Friday, September 26, 2008

The Rain...

It’s one of my favorite kind of days: rainy, dark and dismal. It sounds negative, but the comfort behind this storm gives me relief, tranquility and calmness. I woke up to the sounds of pitter-pattering outside my window while lying in bed under my covers, creating a collaboration of Godsend music to my ears. There are some people who hate the rain. I, on the other hand love it. It reminds me of times when I was a child. My mom was a homemaker who took care of me and always kept me company, since I was 7 years younger from the next sibling up. We would play games and my mother would spend endless hours playing mindless make believe games with me. Sometimes, she would take me out in the rain to this Polynesian restaurant and order the pu pu platter. It’s a platter full of meat and fish appetizers with a fire in the middle of it. How I loved watching the different array of colors flicker from the flame.

The rain also reminds of many good times spent with my partner. We would run through the streets of this small village, trying to avoid the ‘big frizzy hair syndrome’ and duck under a little nook with our cafĂ© mochas talking until our cups were completely dry and our heartbeats going a mile a minute. When we first started dating, we ended up on the hood of her car kissing in a severe thunderstorm that lasted for almost an hour. We didn’t even realize how severe the storm was until we got back inside and we had to wring ourselves out. I ended up with pneumonia, but it was well worth it! Good times... (This is an actual photo I took from our beach house in the Hamptons.)

Memories also remind me of the time my partner and I would go to the beach house in the Hamptons. We were so close to the beach that the surf sometimes traveled all the way up to the house. The storms there were just incredible. The views, the sounds of the surf pounding into the ground and the wild storms that came rolling through were God’s way of showing how powerful He was! We’d sit on the deck and watch the light show while finishing off a delicious bottle of wine. I’ll never forget it.

Countless times walking back to our bed & breakfast over in Provincetown, MA in the pouring rain, are one of the best memories I have. Hand-in-hand, Madelene and I would be stumbling back home after midnight from a wonderful night of dinner, entertainment and dancing. We’d get into our suite and jump right into the hot tub to warm ourselves up.

To me, the rain is the most romantic setting ever, aside from a snowstorm. It reminds me of roaring fires, good wine, romance and the memories of when I was younger. It provides comfort on many levels, where I can say: I absolutely love this weather!

What’s your favorite memory of the rain?

Here's a video I took outside our apartment of a bad storm that created a small twister up on the mountain. We later found out it was a tornado in the town next to us, which we filmed. After the footage, you'll see the rainbow that appears.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Love Is Love

There are many who are having their own psychological warpath to insanity through their extreme religious views and the maximum about of judgment passed onto other people. I recently just read something really saddening. A blogger stated that he was “pleased” with this article, demonstrating that The Kentucky Court of Appeals strongly rebuked an activist lower family court for allowing a lesbian woman to illegally adopt her female companion's child, in clear violation of both Kentucky law and the Kentucky state constitution. This blogger said it was “good news”.

The article also mentions this: “…The higher court reaffirmed that in Kentucky, stepparent adoptions are only legal when the stepparent is married to a biological parent. The court also reaffirmed that marriage can only exist between one man and one woman. These state laws ban adoption by homosexuals because the best interest of children is served by placing them in homes with a mom and a dad or where there is a likelihood of a mom and a dad. A homosexual home automatically excludes one gender, either the mom or the dad.”
How sad to think that a gay or lesbian couple’s child can be taken away if the biological parent God forbid passes on. The other family (if they were the type) could take full custody and leave the “real parent” having to say goodbye to his or her child.

My partner and I may have a child within the next couple of years. My donor will be her brother who looks exactly like her. My family would never be the type to remove my child from Madelene, God forbid something should happen to me, but to think that it “could” happen is just an awful thought. I’d want my child to be with his or her mother----even if Madelene isn’t the biological parent. She is the mother who raised our child-- the “real mother”.

Just like heterosexual adoptions through any circumstances: the person who raises the child is the “real parent”. Just because it’s not biological doesn’t mean the person raising the child is a bad parent. I find that logic irrational and ignorant. What about people who adopt children and treat them horribly? The state would feel that it would be better to keep the child in that household as long as it’s a heterosexual couple, instead of placing them inside a home with a loving homosexual couple. It doesn’t make sense to me.

Through religious blindness, these children are being ripped off from having a happy life with people who have the ability to give them a loving atmosphere where they would be taken care of, regardless of sexual orientation or biological factors.

Love is love.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Are You a Control Freak?

