Living Proof

Okay, I’ll admit it, I can get into the horoscopes and astrology hoopla, but I don’t solely rely on it to determine how my day is going to turn out. This one particular site not only gives you the horoscope, but it offers what planets are in what zodiac. (I really don’t get it, but I know that my moon is in Uranus. Seriously. ...Not trying to get funny witchya’.) Anyway, this month features “Mercury’s in Retrograde”. I always thought when somebody messes up on their words or what they say – people will sometimes blurt out, “Oh, it’s because Mercury’s in retrograde!” Okay. So …what does that mean? I was told that during this time, people fumble over their words. For instance, my friend was kidding around with me one time and said, “I’m gonna call you every book in da’ word!” I just thought she was going under some sort of religious spell. Or when I ordered a drink at the bar, I ordered a "muddy blary" … Get my drift? But now I am finding out it’s a whole other can of bea

There was an interesting turnout on my previous post, entitled, “ Self-Improvement ”, not so much on my blog, but on the Myspace page I have. I periodically send out bulletins with the post inside it to many people on my list - if it’s a topic I feel strongly about in my heart. I received so many emails from people who were in pain over relationships. I have never sparked this type of response before. My blog didn’t get as many hits as the Myspace did - and the bulk of the response was waiting in my inbox. There were people who emailed me that poured out their souls. I can’t believe how many people are out there in such emotional distress. It amazes me…yet it doesn’t. During this time in my self-reevaluation period, I’m doing a lot of bible study, prayer and meditation. I can’t tell you how this has helped me tremendously. I’m seeing things for the first time clearly. I want to talk about the people who responded. I’m going to bulk them up into one category: heartbroken. Even though

W ere they mistakes or little blunders in life? Whatever you decide to label them, the one question remains: have you learned from it all? A lot of people, including myself have said words like, “I soooo regret doing that”, or “I wish I never met him/her!” As the old saying goes, we meet people for a reason, a season and for a lifetime. I truly believe God places people in our lives for a reason. Even if your experience was a not so pleasant one, there’s something to be learned from it all. I had a hard time thinking this way and tried to psychoanalyze why this person came into my life to only have disappeared or to have left a pile of crap behind for me to clean up. It still remains a mystery. If you can’t figure out the behaviors of some people – try figuring out your own behavior. When somebody comes crashing into my life like a hurricane and leaves in the same way, I try analyzing my own behavior and how I could have handled it better. Let’s face it – we always think we handled

…on adrenaline can be a wonderful euphoric feeling. Your heart starts pumping, your stomach gets all topsy-turvy and you anticipate the best of what’s to come. But then, once it comes and goes, we’re back to square one. Our high came crashing down to “mediocre”, or worse yet, depression. Thrill seekers have this problem constantly. I consider myself to be a “thrill seeker” – and adrenaline junkie if you will. Take for instance, a relationship - especially those way too complicated ones. (This usually includes online love affairs, cheating spouses and/or trying to pursue someone who’s challenging to get ---or even “the forbidden fruit”.) It’s exciting to get something or someone that you’re not supposed to have – but is it “healthy” overall? Be careful what you wish for… In my case, it was ‘when do I get to the next level’ – whether it was my writing career or my living quarters. I wanted more. Once I had what I wished for, I wanted beyond what I just received. The “dream” of getting w

See how resourceful I am? I’m even recycling news! I’ve always wondered why I wake up every single hour during the night. It’s seldom that I get a full night’s rest. At first, I thought it was a bladder problem, then I thought it was just stress or whatever was brewing in my life, and then I even came to the conclusion that I had sleep apnea. I even stopped eating past a certain time just to see if that would help. ...Nada. I still woke up “thinking” I had to use the bathroom. I did, however, if I were in a deep slumber, I’d wake up in the morning after a full night of sleep and run like hell to the loo instead. There has to be another issue. Last night, I pulled the covers over myself and turned on the news so I could see the forecast for the next day. This is a normal ritual for me and then I turn the TV off and try to sleep. The newscaster said, “Are you having trouble sleeping at night and not getting a full night’s rest? Cell phones may be to blame!” I perked up and looked ove

Is it me? I just can’t understand these “try to save the world” types. You know the kind – those “green” people. Believe me, I do my share of recycling – from cans, bottles, paper, cardboard and anything else that can be reused, I just refuse to take it a step further. There are some people who go as far as altering their life around ‘saving the earth’. This is great if you can do it. But when they criticize me for not doing the same “extreme” measures, then I’m seen as wasteful and not resourceful enough, or that I simply don’t care about our planet. “You know, you should really shop with a burlap bag instead of using those plastic bags that the grocery stores give you.” someone told me. Hey, I’ll try anything once. In my mind, I thought maybe it’ll work. Maybe I can pull this off. So, when I went to the Hamptons at the beach house, I decided to borrow a burlap bag to take to the grocery store. Not only would it be convenient because it was one huge duffle bag that I could store to

