And then my mom went through a health scare of her own. Mom got diagnosed with cancer. The video below shows the final day of her radiation treatment, which only turned out to be more radiation and much more chemo and operations.
After Dad's passing, (as bad as this may sound) -- we had a period of time -- a 'peaceful, calm, you-did-all-you-can-so-rest-now' kind of time. But it only got worse when I found out that my worst nightmare was about to come true. They diagnosed my mom with cancer, and well, that was it for me. Every single radiation and chemo treatment haunted me, reminding me of what Dad went through. There was even a glimmer of hope once her radiation treatment was over, as the video above shows how relieved she was to be on the road of recovery. But it didn't end there. Every surgery scared me with such fear, that I lost all knowledge on how to sleep again. I kept the drinking down to a minimum, because I needed to be alert and sober so that if I got a call in the middle of the night that mom needed to go to the hospital, I'd be up and ready with no problem. But I still drank and ate the wrong foods. Trying to make mom feel as comfortable as possible, I started cooking meals almost every night, making the house smell like "home" again -- a place where we all ate dinner together as a family. I wanted a sense of familiarity -- the kind that mom used to give to us. And in my effort in trying to help all I can, I lost a little bit of "me" along the way.
|Me at the sleep study clinic.|
But something good did come of it all. I spent so much time working on my relationship with God, praying and meditating and solely relying on Him. And although I may not be the same person I was 7 years ago, I am so much better spiritually. But now I have to work on the rest of me, and I know it's going to be a challenging haul. I started watching my diet and walking more. Today, I'm cycling and trying to regain my strength back. The sleepless nights may screw with my schedule a bit, but all hope isn't gone. I still get anxiety from time to time, and I still suffer from depression, but I desperately need to help ME before I can help anybody else. If I don't take care of myself, there'll be nobody to take care of those who I love and cherish. Many caretakers lose their health due to neglect. I've done that over the past couple of years. I'm not looking to be a size 4 or trying to become some athlete or anything -- I just want a balanced life. That's all. I want to be there for my family and feel good each day. I haven't made "goals" because the only goal is just for today. When I focus on future goals, I seem to get frustrated on how long it's taking. So "just for today" I will make better health choices. Just for today, I will BE happy. Just for today, I will eat better. Just for today, I will move more. And just for today, I will PRAY more.
This has been a very hard article to write. I'm not making excuses on why I neglected my own health -- I'm opening up my eyes on why I should be a strong and able person for the ones I love the most. That's it in a nutshell.
Any prayers would be appreciated for my mom. She's still going through chemo and we're expecting (not hoping) for a miracle! With God, all things are possible. I believe in prayer, and if you can send prayers or positive energy our way, I'd appreciate that more than anything!
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