A topic of conversation had been brought up about the concept of parental love vs. love from God; almost a comparison really. In the past I’ve stated the same, almost justifying my parents acceptance to God’s acceptance about my lifestyle, but it’s not the same.

Even in the scripture in the bible I’ve quoted many times:
“How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, 'Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?'” –Isaiah 45:10

This was meant to display our questioning of the love we have from “our father”---{GOD}----not of our parents here on earth. God tells us in the bible to come to Him as children. What that means is, come to Him without the “earthly intelligence” and humble yourselves as innocent children craving His love, wisdom, acceptance and forgiveness. Our intelligence here on earth is so limited compared to the bigger picture that God sees, that it would absolutely blow our minds to bits. What is reality; the knowledge of what God is and how He works and us trying to understand all of that would be like fish trying to comprehend algebra. We only see a small part of God’s entire work----a speckle of what He’s about, compared to when we actually see Him in the afterlife. He sees the “bigger picture” and knows what’s best for all of us.

With that being said: the more we try to control our lives and have things ‘this way’ or ‘that way’, and God wants it ‘another way’---you will always fail to get from point A. to point B.

Lose the control.
”Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways of acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

If it’s God willing, whatever you want will come into fruition. If you go against the grain: it. just. won’t work. Or, it won’t work out as well as expected.

Let me explain…

I tried dating men before. As I’ve mentioned before, I was even engaged to a man before meeting my current girlfriend. I truly did love him, however I knew since I was a baby---(I am not exaggerating)---that I was “different”; that I was gay. I tried to go against the grain, but failed in those heterosexual relationships because it wasn’t the life meant for “me”. I wasn’t trying to be rebellious or controlling; I was actually being rebellious trying to defy the laws of which my heart swayed. It didn’t work. I gave up my control and went with my heart; my call in life which was to be with who I love and not who I was “supposed to love”.

Another type of letting go of control is hearing God’s voice and doing what He tells you to. There are times when God will say, “Give up everything you have for the better.” Think about it: if God were to tell you today to give up all of your money for the poor, would you do it? Or would you try to reason with God that you need this money because of your survival mode? Would you try figuring out whether or not it was actually God’s voice talking to you? It’s hard. Being that we have the 'survival mode' within us, we want to support ourselves, our families and make sure our life is well put together. But again, God calls: give up everything. What do you do? Do you trust in His voice? Or do you go against the grain and keep the money, your job and try your hardest to ignore the call?

Some people have that calling and others don’t. Recently, a family member of mine gave up all of her money and belongings to a Christian commune that takes care of their own. You work among the community and never think about the almighty dollar. People help one another and live as a “family” who hold the same belief system. My mom insists it’s a cult... I think many places go astray and become cults. But, I did see a documentary about this wealthy female stockbroker who gave all of her money and belongings to a Buddhist camp (commune) to live among people of the same faith. She said her job was to garden. Everyone has his or her own job. She never worries about money or putting things before her God. She lives everyday without the typical life stressors. She focuses on her spirituality...and it shows. They showed a photo of her while she was a wealthy businesswoman: hard looking, well groomed walking business suit. You could see the stress in her eyes. Then, they showed her today: calm, serene, full of spirituality and love. Even her eyes softened up. It was amazing. She gave up control and gave everything to God.

I just wonder: if we can give up all control, where would we be today?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Are You a Sex Addict?

There are many addictions to choose from, or if you’re lucky, not to choose from. Some are genetic, some are chosen, and others seem to be presented to you in the least expected moments. They can range anywhere from the internet junkie right into hardcore heroin addicts. Studies show that smoking cigarettes are just as addicting as heroin is. A few years back I heard of sexual addictions. I mean, if you’re married—then what defines sexual addiction?

