Living Proof

While releasing a few comments from a previous post due to a ton of spam I get, I came across a commenter who said something pretty significant. She opened my eyes up to a different way of viewing religious views and discussions. ”When I struggle so much with a philosophical question about faith, I personally back away. The debate and discussion will, most likely, not bring you closer to peace. Seek the peace directly instead. There is a point where religious beliefs diverge, based on specific tenets -- but there are enough commonalities to love and appreciate. In the meantime, for me, none of that takes the place of deep prayer -- not even my own religion. My *beliefs* and *religion* are not enough. It is in my deep, prayerful search for God that I find some peace. I offer this with great humbleness.” -Mary Agnes Antonopoulos Basically, when people talk about religious views and start having debates, there will never be peace. To find peace is to find your “God” from within and n...

Every morning I would trek down to the deli to have them make my lunch. Our company never offered a real cafeteria, where they cooked for their employees. It was just a big break room with a bunch of vending machines filled with processed foods and day old ham sandwiches. I went up to the counter along with my two liter bottles of water and paid before my lunch was even made. I knew the cashier well. She was a neighbor, probably in her mid-fifties, who had about ten foster kids under her wing and probably fifteen of them who had already moved out. It was a constant flow of children. I remember her telling me she wasn’t able to have kids, so she took this route. Although it may give you that warm & fuzzy feeling - this woman ran a military base like a drill sergeant. My best friend was among the ten children in that household. Whenever I’d sleep over on a Saturday night, she’d wake us up with some kind of loud horn and have us up and at ‘em just in time to go to mass. She had us l...

Sometimes life throws you a bunch of curve balls. Whether big or small, they tend to get caught up entangling your life leaving you neglecting the biggest part of your happiness: your friends & family. This year I have had so many minor health issues, mishaps and other annoying struggles which had me living in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. With that, I just want to apologize to all my close friends who haven’t heard from me as much lately. At times, I’m too tired to answer the phone, I forget who called me leaving me to forget to call back. There’s really no excuse for it. Things could be much worse. I’m a big baby when it comes to medical fiascos. With that, brings the thought of what had taken place a few years back. I was walking in Shoprite picking up a few things one afternoon. As I was grabbing a gallon of milk, this lady with long dark hair all the way down to her waist with a long flowing dress walks up to me, eyes bulging out as if she had just seen a gho...

Paula took a deep breath and let out a pathetic Monday morning sigh as she hung up her coat in the employee closet. “I’ll just never understand why that girl chooses to live a harder life.” I remained quiet, sitting in my cubical overhearing pre-coffee mumblings of her complaints. It was 8:40 am, twenty minutes before we had to punch in. I always came in early so I could boot up my computer and prepare myself for a day of mayhem filled with an array of irate customers that would call in to bitch about a two cent increase on their phone bill. You had to mentally and physically prepare for this type of work. I heard Paula shuffling around her desk and rambling over on the other side of the tall wall that separated us. “Did I do this to her? I mean -what would make her become a lesbian at the age of seventeen?” I thought to myself: become a lesbian...hrmm. As if some lesbian fairy godmother came waltzing into her daughter’s bedroom wearing Birkenstocks and a dangling chain wallet, I do...

For the longest time, I've been trying to write my second book. It's been challenging the last three years with my dad being sick and all. My emotions gave my writing ability a huge wall. Dad would always say, "Oh you gotta put this story in your book," but it wasn't my story. It was his. I'm jotting this book down in more of a lighthearted feel. That's how we were - all of us - lighthearted and laughing at our struggles in life. We never played the victim. That wasn't what our family was about. Dad would say, "I gave you excitement!" And he did. He begged me to write everything down, so with his wishes, I am collecting all of his stories as well as my own experiences to show you how life was for me as a kid and an adult. Of course, some names and places have been changed to protect the guilty. So please bear with me as I work on this next project. I'll be using this blog to vent out some of my frustrations about whatever. Until then, ...

At times, apologies are more than welcomed and surely a brave act of love and a willingness to oversee any past hurts that have been endured. But is it enough? Words are sometimes meaningless. And the old cliché, "Actions speak louder than words" can be applied here. There's something to be said for a constant persistence of sincerity - a genuine act of regretted actions in the form of a friendly invite, a "welcome back" if you will - if one accepts of course.  With anything in life, I weigh out the cons and pros. It may sound corny, but it really works. I even weigh out the cons and pros of a past friendship, an old job opportunity, to even bringing something new (or old) into my diet. Anything. Is it worth it? Will it (or they) improve my life? What if "just taking a chance" is the only option you have?  Fear can play a major role in your decision to bring back something in your past. Or, should the past be completely forgotten about? What if your ...

