Inner Turbulence
Truth be told, I can’t tell if this year was better than last, or if ten years ago was all that much better, but I do know that “today” seems paralyzing. Emotionally, I can’t seem to function to where people would like me to. Spiritually, I feel deafened by the words of God. Physically, I feel drained - depleted of all energy, and other days, I can walk or cycle miles at a time, taking all my frustrations out on whatever fuel I have left to work on. I’ve been hypocritical, judgmental and in a state of rage. It’s the person I never wanted to become. Here she is: Cynical. Pessimistic. Depressed. Numb. The black cloud that’s been following me hasn’t quite dissipated yet, or as fast as I would like it to. I expect too much, and often get disappointed with people or situations. I’m up all night with insomnia, because if I do fall asleep, the first seconds of ‘falling’ are interrupted by intense jolts of anxiety, making me gasp for air. My heart races and leaves me awake, listening to the ...