Living Proof

Recently, a friend had written a post entitled, " A Twelve Step " which spoke about addictive friendships/relationships and I wanted to expand on it through my own experiences. Let's use some fun clichés first: "No two people are alike", "each person is like a snowflake, unique in their own way" - true true true, blah blah blah. But there is a common denominator among unhealthy relationships, and that being the addictive part. Like in an intimate relationship, the break up to make up scenario is one I think we all have been through. We hate em', we love em', then we hate em' again. It definitely takes two to mingle and two to really brawl. I am grateful that my wife is the polar opposite of me. She defuses when I'm up in arms. After seeing her calmness, that alone calms me. I'm learning through her how to be calm. It's really not in my nature, but I try. When you have two people who are friends or in a relationship, who ha...

A long time ago when I was around 11 years old, I had this boy named "Mikey" on my bus ride home from school, taunting me and pulling my book bag straps. He wouldn't stop. I was fuming, but also at the verge of crying too. I really couldn't figure out his motive, but in my mind, I plotted and schemed his impending demise, because his stop also happened to be my stop. I made sure to get off the bus before him, so I could sucker punch him right in the face. And I did. This was totally out of character for me - I wasn't a bully or retaliated so violently before, but this time was different. He fell down, but quickly got right back up. My mother was at the bus stop waiting for me, holding her face screaming, "Stop!" He ran up to me and hit me right in the head, as I kept punching him, left-right-left-right. I was so angry that I started to pick up a ton of shale that was on the driveway and started throwing stones at him. Talk about barbaric. The kid ran ...

There are many things I have learned over past decade or so that makes me wonder about other people’s motives, and even my own. In relationships, we all would love to trust the person we’re with and have that be the best friendship we’ve ever had. We want to trust our friends, the ones who we confide in, the ones we think who are keeping our innermost secrets. Reality is harsh sometimes. We sometimes find out the hard way that people aren’t perfect. It hurts. It feels like betrayal - but is it? Or is it more or less just being human? I guess it depends on the level of “betrayal”. My trust begins with myself - the ability to forgive, and hopefully forget if possible. There are so many outside people interjecting into relationships - giving them unnecessary advice, whether or not it’s genuine. The problem with that is, if that one outside person is negative and unforgiving, the person in the relationship taking the advice will then most likely not forgive his or her partner. Why do you t...

Life is too short to be spending your time with someone who makes your life miserable or makes you feel less than super excited about life. Of course love is a feeling, but it’s also a conscious choice made to “choose” who you want to love & grow old with. To consciously pick someone who is controlling, abusive or manipulative will eventually come to a head over time. When we’re young, we tend to pick the ‘wrong ones’ or be attracted to the badass types. That fades with time, and after a while, you’re going to want someone who allows you...to be “you”. My wife made a good point this morning while talking about this. She said that when someone stifles you or “smothers your feathers”, you can’t fly; you can’t be yourself. You’re trapped in this prison that you've created for yourself. You chose this. Also, you can choose to leave the prison whenever you want. I think many people who don’t leave a bad situation is because of all the time invested. What about all the times waste...