Saturday, December 04, 2021

Emotional Self-Preservation

"I'm Sorry."

After the last couple of years, and whatever it is that you may be personally going through, it's especially important to use the word "no" more often. I love the expression, "you do you"----because it's true. You need to make yourself feel at peace, and comfortable with each choice you make. This goes for absolutely anything. If you don't want to attend a holiday party, then don't go. Graciously decline. If you're asked to do something that is out of your comfort zone, there is nothing wrong with the word, "no," followed by a thank you of course. Don't apologize either. I have a bad habit of saying, "I'm sorry, but I can't." I also say to a person who is waiting on us in a restaurant, "I'm sorry, but can I bother you for another cup of coffee?" That entire sentence speaks volumes about yourself (or myself in this case.) I was always made to feel bad about asking for help, even if it was paid help. I was always made to feel bad about anyone doing anything for me. I still can't break the habit completely, but I'm getting better. Many people apologize when an apology isn't even needed. An unnecessary apology usually indicates you were made to feel bad about asking for help or setting boundaries somewhere, at some point in your life. 

Emotional Vampires

There is nothing wrong with lending an ear to someone who needs to vent, or helping someone out who needs a little assistance. But remember: your cup has to be filled before you can give. If your cup is full, do whatever you can at whatever comfort level you're at. If your cup is empty, explain to whoever that you need to cocoon for a while and recharge your batteries. Try to explain what you're going through (if you're comfortable enough) so the person understands, or simply say, "Another time, I'm going through a lot right now." And it's perfectly fine. But be mindful of those who just suck the living force right out of you---the people who meet you when your cup is full, and then leave you with your cup high and dry. I have an uncanny ability to see dark clouds around people. This is a whole other issue though. People who draw negativity into their lives (usually dabbling with more sinister spiritual or lifestyle practices) or those who keep opening up portals by being way too curious about the dark side, can literally drain your energy even if they're a mile away. This is a really hard one, because I had to distance myself from a friend years ago, because she was practicing witchcraft. She called herself a "white witch,"---but for me, a witch is a witch. It goes against every grain and every fiber of my being. Her energy (well intended energy) brought a slew of darkness. Whenever she left my home, I felt emotionally and physically drained. That feeling wouldn't leave me for quite a few days. 

There are also those who have way too many small problems that keep them from being happy. I call them the "Debbie Downers." Ironic, huh? I get depressed from time to time, and sometimes I'm irritated about something, but I refuse to inflict that on my friends and family. (Sometimes family ha!) They love me anyway. But my point is, if someone is too negative for you, set your boundaries. Don't feel bad about keeping them at arm's length. You need to not only physically survive in this world, but you also have to emotionally survive as well. If your negative friend calls you and does not even ask, "hey, how are you" at any point of the conversation, then it's a one way friendship. You are not anyone's therapist. Of course, you can help them all you want, be a good friend, but at what point do you start feeling like they don't even care about you? A friendship is a two way, beautiful relationship between those who respect one another. An imbalance of a friendship is a prelude to possible resentment and indifference. 


As we season beautifully like a fine wine (ok that's just pushing it) -- but as we age, we find ourselves less concerned over unnecessary drama. An uncomplicated friendship to me is having a cup of coffee with a good friend, talking about anything and everything, with tons of trust, with the ability to not get emotionally invested. And keep in mind, some people want to know your story, to only share your story with someone else. Put on your intuitive cap and be mindful. Share what you think "may" be shared with the public. Always keep that in the back of your mind, because there are a whole lotta gossip hens who want to do nothing but share your business to their other buddies. Be quiet about your personal life, especially your intimate life. About ten years ago, I was way too open for my own good. I shared something very personal with a friend, who didn't share it with other people, but they got emotionally invested and seemed angry toward me afterward. Months later, she admitted to me that she was jealous about a particular thing I had said to her. I had no way of knowing that it would make my good friend jealous. 

Also, make sure that when good things happen to you---your friend is genuinely happy for you. A true friend will be as happy as you are about whatever blessings came your way. Last night, I just found out a good friend bought her first house to be built from the ground up! I was so happy for her, I had tears in my eyes! She works so hard to get where she is. If you don't feel excitement and pure joy for your friend when they accomplish something they've dreamed of, or when they receive a huge blessing out of nowhere, then you truly don't like them at all. That's just psychology 101. If you find that after you receive a blessing, and someone in your life randomly drums up a whole lotta drama --- be mindful that they're most likely envious of whatever happened to you. There is zero positivity in that whatsoever. 


