Living Proof

I gave Madelene a blanket and pillow and threw her on the couch last night. I didn't want her to go through a night of horrific blood curdling screams from all the pain I'm experiencing, especially that I can no longer take pain meds. I would have taken the couch myself, but I lock up every time I lay down on it.  She's been having a rough go of it at work and super stressed out, so she needed her sleep more than I did at this point. Why torture her by letting her sleep in the same bed with me? My dog had no problem taking up the rest of the unused portion of the bed. With each scream of pain, Lola looked up at me, sniffed my face and then gave me a lick. It was like I had a K9 nurse taking care of me, well, a very short legged, long-bodied one with chronic halitosis, but nonetheless. I woke up this morning, enjoyed a cup of coffee out on the deck and finally had some relief from the night's agonizing pain. I went to physical therapy last night and it helped a lot, bu...

Even Lola's tired of taking care of me. If there's one person I would never, ever live with, it would be...me. Well, maybe half of who I am, because I am a helluva' cook and I'm very nurturing, but the other half is one. pain. in. the. ass. Half the time, I'm up with insomnia or just in excruciating pain. As you know, I'm no stranger to doctors' offices, emergency rooms and hospitals. I'm one hot mess lately. Usually it requires some sort of assistance, like helping me out to the car to rush off to the ER or helping me even make it to the loo. Those are the extreme days. But, we married in health and in sickness. Somewhere right now, my wife is twitching. But I'm not so bad. I make Madelene laugh, I'm silly and immature as hell. I think that's what saves our relationship: laughter. Or maybe it's the dog. In any case, it's the little things in life that bring us joy. God, now I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card. My point...

Been away for a while. I guess you can say I was on vacation in a spacious room with an ensuite.  You guessed it: the hospital. I ended up there due to stomach bleeding. I was vomiting blood which looked like coffee grinds. I know this due to my friend Google. I was also there for severe - and I mean, excruciating body pain. No one could figure out what the hell was going on with me. Once in the ER, they had to put me in a wheel chair because I was unable walk by myself. I was shaking and crying - it was so unbearable. Then they needed to check for "samples", need I say de la poupe or good ol' merde . Needless to say, after the nurse checked me with a latex glove and some jelly, she never did bring me out to dinner afterwards. I'll put a complaint in later.  They detected blood and basically, that was their main concern - not my cries of pain from every single part of my body hurting. That was just "normal" to them. They pumped me up with morphine after ...

Last night I fell asleep right away, only to be woken up by the sounds of loud thunder and the flickering of the intense lightening. My dog raised her head and then hopped off the bed. Usually this means she has to go out. Mad took her out and I headed off into the bathroom before falling back asleep. As I came back into the bedroom to jump under the covers, I heard, "Debbayyy!" The way my father used to call out if he needed me. It sounded like it was coming from the stairwell. I turned to Mad and said, "Did you hear that? Turn down the TV," hoping that it would call out to me again, but it didn't. His voice was so audible and without a doubt, his voice! As I continued to listen to the thunder and rain outside, I fell asleep. In my dream, I saw Dad sitting at a big dining room table. I was in some sort of sunk in living room, where I would have to walk up a few stairs in order to get to him. He was covered in white light all around him, facing me, saying, ...

It's been a year since you passed away, but your presence still lingers on. We are glad you're at peace and not suffering anymore. The memories of you will always be in our hearts and we all miss you terribly. Our four beautiful daughters have been a godsend for my grief and I am thankful every day that we were blessed with them. So it's not goodbye my love, but it's forever, for all the wonderful times we had together. Want to add your thoughts on Facebook instead?  Click here . For more of Deb's articles, please visit:  www.debrapasquella.com  or join her on  Facebook  and  Twitter . Check out her  cooking blog  for some of her famous recipes!

“There are very few African-American men in this country who haven’t had the experience of being followed when they were shopping in a department store. That includes me. There are very few African-American men who haven’t had the experience of walking across the street and hearing the locks click on the doors of cars. That happens to me — at least before I was a senator. There are very few African Americans who haven’t had the experience of getting on an elevator and a woman clutching her purse nervously and holding her breath until she had a chance to get off. That happens often.” -- Barack Obama The two gay men who were brutally beaten in NYC. Dear President, Thank you for your heartfelt speech poured out to everyone in the United States watching mainstream media. My heart truly goes out to what you have been through, to what many "African Americans" have been through, and of course, still go through. Your struggles as a child is one that many can relate to,...

