Living Proof

It’s amazing how fearful I’ve become ever since I’ve created this blog. I thought that my words and my thoughts would trigger some sort of bond with those struggling with homosexuality and coming to God. My book was already out and I needed another outlet as far as writing went. Then, I came across other Christians who were completely appalled by the fact that I was a lesbian writing about Christian matters. How can a lesbian be Christian? How can a Christian be a lesbian? All these questions and judgmental remarks towards me left me wondering if I really wanted to surround myself with other Christians. But, what is the actual definition of a Christian? -Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus. -Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus' teachings. -Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christ-like. -Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents. -Showing a loving concern for others; humane. ...

How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father and mother, “Why was I born? Why did you make me this way?” ~Isaiah 45:10 It’s one of the first scriptures I reference to in the book I wrote . I’m finding that I’m having difficulty understanding why God brought me here – why He chose to put me here on earth full of life’s struggles. I’m sure a lot of you go through similar things, but different flavors. I used to get frustrated with so many things in the past. I couldn’t get to point A. to point B. fast enough. But my excuse back then was, “But I’m still young…it’ll happen.” I’m thirty-three years old now. Things should be moving and shaking, and they aren’t, however I won’t mention which parts are moving and shaking at my age now. We’ll just leave it at that! I would love to entertain the thought of not being an envious person. Sadly enough, I find myself wondering why things are happening so easily for some, but so challenging for me. My work is much different from othe...

And when I say people are insincere with their advice on how to deal with depression, it’s meant in the terms of those who haven’t experienced it themselves. They think it’s just a ‘sad day’ and that it’ll pass. They truly believe there’s a root cause of it all. “Well something must have happened.” No. “Oh, she’s probably having a fight with her girlfriend.” No again. My girlfriend is the only thing keeping me alive actually! (Of course second to God’s help.) I’m torn between those who belittle the feelings of depression and those who have no idea how to approach the matter delicately. There is no delicate approach actually. The attempt to communicate is enough effort to me. The attempt to make me laugh is even greater! Maybe I’m self-loathing, self-centered, self-analyzing, self-diagnosing and most of all, self-destructive. My therapist says, “I’m okay”. I don’t need medication to help me. He says that I have ‘generalized anxiety’, and that I’m not experiencing anything different fro...

Everything’s going to be all right. Things will look up. These are words that are said to me when I’m feeling depressed. These words are worse than saying, “Your life’s a complete disaster!” I’d rather someone say that instead. Give me the truth instead of sugar coating the bare facts with mere insincerity. No one’s there to help, they’re only out to give their two cents. And what is it really worth? It’s full of lies. “You watch, tomorrow’s going to be a better day.” No. Tomorrow is going to be the same day as today, the same day as yesterday and the day before that. “You’re PMSing.” No, not all month. The majority of my days here on earth are days filled with too many tears – days filled with heartache and the scars that I keep holding from the past. Am I moving on or am I still stuck in some torturous limbo waiting to be released? What is this? Is this a life? I can’t move and I can’t get to where I want to be. All my hard work has done what? Sure, I can give tons of advice on my w...

Let’s face it, the initial attraction to someone of interest is their appearance. That’s just surface of course. The substance is more important. Everything else fades eventually. Even in my own life, I’ve always been attracted to someone who carries herself better than her initial appearance. It’s more important to me. But, I’m thankful that I have looks, intelligence, friendship and laughter with my current partner. After the looks eventually head over the hills, I’m thankful enough I’ll be left with intelligence (unless she goes senile), friendship and laughter. I want to grow old with the person I’m with. I don’t want them to focus too much on their reflection in the mirror. I want them to focus on what’s inside. Years ago, I once dated someone you could call ‘less than attractive’. She wasn’t the type you’d bring to a nice restaurant nor introduce her to your parents. She had her own style, yet it was way too shocking for anyone in my life to accept. Why did I care so much? Why...