"Those who control their anger have great understanding; those with a hasty temper will make mistakes." --Proverbs 14:29

About a year ago when I was still drinking, the alcohol would keep my little "pandora's box" open at all times. I had no filter. Stuff came out of my mouth that even shocked myself. My behavior was ten times different than it is today. I couldn't believe how much of a change I went through since I put the bottle down. I observe more than I interact most times, because usually, people reveal their true nature if you let them go on. Even if it offends you, let them keep digging that proverbial hole in the friendship. 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." --Proverbs 15:1 

There's a difference between being direct with someone and calling them out their nonsense, rather than just going off on them about something that just irritates you. You always want honestly in someone. But once that person flips their lid on your and/or shows you their true colors---as that old saying goes, never try to repaint them again. Forgive and move on, but set your boundaries and never allow them to hurt you ever again. 

Red Flags

  • Your friend vents to you nonstop or seems to always be in crisis. 
  • Your friend never asks how you're doing or takes an interest in your life. 
  • Your friend has an endless list of needs and expectations. 
  • Your friend is never there for you when you need to vent. 
  • Your friend's problems are always bigger, worse, or more extreme than yours. 
  • Your friend uses guilt and manipulation when you're not there for them. 
  • Your friend is rarely happy for you and often struggles with envy and jealousy. 
  • Your friend wants all the attention and monopolizes the conversation. 
  • Your friend doesn't know how to move on or let things go. 
  • Your friend has low self-esteem and needs constant reassurance. 
  • Your friend lacks self-awareness. 
  • Your friend never thanks you for being there for them. 

Again, while it's ok to be there for anyone when they're in a crisis, make sure that your cup is full and that it's not a constant energy sucking fiasco every time you and this person are together. A friendship is a give and take, and once it's noticeably unbalanced, the friendship may be in trouble. 

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at for some of her famous recipes!

Wednesday, December 01, 2021

Witchcraft Disguised as Christianity

There was a time when I thought, "Why are all these bad things happening to me all at once?" They heavy depression, the fierce anxiety that struck out of nowhere and wouldn't let up. I even had intense anger over things that were so minuscule---I couldn't figure it out. It was only a few months after I had lost my mom. I even remember it was the end of September. I was so desperate to connect with my mom. I wanted to know if she was okay. I knew in my heart that seeing a medium was a sin. Ok ok, well God will forgive me just this once... I used to live stream and do cooking shows, and also talk about mental health. We had a nice group in there. People could call in and talk about what they were going through and I would try to relate by sharing my experiences. Well, one night while on the live stream, someone said, "Why is someone calling Lola in the background?" (That's my dog.) I chuckled and said nervously, I have no clue. Then minutes later, another question... 

"Rose is right behind you giggling." 

I stopped. That's my mom.

I clicked on the name, which had a VIP badge on it (usually meaning a legit well known person with many followers, etc.) He was a psychic medium. Everyone was saying hello to him as if he was a celebrity. 

I honed in on him. 

"Tell me more..." 

He went on to tell me that she's okay, and she loves me---very generalized things you'd expect your mama to say if she was on the other side. I sort of became disinterested and moved back into the prior discussion we were all having.

"You found three pocket watches, didn't you?" he wrote.

I actually did and I knew one in particular was special to my mom. She hung it around the huge lamp that sat on her nightstand. The other two were sitting in the same box. One silver with a chain and a glass cover, and the other one was gold with just a small chain. Keep in mind I was upstairs in my office, while all their belongings were downstairs in a room. 

"Please get the silver one with the hands pointing to the three and nine. That particular one meant a lot to your father. Did your dad pass too? Because he's here and making himself known." 

Everyone in the room started egging me on to literally take my phone and video me going downstairs to find this. I set the phone on a table in the living room while I went to get the pocket watches. I found the silver one with the hands facing the three and the nine.

I came back to the camera, and dangled the pocket watch that described what he was talking about. 

After all of the "wows" and "ooohs" ---I sort of let it go. I was scared to go further, because in my heart, I knew it was wrong, and I knew that who he was talking to were not my parents. They were what's called "familiar spirits." They can tell you every experience you ever had with a deceased loved one, making you think that it's them. Now, I do believe that your loved ones can give you messages and talk to you in some cosmic way, but going through a medium or relying on or (praying) to your deceased loved one is dangerous. Dangerous --- meaning ---- these spirits can attach themselves to you. Yes, God will forgive you, but it's not just that. It's a battle that you are about to take on that you wish you never had. And I had to go through mine. 

Days later, this medium's words still resonated with me. It echoed in my mind a million times. One afternoon as I was driving, I stopped into this local cafe that had just opened up. They make really good Ethiopian and Colombian coffee. It's definitely a brew that'll put hair on your chest. As I waited for the barista to grind my beans and brew his 'magic' --- the female owner said, "Would you like to meet our in house medium? She's a wonderful psychic and does tarot cards, but if your faith  doesn't allow, we understand. (NO one has ever did a business intro with calling out my faith.)  Then I see this woman come out of a black curtain, probably in her late twenties, long black hair, a bit eclectic and on the hippyish side. 