Finally, all the fights and shit slinging have simmered down on Facebook regarding the Zimmerman trial. I had a few posts that took a turn for the worse ( especially this one ) where a commenter with strong opinions made a snarky comment to the person who disagreed with them. Then it snowballed from there. The thing I don't understand whenever there is a controversial topic going on is when people start insulting one another, calling each other "stupid" or "ignorant" or even resorting to name calling. The fact is: there is nothing you can do about what happened. Whatever our opinions are. ..are just that . Fighting with other people is absolutely pointless because you're wasting your breath trying to convince someone else to go along with what you think it "right". Some people don't tolerate debates (even if childish) on their Facebook account, but as I see it, comment at your own risk because I have more than a few nutcases on my account, i...

About ten years ago, I picked up Madelene's father, Tom from the hospital because he had gotten a procedure done to relieve his sinus congestion. We drove off to the pharmacy to pick up his pain meds and Mad went inside while we waited in the car. While we were sitting there waiting, a young black kid maybe in his late teens or early twenties was across the street just hanging around with his buddies. He wore a blue bandana tied around his head like Tupac, a sweatshirt with a hoodie and his jeans were sagging so low, that his entire ass was exposed in his boxer shorts. It looked ridiculous. His crotch was down to his knees. I was hesitant to say a word, being that it may come across as a racial remark, but I couldn't help it. I said, "You know, I'm not a racist --" and I was cut off by Tom immediately. "I know! I know what you're going to say! It's not being racist, it's the way these kids dress today whether they're black or white. They mak...

The theme of this month has been brought to you by PAIN. And with its unknown or 'guessed' diagnosis', I'm officially calling it bullshit. Lower back pain. Keepin' it simple. It's slowly fading off into a tolerable type of pain, but nonetheless. The only thing that makes me tolerable, is the good ol' herb I've been counting on for when the ibuprofen doesn't quite cut it. This is my nightstand. It holds two or three essential needs for my evening and morning 'lockups'. I think it should be prescribed as an antidepressant, pain reliever, and medication for sleeping disorders. Maybe it already has in other states.   In other news, I have a lot of work to do on my cooking blog, trying to reduce inflammation and pain (as well as trying to lose weight) with the Paleo diet. I was unable to maintain the diet while I was plastered to my bed with a locked up back, but I'm back baby. I've been buying grass fed USDA organic beef and making thes...

My work station today. It looks like I can't "wine" anymore since Facebook rejected one of my posts that included the "promotion" of alcohol due to a photo of a glass of wine. They said that it would encourage kids under the age of eighteen to drink. Isn't there a rule that sets the age limit for eighteen and over on Facebook? And why would one of my posts send some teenage kid on a drinking binge? Eh well, I guess I'm just a bad example. So yesterday I decided to take a ride with Madelene to bring Lola to the vet for her booster shots. I hobbled around a bit, but did quite well. As soon as we were done with dinner later that evening, my back locked up again while I was sitting down on the recliner. I could not get up and even when Mad helped me, it felt like she was removing my entire spinal cord out. It's been almost two weeks and I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind. I can't do anything. I still can't make the bed. (Mad! Please...

Sometimes you never truly know what measures you'll go to until you have severe chronic pain that lasts for over a week or more. I'm only on week two with excruciating back pain and I. have. had. it. I had two good days, meaning, I could walk around and make a drink. That's it. I forget about all the "abilities" I have, now focusing in on all my "disabilities" that I've come across. The rheumatologist wanted to give me a prescription strength of Aleve, because he said that the Toradol and Advil I was taking could possibly give me a heart attack. Great. I spent hours Googling that one. I just thought stomach upset and that was that. Another 'fear' to jot down on my list. Then I found out the prescription he gave me was even more harmful to my heart. So now, I'm freaking out over the heart attack meds, and wanted something a bit more natural. I was reintroduced with 'medicinal' cannabis. Back then it was more recreational - well, ...

As I sit here and type, every joint in my fingers, hands, arms are going 'clickity-click-click'. I've been having joint pain really bad lately. It then progressed into my elbows, spine, legs, knees, ankles, toes - you get my drift. I found myself literally stuck in my bed screaming for help one morning. But let me just backtrack to last Friday. My sister came over with her two adorable dogs, which Lola goes nuts for. They're now a little 'pack'. My sis (being the little athlete she is) runs all three dogs up our incredibly hilly driveway and into the woods. Lola. loves. it. Anytime I say, "Is Aunt Carla coming over?" She'll immediately jump up and look for her out on the deck. As we were watching the dogs play together, we decided to take the little party over back to my sister's house. After a few cocktails, I found myself having the guts to walk the trails with my sister and the three dogs. Not only did I overexert myself because I haven...