Have you ever noticed how much celebrities have an affect on people? Gossip, tabloids, paparazzi and news reporters swarm to them like bees to honey. You read stories about them, you see their life on TV and hear rumors on the radio reporting various things. You actually feel like you know them well. We start making assumptions about their character. “Well, if Britney Spears was home with her baby instead of partying all night…” “Did you hear that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are together again? They were seen at a basketball game!” Or the latest: “I can’t believe Anna Nicole Smith died! She was such a nice girl.” (A few months later the same person was calling her a dimwit.) How do you know someone if you don’t have a relationship with them? If you don’t spend time with them, you don’t talk with them to great lengths and you don’t visit them at their house, then how would you get to know them? This is the same scenario as having a relationship with God. His tabloid is the bi...

Why are we arguing? For centuries, we’ve been arguing over religion. The same religions argue over what’s right and what’s wrong. Who’s right? Each person believes a differently from one another. Some are slightly varied from another and others are way out of the ballpark from the rest of the ‘same religion’. Christians, Catholics, Protestants, Episcopalians and other trinity-based religions read the same bible. The question is, why are they interpreting different meanings of the passages? Is it because it’s been translated so many times that we’ve lost all meaning of it? Or is it simply that God translates His word into our hearts as we read it? I find that Christians are constantly battling it out with one another. Didn’t God say in the bible that we are not to judge one another? Didn’t He also say criticism is bad? In this Scripture found in Romans 14:1-4, is says this: "Accept Christians who are weak in faith, and don’t argue with them about what they think is right or wrong....

For most of my life I thought my entire being was meaningless. I had no ‘part’ in life – no role to play. I grew up the youngest out of four siblings. I was the baby of the family. They even called me ‘the baby’ until I was about to reach ten years old. During my teen years, I still was treated much like ‘the baby’ of the family. I was always protected and guarded. My mother never wanted me to leave the house or go out with my friends. I’m thirty-three now (or as I tell everyone- 29) she still doesn’t want me to travel or go far distances due to the evil world out there. She’s nervous something will happen to me. The constant fear she holds in her heart regarding my whereabouts sometimes drives me crazy, but other times I’m very grateful that someone loves me that much. Back to thinking my life was meaningless. I had to direction. I had no guidance or advice, other than, “Stay home Deb,” or “Don’t travel so far away Deb,” and “It’s snowing, stay home instead.” I was ‘safer’ in my mo...

“Make sure you understand what the master wants.” Ephesians 5:17 TM Living Out of the Wrong Bag -The Word for You Today Have you ever mistakenly picked somebody else’s luggage off the conveyer belt at the airport and taken it home? Two seconds after opening it up you discovered – you can’t live out of somebody else’s bag! You can’t wear their clothes or fit into their shoes. So why do we try to? Dad says, “Son, your granddad was a farmer, I’m a farmer, and some day you’ll inherit the farm.” A teacher warns a young girl who wants to be a stay-at-home mom, “Don’t squander your life. With your gifts, you could make it to the top.” Church leaders say, “ Jesus was a missionary. Do you want to please Him? Spend your life on foreign soil.” Sound counsel or poor advice? That depends on what God packed in your bag. What if God made the farmer’s son with a passion for literature or medicine? Or gave that girl a love for kids and homemaking? If foreign cultures frustrate you ...

Through faith, we are God’s children. Galatians explains this perfectly. God’s Children Through Faith Let me put it in another way. The law was our guardian and teacher to lead us until Christ came. So now, through faith in Christ, we are made right with God. But now that faith in Christ has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian. So you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have been made like him. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male or female. For you are ALL Christians—you are one in Christ Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and now all the promises God gave to him belong to you. ~Galatians 3:24-29 There is a huge difference between sinning and a sinful heart. Sinning is simply being human. A sinful heart desires to sin – it wants to hurt people and deliberately wants to steal your joy. A human that sins is natural. We repe...

Continuing to constantly struggle between what’s right and what’s wrong is a major challenge that everyone has. What’s ‘right’ for you may not be right for somebody else. Each person is designed and created to do different works here on earth. I’d like to think of us as the old corporate saying goes, ‘the link’. You’re an important link to what God is trying to accomplish. We need different people of various lifestyles in order to maintain balance. “ Well he/she’s not living a life of God.” No one can say that. Maybe God has used you or someone else in order for others to learn a valuable lesson. We only see a small scope of God’s work, but God sees the big picture. You were getting along so well. Who has interfered with you to hold you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom. But it takes only one wrong person among you to infect all the others—a little yeast spreads quickly through the whole batch of dough! I am trusting th...