"Hi!" she said, reaching out for my hand. Of course I shook her hand and said hello. But something drew me to her. Her personality was warm, caring, and her eyes seemed to look straight into my soul with this compassionate energy wrapped around the both of us. I felt a sense of safety. And during this time in my life, I was so incredibly lonely, because I had isolated myself from all my friends and family due to my crippling grief. I just wanted to talk to somebody---anybody.

"I would love a reading!" 

She ordered a coffee for herself as well. She made it a casual 'one on one', where I just felt like I was talking to a friend. We first discussed that we were both Italian. She grew up in an Italian household, so of course the conversation of food and Sunday dinners came up, and she didn't forget about the wooden spoon. I had the inclination that she would've been too young to have had experienced the wrath of the wooden spoon, but she related to all of it. She seemed like an old soul. When I mentioned that, she said, "I get that a lot." She lost her mother at a young age, so right there---I knew that she knew how much pain I was in.

So now that we had established a connection, she honed in on my vulnerabilities. She said a bunch of things that anyone would've guessed, being that they lost their favorite person in the world. She also stated the fact that I was lonely. Well, yeah, I'm in a cafe all by myself drinking coffee and getting a tarot yeah, pretty lonely to be doing this. 

Moving on. 

Days later I started getting the worst panic attacks in the morning. I would wake up and immediately vomit. The dry heaving spells took a heavy toll on my chest and back muscles. I was in such pain but yet, couldn't stop these weird episodes. Then, I started to get sick. I came down with the flu which put me into the hospital. I had what's called pleurisy. It's inflammation of the lining of your lungs caused by pneumonia. It causes intense pain when breathing. I literally. had to raise both arms up in order to get air into my lungs. I was hooked up to steroid drips, nebulizers, antibiotics for the pneumonia and ended up with all sorts of eye infections. My asthma made it even worse. I ended up losing all function of my voice. I had damaged my vocal cords from the constant coughing, which made my voice sound much different after I recovered. I literally almost died. While sleeping, I sounded like someone had placed a harmonica in my mouth. This lasted until January. I was the sickest I had ever been in my whole entire life.

It didn't stop just there. One night, (well morning actually) at 3am, I was in the living room reading an article because I couldn't sleep. Out of nowhere, I heard someone call out, "Debbie!" It was my mom's voice. I *audibly* heard this---it was not in my head. She called my name and sounded so excited that she got through the veil in order for me to hear her audibly. Now, you would think this would've made me feel excited and entertain it---but something felt dark about it---real dark. So I ran back inside my bedroom and put the covers over my head. The next day, I prayed so hard to rid of whatever and whoever was pretending to be my mom. During this time, strange things would happen around my house, lights flickered, footsteps were heard walking down the hallway, and I would feel someone touch my forehead at night. None of these things felt comforting. 

During that entire time, I always had things like, singing bowls, sage, and used yoga as a meditative tool to relax. I held crystals and healing stones that were from a store that even sells things for witchcraft. But I just shrugged that part off, and focused on the positive side. There was no positive side. I not only experienced intense anxiety and fear, and depression. Along came the suicidal ideations and one attempt that almost took my life. There was a huge oppressiveness upon me that was so incredibly hard to get rid of. I couldn't sleep because I was experiencing myoclonic jerks and seizures, which is caused from anxiety. I went to a million doctors about this and no one knew what to do for me. 

The more I spoke to my friend, Jackee, who would do these prayer live streams, it finally dawned on me why I was going through such a horrific time. Sometimes, I would just listen to her live streams, while other times, she would call me and literally pray over me, and my entire house. She told me a few things. In her slight southern accent, she said, "Boo boo, you gotta get rid of that singing bowl and a few other things that are taking away your peace." I had no idea what she meant. She also warned me about yoga. I said, "But they have Christian yoga." And she said, "Girl, they also have Christian witchcraft---please listen to me. Objects have energy. Get rid of all of that and stay away from any yoga practices!" 

Here's why yoga is so dangerous. When you perform a yoga pose, you are asking the Kundalini spirit to rise up and enter your spine (chakras.) The only spirit you want in you is the Holy Spirit. In an article by Martin Booe, he states: "Too much Kundalini awakening too fast is not without peril. Problems can arise when Kundalini energy is diverted into the side channels that flank the spinal cord -- known as the ida and pingala. This phenomenon is sometimes called a "spiritual emergency." Along with feelings of ecstasy and bliss, the yogi may experience a number of unpleasantly intense signs that include burning or even searing sensations, intense spasms, vibrating and jerking. Uncontrollable emotions can arise so strongly, in fact, that the process can resemble a psychotic breakdown according to clinical psychologist, Bonnie Greenwell in her book "Energies of Transformation." Some people who were abused as children may feel great fear as the awakening unlocks long-repressed memories of trauma or violation." 