In the good ol’ Wiki-wiki, it says:
“Those who use this term have described sex addicts as people who, possibly out of fear of any truly intimate relationship, repeatedly and compulsively try to connect with others through highly impersonal intimate behaviors: masturbation, empty affairs, frequent visits to prostitutes, voyeurism, and the like. Sex addicts—numbering in the millions, both men and women, young and old, of all races and religions—become mesmerized with the thrill and rush of adrenaline that they can achieve only through their obsessive, highly ritualized patterns of sexual behavior.[3] Sexual addiction, also called sexual compulsion is a form of psychological addiction. Obsession: This is when people cannot help themselves from thinking a particular thought. Sex addicts spend whole days consumed by sexual thoughts. They develop elaborate fantasies, find new ways of obtaining sex and mentally revisit past experiences. Because their minds are so preoccupied by these thoughts, other areas of their lives that they could be thinking about are neglected.”
Years ago while attending a Trinity of Assembly church, they shoved me into the gay ministry. I thought it was just special ‘prayer time’ for those who were homosexuals. I was mistakenly wrong. It was more of an “ex-gay ministry”. They wanted to get the “devil” out of me. They also advised my partner and I to start taking antidepressants so that we would have less of a sex drive. They said we were "sex addicts". See, it was okay to live together, but we must remain celibate. And, at that time I was really confused because I was trying to figure out my faith vs. my orientation. They constantly said it was a sin. Are gay couples only seen as "sex addicts"? What about gay couples who are married with kids? Are they "sex addicts" just because they are in love with someone who happens to be of the same gender?

“Love the sinner, hate the sin.”

Instead of getting caught up in their twisted sermon and the scriptures that were thrown to me to prove that it was a sin, I decided to study them, instead of throwing the bible aside. One lady gave me a few scriptures and said there was no way you could interpret it differently.

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination" (Leviticus 18:22). "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them" (Leviticus 20:13)
Since my partner and I are Christian, we no longer go by the Old Law as the Jewish people go by.

Look at Galatians chapter two verses 17 through 21:

"But what if we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then find out that we are still sinners? Has Christ led us into sin? Of course not! Rather, I make myself guilty if I rebuild the old system I already tore down. For when I tried to keep the law, I realized I could never earn God’s approval. So I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ. I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me. So I live my life in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not one for those who treats the grace of God as meaningless. For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.
That one sentence says it all: {“For if we could be saved by keeping the law, then there was no need for Christ to die.”}
Then you have this passage:
“You and I are Jews by birth, not ‘sinners’ like the Gentiles. And yet we Jewish Christians know that we become right with God, not by doing what the law commands, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be accepted by God because of our faith in Christ-and not because we have obeyed the law. ***For no one will ever be saved by obeying the law.***” ~Galatians 2:15-16
Relying on Jesus’ sacrifice is why love between two people is not wrong. The Old Law no longer binds us.

Then, the ex-gay woman chucked this scripture at me:

“Don’t you know that those who do wrong will have no share in the Kingdom of God? Don’t you fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, who are idol worshipers, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, abusers, and swindlers---none of these will have a share in the Kingdom of God.” Corinthians 6:9-11
They cherry picked that one and left the second part of that scripture out. It finishes off like this:

“There was a time when some of you were just like that, (before Christ), but now your sins have been washed away, and you have been set apart for God. You have been made right with God because of what the Lord Jesus Christ and the Spirit of our God have done for you.”
Because of Jesus’ sacrifice, the whole “being gay is a sin” is no longer. The Old Law does not apply to Christians. To some other people of different religions, it still may apply.

So going back to the whole “sex addiction” theory on homosexuals: these ex gay ministry people tried telling my partner and I that intimacy between the two of us was an addiction and not out of love.

Fifteen years later, I can prove them wrong. I just hope other people aren’t brainwashed by holy rolling bible thumping zealots.

Do you feel that homosexuals are simply sex addicts?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Closet Lesbian Goes for "Rooster"

I've been watching Looney Tunes all morning like I did when I was a kid. I'm totally regressing back to my childhood here.


Thursday, September 18, 2008

Great Lengths to Befriend a Neighbor

What a faker! Usually on Friday mornings, I’ll go outside on my deck with a strong cup of coffee before I start working. I always need a little ‘deep thought time’ while garbage trucks rumble throughout the neighborhood and delivery vans are continuously backing up, “beep beep beep beep” never moving forward, so it seems. Sometimes if I am asked to do a certain article about a particular subject that takes a little more meditating time or requires much more brain cells than I can possibly muster up; I can only hope that God comes down from heaven and zaps me with an epiphany or two. So I sit outside on my deck overlooking the next building, watching the people scatter to their cars to head off to work and leisurely people walking their dogs without a care in the world, hoping that my juices start flowing.

Back to the faker… There’s this guy that lives across the way who sits outside and works on his laptop. It’s a gorgeous morning and the sun is shining bright. Who the hell could see anything on their laptop while sitting outside in the sun? You cannot see a damn thing! I’ve tried!

He’s faking.

