I'm Just "Me"
My point is: how can you determine how a person is by simply looking at what they choose to put out there? I appreciated the compliment, or...was it a compliment? Was I that "bad" of a person long ago? I have failed in many relationships, but even so, I honestly don't think I intentionally tried to cause hurt or cause great emotional pain on someone unless it was out of self-defense. I'm not perfect. I remember once, at the end of our relationship, she had called me a hypocrite after reading my book. She didn't think I could be Christian and still be "human" and make mistakes. Understandable. I then showed her in a chapter where it said, "I'm still a work in progress and still have a lot to learn." All my life I have been judged and sized up by so many people who seem to think I'm someone that I'm not. I have been assumed "rich & famous" to "poor & uneducated" ---- both are insulting because neither are correct. I don't know what makes people believe what they do. Again, I'm just "me".
So to answer your question, old friend, "Who is this Deb?"
I'm the same person who used to sit up late at night with you talking about everything and nothing at all. I'm the same person who made you laugh until you cried and eventually gave you an anxiety attack from a fit of laughter. I'm the same person who cried to you about some of my personal struggles. I'm the same person who would get upset when promises were broken. I'm the same girl who tried to look her best in order to catch your eye. The only change is now I try to look nice to catch my wife's eye. I'm the same person who is extremely self-conscious to the point of not going out at all. I'm the same person who loves hard enough for that person to really feel it inside and out. And I'm also the person that'll give you a fight worth your money. But these days, I'm the person who will walk away from a fight and leave you in silence just to create peace. I may be still 'crazy' but I'm not insane. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I have taken that quote to heart and used it the best of my ability. It's worked wonders in my life. Is my life perfect? Hell no. But I'm glad it's not, because then I would have nothing to write or....complain about.
And with that, I can't complain. I'm just "me".