The vibrating and jerking is what I was experiencing, which would keep me up till 4am every single night. It almost drove me nuts, until I knew what it was stemming from. I'm still reeling in from it. Occasionally I still get these jerks at night, which keeps me in check with my prayer time. 

This affects your nervous system so badly, that it can take years to recover from. As Martin Booe also states, "As with any electrical system, a power surge of Kundalini can damage the grid, causing grave mental and physical illness. While the channels through which Kundalini travels do roughly correlate with the nervous system, Kundalini is a subtle energy form that can't be measured like ordinary nerve circulation is." 

Mental and physical illness. This is not the yoga I thought it was. And it surprises me to see so many dedicated Christians falling for this, without researching its origins. I was one of them! If it wasn't for my dear friend, Jackee, I wouldn't have made it out alive. Her faith in God and her prayers were so powerful, it led me to seek out other things that I was being deceived by. 

And I know when I talk about these things, people think I'm some kinda crazy Christian. Yes, I'm crazy, but I'd be crazy not to look more into this sort of stuff. Be mindful of what you put into your body---not just nutritional-wise. I suffered for such a long time because I wasn't looking deeper into what I was "enjoying." It felt good. That's what I liked about it. How can something that feels so good, be so bad? Think about it.

What objects are in your home that possess evil or negative energy? 

It took a whole lotta coercing for me to let go of my singing bowls. For one, it made me feel good---made me feel peaceful before my prayer and meditation. The resonating sound would send tingles down my spine. It made it feel as though the air was cleared. But the truth is, many use this as a source of contacting spirits, as well as it being used for witchcraft. One can argue that they've been using this tool, like any other instrument in churches for years. But many churches aren't what they appear to be either. I swept through my home, and got rid of things I knew were possibly affecting my wellbeing. Singing bowls, crystals, stones, even gifts that were given to me by people I knew were pagan/Wiccan.

With constant prayer and connection to God, repentance and healing, I found my peace. It took a while, but things started happening to me that I couldn't possibly explain. Good things were starting to happen. We found a townhome that was remarkably inexpensive. I kept asking, "What's wrong with it?" But it was perfect! On top of that, one day I was looking for my keys in my purse, and grabbed a bunch of crisp $50 dollar bills that added up to $700.00 --- the amount we needed for part of our closing costs. I kept asking everyone--who dropped this in my purse? It looked like it came straight out of an ATM. Not one crease whatsoever. I even did a live stream on Periscope showing everyone what had happened. The thing is, I never brought this purse with me. I always left my purse in the car. (My purse never holds anything of value---it's a big bag for water, Advil, tissues, gum, and other miscellaneous clutter.) But someone physically had to have put that money in there, and for the life of me, I still can't figure it out. They money didn't stop coming. We were blessed to have had the entire townhome redone with hard wood floors and painted every room a different color. 

In all honesty, I thought after we lost our house, we would've ended up in a studio apartment on top of some bar somewhere. Hey---I'm not too proud to live in small quarters, but I seriously thought we may have gone homeless for a while. Getting out of this oppressiveness led us into better health and better financial situations. 

I will never risk my mental, spiritual and physical health again by seeking out a medium or dabbling into things that are considered "witchcraft." It's not worth it---trust me. It seems so innocent, yet it will rip you of everything you cherish, like your mental health, your physical health, your spiritual health and put you into a pit of depression that you can't fight off by yourself. But if you call on the name of the Lord, with genuine intent to repent and seek a new life---watch what happens. And don't forget to thank Him, and whoever (our earth angels) who guided us there too. (Thank you, Jackee.) 

If you made it this far into my write up---thank you for reading. I pray that whatever you are struggling with today, that God will heal and restore you like new. Be willing to give up some of the crutches that are making you stumble spiritually. You won't regret it, I promise. 

Please remember: psychics, mediums and practicing yoga are all harmful for your spiritual and physical wellbeing. It is all witchcraft. Many people are practicing these things not realizing it's all a part of witchcraft. Get rid of the crystals, the stones, the pentagram (five pointed star.) It does not represent anything good. If satanists use it---why would you? They say it represents the five elements of this earth---but we are not of this world. Don't be deceived. Do some cleaning and watch the blessings start flowing.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at for some of her famous recipes!

Emotional Self-Preservation

"I'm Sorry." After the last couple of years, and whatever it is that you may be personally going through, it's especially ...