Living Proof

There's no turning back now. They say grief comes in waves, but lately, it's been hitting me like a tsunami. I can't seem to catch my breath. I get it. She lived a full life -- she wasn't a 30 year old something lady, but let me ask you this: does it really matter? My mom was 79 years old, but she had all of her wits about her, she was funny and was always there for everyone. She was the least judgmental person I have ever known, unless you asked her for an opinion on a really ugly plaid blouse. (Yes, that would be me.) Nonjudgmental in terms of -- say if one of her daughters had a falling out. She would never side with either. She would always say, "Turn the other cheek and remember that's your sister." Nobody could do any wrong in her eyes. Everyone tells me that time will heal or that it just never heals. Some say it just gets worse, which scares the living daylights outta me. When I pray and meditate, everything seems OKAY -- everything seems like...

Last night I fell asleep right away, only to be woken up by the sounds of loud thunder and the flickering of the intense lightening. My dog raised her head and then hopped off the bed. Usually this means she has to go out. Mad took her out and I headed off into the bathroom before falling back asleep. As I came back into the bedroom to jump under the covers, I heard, "Debbayyy!" The way my father used to call out if he needed me. It sounded like it was coming from the stairwell. I turned to Mad and said, "Did you hear that? Turn down the TV," hoping that it would call out to me again, but it didn't. His voice was so audible and without a doubt, his voice! As I continued to listen to the thunder and rain outside, I fell asleep. In my dream, I saw Dad sitting at a big dining room table. I was in some sort of sunk in living room, where I would have to walk up a few stairs in order to get to him. He was covered in white light all around him, facing me, saying, ...

Some might disagree with this, but I am not anti-atheist - I just have so many questions in my mind about the feeling of not believing in anything, or for a lack of better terms, the feeling of having scientific proof tell you that there is no god. Here's why I'm so inquisitive... I'm not trying to 'poke' anyone or provoke ill feelings, but for me, if I somehow found out that there was no god, no heaven and no afterlife whatsoever, I would have nothing to live for, because I have nothing to die for. (Hope that makes sense.) My entire life, from morning till evening is dedicating my life, my heart to God and relying on Him to make me "okay". For instance, in the morning while I'm cleaning up and making my bed before work, I pray. I talk to God as if He was right there in person, and to me, He is. I set a time in the morning to sit outside and pray. It rejuvenates me even more than my favorite coffee. When I don't talk to God and miss a day - it...

And yes, this is a real photo of my brain... Not sure what to make of this, but I'm questioning my dreams lately. Sometimes they make sense, and other times, they just sort of linger into this fog of curiosity. There are many people who say they can interpret dreams and I even went to a psychologist who currently still does "dream therapy" - where she could analyze your subconsciousness by what you dreamt about. It's an amazing technique so I hear, but I never wanted to go that route because I'm not 100% convinced that dreams are our subconsciousness telling us messages about ourselves, or if it's our brain going haywire for a few hours just because it's on "down time".  Have you ever dreamt of something so awful that you didn't even want to repeat it?  You try and figure it all out, but nothing ever comes of it. Meaningless really. Or is it? What about dreaming about lost loved ones who have crossed over ~to the other side~ or dreams t...

Some people believe in the paranormal and others are skeptics. Religious or people of faith tend to sway away from that topic and usually feel that it is very bad to communicate with the deceased, due to what the bible says about it. I’ve always believed there were ghosts only because I’ve experienced some weird happenings myself in my lifetime that just cannot be explained. Everything can be debunked though…everything. It is fun to think it was real. Since I’m far more sensitive to the paranormal than the people who are close to me, I always refrain from telling them most of what I see and let them tell me what they see or experience. For example, when I lived in the apartment upstairs from my parents’ house, there was an older woman who wore a grayish housecoat with white hair. She was tall, lanky and of course, an apparition. I wasn’t sure if I was the only one seeing her. She mostly stayed in my old bedroom downstairs. I’d see her from the corner of my eye, walking from the living ...

Sometimes I hesitate to write about this type of thing, however, I truly believe that there are mysteries on the “other side” that we just cannot comprehend, believe or fathom. As a Christian, I would like to believe and mostly believe that if we have faith in God, and we’re fairly good and willing to atone for our shortcomings, that we all go to heaven. But as a human, I do wonder about the gray areas. I’m sure you do too. It’s as easy as grasping a UFO in the Midwest somewhere. A lot of people have seen them, but are they really out there? Teenage lawn boys did all those crop circles and you can’t even rely on “real footage” that you see on T.V. or Youtube anymore. Usually, you later find out that it was a setup or camera trick to try to deceive you. What about “your truth”--- the things only you know about. For instance, my mother had a best friend named Helen. She lived next door to us. They always visited one another and spent a lot of time together talking over coffee, reminisc...