Karma hit me. I’m sick. I’m coughing, sneezing, sniffling, hacking and whining like a little crybaby. My mom says my apartment is too clean – I disinfect way too much, leaving my immune system vulnerable to evil rotten germs. “Why ya gotta clean so much? You’re making your immune system weak!” That’s her theory. Try having OCD and hearing those words. I cringe. Antibacterial gels are in each room, just in case you need an extra squirt or two or three or four… I go above and beyond the call of my sanitary duties. At night, the sink has to not only be disinfected and “dry” – it also has to have a fresh wedge of lemon in the drain to kill any remaining germs leftover from whatever. It’s my deranged way of defining health. My mom called me this morning and asked me how I was feeling. I tried hinting to her that I needed her delicious miraculous chicken soup cure, but she didn’t pick up on it. When I decided to bluntly indicate that her chicken soup heals me, she went into defense mode an

Since I’ve moved into this busy condo complex, it’s much different than living on top of a hill a mile up with practically no neighbors. Usually, on a Saturday morning, the only thing I hear are birds chirping away, squirrels collecting nuts and running onto my deck to store them in the rafters of my house and the sounds of crows telling me it’s going to rain soon. My friend used to tell me that I lived in a nature reserve. She’s never seen anything like it. She was a “city girl”… Now, so am I. Instead of hearing all of these beautiful birds and wild animals trek through my yard and seeing 10 or more deer parked on my lawn grazing for an hour or two, I hear the sounds of people. Picture it – there are valleys filled with condos on top of condos on top of other condos. There has to be close to 10,000 people here! (I’m not sure of that estimate, but there are mass crowds of various types of families, newlyweds, single parents and the elderly.) Now on a Saturday morning, I hear children

T here are many people in my life that read me incorrectly. They take what I say and turn it into something totally opposite of what is meant to be heard in a positive tone. Then I think, well what if I’m saying it in a different tone? What if my words on “paper” are coming out wrong? What if my emails and blog posts are being misconstrued? Text can be misleading if taken the wrong way. You don’t hear the “tone” of the words that are being typed out. My words can be delicate yet distrait when writing an email to a friend or loved one. Even while blogging, I can definitely come across as politically incorrect or insensitive while discussing an issue that may come across as “offensive”. I've also found myself writing or talking much faster than my actual thought process. This could be a bad thing… Sometimes I don’t think when I speak or write, which may cause a lot of confusion for many people I communicate with. I’m working on it. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get

Genuineness. Do many people posses it? I guess it depends on the topic or situation. But think about it – genuineness – that act of truly caring without any motives or agendas. What does this person(s) have to gain by helping you? I’m certainly not trying to make anyone distrust people, however, I always like knowing the motives of those who help. They say that if you don’t allow yourself to trust others, then it’s most likely that you’re the one that can’t be trusted. It kind of makes sense though. They also say if your lover constantly accuses you of cheating, then they must be cheating on you. (Unless there’s good reason to believe they’re cheating of course…) I’m assuming some heavy thinking, espresso-drinking psychiatrist came up with these theories. Then again, it could have been some crazy Christian lesbian writer who overanalyzes things way too much… Genuineness. My friend is sick. I don’t want her to be alone while she’s coughing, hacking, sneezing, honking

My previous post caused a bit of confusion for some people. Maybe I gave off some mixed signals – which I intended to. There were a few reasons why the post was written: to determine whether or not people feel that Jesus did in fact commit suicide, if knowing that the Jews were going to kill Him the very next day. This was a debate I had with an atheist, not necessarily my own view or belief on this matter. It was also to ask the question of why Christians feel that Jesus’ death didn’t take away all sins of the world. They still go by the old laws of Leviticus, when in fact it says numerous times in the bible that the old law died when Christ died on the cross. Another reason, was for people to take a step back and look at those who are depressed and suicidal and/or have had people close to them check out too early on their own. Question: do you really feel that it was a cowardice act? The common sentence spoken from probably all of these people who think about suicide or have

Of course I’m looking for Christian guidance here – and even those who are intellectually stimulated by philosophy & science. See, I’m having trouble with an issue. I’m a thinker. I think way too much sometimes, almost to the point of insanity. I think it’s safe to say that everyone has thought about suicide once or twice in his or her life – and even on a daily basis for that matter. But, what about Jesus? W hat W ould J esus D o?... Bear with me. I’ll get to Jesus in just a moment. Have you ever watched some newscast where some guy runs out and points a gun at a police officer just so the cop will shoot him? It’s called “suicide by cop”. It takes away the crime of committing suicide to the person left hopeless. He doesn’t want to be the “murderer”. But, at the same time, didn’t Jesus do a similar act? “No Deb, He died for your sins.” Okay, so He died so that I could have a better life and afterlife. I am totally appreciative to the full extent of the meaning, however

Everybody needs a break now and then. I definitely needed one. Sometimes, life gets us confused – lost in its whirlwind of life’s unexpected trials and circumstances. The curveballs thrown at us often leaves a sour taste in our mouths – leaving us bitter and resentful about life. While preaching about forgiveness, I’ve become exactly what I’ve always feared: bitter, resentful, and unforgiving. Often times, people can verbalize forgiveness, but who can actually say that the action was ever applied? If we don’t forget about the offense, is it still regarded as forgiveness? Was it actually an “offense” or was it us being too sensitive? I had to step away from writing for a while and reevaluate the way I handled things and why I’ve become so overly sensitive lately. I started taking things very personally – even when it had nothing to do with me in the bigger scope of things. I was being too hard on people, driving them to the brink of insanity. I was never this person before. I

I'll be taking a break from blogging. Have a happy and healthy new year! God bless!