Living Proof

On a clear day, without a cloud in the sky, we'd run over to the sprinklers in our one piece bathing suits, hopping around carefree. It was usually while waiting for the pool to officially open. Grandma would be plucking peas out from their pods in a huge cast iron pot and husking corn outside on the patio while watching us all play. It was a simple life. Our greatest concern was running out of iced tea. Mom would be inside preparing dinner and getting everything ready by the time Dad came home at 5pm. Dad would start the barbecue grill up and if you weren't already sitting around the picnic table, you'd hear him yell, "C'mon! It's gonna get cold on yaz'!" After dinner, we'd usually wash up and get into our PJs and then gather around the living room television set to watch All in the Family, Carol Burnett and Happy Days . Happy days… I don't remember a sad one back then. I wanted to grow up so bad. I wanted to drive a car and do adult...

Too much for the mind... Some say that when you reach your 40's, you're wiser and more spiritually in tune. Some believe you need to reach the age of 40 in order to read the Torah, otherwise the words will never be fully understood. They say it would be too much for the mind to handle. For me, I believe it's more of a spiritual sense whether you've developed it like a muscle or if you were truly blessed to reach that level of understanding. I guess for years I was more of a closet spiritual person, more of a closet Christian. Not to say that I was ashamed of my religion, but I didn't want to bump heads with anyone who believed differently than I did until I was well into my adulthood. At that point, I didn't care. I didn't care if people thought I was a "crazy Christian" or some kook who just had hallucinations of God Himself. It's funny, because I have friends that ask me a million questions about my beliefs and how to read the bible to wh...

Technology is a double edged sword. On one hand, it's helpful and very handy in doing everyday little or big tasks. It keeps us connected instantaneously and let's us discover the world in ways we never knew. On the other hand, it can deceive one's perception of people, friends, etc. It can even cause us to be antisocial if we let it. What I found interesting as of late was an old friend, ok ok, an old flame that had contacted me saying hello and then going on to say how different I've become. She even went on to say, "Who is this Deb?"  She remembers me riddled with anxiety and plagued with depression at times. She remembers my phobias and how I struggled with coping. But she also remembers the 'social butterfly' that she once used to love, that she grew to hate. Funny how someone can hate the one thing that they initially fell in love with.  So I asked her, "Have I changed?" And with that, goes along with many things she didn't ta...

In the past, I used to roll my eyes whenever someone would talk about, “the laws of attraction” or “karma” type of situations where they could place a ‘blame’ on something happening in their lives. Some would chuck it up to luck and others would simply say, “it was all meant to be.” The one cliché that I tend to cringe at, but I somewhat agree with is, “You are exactly where you’re supposed to be.” What about déjà vu? I remember a friend telling me that when déjà vu occurs, it’s a 'scene' that you have already been through in a previous life (perhaps repeating your life again), where the message or purpose is to let you know that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be in your life. It would happen a lot during one point in my life where I questioned it constantly. I still do. I get various answers - too many answers to where I just chuck it up to a ‘faulty memory’. Getting back to the laws of attraction or even karma, I have to say that these past couple of months h...

Most of my days aren’t so ‘gloom & doom’ - they’re either mediocre day-to-day average or very pleasant, hoping to exceed the ‘most exciting day of my life’ type of day. With no real high expectations, I do make the best of the days I have left. Looking back, I clearly remember my friend Jamie coming over while I was down in the dumps about whatever was brewing at the time, and she would sit herself down on the couch across from me and turn on her little Macbook. I’d shoot her a glance from across the room, noticing her shooting a glance back at me, hoping I would listen to whatever came out of her tiny silver laptop. It didn’t even matter if I was watching TV, because most of the time, I was just zoning out like a zombie over-thinking, over-analyzing, everything you can possibly imagine inside my little noggin. I then would start to hear some strange man speaking, (possible gay or just super flamboyant), telling his life stories with the most driest sense of humor I have ever ...