Living Proof

Between a lack of sleep and my thought process brewing from the early evening hours, I found myself awake, eyes wide opened, hoping at any given moment, the sandman would come find me. I tried chamomile tea, reading long painstaking articles and even tried deep breathing, visualization type of stuff. Nothing worked. I feel “change”, and no - not the menopausal type of change, but change in means of how I think and how everything around me and in my life has taken a slight shift. Change is good, but often at times can leave me scared and questioning every single thing in my life. Years ago, if you told me my dad cancer, I’d know without a doubt that he wouldn’t give up. He’s a fighter. I looked up to my dad because he was so strong, brave and nothing ever got him down. ..except for this. Not even a year ago, I couldn’t imagine him giving up. His positive attitude, his energetic spirit and laughter were all ingredients to kick this thing. Now, when I walk into the room where he rests his...

Did you ever feel like you were trying to help people, but in the process you may be doing more harm than anything else? I'll explain... In the spring of 2007, I was having a difficult time coping with my depression, life’s circumstances and of course, Madelene and I had been separated for a little while. I was going through a rough time emotionally, and even had "the unthinkable" float through my mind: suicide. I had nothing to live for. I was confused with what I wanted to do in life, what career path I wanted to take and the lack of one at that time. I was doing odd jobs and basically, just trying to make a buck. My love life, career and living situation were a mess. I felt like I just couldn’t get out of it. It was impossible, so it seemed. I felt awful about myself and with the feelings I had, which reflected on the outside too. Don’t get me wrong, I had my good days, but the bad ones weighed out most of all. There were consecutive days where I wouldn’t even get o...

An unfortunate death occurred this past week by a girl who had committed suicide. While talking to my friend who had known her for somewhat number of years, she said to me, “I can’t believe she did this!  She was so pretty and she had money, why would she do this to herself?”  I thought about that question for a while. I thought about my own life too. What would make someone who has what everybody dreams of: looks, money, a good looking spouse - want to end their life? Most people without a chemical imbalance would think up the logical reasons, but they couldn’t with this girl. This girl was beautiful, from what I’m told, inside and out. But, what about looking beyond the outer shell of her life? What about looking deep inside; deep inside of her heart as well as mind? First “logical” reasoning is: “She’s beautiful.” Maybe it’s possible she looked into the mirror and saw a completely different person than what most people had seen. Many women and some men have an image disto...