Living Proof

When we finally planned to move out of our old ancestral home, I swore up and down that I would never go back for a visit. I knew what that meant for me. After cleaning out my parent's walk-in closet, tossing the suits in one pile, sweaters and shirts in a another, memories of when they wore these items just came flooding through my mind, my heart, and eventually spilled out as tears. I couldn't do it anymore. Madelene had to take over, and by the time all was said and done, we had about 30 Hefty bags of every article of clothing they had ever owned. I took this one sweater my mom wore all the time and tucked it away in my own closet. I asked my siblings numerous times to come over to rummage through their room to take a keepsake or an item of clothing, but as soon as they did, the tears fell and they quickly ran out of their room. Totally understandable. I wanted to give them a chance to take what they wanted. We still have a lot of stuff of our own inside that house. With

For the most part, I can safely say that most of us like to be thought of as a "good person," or somebody to be respected in whatever way. When you focus on the fact that somebody out there is creating some sort of smear campaign against your character, this deeply affects a certain type of person. I'll put it this way: if you have nothing to worry about, then this will most likely not affect you. The reason being is that perhaps, the people listening to the garbage already know you, and they know your character and will take things with a grain of salt. Most people look at the source of who is saying these negative things about you. If it happens to be, what I call a "gossip hen," then most will definitely overlook the inflammatory comments or accusations against you. I remember an acquaintance of mine recently told me something negative about another mutual acquaintance. My #1 rule is this: never take it as truth. Always judge for yourself. I don't liste

It's strange, I used to think it was a blessing if someone can be open and honest enough to talk about their struggles to a friend or loved one, but I'm finding that some people can't handle certain things. And that's ok! For example, if you're grieving like I am, and you talk about your lost loved one and still having a hard time coping from time to time, people tend to get scared of the intensity of your grief. It's totally understandable too. I remember when my mother was still alive, and a friend of mine had lost her mom. It was like my mind couldn't absorb the impact of what my friend was going through. I didn't know how to approach her, or how to even comfort her. I thought that maybe she needed some time alone to deal with her incredible loss. I mean, what could I have possibly done in order to help someone with the worst grief imaginable? Part of me was scared---scared of losing my own mother, and scared of facing the reality of what can happen

Is everything ok? And of course, the answer is, "I'm fine." All of us walk around with so much emotional baggage, no matter who you are and what you've been through. If I said to you right now---think of something that breaks your heart. You're either already thinking about it, or have the mental archived file pretty handy. We've all been hurt, we've all lost someone, either through death or by breakup, and if you dig deep enough, you can still feel that initial pain. There's definitely healing with time, but time does not take away the heartbreak. God heals all wounds, but it's in our weaknesses that He is strong for us. Like being afraid to do something---it's not trying to get rid of the fear in order to do something that you're afraid of, it's having the courage to do it in fear. That's what being strong is all about.  Courage is to face something that absolutely terrifies you. God doesn't take the fear away, he gives yo

At the risk of sounding like a party-pooper, I've never been a real fan of Halloween. I do however, love the foliage, and how the vibrant colors can make the darkest of days seem bright. As a writer and musician, my creativity is at its highest...and so are my emotions. I guess if you look at artists, (writers, painters, musicians, sculptors, etc.,) you'll notice that their best work is done at the highest peak of their emotional state. We feel more. We grieve more. We even sense other people's emotions, as most of us are empaths. We have an intuitive way about others, whether we tap into it or not. If you read about the origins of Halloween, (All Hallows Eve)---it's celebrated on the 31st of October however, tracing back to its roots, this holiday was really celebrated as Samhain, a time where death was celebrated. Samhain was a celebration of the death cycle of Mother Earth and the honoring of the downtime between the end and the start of a new cycle. It's als

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people." I've always loved that quote, because it's true on so many levels. To talk about great ideas, making new and exciting plans means you're setting up a positive future. The "average" mind discusses events, past tense---to live in the past is to be depressed, to live in the future can drum up anxiety. Anxiety can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. There is anxiety that is equivalent to anticipation, and I believe that's what this quote speaks about. But whenever I hear someone talking about somebody else's business, or speaking poorly of them, I always know that in my heart my name will be next on their list of discussion. In Judaism, it clearly speaks about how gossip can kill. They say, "Evil gossip kills three: the one who says it, the one who listens, and the subject of the gossip." Eventually, if all invo

When we see people, get to know people and try to gain some sort of intuitive vibe from them, we usually end up with the totally opposite of the truth. For instance, throughout my life, I have seen quite a few therapists. Almost all of them said to me, "You don't look like someone who suffers from anxiety or depression." And for the record, that's something a therapist should never say. They should know that many people carry around their burdens underneath a smiling face and a strong handshake. Many come from the corporate world, with having people skills that are taught from seminars. Some are just hiding it the best they can through their humor and warm greetings. But underneath it all, they're emotionally dying, begging for someone to just help them get out of that dreadful rut they're in. There are those who suffer with panic disorder, depression, PTSD, social anxiety and many other mental health issues that can be debilitating, especially in a social s

Your life, your environment, your friends, your loved ones, your work and your entire world can change at the drop of a hat. Everything you know now can be taken away tomorrow. There are no lifetime guarantees on anything. Relationships and marriages fall apart, families break away from one another, people get sick---some recover while others succumb to their disease. One day you're wealthy, and the next minute, you can be standing on a long line at a food pantry hoping to find a few cans of soup for your children. It's crazy to think about all the possibilities that can happen to us. We aren't immune to anything. There've been wealthy stockbrokers -- billionaires, who have hit rock bottom. Some sought solace in a bottle while others simply fell into a deep depression over losing their spouse and family. Goals Years ago, I worked in the corporate world, trying to climb the ladder of success. I wanted nice things for myself, but most of all, I wanted to live a fu

It doesn't matter if you hide it well, or never tell a soul about your unraveled feelings you keep bottled up, the fact is, we all suffer with mental health one way or another. You may be independent and highly functioning, or you can be debilitated with agoraphobia due to your panic attacks. Bereavement also goes down as part of mental health issues and so does behavioral issues, like uncontrolled anger. We all share this common human element that we feel ashamed to share publicly. Fear of abandonment, depression, manic depression (bipolar disorder) and even hormonal imbalances, which can contribute to mental health issues. Chronic pain can put you in quite a depression as well. Pain is the most common factor for debilitating depression. Whether it is circumstantial, inherited or developed over time, we can all admit that we had or still have suffered from a mental health situation. And there's nothing to be ashamed of. Myths and Phony Boloney Statements Made "The

The waves of grief are strange and unpredictable. It's like, one day you're doing great and feeling like you're somewhat healed, and then one night, you wake up in a puddle of tears because you dreamt of your lost loved one. That's what happened to me this morning. I was doing okay. I thought I was "fine." It was 2am when I gasped for air, trying to hold onto mom, half sleeping and half awake. Was it a visit? Was it just a dream? Was it my subconscious telling me I need to purge more in order to heal? I don't know. All I know is, I woke up incredibly sad. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I took a deep breath and praised God. "Get behind me Satan---not today, not today." Even though it was somewhat of a late start to the day, I got up, showered up and showed up. The devil wants us to live small lives---lives full of fear and dread. The power behind pushing through that heaviness, the dread that nearly consumes you is not easy. But if you'