Living Proof

Have you ever received a text from a friend to only find out that this friend is just completely and insanely annoying? Thankfully, this person is not on my facebook account nor knows what my website is, so I am going to speak freely about this. There is this guy, we’ll call “Mike” whom I’ve known for many years. In fact, he’s an old employee of my father’s. Mike is the most respectful guy I have ever met. Madelene and I saw him at a bar a few months ago and he asked if he could have my cell phone number to update me on my favorite band that comes into our town occasionally. I gladly gave him my number, and besides, he’s a great guy. When we got back home to go to sleep, my phone buzzed. It was one of those ' fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd:' type of texts. When I opened it up, it was all pornographic images and even tiny little obscene videos. I asked if he had sent this to the wrong number, and his reply was, “Did you like it?” I asked him politely if he would stop sending me these...

As of late, I have learned a new word: androsexual. It means you can be attracted to a person regardless of gender. You may think, well isn’t that being bisexual? In my opinion, yes and no. Yes, because it includes both genders, but no because, sometimes gender identity is more complex than we think. Personally, I hate placing labels on my forehead just to tell everyone, “Hey! I’m a lesbian”, or “Hey! I’m bisexual!” I’m just “me”. I love only one person who happens to be another woman. If that makes me a “lesbian”, then so be it. The derogatory term, “queer” is being used as a positive label for those who are androgynous and don’t care for a male or female distinction. Then you have transgender women who may happen to be a lesbian or perhaps, a straight “woman”. Sexual identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation. I know a woman who is now a male that prefers men. So “she” is now a “he”, who is now, a gay man. You can reread the sentence again if you'd like. And, there a...

Years ago, jobs were more plentiful, more obtainable and of course, more desirable. After school, I started temping for a medical company that my sister had gotten me into. I was a product control tester, making sure all pocket PDRs (tiny little medical info laptops) were working properly. It was a tedious job, but I was thankful to get my foot in the door of a reputable company. After my time there, I started working for IBM for quite a while and although the pay and benefits of working there were wonderful, it. bored. me. to. tears. I was working in the finance department where everyone shared an office like a college dorm. Unfortunately, I had to share my “dorm room” with some hillbilly woman with no teeth who dressed up in pink corduroy pants and a leather vest with tassels. I kid you not. I always wondered how she got the job, but I quickly found out she was a fixture to the company - she had 20 years under her belt. As months went by, she started treating me like her little slav...

Have you ever felt like someone was watching you or something just wasn’t right? I mean, granted you can’t tell if someone is tapping into your public facebook or Twitter account, however I’m not even speaking about the internet - I’m speaking about in real life “in the flesh” so to speak. We’ve all done the “spy on the ex lover” type of thing on the internet - who hasn’t? We’ve Googled, we’ve seen their public statuses and whatnot, but when does it come to the point of creepiness when it starts happening in person? Not too long ago, you probably remember me speaking about someone driving by my neighborhood. It was an ex-friend who wanted a bit more than just a coffee clutch bud. When the friendship ended, it was peaceful for quite some time...until I started seeing her car everywhere I went within a five mile radius. I just chucked it up to it being a coincidence. She was harmless. Then, I started seeing her on the very street that I live on. I looked right at her car and saw her dr...

There hasn’t been much effort to put forth a post or talk about anything lately being that the weather’s been awfully drab and nothing has really been happening all that much. There’s nothing I can write that I haven’t said before, so I’ll just give you the lowdown on things that have been puzzling me lately. 1. It infuriates me that Cardoba House project is planning to build a mosque (possibly two) not even two blocks away from ground zero. Mind you, I have nothing against Muslims, but the fact that so many people died all “in the name of Allah” has to hit a nerve with the victims of 9/11. Some say it’s a positive step for making peace with those who are Muslim and not of the extremist type, which is good I guess, but isn’t it a proverbial 'slap in the face' for the victims of 9/11? I feel so bad for them. They haven’t had a moment to breathe, and no, I don’t think nine years is enough grieving time for the drastic way they have all perished. -- read the article here from CN...

Did you ever feel like you were trying to help people, but in the process you may be doing more harm than anything else? I'll explain... In the spring of 2007, I was having a difficult time coping with my depression, life’s circumstances and of course, Madelene and I had been separated for a little while. I was going through a rough time emotionally, and even had "the unthinkable" float through my mind: suicide. I had nothing to live for. I was confused with what I wanted to do in life, what career path I wanted to take and the lack of one at that time. I was doing odd jobs and basically, just trying to make a buck. My love life, career and living situation were a mess. I felt like I just couldn’t get out of it. It was impossible, so it seemed. I felt awful about myself and with the feelings I had, which reflected on the outside too. Don’t get me wrong, I had my good days, but the bad ones weighed out most of all. There were consecutive days where I wouldn’t even get o...

