Living Proof

During this time of year, I’m pretty observant when it comes to people: what they say, how they act and of course, their actions overall. More people get depressed and there are plenty more suicides during the holiday season. Everything may appear to be “okay” on the surface, but inside they’re dying. Certain dates, loved ones passed and other negative triggers can leave someone feeling either bitter or sad. It’s so easy to say, “Well it’s just like any other time of the year” --but it really isn’t. There are too many “happy” memories of the past...key word: past. The holidays are no longer about happiness, but only the nostalgic memories of ‘a time when’. Some tend to get stuck into that time warp, leaving them with a sense of hopelessness that there will never be a holiday full of cheer, no one to love like once before and no more laughter while celebrating the New Year. “The New Year” - think about it. It’s a new year for a new future. It’s a new opportunity to jump into another ...

In between writing my second book and still digesting my Thanksgiving dinner, I started to miss my blog. I’m sort of at a crossroad, more like a complete block. While rummaging through Tumblr and Twitter posts trying to find some sort of inspiration, I then got a call from a very special person in my life. We had the most interesting conversation about people and life in general. It’s amazing how much we think alike and experience much of the same things. An hour over the phone felt like five minutes. Without divulging specific events or names, we were discussing how some people are - how they react to certain situations and how inconsiderate, mean-spirited and just plain rude they can be overall. While we all have our faults, we focused more on the people who are more self-absorbed, worrying about their self-image through other people. And what I mean by that is, those who are ashamed to be friends or associate with people who they truly like and admire. Their own insecurities of sel...

Lately I have been neglecting my blog for a bit, unintentionally of course. Between getting plagued with the flu and trying to stay focused on my second book, which has been challenging in itself because a lot of it has to do with my life growing up as a child well into my adulthood. Some of the content brings me back to where I felt safe and loved for the most part, but there was a whole other world around me to which I knew nothing about. Some of the subject matter has everything to do with this post I had written here . Other content shows you how the typical Italian household functions; endearing moments to which many people can relate to, especially Italians in New York. My dad’s a good sport. Although he is willing to provide me with many stories of his past, I can’t write about that because it’s not “my” experience. I want to share my own experience in the eyes of a child (me) and let the reader decide what is what, and how I perceived everything to be as “normal”. You’ll be doi...

Why do things seem so much clearer once a sufficient amount of time has gone by? In the midst of all the madness, all things are foggy, unclear, confusing and perhaps seemingly ‘not so bad’ . The eye of the storm is the most calmest, giving you an illusion of “peace and happiness”; a facade of tranquilness, well at least for now. When it comes to an end, you’ll have the approach the wall of the storm that’s swirling around you, waiting, hoping that you’ll enter its fury. Most of times, we know it’s waiting for us, but we don’t know exactly when we’ll be approaching that wall. For those with half a brain who are smart enough to know that ‘this relationship’, ‘this situation’ or whatever circumstance that they’re in the midst of - it’s as thrilling as bungee jumping. They know the consequences, yet they’re brave enough, or perhaps, bored enough to seek the thrill they’ve been yearning for. They don’t mind the risks, the consequences of the worst case scenario - they just want the thri...

We never wake up to an alarm. Our internal clocks get us up at exactly 7am. It was the first time in probably four days that we had both gotten more than eight hours worth of sleep. We’ve been sick with whatever plagued us, a cold, the flu --who knows, but it was bad. Last night I made a hot toddy for the both of us. My grandma always told me that scotch cures all, and you know what ---it definitely does. I couldn’t believe that I had woken up with such energy and steam to push through the day. Even though I work from home, I was more eager to trek down the street and get my coffee instead of making it. Being cooped up all week with this nasty bug was okay for the first or second day, but day three and four, I was getting a little stir crazy. Sometimes it’s just nice to relax, nurse a flu and turn the world off, but after a while, your eyes start to cross and you wonder if you’ll ever see civilization again. As I hopped in my car, I realized how bitterly cold it was this morning. I tur...