I’ve just recently noticed his little appearances lately. I’m out there all the time, weather permitting. I can only use my laptop outside around dusk or at night, where I can actually read what’s on the screen. Occasionally he’ll be outside talking on the phone and pacing back and forth on his little deck. He sees me. I see him. Eventually, it becomes one of those, ‘he’ll be out there’ type of intuitions, so subconsciously, I sort of put on a nicer sweater or something more “presentable” because I now have an audience, or so I think…? In my head I say, “Naw, it’s just a coincidence that he’s out there the same time every morning lately.”

Until today.

I saw his head lift up from his laptop. It appeared to be that he was looking over my way. I can only guess. For the love of God I’m not gonna run into my apartment to get my binoculars to know for sure. That would be kinda’ creepy on my part. So I sat and pretended as though he was looking at something else.

“Cool out, huh?”

I looked up. It was him talking. Was he talking to me? I did one of those, 'you talking to me' motions, and he nodded and said, “Yeah, cool out, right?” We’re both sitting outside in 55 degree weather basking in the sun trying to get warm. I have this oversized hoodie on while he’s out there in a white t-shirt and sweats. See, he has the excuse of a laptop to continue sitting out there, but for me, I only have my cup of coffee and a blank look.

“Yep- it feels like fall!” I tried to appease him, took a sip of my coffee and wiggled out of my chair to head inside. Nothing is worse than weather talk. Then he catches me…
“I hear the winters here are brutal.”

Now I have to continue weather jabber from across. the. street. We’re practically yelling at one another about the weather.

“It’s not too bad. They’re really good with plowing around here and we’re right in the middle of everything anyway.”

He explained he recently moved here from Kenya and was trying to adjust to his new surroundings. The conversation even led into why he moved here. He explained to me that he’s a writer and got an offer from a major company/magazine located in Manhattan. He goes in 3-4 times per week and then works from home on Fridays, which is why he’s out there during “my time”. The neighborhood suddenly simmered down as though they were trying to hear us talk. We continued on chatting, no longer trying to talk over the heavy machinery and the continuous loud beeping.

He’s also trying to get his partner (boyfriend) a visa here in the U.S., which is very difficult. I was surprised he divulged that information so openly to me ...and so soon. We have yet another thing in common: we’re both gay. I felt more at ease because he was just a guy trying to make innocent friendly conversation. My heart went out to him because he’s been here for 6 months and hasn’t seen his boyfriend since. His partner is coming here on a temporary visa this coming November. They’ve been together for 18 years.

After an hour of chatting, I had to ask him…

“Can you see anything on that laptop?”

He smiled and replied, “Not really... Isn’t your coffee cold by now?”

I’ve made a new friend.

Sarah Palin Ain't Got Nuttin' On Me!

Another sunrise, another groggy stumble out of the bedroom trip over and fall down trying to make it to the front door type of morning, in hopes that none of my neighbors see me fumbling for the packaged up newspaper on my welcome mat that the paperboy flung so violently at my apartment 4am, waking me up and disturbing my sleep only leaving me to wake up even more tired and grouchier at 6am. (What a run on sentence that was!) All I could hear was a “thud” and his little feet running down as though there was a massive fire.

Instead of our usual coffee, I poured some espresso grinds into the regular coffee machine to give it an extra punch. It’s been a helluva’ week with my dress situation and I inevitably became Madelene’s worse nightmare: BRIDEZILLA. At one point, the words, “let’s just forget about it” came out of my mouth, as Madelene stood there in horror (or relief)---not quite sure. I had to get the perfect “under gear” for the dress, because, umm, well, these puppies needed a little lift in the ‘right direction’ and a little tuck in certain areas, so I wanted things to appear much smoother than normal. It was quite the task. I’m not the type of person who loves to try things on in stores. So, I ordered every fricken thing that I am wearing online from Victoria Secret and Macy’s. I absolutely detest shopping. Accessories are the fun things to get in stores. Oddly enough, I always find luck shopping online.

After being fitted, I thought it would be nice to visit with ma and pa up on the mountain. Of course, the clamato bloody marys were flowing at 11:30am and dad was hauling me off to split some wood with him.

Where am I?

As my dad and me walked over to the huge woodpile, he threw me his rifle.


I know my father has had some neighborly problems, but this wasn’t the solution. Apparently, there has been a huge monstrous bear walking around, rustling through everyone’s garbage. One lady that lives down the road from my parents' house saw him taking birdseed out her feeder. She clanked on a bunch of pots and pans to scare it away, but he wasn’t the least bit frightened. He moseyed along his way down back into the woods.

