Living Proof

There are times when I'm okay. Most times I'm okay I prove it with a smile. Most times when I'm not okay, I also wear a smile. Facebook tells people I'm happy. "You seem so happy lately," because I plopped up a funny post or a photo that seemed jovial. I'm not going to bog down someone's feed with nonsensical depressive quotes or statuses. I try to be upbeat, but I am much more than my Facebook status or tweet. I think it's sad when friends and family only check social media to see if their loved ones are "okay". What about a phone call or text or even a visit? Our way of life is social media, but I'm not going to write a status message saying, "Well, today I felt depressed, but I'm okay now." And I have those days believe me. They pass quickly as they come, and sometimes, they linger a little too long for my liking. I'm like anyone else. I have my limits and sometimes, I get angry or frustrated at certain things, ...

On Christmas Eve, Madelene and I have a little tradition that we never break. We go to our favorite restaurant, sit at the bar, order a dry martini straight up with olives and an antipasto for two. We then head off to my sister's Christmas Eve party. While sitting at the bar this year, we noticed two older men at the way corner end and a few stragglers to the side of us. The female bartender was swamped with orders from the tables as well as right in front of her. She couldn't pour fast enough. She looked like she was ready to throw in the towel. I said, "Come to the other side of the bar and have a drink with us," - in jest of course, and she said, "Ugh God I wish!" It wasn't even minutes later when the old man sitting over in the far corner screamed out, "Goddamnit! This is the worst Manhattan I've ever tasted! Are you kidding me?" -- He went on and on about it. A sufficient, "Can I have another drink, this one isn't very good...

"I'm just fine thank you." The biggest lie in the world is, "I'm fine." And oddly enough, the one question that really doesn't want to get answered is, "How are you?" Or in New Yawk, it's "How you doin'?" It's become more of a greeting than a genuine concern of one's well being. Strange how that works, yet it's the most common phrases that people use. I remember a funny story about a friend telling me, "Never ask him how he's doing - it'll never end."  I tested it like a jackass.  "How are you, John?" He looked up at me, shook his head and said, "Not good...not good. I lost my job the other day, I have all these bills piling up and I'm totally broke. I can't seem to get my car running because the transmission blew and I have no way to get to any interviews. Mah wife is bitching at me because she's the only one working and on top of that, she's always out with her...

"Well it can't be all that bad since you've gone out a couple of times this week," she texted, while trying to prove a point that I was miraculously and emotionally healed just by going out for a bite to eat (and drink) with either my mom or my wife at the local bar and grill. Did she just expect me to sit home and cry for another six months or so? Would that prove to her that my love for my father was genuine? My friend was very angry, bitter and very sad over a few things. She's going through a horrible divorce after an abusive marriage and her dog just got hit by a car and didn't make it. She is self-medicating heavily, and dangerously I might add. She continued on with her rant... "I've been drinking and popping xanax from morning till night not getting out of bed for nearly a week because of my sadness between my divorce and my dog. My dog wasn't just a pet, he was my world." My response was, "I'm so sorry you're feeling...