The other day, I had an interesting comment by another blogger on a previous post . It made me realize that there are people out there who still think that all homosexual relationships are “perverted”, and never once considering that it may just be a loving union between two people of the same gender. She wrote, “Someone I know says any same sex relationships has a hint of 'kinkiness' in them. I disagree whole heartedly and we argue. He then says, and yes he's Catholic, so the whole creation of the world is critical in his world, that God created Adam and Eve, and made it possible to procreate ONLY through the combination of man and woman. IF we hope to continue to have people exist, then reproduction is critical, which means He in a way defined a relationship to be between a man and a woman. Thoughts?” Well of course I have thoughts on this. As far as homosexual intimacy goes, why do people assume that it’s “kinky”? Whether homosexual or heterosexual, any sex between two ...

It’s amazing how much we rely on the internet these days. Even for me to write a blog post takes a bit of research, depending on what subject matter I’m talking about. Whether minimal to extreme internet surfing, from the correct spelling of certain names to the correct information given by news sources, the internet has taken a whole new meaning of “instant information” at the tip of our fingers. I’m sitting here in my office without any internet connection. We’re having quite the storm here in New York, which brought down a few trees around the area. When I came home to open up my laptop, I realized I had no connection whatsoever. I picked up my phone, which happens to also be connected to the internet --- nothing. Even our phones are relying on the internet. I quickly shuffled over to my BlackBerry to frantically dial customer service. “The technician will be there tomorrow between 10am - 2pm ma’am.” Although this wasn’t the answer I wanted, it was the only solution I was going t...

There came a time in my life when I realized that some of the people I trusted with all my heart were absolute frauds. I turned bitter and skeptic of everyone who had entered my life thereafter. Within that period of skepticism and doubt, I then realized something else: people are only human. We all are human, we make mistakes, we say things that sometimes don’t line up with our actions. We’re not perfect. The higher my expectations were for the people who were in my life, the more disappointments came flying my way. I would isolate myself and basically befriend those who were “safe” -- like people from across the nation or I would hang around my family more (which is never a bad thing). My circle of friends became less and less and when I delved in deeper into understanding human behavior as well as understanding my own flaws, I took into consideration that yes -- maybe every single person in my life will betray me, hurt me or disappoint me at some point, but in life, that’s the ris...

The hardest thing in the world is having your heart completely shattered by someone you love. To make things even more complicated is to fight back with words that can only do more damage. Those words are never forgotten, yet they can always be forgiven. But what’s the use if forgiveness doesn’t go hand-in-hand with forgetting? To “forgive and forget”: has that old saying been expired? Or, to our surprise, were they never a couple to begin with? With something trivial like a petty argument between two friends, it is very possible to forgive and forget, whereas weeks later, the two involved have no idea why the argument took place. But what about a breakup or a heartbreak of any kind, through a lover, a friend or a family member? Words are so powerful and sometimes, more brutal than a physical kick to the throat. I have said and regretted many things that have hurt people who were close to me, and those not so close. I have said things that made another cry. I saw how powerful those...

This morning, the rain seems to be a lot heavier, with a bit more steam behind it. I can’t imagine just mere clouds in the sky having so much tears to shed; a constant flow of sadness and bleakness barreling down my roof and the streets below. In ways, it’s a beautiful, comforting sound, and in other ways it feels very dreadful and sad. On the other hand, the rain inspires me to write, however it also makes me think of things in the past, conjuring up thoughts that tug upon my heartstrings: a past love, a death of a close friend or feelings of inadequacies, etc. Sometimes it even churns my current situation and asks, “Are you truly happy?” Am I truly happy? What does that even mean? What does that mean to each and every individual? “Happiness”. The word alone sometimes makes me wonder if it’s all a facade; a mask that hides the hidden tears, just as umbrellas save us from the rain. We’re still “in the rain”, yet not getting the full effect, showing everyone around us that we’re okay ...