It was definitely an odd day today as I headed off to the supermarket after finishing a ton of work. After being sick for almost a week from touching the shopping cart handle and then touching my mouth, I came across a dilemma in the produce aisle: opening the baggies. I swear to you, with my intense OCD, I still sometimes touch my tongue to open those plastic bags up. They're impossible. But after this wild week of sickness and hospitalization --- hell. to. the. no. I saw bright red vine tomatoes and immediately fled to them. I ripped off a bag and yes, started to fiddle with the opening. I'm literally praying in my mind, "C'mon, just open. Open... Open!!!" Some guy across the vegetable stand saw me struggling and said, "They sure make it hard for us." Another gentleman standing near me said, "Here, let me get that for you." He opened it effortlessly. I say my 'thank yous' and rush off like a bat outa' hell into the next aisle. M...

There is no truth. There is no proof. There are no concrete answers to anything. People claim "the truth" as if it were the end all be all. There are many sectors of Christianity that believe in totally different things (other than the trinity) - ie: rules and "sins". How can you be so sure you're doing the right thing when the Christian right next to you is calling you a sinner? Your Bible says it's ok. His Bible speaks differently. Why are there so many misconstrued, misinterpreted, misunderstood, mis-mis-mis- misinformed scriptures? Slavery is okay. Two people of the same gender in a loving relationship is not. Killing children is okay. Divorcing your wife and remarrying someone else years later down the road is not. What about the scriptures about how much of an abomination eating shellfish and shaving off your beard is? Sitting next to a woman who happens to be menstruating is sinful and considered "unclean". How do we know she's menstru...

For the longest time I have hesitated to attend any type of church services. I’ve always said, “My relationship is with God and I can pray anywhere” - and I still stand by that statement, however lately I feel more of a pull - more of a need to be around more Christians, even if they disagree with my lifestyle. For one, I don’t have to say a word. I prefer Assembly of God churches, so it can be difficult for someone of the LGBT community to be “accepted” or taken seriously as a Christian. I have had so many positive experiences attending these types of churches, which makes me want to go back. What makes anyone think that their life is “cleaner” than my own? We’re all messy - we have our own little issues to deal with, but isn’t that how God made us? Or is it an intentional evil choice to be sinful? That depends I guess. What makes a divorcee with her ex-spouse still living, less sinful than the happily married homosexual sitting next to her? What makes a perceptual liar any less sin...

For years now, I've been arguing with "judgmental Christians" who mostly have a narrow view of the world and society. It became my mission to "correct" them -- as well as to protect those who were confused, belittled and hurt by these so called loving Christians. I still try to protect those who are hurt by religious and judgmental people, but there's more to it. There's the understanding of other people's "religious truth". The fact that religion in itself, spirituality in itself, has no scientific evidence, which is ironic that they call it "truth". I guess it's to make a much more persuasive impact on mind control, or perhaps brainwashing. Although my faith (my truth) cannot budge due to someone else trying to convince me otherwise, I no longer try to convince people to ~walk this way~.  God gave us all a choice. It's not up to me to point to whichever direction, because who knows, maybe my direction isn't the bes...

Creating an aura of “welcoming” to people of different faiths, religions and backgrounds is very important to me. Although I stand strong in my faith, I respect others’ as well. I believe it’s wonderful to share our views and beliefs, however there’s a fine line between sharing and persuading. The importance of keeping other people’s faith as valuable as your own tells me that that you’re confident and strong in what you believe in. Many Christians who I have come across have tried “persuading” me into thinking and believing their beliefs in terms of how to pray, how to live and how to live “the right life”. They’ve also tried teaching me how to be intolerant to other people of different faiths. Isn’t this contradictory to what Jesus did? I can’t tell you how many times I have taken many positive messages in different religions and have used them for my own personal use, yet still remaining faithful to my belief as a Christian. I received an email from someone who came across...

"Love is not just looking at each other, it's looking in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery Yesterday I spent some time with mom for her 74th birthday. She always gets excited like a little girl on her big day, which is rare for many people. Dad was there and feeling much better. He was joking around, trying to hit me with his cane and being his ol’ sarcastic self again. He’s appetite finally came back too. At 3pm, the nurse and the social worker from hospice came over to check on him. As he was speaking to the social worker, he mentioned all the things he did in life, like running the fish market, a restaurant, had his own excavation company and made foundations for many, many homes around the area. He said to her, “Don’t get old. It goes just. like. that,” as he snapped his fingers. “One day, you own your own business and do well with it for years, and then it’s gone...just like that.” I didn’t know how to respond to it and thought the social worker would...