It was then when my father explained how he saw the bear near his garbage bins. The bear wasn’t afraid of him at all, so my dad got back into his truck and started driving. The bear just stood there and stared. Not a flinch. Usually, bears will run from you. If you make noise or yell, they 'usually' scatter back into the woods, but not this bear. He has to weigh around 500 lbs or more. He’s MASSIVE.

So there was, putting wood on the splicer with my rifle ready to go, if the bear should turn aggressive enough to attack. I guess he’s just storing up for the winter and trying to look for food. I didn’t want to look like a huge pork chop to him, so the rifle gave some sort of comfort at this time. We drove back to the house on a tractor and piled the wood neatly onto the bins. I kept the rifle nearby anyway. I started liking having a little ‘power’. I had a rifle in one hand and a delicious bloody mary in another. Sarah Palin got nuttin' on me now.

What a great morning!

EDIT: The below video is about a wife who was way too curious about her husband's gun. I warn is very funny!

Monday, September 15, 2008

New Clientele

We don’t frequent bars as much as we used to, but Saturday night had us out and about searching for a coupla’ stools and some tater’ juice to make us feel good and look better. The one bar that we trekked off to used to be my old stomping ground. It’s an Irish pub long time owned by, of course, an Irish man who has since passed away and given ownership to his son who now runs the business. This place is very small, but it’s the type of place----okay----‘where everybody knows your name’. It is male dominated but by hillbilly-ish gentlemen who still value and treat women like damsels in distress – even if they’re not in distress. I even recall a time when I needed a coupla’ burly men to help lift a huge king size bed into an old apartment on the second level. I told my friend to gussy it up and show some cleavage---we’re heading into the Irish pub to recruit a few good men. …and we did. It worked like a charm. (Thank God for my friend’s cleavage.)

So it’s Saturday night and Madelene and I walked into the Irish pub. The lighting was darker than usual, there were a few guys playing darts and videos games (have no idea they had an arcade in one area), and then, when you step up into the room where the main bar is, I was surprised to learn of the new clientele and music choice for the venue. Please please keep in mind that I am not prejudice nor do I only mingle with ‘my kind’---for heaven’s sake, the ol’ hillbilly scene isn’t “my kind” either, but it’s fun to get out of my element from time to time. As we walked deeper inside of the bar area, everyone seemed to stop and stare. We were the minority-- race-wise. I didn’t care. I’m here to have a beer and mingle with whomever. We sit down and notice that this old time pub is playing gangster rap. Each guy sitting around the bar knew the lyrics word-for-word.

I guzzled my beer and glanced at Madelene.

I looked over at the kid singing the song word-for-word and complimented the sound system they had. It was an enormous Bose system, typically used in a large stadium for concerts---not a small pub less than 500 square feet. The high tech jukebox used to have sounds of the Counting Crows, Rolling Stones and old time Irish songs blaring out of it. Now it had sounds from Ace Deuce, Geto Boyz and N.W.A. The kid looks over and says, “Ain’t dat’ da’ shit?” We spoke for a few and he was definitely a nice kid, but not what I’m used to in that pub. He couldn’t have been more than 25 years old. The music got louder and the entire building started shaking from the, “boom didididi boom didididi boom”!

Before I rant about this one particular dislike, I will say that I didn’t mind sitting in there listening to different music and chatting with people who reminded me of old friends from Brooklyn, however it’s what I saw outside the pub that disturbed me… A group of guys outside were gathered around the parking lot selling drugs. I saw the transactions unfolding and I wasn’t even that close to them. No doubt, the men that used to come to this bar most likely dabbled in drugs or have had some addictive problems of their own, but they weren’t outside making people feel intimidated to walk inside the pub. This is where I highly disagree with the new clientele that has taken over apparently.

I don’t care if it were 10 hillbillies, 10 heavy metal guys or 10 black rappers--the fact is, dealing drugs listening to gangster music will draw business away and gain attention from the less desirable. This small pub has been opened since forever! It’s a landmark here. If that place closes, it will be such a shame for those who actually called it a place of their own to get away, relax and socialize with good friends.

I don’t think I’ll ever walk into that pub again.

Would you?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Unleash the Librarian

During a recent conversation with a friend yesterday, the words, “boring sex” came out of her mouth when describing her last intimate encounter with somebody she had been dating for the last couple of months. No doubt, there’s gonna be a whole lotta’ gunny sacks out there, but what makes boring sex, “boring”? She said she wished it was over with by the time they even started.

Not good.

