Living Proof

It was a rough morning for me. I had woken up from a terrible nightmare. Sometimes I don’t know where or why these nightmares occur, but this time, I have a feeling it’s because of all the terrible accidents happening nearby where I live. There has been a lot of coverage of it here on the local news. One story just blew my mind.  A 36 year old mother of one was driving along the Taconic Parkway with four other children that belonged to her brother. She drove into a “do not enter” ramp and headed southbound in the northbound lanes. She collided into an SUV killing the four girls that belonged to her brother and three other men from Yonkers that were coming home from a Sunday dinner with their family. Questions were raised: Why did the woman hop onto the wrong ramp with a “do not enter” sign? Why did she travel for so long on the Taconic Parkway in the wrong direction? She had called her brother during her travel letting him know she didn’t feel well. But, they still have no ide...

I remember when I used to have nightmares when I was younger, I would slip into my parents' bed and sleep in between the both of them.  I felt safe. Nothing could harm me now. My dad would wake up at 3am and head into New York City to work at the South Street Seaport. I would hear his fish van start up and then pull out of our driveway. I’d slowly creep onto his side of the bed, knowing now it was just me and my mom. I still felt safe, even though dad had left us. In the morning, mom would wake me up, we’d get dressed and I'd run around town with her doing errands and giving her grief at the grocery store. I remember riding in the car seat in the back of our huge yellow Cadillac that took up the entire street ...length-wise.   I’d whine about why I had to still use this uncomfortable seat and then pass out from being such a pain in the ass. Nothing has changed really. Dad would come home at around 1 o’clock in the afternoon, grab lunch and head off to his excavating job. ...

For a while, I’ve been having insomnia. It’s not so much that I can’t sleep; it’s staying asleep, which is also considered insomnia. I go through spurts of it though; it’s not all the time. What wakes me up while trying to fall asleep is I have problems coordinating two things: sleeping and breathing. I wasn’t much of a multitask kinda' gal anyway, but for the love of God, why can’t my body cope with two natural involuntary things to work with? Right when I’m surpassing the first REM stage, I wake up gasping for air. Sometimes, I even feel as though the air won’t even enter my lungs. For 3 whole seconds, I really believe that I’m going to die right there. So what happens? I stay awake afraid to fall back asleep again. Of course, this always has a ripple effect, leaving Madelene sleepless as well. For the hour that I did manage to sleep last night, I had the scariest dream. I dreamt that I was at an ex-girlfriend’s apartment. Inside, she had a male ghost. (Don’t ask. You know how d...