Smile Through It...

Sometimes life throws you a bunch of curve balls. Whether big or small, they tend to get caught up entangling your life leaving you neglecting the biggest part of your happiness: your friends & family. This year I have had so many minor health issues, mishaps and other annoying struggles which had me living in doctors’ offices and emergency rooms. With that, I just want to apologize to all my close friends who haven’t heard from me as much lately. At times, I’m too tired to answer the phone, I forget who called me leaving me to forget to call back. There’s really no excuse for it. Things could be much worse. I’m a big baby when it comes to medical fiascos.

With that, brings the thought of what had taken place a few years back. I was walking in Shoprite picking up a few things one afternoon. As I was grabbing a gallon of milk, this lady with long dark hair all the way down to her waist with a long flowing dress walks up to me, eyes bulging out as if she had just seen a ghost and says, “You have to see me. You have a darkness surrounding you. I am so sorry to come up to you like this, but there is a darkness that I need to get rid of.” She handed me a flyer and whaddya’ know - she’s a psychic. Long story short, I went to her place to get a reading for shits and giggles and was told that I had an ex-husband with unresolved issues. Great. On top of that, for an extra $40 bucks, she will lift the darkness away from me. Wasn’t that the reason why I came to her anyway?

So last week, I’m sitting with a friend over coffee talking about all my health issues, little mishaps and bad luck lately. She stared at me and said, “Well the ‘darkness’ that the psychic told you about could possibly be this.” When I hear “darkness”, I think of extreme darkness - the unthinkable. Granted, this year has sucked, having to miss out on many events and enduring crap that was completely unnecessary, but one thing about me: I’m always laughing through it somehow. Even over a week ago when I had chopped the tip of my finger halfway off, I was in the emergency room laughing hysterically and cracking jokes with the doctors and nurses as I painfully went through the ‘reattachment’ process. While suffering the flu this year, I made sure to keep preoccupied with things I love to do and made the best of it.

I think that’s the key in life: making the best out of unfortunate circumstances. With age, I’m beginning to whine less and accept more. The nurses in the ER said, “Well there’s one happy patient!” I can’t say I’m completely happy - I can’t say anyone for that matter can acquire “complete happiness”, but we can all share the concept of acceptance and endurance during rough times in our lives and be “content”. Mind you, I haven’t yet experienced a great loss or a traumatic experience that may have me singing a different tune, but maybe God’s preparing me for the bigger stuff ahead. I sometimes think about the “what ifs”, and if I lose a loved one, God forbid. How will I react? Will I just be hysterical or will I feel numb and ask, “How come I’m not feeling anything”, and soon after, have it hit me like a ton of bricks?

Think about it: what would you do if the unthinkable happened to you? Life is incredibly short. Think about an memorable time in your past, and think about how short of time it really feels like. I can remember so much from my childhood and think, “Wow, I cannot believe I am 39 years old now.” Facebook doesn’t help either. I remember fearing my parents moving up into their 70’s. I remember the last few days of my father's life. It was feared. It was faced. My favorite quote about life is: “Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” I don’t know who the author of that quote is, it’s debatable as I have searched for it online, but I had once heard it spoken by Joyce Meyer, my favorite Christian speaker, and I have never forgotten it. Here I am with anxiety disorder telling others not to “worry”, but to me, anxiety is just an uncontrolled disabling thing that has no rationale behind it, until you find out what’s underneath all the rubble. Even after it’s rationalized, it’s time to get out of the rocking chair and smile through it. I have a lot more fears to face.

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