But think about it… What makes sex boring? Lack of enthusiasm? The need to count each grid on the ceiling? What?

I can blurt out a whole buncha’ political and religious babble, but I certainly can talk freely about sexual matters too. I’m not an expert or a sex counselor, but I definitely know the signs of boring sex and why people are having it.

It’s not by choice either.

Let me be slightly discriminative right now and ask only the men and lesbians this question:

Have you ever been with a woman who was so uncomfortable with her body and just her overall ‘self’ that it made her timid and shy? She can be the most outgoing and sociable person outside of the bedroom, but behind closed doors, she becomes introverted and scared. She completely turns into a mute. Even the first kiss is stiff, tense and awkward. Her eyes may even be open while kissing her just to see your reactions. She’s checking for your approval. Most of these people even 'talk the talk' a bit too much, until they have to walk the walk... The more someone brags about 'how good they are in bed'---make a note that it's usually the opposite.

Being self-conscious in the bedroom turns into boredom for the other person. They fear you’ll think they’re a freak and eventually stop, drop and roll right out of the bedroom. With that being said, of course each person is different, so I am only speaking from past experience (not with current partner hehe) and from stories I have heard.

Overall, when you think about “the librarian”, what makes many people attracted to some of them---“the sexy librarian”, when in reality, they’re more conservative and nerdy looking people? (I don’t speak for all of them…) Is it the fact that they “may” have another side: a wild, fierce animalistic woman ready to take off her glasses and take down her hair for a vicious attack? We can only hope that’s the case.

Inhibitions. You need to put that in a bag and shoot it if you’re walking into the bedroom with your partner. Most people don’t want “silence”. That’s only meant for in the library. If the other person feels the insecurities and inhibitions spewing out from you—they’re most likely going to do the same, unless they find it a challenge and try to tap into your wild side. I have to say that most people sort of mimic the behavior and the entire experience turns out to be one big flop. (No pun, guys.)

So here is Dr. Deb’s advice to my friend who stated that the girl she was recently with was “boring” in bed: try to tap into the other side. Let her know it’s okay to talk, yell, demand, and turn into the wild animal she’s always wanted to be. If she doesn’t know it’s okay, she’ll think it’s forbidden, as it is in the library.

No "sssshhhhhhhhhh’ing" is allowed in the bedroom...
(This may also apply to the kitchen area, living room and motor vehicles.)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Moment of Silence

Taking a moment of silence today. Praying for those who died in the 9/11 attacks and their families who are still here today.

Psalm 91
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare of the Lord;
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I am trusting him.
For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from the fatal plague.
He will shield you with his wings.
He will shelter you with his feathers.
His faithful promises are your armor
and protection.
Do not be afraid of the terrors of the
nor fear the dangers of the day,
nor dread the plague that stalks in
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
Though thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around
these evils will not touch you.
But you will see it with your eyes;
you will see how the wicked are punished.
If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your
no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your dwelling.
For he orders his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
They will hold you with their hands
to keep you from striking your foot on a
You will trample down lions and
poisonous snakes;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents
under your feet!
The Lord says, "I will rescue those who
love me.
I will protect those who trust in my
When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue them and honor them.
I will satisfy them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Ignorance Stutters

Obama quotes: ”You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig.”

I think both parties focus on the negatives of the opposing candidates. It’s politics. This only proved to me that Obama is nowhere near superior regarding intelligence. I think they’re just much different in terms of experience as well as views and opinions. In fact, he could have been the ‘bigger man’ and dodged the negativity coming from the other side. A lot of women were taken aback from this statement that Obama so “eloquently” put together while rubbing his eyebrows. I actually believe by his body language alone, that someone egged him on to say this against his best judgment. Watch the Youtube video of it. It’s interesting to watch him say this while his body language says the complete opposite. And yes, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. If he did say this statement on his own judgment, then his true colors are really coming up to the surface now.

I love studying human behavior. I watch what each candidate does while making a speech. No doubt, speaking in front of millions of people who may or may not agree with you has to be the hardest thing to do. Whenever I watch Obama speak, I find that he stutters and paces. He fidgets. Does anyone else notice this? Now that time has passed and the election is coming up, he appears to be worn out (as any candidate should be), and he looks almost “sick and tired”----which possibly led to that awful statement against Palin as well as all women across the board in my opinion.

He doesn’t appear confident and ready. That makes me nervous if he does get elected to be our next president.

