As she raised her arms out and asked, "Is this it? Is this all you want---to just be working from home and cook?"
She said, "It's not enough."
"It's not enough."
The more she pressed into me, the more fortunate I felt about my life. I looked at her--as she was busily, hustling & juggling over 10.000 phone calls within a minute and grunting about everyone she works with, and said, "Yes, I do. I'm ok right here with what I'm doing and how I'm living."
With writing for a mental health organization, and also editing people's manuscripts, it can take up most of my morning. I do a couple of Zooms a day, make sure I find some time to help people struggling as well, and then tend to my own issues, maybe even go walking or meditate for my own sanity. If I want to remain here all day long, for however long, then that should not bother you if it doesn't bother me.
And if you're reading this and struggle with anxiety, depression, grief or physical symptoms like fibromyalgia like I do, then you know just waking up to go brush your teeth and shower is considered a good day for most people like us. But I push myself farther than what my brain would feel comfortable with.
That's why it doesn't bother me when someone decides to judge me based on my life. I'm still dealing with crippling grief, on top of my anxiety. So I took baby steps and eliminated things out of my life, like alcohol. That was huge for me, and I'm over four months sober. Cut me some slack. Many people are self-medicating, drinking all day and smoking their weed---if that's what gets you through the day, then that's great. For me, alcohol gives me more anxiety, so I am trying to give myself more peace in my life. (I also get judged for not drinking which is ironic in itself.)
There are many people who say, "I wish I had a stay at home job." There are quite a few people who have made snarky comments, "It must be nice." ...That's ok. It lets me know that my life is a good life---a life that some people want themselves. And hey, am I happy all the time? No way! I'm grieving still, I am also still transitioning with my move to this new location. I am grateful, but I am still recovering. Recovery time is different for everyone. I am grateful for everything I have, and if that's all I'm ever going to get, then that's such a beautiful thing to me. I don't wish for more, I have it all. And to some, that's "not enough." Nothing will be enough to those who think it's "not enough."
It boils down to faith. The most important thing in my life is to never be separated from God. I find it hard to wrap my head around Christians who sit there, wearing masks, taking the jab and telling me that they have faith in God.
In Matthew 17:13-14 it says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
The masses will comply in order to gain more of this world. This is a test of your faith. Think about what tests Job went through. Satan thought Job wouldn't last through the first trial. But he passed all the tests and then gained everything back tenfold. Sometimes I wonder if any of my Christian friends have ever read the Bible, and then I start wondering---does that make me judgmental? I have a hard time sharing my beliefs with someone who is still praying to the Virgin Mary and and the saints, or those who get squirmy talking about God in general. So I never really bring it up because I love them dearly, and they also know where to find my beliefs. (Glad you're here.)
With that being said, I honestly don't think it's too late for those who have been fooled by the false claims of safety this vax has to offer. Almost 10,000 people have already died of it, some in the hospital recovering from strokes, heart attacks and blood clotting issues. If you're truly interested in what's in this vax, please listen to Dr. Bryam Bridle, Professor of Viral Immunology and see what he has to say about the dangers of taking the jab. Down below is a video of his wealth of knowledge. Warning: This may definitely scare some people who have already taken it. It also may be taken down soon.
In all honesty, I've also known that the masks do not work. I wore them so I wouldn't freak anyone out while I'm at the store, and will continue to wear one if someone feels uncomfortable. I just didn't want confrontation. It also gives me a false sense of safety, since I've always been a germaphobe in general.
When Fauci's emails were revealed, he stated what we already knew. They do not work. They were made mainly for people who were infected. You can read it for yourself. Any "misunderstood message" that now flies around the internet is just plain out b.s. Judge for yourself. It's right there in black and white.