Living Proof

Another sunrise, another groggy stumble out of the bedroom trip over and fall down trying to make it to the front door type of morning, in hopes that none of my neighbors see me fumbling for the packaged up newspaper on my welcome mat that the paperboy flung so violently at my apartment 4am, waking me up and disturbing my sleep only leaving me to wake up even more tired and grouchier at 6am. (What a run on sentence that was!) All I could hear was a “thud” and his little feet running down as though there was a massive fire. Instead of our usual coffee, I poured some espresso grinds into the regular coffee machine to give it an extra punch. It’s been a helluva’ week with my dress situation and I inevitably became Madelene’s worse nightmare: BRIDEZILLA. At one point, the words, “let’s just forget about it” came out of my mouth, as Madelene stood there in horror (or relief )---not quite sure. I had to get the perfect “under gear” for the dress, because, umm, well, these puppies needed a...

One month and somewhat days until my wedding day and I still have not found a dress. Let me just say one thing: I hate shopping. I’m so not your typical ‘girly girl’ where all she wants to do is spend money on shopping and primping---give me top shelf booze instead. So my experience yesterday was absolutely horrific. I spent too much time at this formal wedding gown shop or “shoppe”---whatever the frig you wanna call it and got the whole “oooooooooooooooh try this one on” type of treatment. Nice. Catering. Princess-like treatment. Total disaster. I need to separate my damn paragraphs for this… 1rst dress: Tall sophisticated lady throws this huge satin purple prom dress up on the display hanger. “You have to try this on in order to know if you’ll like it or not.” “NO. It’s a prom dress.” “Really, you have to see it on first.” “NO. It’s purple.” She scoots me in the huge dressing room and throws a pair of ugly gold high-heeled shoes with a bunch of straps all over them. By the time I ma...