With Obama’s body language alone, the lack of confidence he appears to have, the st-st-st-stuttering and fidgeting that goes on during his speech as well as his ignorant remark against Palin and all women---should he really be our next president?

As I've said once before on this blog: body language has a lot to do with true feelings.

This last video scares me.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Can I "Write In" God?

People have been buzzing around with the “threat” of writing somebody into office instead of voting for a particular candidate or even just staying home and doing absolutely nothing but bitching and moaning about who got in instead. In my own personal opinion, “writing someone in” is just as bad as a baby having a tantrum when they don’t get what they want. They’re rebellious and want their voices heard, when in fact, the whole “writing in” process isn’t even looked at. I don’t see the point, however I understand why people are unsettled about the candidates that are running.

As you’ve probably guessed, I’m a bit of an outcast in the lesbian community due to my political stance and religious views. Even though I do accept my friends who believe in different religions and are left wingers or extreme liberals, I don’t expect them to change their ways, nor do I try to persuade their decisions. I do like the fact that we all have the option to speak our minds in whatever medium that may be---mine being this blog. So, if you’re a close friend, relative or a reader of mine who highly disagrees and wants to throw a huge water balloon through my window—step away from the computer and “X” out of this website. If you have an opened mind, please stay and hear me out.

I’m going to delve into a heavy topic that deals with why I think most lesbians are liberals and left-wingers. Please keep in mind that I am only speaking about those people whom I’ve come across and have heard their views on both politics and religion. I am only speaking about the lesbian community right now. Others aside.

As humans, I think it’s safe to say that we all fear rejection of any kind. We’re in the outcast already in society, which means a lot of judgmental remarks being thrown at us as well as discrimination, and those who shun us for our lifestyles. Understandable but sometimes not acceptable. We do what we have to do and trudge on… Most of us were brought up with some type of religious belief or faith that initially stated that we’re not acceptable through God’s eyes. Again, rejection. It hurts. What do we do when we’re normally rejected?

We run.
We hide.
Or, we can stand strong and keep pushing the walls of rejection out of our way.

Have you ever sat inside of a church and felt as though you weren’t apart of the group? What if they all reject you? …What if God rejects you? Fear sets in and depending on what type of personality you have, it’s a flight or fight situation.

What do you do? Do you run or do you face it?

Most lesbians I know dabble in other religions other than Catholicism, Christianity or Judaism. They want to be accepted in other religions, so they turn to an Episcopalian or Unitarian church so they feel more welcomed. Some turn to Wiccan. I’m not saying that every lesbian should be a Christian, I’m only stating that those who used to be Christians have moved onto other religions because of their fear of rejection.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” ~2 Timothy 1:7

Fear is not of God.

So it’s rare that you’ll see a lesbian who’s political stance is right winged because that’s another chance to get rejected. For Christians, God is first. The Kingdom of Heaven is the only thing they’re after. So yes, religion goes hand-in-hand with their political stances, which makes them vote for the person with the most Christian-like views. Christians believe that life here on earth is temporary, so the importance of picking a Christian leader is crucial. Biblically, it does state that there will be a leader with eloquent speech and who will persuade others and deceive them. Our antennas go up and we feel threatened that the “beast” as it states will deceive the world and we will end up with a leader who will be the devil. May sound very mythical and wishy-washy to many who are voting only upon political sources only, but religion is a huge source of many reasons why people vote.

I go to a Christian born again church where their belief system is: homosexuality is a sin as it states in the bible. For me, my interpretation of every homosexual verse in the bible is quite different and I have proven that many times on this website. I am confident that God loves me. My choice to go to this church is only because of GOD. My choice to sit among people who disagree with my lifestyle is only because their main concern is one thing: GOD. I don’t care what other people think about me or what they do in their personal lives. I don’t mind people in the church thinking I “may” go to hell, because let’s face it--we all have that end possibility. I don’t want a lukewarm sermon or fellowship. I need passion behind faith. We are all sinners and all fall short. Who’s to judge?

Only God.

Which is why I vote for McCain.

Can I write in God? Useless, right?

Friday, September 05, 2008

Political Masturbation

It’s tricky trying to communicate politics when there are so many people who have a variety of opinions, faiths, lack thereof and personal convictions that lead them to sway either to the left or right. Our personal needs have to be met in order to consciously pick a candidate that comes close to what our values are. No one is wrong or right in my opinion: it’s all about what “you” need from a president. Even so, if one or the other is chosen, will your needs still be met fully? I’ve voted for Clinton in the past and I still haven’t had “my needs” met, however I felt that he was a great president, regardless of his oral fixations.