You’ve probably heard me complain about this before, however I’m about fed up and done with the neighbors downstairs. They’re a young couple, in their mid-thirties with a very yappy dog that sits out on the deck below us barking from morning till night. I know that living in the same building with other people can be challenging at times. That’s a given. You’re going to hear them one way or another. I’m totally fine with that. But, when do realize that the noises and booms are specially made for you? I’m not quite sure if it is deliberate, but I guarantee you, nobody slams doors the way these people have lately. And, it’s not just a “one time slamming of a door”-----it’s like they go into every single room and slam the door at least five f%cking times. On top of that, they have hard wood floors, so they sound like a bunch of wild horses. I chucked it up to just being more sensitive to their noise than usual, until I had woken up to the loudest BOOMS ever at. 5 am. in. the. goddam. m...

Everything I do, everything I have done, including everything I plan on doing, has one underlining motivational factor: Madelene. Whether or not other people view us as a "family unit", that’s exactly what we are, even without having children. She’s my family. She’s my wife, my best friend and the person I trust 110%. I seriously don’t have fun when I’m not with her. It’s not that I need her to be with me 24/7, but it feels like there’s something missing. If I’m out with friends and I order a delicious martini, I think, “Oh Mad would love this” , or if I order something I think she’d like, I’d save half and bring it home for her. It’s just not the same without her. We had gotten into an argument not too long ago -mind you we hardly ever argue, but a disagreement once in a while is healthy. This one was one of our biggies. She said to me, “Do you want me to move out so you can think clearly?” I stared at her thinking, “Oh my God, I couldn’t stay here if you left!” The thou...

What a weekend! Have you ever gotten so excited over plans made for the weekend and then quickly, it started deteriorating before your very eyes? Well, that’s exactly what happened to me. My Saturday was all set: wake up, clean the house, do laundry, walk five miles and then take my wife out for sushi and cocktails. Sunday, I had planned on seeing my mom for Mother’s Day and spending some time with my family. Usually, my weekends are never quite planned so perfectly. Maybe that’s why I don’t plan my weekends very often because when I do, this is what happens... Friday evening around 8pm I started to get chest pains. I brushed it off because I had been exercising and lifting weights the previous day. I thought it was just a muscle spasm. Saturday morning, I woke up to these chest pains, but they were getting more severe and now, starting to shoot down my left arm. Red flag! Now, if you already know me or have been reading me for a bit, you know that I have had this happen to me ...

With respect for my very close friend which I have gained inspiration for this post today, I will not mention names, but will give my two cents on a situation she got herself into, or perhaps, got her heart into. I will include my own experiences from the opposing side so that you know I am not speaking from a bias point of view. Maybe with suggestions and your comments, it’ll help her one way or another. This is a true story... “Bottom line” is what my friend always says right after she puts her heart out there explaining how she feels. The “bottom line” is usually followed with a “logical” standpoint; a factual basis on why she shouldn’t continue this relationship. “What about your heart? What does your heart say?” I asked, hoping her bottom line would soon be a bottomless pit of hope and undying love. Mind you, in my own personal opinion, “bottom lines” are only meant for those who are either verbally or physically abusive. Situations are different, depending all on what “you...

About a year ago, I had written a post, entitled, “ Don’t Cry ”. I was speaking about how when I used to cry over my heart being broken, my mom would come into my room and plead to me, “Don’t cry mama - don’t cry, please!” I know she wasn’t downgrading the emotional torture I was going through, it was just that it killed her to see me so sad. As I’ve written about my mom’s proverbs that she obtained from her prayer & meditation, she wrote down this one: “My heart cries, when your soul aches.” Within her prayer, this is what God had spoken to her. Isn’t that what God does - the same thing our parents try to do? God doesn’t want us to be sad - He wants us to be full of joy, but being human, that isn’t possible all the time, which is why we need Him so much. The same goes for our parents: they want us to be filled with joy 24/7. God, like our parents, want the best for us, and seeing us sad makes them sad. At the same time, God and our parents are stronger for us, when we’re ...

It’s been quite challenging for me lately, as far as debating whether or not to continue a journey of friendship with someone I cared for very much. We’re all complex and have our own opinions, beliefs and whatnot. It’s normal. But when an argument or a disagreement takes place, when is it time to draw the line in order to decide whether or not staying in the friendship is a healthy choice? It’s one thing for two people to disagree about whatever, but it’s another to insult or attack another on a personal level. For instance: you and a friend argue about a misunderstanding or perhaps, a break in a promise that was set - those things can be resolved. But when your friend personally attacks you - whether it’s about your physical appearance, insults about your family or maybe an attack on your integrity: when does it come to the point of realizing your friend obviously has hidden resentments, anger or even jealousy toward you? 

I ended a friendship a couple of weeks ago. This person re...

Gays & Lesbians of Faith is a documentary solely based on gays, lesbians and transgenders who have faith in a particular religion, yet are confident in their lifestyle regardless of religious judgments. We're looking for people to interview, whether they are Christian, Muslim, Jewish or any other religion that they may have had adversities in life trying to overcome the obstacle of being gay & yet, still loving GOD. Questions will be given during the film, as well as footage showing the interviewees' everyday life to give it more of a personal touch. We are seeking people in the New York area, (Hudson Valley, Manhattan and even outskirts of northern New Jersey) to be apart of our project. Food and beverage will be provided. Its a great opportunity for exposure and a chance to tell the world that you're here, you're queer and yet GOD loves you anyway!