Living Proof

There's never a real end to anxiety or depression. There's only new coping skills and calming techniques that can help. Whether you are spiritual or not, it's been proven that those who have faith in God seem to pull through more than say those who don't believe. Same goes with grief: more people found help getting out of the pit of despair with faith in God, than those who didn't have faith. Whether it is all psychosomatic, or if it's really true (which I believe to be) --- it works. But I'm going to list off some more symptoms as well as coping skills that I have done to help me. Please keep in mind that I'm not a doctor or psychologist---I'm a patient who needs to work on myself---working on being OK every single day. And, it's also OK to not be OK. Just know and remember that when you need help or if you are in a crisis, reach out! Hopefully, my list will help in some way or another. I hope you feel better. H old O n P ain E nds...

There's a lot to be said about what kind of energy that goes into whatever it is you do, especially cooking. See, I love to cook, so all my heart and soul goes into whatever I'm making. Another personal touch I do is praying over my food while it cooks. I make sure I have upbeat music going on and I'm usually in a great mood. The only time I order takeout, is if I'm not feeling so hot -- whether physically or emotionally. I truly believe whatever energy you have brewing inside you will also reflect in whatever you are cooking. Again, this can be through a physical ailment or some sort of emotional distress. I'll give both examples: I once got very ill the same day I ate Pizza Hut when I was younger. Still to this day, I cannot even look at Pizza Hut's pies. They make me nauseous. And now, I never eat pizza, period. I just don't like it. On an emotional scale, I remember my partner and I had a huge blowout at home. I believe it was one of our worst argument...

If you ask anyone if they're stressed out, the answer is going to most likely be one big "YES". If they aren't, I want what they're having. Aside from that, while I was heavily into the Paleo diet, trying to lose weight and boost my immunity, it's not all about the food you eat in order to keep you healthy -- it's about getting a good night's sleep and eliminating unnecessary stressors from your life. I mean -- how on earth are we supposed to dodge every stress bullet that comes flying our way? It's impossible sometimes. I remember an old co-worker of mine used to tell all the time, "Save it for the big stuff, Deb. Trust me." I was only 23 years old and stressing out as if I had 12 kids and an abusive husband. I had none of that. I stressed over every single little detail of my life. At the age of 40, I still fret over -- well, mostly anything sometimes. I tell my mom I get it from her. Although she is quite the worry wart, she doesn...

If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that the people who work at the ER are burnt out, especially during the holidays. I'm one that has frequented that place more than enough times this year due to my back pain. They were amazed that I didn't want anything "heavy" to sooth the excruciating pain other than Advil, but they refused my ibuprofen due to my stomach bleeding. Here's the thing I've learned: if you come in with back pain, it's a red flag that you're a drug seeker. They judge you by the way you look, the way you talk and the time you walk in those doors. If it's on a Saturday or Sunday and you say, "My doctor isn't in till Monday --- bam --- you're an automatic drug seeker. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of them out there, but when the genuine pain victim comes in needing the necessary pain relievers, they may get shot down due to lack of trust. Most people in the ER have the thousand yard stare. Th...

Even Lola's tired of taking care of me. If there's one person I would never, ever live with, it would be...me. Well, maybe half of who I am, because I am a helluva' cook and I'm very nurturing, but the other half is one. pain. in. the. ass. Half the time, I'm up with insomnia or just in excruciating pain. As you know, I'm no stranger to doctors' offices, emergency rooms and hospitals. I'm one hot mess lately. Usually it requires some sort of assistance, like helping me out to the car to rush off to the ER or helping me even make it to the loo. Those are the extreme days. But, we married in health and in sickness. Somewhere right now, my wife is twitching. But I'm not so bad. I make Madelene laugh, I'm silly and immature as hell. I think that's what saves our relationship: laughter. Or maybe it's the dog. In any case, it's the little things in life that bring us joy. God, now I'm starting to sound like a Hallmark card. My point...