Discussing politics can be pure mental masturbation if you don’t see eye-to-eye with another person on the same views. People always try outwitting the other by claiming that this value and credential is more important than the other. Isn’t it all “personal”---which is the main reason why we have a voting system? So, if I vote Republican, most likely my rights as a lesbian and marrying legally probably won’t be met, however putting God and my beliefs as a Christian first and picking a leader with the consistency of his or her beliefs are much greater in the bigger scope of things for me. Even if I were to vote for the Democratic Party, my needs in one president will still be lacking most likely.

It never ends…

This year the election is sort of circulating around social stigmas and cultures, which most of society is attacking one another with. Whether it’s the lack of religion or whether or not it’s a male of female or black or white----it comes down to social stigma. In most cases there are people who will not vote for a certain candidate because they're not a female, or they’re black or white as well as-----“he’s hiding behind his religion and guns”. The most recent comment I got regarding this was: “…If I were the boss I would choose the younger more energetic person who will be easy too work with.” Isn’t that discrimination of age--- “he’s too old” type of mentality? Older, wiser, more experience as opposed to younger, more energetic and lacking experience, but willing to learn as they go? That idea doesn’t sit well with me, especially talking about a leader for our country. “Oh let him have a shot at it!”


For me, I’d rather an old professor who’s been teaching for many years rather than learning from a new kid who just got out of school trying to teach a lecture hall full of people who need guidance.
I feel safer with the older & wiser types.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Politically Incorrect?

Long ago in the world of G Dubbya’ beginnings, Madelene and myself signed up to be registered Republicans. For some, it’s just as bad as calling ourselves, “Christian lesbians”. In fact, there are many other gay and lesbian couples out there like us. People think it’s a total contradiction, however we feel that our views and our beliefs are more geared towards putting God first and voting for a president who will help us in the full scope of things, even if we lose “our rights” here on earth, because life on earth is so temporary. We’ve always felt that are bigger issues beyond gay rights. Would we love to have that changed? Of course, but our main concern is on a much bigger scale other than focusing in on gay marriages alone.

This year, for the first time, New York is recognizing gay marriages. We’re getting married in MA that has now legalized it, which is great, but even if it wasn’t legal, there are other things that save our rights like power of attorney and beneficiary papers. This is the main concern for many gay and lesbian couples. They want to feel safe knowing that their assets will be in tact in case anything happens to one or the other. Recently, I’ve just found out that being legalized as a “married couple” will incur some penalties for us. You straight folks have it hard! I’m marrying my partner of 15 years because I love her and want to spend every single minute of the rest of my life with my best friend. I’d marry her regardless if it were legal or not. It’s about the ceremonial part of it and symbolism of picking my life partner and sharing with our family and friends.

I’ve been teeter-tottering between Democratic and Republican views within the past few years. I was more of a moderate. I can’t help but to feel secure with a president who has more experience, more of an abundance of consistency with his faith in God, his determination to fight against terrorism and not be so blasĂ© about war and a candidate who has an incredible back up for a vise president. I admit, Bush has possibly made every mistake in the book, but my confidence resides on one man and one woman who can do the job without a doubt in my mind.

Pro-choice or pro-life? I will say this: in 1974, my mother found out she was pregnant. She already had 3 daughters. Seven years later after having 3 children, she went to the doctor and was informed that she was pregnant. She had no clue. I was an “oops”. My mother had a choice and I’m happy to report the choice she made. She chose life. God gave us “choice”, and with that, I do believe that a woman should have a choice, however in my heart I am pro-life. I do believe in cases such as rape, molestation and incest, that choice should be an option---in only those circumstances. I do believe that life starts at the time of conception. Madelene’s mom was 16 when she had her. I’m glad she choice life, or I wouldn’t have such a wonderful partner right now. Madelene and I went through traumatic births. I was breech and my mother and I weren’t supposed to make it out alive. Madelene was more than 3 months premature and also wasn’t expected to make it out alive. She was the size of the palm of your hand.

Although I love the idea of beautiful promises and “change” for our country, I can’t go by words alone. I need someone to put action behind their words for presidency and even in my own personal experiences in relationships with people. Words are nothing without action. Love is nothing without action. Faith is nothing without action.

What are your views?

Growth Spurts

Yesterday, someone shared a quote with me that resonated with me so much. She said, "Just remember, trying to hurt me by bringing up my...