Living Proof

Have you ever had an argument with your other half and it just carries on and on, into a path of that dreaded awkward silence? After having a little spat with the wife, I sat at my desk with my coffee, staring out at the rain and began to think about my past and how unstable it used to be. I used to have that with my ex-girlfriends. The arguments seemed to have lasted forever. Between stubbornness, pride, ego - whatever the reason - it just wouldn't let up. And it's especially challenging when both people have huge egos to boot. But the one thing I most admire about my wife is that she has a short memory. I don't mean that in a bad way either. (She's probably plotting my murder after that sentence.) I mean, when we have a heated argument and things are just crazy, an hour later, she'll be like, "Honey, wanna go to the store with me?" --As if nothing took place. It's not that she "forgot" about it -- it's more about forgiveness. I admit,...

Sometimes I feel like everybody in my life wants to give me a jab because either they’re in a bad mood or they resent me for something.  Maybe it’s all in my head, I don’t know. As of lately, I’ve noticed certain people who are in my life poking at me for the smallest of things, making a big fiasco out of nothing. I find that if I don’t respond the way they want me to (combative and explosive), then they seem to get angrier. I simply accept what they say, without it seeming arrogant or nonchalant, nor undermining their feelings, and then I get blasted with a well thought out rebuttal as though they were saying, “Watch--this’ll get under her skin...” Even when I try to go out of my way for these people to do nice things for them, or to make them feel better when they’re seemingly in a disgruntle mood, I get comments like, “Aww, was that a Hallmark moment for you?” Maybe I don’t understand people as well as I thought I did. Maybe I’m doing something wrong here but all I know is, peo...

A very special friend of mine had written me something I needed to read: Looking back, may I be filled with gratitude; Looking forward, may I be filled with hope; Looking upward, may I be aware of strength; Looking inward, may I find peace. ~Author unknown Sometimes, I find myself surrounded by those who wreak havoc on my emotions. Maybe it’s the way I internalize things, events and situations? Maybe it’s the way I process it all? As I try to resolve and find solutions for anything that has gone wrong in my life, my ‘opponents’ seem to dwell and seek further turmoil and drama. I’m not sure why. Are there people who seem to be attracted to complicated situations or drama? If they don’t have the excitement of arguments or conflicts, do they find themselves lost in a world of silence? I always try to understand how the human mind works. I mostly try to understand how my own mind works. Some would say I easily blow off the ‘big things’---the things that need more attention or focus on. Wh...

It’s been a while since I’ve actually written a solid entry in here. My computer, as you know went bonkers on me. I had to get it repaired and send it out since it was still under warranty. The most frustrating aspect of it all was the tech support group in India who helped me- or at least tried. Since I’ve been without a computer for this long, I’ve done a lot of praying, meditating and reading. I’ve been coming to terms with issues that haven’t been resolved. Yes, I have issues – ask my shrink. I realized this week that I’m a total control freak. If things aren’t going accordingly to “my plan”, then I’m bound to stomp, bitch and moan over the things that cannot be “controlled”. ( Hence my previous short post .) That explained a lot. See, all my life, I had this idea of anyone who came into my life needed to meet my ‘standards’. My standards were impossible. I'd make a fuss over many things, such as a partner on a business trip, late hours, someone who focused way too much on wor...