Living Proof

Remember when Valentine's Day used to be fun? OK maybe I'll just speak for myself. I still send cliché roses carnations to Madelene at her job, because well, I do love her and also, she and I are both allergic to roses yet send them anyway, because well, we have anger issues. Actually, she's allergic to everything - that girl can sneeze a mile a minute. That's neither here nor there. While I'm very grateful for receiving cards, wine, flowers and all that good romantic stuff that gets washed away by consumption -- (well not the flowers, I have some self-control) -- I'm thankful to just have someone here who truly understands my madness. I use that term loosely. This morning, while having coffee, I said, "Happy Valentine's Day, I'm going through menopause." No, it wasn't a joke. She laughed anyway, and cried just a little. While everyone says I'm "too young" (thank you very much), women who go through menopause under the age ...

Have you ever just sat there thinking about your life and wondering when it will ever ‘work out’? And truthfully, nobody really understands your situation, because they’re knee deep or higher in their own problems. “But my problems are so much worse.” ... Are they? Is your cross too heavy to bear? The young man was at the end of his rope. Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer. “Lord, I can't go on,” he said. “I have too heavy of a cross to bear." The Lord replied, “My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish.” The man was filled with relief. 'Thank you, Lord,” he sighed, and he did as he was told. Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible. Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall. “I'd like that one, Lord,” he whispered. And the Lord replied, “My son, that is the cross you just brought in.” Sha...

Did you ever feel like you were trying to help people, but in the process you may be doing more harm than anything else? I'll explain... In the spring of 2007, I was having a difficult time coping with my depression, life’s circumstances and of course, Madelene and I had been separated for a little while. I was going through a rough time emotionally, and even had "the unthinkable" float through my mind: suicide. I had nothing to live for. I was confused with what I wanted to do in life, what career path I wanted to take and the lack of one at that time. I was doing odd jobs and basically, just trying to make a buck. My love life, career and living situation were a mess. I felt like I just couldn’t get out of it. It was impossible, so it seemed. I felt awful about myself and with the feelings I had, which reflected on the outside too. Don’t get me wrong, I had my good days, but the bad ones weighed out most of all. There were consecutive days where I wouldn’t even get o...