Living Proof

It was another sleepless night as I lay there awake holding my dog while she was wrapped up in a warm fleece blanket. I sometimes use her as a teddy bear when I'm feeling very emotional. She doesn't mind either, it just means more warmth for her. Any time my mother has to go in for a procedure or for a check up to see if her cancer has lessened or worsened, I get that same feeling as I did when my dad went through this ordeal. I remember coming home from a long day of sitting with Dad at the hospital. He was screaming in pain and I didn't know how else to help him other than to hold his hand. The nurses weren't quick enough to fulfill his pain medication on a time. His IV bag was empty and well, so was my patience. I went out to the nurses' station and screamed at them, letting them know that they were making my father suffer and that it was just inhumane. They all rushed in with extra IVs and bags of morphine, scared that I would've made more of a psychotic s...

Someone once asked me, "Why do you say you are nothing without God? You're basing your existence without proof of a god existing." The same person also asked me, "Why do you trust in God when you have all these problems in front of you?" For me, I had many instances in my life that proved God was very real. That's of course, my belief and faith that He's real. Life is all about facing problems. There are tests to improve our character and trials that we must go through because it's just the cycle of life. In the 2nd Corinthians, it states, "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. Through suffering, these bodies of ours constantly share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." We would never learn without all ...

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Maybe not in the court of law, but it definitely plays a huge role in my life. I remain silent, because anything I say is always taken out of context. Anything I say is used against me for reasons of guilt, shame, discomfort and self-serving purposes. I feel trapped. I can’t speak a word. I can’t say what’s on my mind without thoughts of possible repercussions. One truth may lead to “this” disaster, and the other truth may lead to “that” disaster. If I can’t be honest then I have to remain silent. How long can I go before I finally burst? My worst fear is hurting someone. It also goes hand-in-hand with hurting myself in the process. I’m stuck. “What’s on your mind?” A select few ask me. I can’t. Fear rises up within me and I start to shut down. I tune everything out and go into my own world. “Nothing.” I say. I used to write such revealing stories on my blog. Now, it’s come to the point where m...