Living Proof

Remember when you were back in grade school, and during recess the kids would pick their teammates for their dodgeball game? More and more of your peers were leaving your side because they were lucky enough to get picked. Your mind starts racing, thinking how nobody wants you on their team or that you're not good enough. The self-loathing thoughts start rushing through your mind, leaving you to feel nothing more than mediocre---you were one of those "last but not least" kids. With a lump in your throat, you did the walk of shame over to whichever team needed one more player. Even as you enjoyed the game, you still weren't giving it your all because let's face it, most of them didn't want you on their team. Isn't this kind of similar to what we think about when we try to belong to a church? When I was younger, I attended Catholic school, or (CCD) so I can get my communion and confirmation. Most Italian Catholics did this, even if they were lukewarm in...

There's this strange myth by single people that being paired up with someone creates pure bliss. Somehow, they seem to think that if they were in a relationship that this would make them "whole" -- or perhaps take their loneliness away. I guess it's pretty much a slippery slope. On one hand, yes you are technically "alone". You are "single" -- without another companion to take away that deafening silence that seems to fill a room quicker than a crowd of people in a grocery store before a snowstorm. But what some people don't understand is, sometimes being with the wrong person can leave you feeling even lonelier. There are some people who are in love with the idea of being in love -- the idea of just being coupled up in a relationship. They think it makes their social status appear more "legit". And of course there are genuine people who just fall in love and end up being together. That's the relationship you wanna be in, especi...

What does it mean to be apart of the LGBT community? They have even gone as far as "LGBTQIA". Most of the 'initialed' community has a common denominator: sexual orientation, gender identity or an advocate or alliance -- people who support our rights. But what happens when someone wants to add to the mix? What happens when someone who is polyamorous wants to add the "P" into the "LGBTQIA"? First off, let me just explain what all of these terms are. There are many people who do not know what LGBT or polyamory stands for. So bear with me. What is polyamory? Polyamory -- (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Basically, non-monogamy. So what does the entire "LGBTQIA" stand for? Lesbian – A female-...

I was up all last night with my little anxiety-induced seizures. I decided to just stay awake and maybe watch TV, but TV meant eventually flipping over to CNN to watch the ebola crisis, so I then decided to read a little. I found an article called, "Why I Hope My Ex Was a Once in a Lifetime Kind of Love".  It's not what you think either -- she isn't a "bitter ex", nor does she want a "better love". In one excerpt, she writes, "I hope I never find someone I love as much as him. I don’t say that because I am a cynic, and I don’t say that because I hope we get back together. I say that simply because the love I shared with him was too much for me. It was raw, it was passionate, it was all-encompassing, it was emotional, it was everything. He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I thought about at night. I felt incomplete when I wasn’t around him, and when he was near it was like everything was right in the world...

Years ago when I was struggling over a breakup, a good friend of mine really came through for me. She gave me emotional support, friendship, and most of all, she made me laugh a lot. It was the best medicine ever. She also said some really profound things that made me look at my situation a bit differently. Today, as I was cleaning out my desk for our big move soon, I found an email I had printed out from years ago. I’m not a clutter bug, but for whatever reason, I kept this printed out email for years, folded up and tucked into an envelope that was in my filing cabinet in an unmarked folder. When I read it, I went straight into my email online and found the electronic version so I could share part of it with you all. During that time, I was in the midst of writing my book and sharing my raw and emotional thoughts with my friend. We tossed around quite a few long-winded emails. This one email, I was always save... “I am looking forward to grandkids, and playing and retiring. I actually...

There are many addictions to choose from, or if you’re lucky, not to choose from. Some are genetic, some are chosen, and others seem to be presented to you in the least expected moments. They can range anywhere from the internet junkie right into hardcore heroin addicts. Studies show that smoking cigarettes are just as addicting as heroin is. A few years back I heard of sexual addictions . I mean, if you’re married—then what defines sexual addiction? In the good ol’ Wiki-wiki , it says: “Those who use this term have described sex addicts as people who, possibly out of fear of any truly intimate relationship, repeatedly and compulsively try to connect with others through highly impersonal intimate behaviors: masturbation , empty affairs , frequent visits to prostitutes , voyeurism , and the like. Sex addicts—numbering in the millions, both men and women, young and old, of all races and religions—become mesmerized with the thrill and rush of adrenaline that they can achieve only thro...

During a recent conversation with a friend yesterday, the words, “boring sex” came out of her mouth when describing her last intimate encounter with somebody she had been dating for the last couple of months. No doubt, there’s gonna be a whole lotta’ gunny sacks out there, but what makes boring sex, “boring”? She said she wished it was over with by the time they even started. Not good. But think about it… What makes sex boring? Lack of enthusiasm? The need to count each grid on the ceiling? What? I can blurt out a whole buncha’ political and religious babble, but I certainly can talk freely about sexual matters too. I’m not an expert or a sex counselor, but I definitely know the signs of boring sex and why people are having it. It’s not by choice either. Let me be slightly discriminative right now and ask only the men and lesbians this question: Have you ever been with a woman who was so uncomfortable with her body and just her overall ‘self’ that it made her timid and shy? She can be ...

For a while, I’ve been having insomnia. It’s not so much that I can’t sleep; it’s staying asleep, which is also considered insomnia. I go through spurts of it though; it’s not all the time. What wakes me up while trying to fall asleep is I have problems coordinating two things: sleeping and breathing. I wasn’t much of a multitask kinda' gal anyway, but for the love of God, why can’t my body cope with two natural involuntary things to work with? Right when I’m surpassing the first REM stage, I wake up gasping for air. Sometimes, I even feel as though the air won’t even enter my lungs. For 3 whole seconds, I really believe that I’m going to die right there. So what happens? I stay awake afraid to fall back asleep again. Of course, this always has a ripple effect, leaving Madelene sleepless as well. For the hour that I did manage to sleep last night, I had the scariest dream. I dreamt that I was at an ex-girlfriend’s apartment. Inside, she had a male ghost. (Don’t ask. You know how d...

Lately, I’ve been rummaging around in message boards and tinkering with the minds of many people. I brought up the whole homosexuality vs. religion debate of course, and bumped into the same wall about the interpretation of the bible. Why do many people equate homosexuality with sex only? When speaking about a heterosexual couple, people tend to think, oh well isn’t that lovely, these two will get married eventually, have kids and live a happy life. But, when speaking about a gay couple, people usually gravitate to the concepts of a sexual nature only. I had a discussion with one woman on this message board who asked me what I thought about the passages in Romans, where it speaks about how people burned with passion and lust towards each other of the same sex. She gave me these scriptures: Romans 1:26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural. Romans 1:27 And in the same way also the men abando...