For the most part, I'm willing to do some pretty strange things to relieve my anxiety, like watching some weird guy on Youtube talk in this 'serial killer-like' voice just to hypnotize me into a state of calmness. I even go as far as ordering a few I-Doser mp3s , which are binaural beat mixes that work into your brain subconsciously giving you a feeling of euphoria and other various feelings. Kids these days are using them to experience the feeling of marijuana and even cocaine --- sounds horrible, right?  But, it's 100% safe. They do simulate the feeling due to the binaural effects to our brainwaves. I remember one night I wanted to experiment with one. I never did drugs before and knew I-Dosers were safe, so I downloaded "Acid". At first, I felt very calm, almost as if I was floating. Then, in the middle of the track, I felt my bed move a little. Then it started shaking. It wasn't shaking because Mad was watching TV while I had my earbuds on and she s...

Everyone has a breaking point with any type of circumstance in life. Whether it's dealing with a crabby boss, having issues with your spouse, struggling to make ends meet or a huge life change due to loss of a loved one, (which is my biggest challenge at the time). There are two types of breaking points: the breaking point where you finally throw in the towel and give up completely and let it defeat you, or the breaking point that sets your mind and ambition to change your situation, or at least do something more productively to offset it. I'd like to say that I opt for the second one, but sometimes I fall into category #1 and completely shut the world out, including myself. I decided that I was done moping around, still mourning (will always mourn for my dad), but instead of sacrificing my own happiness, I'll take care of myself so I can help others in some way. Baby steps. I started cycling again every morning, sometimes reaching 7-10 miles (which is like 3 miles in tre...

A friend of mine suggested this Buddhist based book that basically gave suggestions on how to handle life's circumstances and turmoils. The main message was, instead of stepping into your next chapter of life with fear, step into it with curiosity.  I have a few friends who are going through very turbulent times right now in their lives, as I am too. We all share, give our best advice and sometimes, just give an ear or shoulder to lend out if need be. They all fear the worst outcome. (So do I.) The point is: everyone is going through something, regardless how small or big. The significance of it all depends on the individual. It doesn't even have to be an outward circumstance - it can be an inner turmoil that someone's going through that makes them do things, say things and think things that are just out of their character. And to undermine what someone else is going through, just because you went through something similar is beyond my understanding, and it also does not ...

(This photo was a Halloween shot at work. The theme was 'the futuristic office', so I chose my future would be working at home, hence the robe, towel, cup of coffee & flip flops. I'm actually wearing purple silk pajamas from Victoria Secret in there.) There was a time where I thought my life would only consist of a cubicle, dim florescent lights and a boss that would badger me for the rest of my days until the day I retired. Home life was all about resting. I didn't even notice the little things around me, like a beautiful view of the mountains, a hot cup of coffee to be enjoyed slowly or just listening to music, unwinding with a glass of wine. It was simple: get up, grab coffee on the way to work, sit in traffic, deal with bullshit at work, dive into traffic again, eat a quick dinner and go to sleep...do it all over again. I remember one of my coworkers had given our boss two weeks notice. One day, while sitting at the lunch table, we asked her why she was leavi...

Standing outside in front of a busy cafe, wondering how I ever got over my fear of crowds started to overwhelm me. I started thinking about the days when I had agoraphobia. I’d walk into a mall full of people and my equilibrium would somehow fade out on me, leaving me holding onto something or someone, and at times, be found on the floor passed out. I’d wake up to a crowd of strange faces looking down at me. “Are you ok? Can you hear me? What’s your name? What’s today’s date?” Sometimes, I’d find myself waking up inside of an ambulance. I was hooked up to the oxygen being asked the same things: “What’s today’s date? Who is our president?” At times, the simple answers to all of these questions would slip away from me. Although through the years, I have gotten better. With CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), I’ve managed to break through the vicious cycles of agoraphobia. I started venturing outside of my home. It was scary and this 'new world' seemed so different now.  ...