lesbian...hrmm. As if some lesbian fairy godmother came waltzing into her daughter’s bedroom wearing Birkenstocks and a dangling chain wallet, I do...

T his is the face of intolerance. This is the face that teaches hatred towards anyone who is gay or lesbian. This is also the face who has children, to which I can only assume teaches zero tolerance for homosexuals. Parents need to understand that their children look up to them. They believe them. They're the only truth they have. Teaching children to have hatred, intolerance and giving false information about gays, lesbians and transgender people is not “Christian-like”. It’s your fear that teaches them these things; your fear that perhaps your child may grow up to be gay or lesbian, or worse yet, “tolerate” those who are. When you teach your kids that it’s okay to tease those who are homosexual & call them "homos", you’re also teaching them to kill. Maybe they’re not killing them with their own hands, but they’re killing them with mere words. Words can hurt more than a physical beating sometimes. And for Jamey Rodemeyer, it “didn’t get better” for him, as he states ...

There is no right or wrong, good or bad, and even “the right path to take”. There’s only your life. Your choices. Your opinions. Your beliefs. Everything else is fodder for highly opinionated people with no room for anybody else’s views. Most of us are influenced by the people we care for the most. Some unfortunately, are influenced by anybody and perhaps, views and opinions change more than day and night. For instance, if someone tells me that my lifestyle is wrong, I automatically judge them myself as insecure people with very little knowledge or limited tolerance for anyone who may possibly be different than them. If someone tells me that my political views are wrong - --prove it. If someone tells me my religious views and beliefs are wrong --prove it. The point is: nothing in life is concrete, unless scientifically proven. This is why we have words like: “opinions”, “beliefs”, “values” - and what might not be yours, may be somebody else’s. You can’t take that away from anyon...

While spending some quality time with my straight friends over the weekend, I was asked a very interesting question regarding a married couple who got divorced because the husband’s wife had fallen in love with another woman. “Deb, do they just realize they’re gay or did they know all their lives?” This is a tricky one because it crosses the borders of 'is it a choice or is it genetics'? While I do believe that there are some genetics in the works, I also believe that there are many instances where it definitely is a choice. Think about it this way: there are many gays and lesbians who choose to live a heterosexual life for whatever reason. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not happy, but it does raise some pretty interesting questions regarding their hidden desires. That question had to be answered very gingerly. I didn’t want to lump all ‘new’ gays and lesbians into one bulk. Is there even such a thing as "new" gays & lesbians? Everyone’s different. So ...

(The photo above is me around the age of 7.) “Why can’t I be ‘me’?” I always heard these words in my own mind while growing up. And at times, I even heard, “Why can’t I be him?” A close friend of mine yesterday, Marlo Bernier, a wonderful filmmaker explained to me that she used to ask herself if wanting to be another gender was ‘coveting’ - although she knew better. It was just a rhetorical question that mimicked what some may have suggested due to religious standpoints. She knew who she was even when she was physically a ‘he’. Today seems to be much different. There are many more options available and a slight bit more acceptance, however you’d be quite surprised how 2010 isn’t much of a progression; it’s only by means of available hormones and surgical procedures that makes this manageable on some levels, both emotionally and physically. I can relate to praying at night, wishing I’d wake up a boy. ..with boy parts. I wanted to be a straight kid - a straight boy into a straight ma...

It’s days like these where I wish I was in Provincetown running into a nearby cafe from the rain for a hot cup of coffee just to watch it from inside. There’s something mystical about being on the Cape on stormy days. If you haven’t ever been to Provincetown, it’s a great big mecca for those who are creative thinkers, artists, photographers, musicians, gays, lesbians, straights, transgender people, and yes...for writers too. There’s nothing like sitting in a cafe with just a laptop, an espresso and inspiring thoughts that just flow right onto ‘paper’. The energy of Provincetown is extraordinary. Everyone, whether resident or tourist are incredibly happy just to be there. The vacations aren’t long enough, which is why my wife and I have been debating whether or not to vacation there on a permanent basis. Our type work enables us to be anywhere, so it’s a thought in progress. The winters are rough for some, since most rely on the business of tourists, but for us, it’s different. We’re no...