Living Proof

Back in May, I believe I wrote about the same issue that I've been dealing with. I wish I could say it's insomnia, but it's not. I live a very strange lifestyle now. (No, not the type you're thinking...) But strange in the terms of off-schedule, not the norm, whatever you wanna call it type of 'strange'. I'm very open about my anxiety disorder, and that can sometimes be quite debilitating. Many people who don't understand anxiety brush it off and just tell ya to "get over it" and "face your fears" -- blah blah blah. And while that holds up to be very true, and in fact, I face at least one fear a day, it still comes on like a beast, and sometimes unexpectedly. My "beast" happens to find me at night while I'm all comfy in my bed about to fall asleep. There is absolutely nothing brewing in my little noggin other than listening to the beautiful sounds of crickets and frogs from the window left open besides me. I can't ...

"There's nothing wrong with you. It's just anxiety." Those words lingered inside my mind, "it's just anxiety," as if it were nothing - as if it doesn't keep me up all hours of the night to the point of being nonfunctional the entire following day and eventually, tearing down my immune system. So, I'm left lying in bed for the next week or so sick with a fever. I've asked a million and one times, "How do you fix it?" They all want to throw pills at me, but they don't want to work for their pay - I mean, really work, like helping me cope with this disease. And it is a disease. Crying hysterically to my psychiatrist, "I. just. don't. want. to. live. anymore." They usually jot down onto their notepads, "She's very 'put together' and knows how to deal with this. She'll be fine. She's just venting again." "Again."  The seizures keep me up at night. The sleep study techs...

Ever go to bed feeling completely exhausted expecting to fall into a deep slumber, but instead, you watch the clock hour after hour? 11pm…1am…3am…5am… Your eyes won't shut, your mind refuses to quiet down and you're flip-flopping like a fish outa' water. I sometimes just go on my phone and see who's up on Facebook. I write, "Insomnia again," to see if anyone is out there. I get a whole bunch of suggestions like, "Take melatonin," "Take NyQuil," "Take Benadryl & wash it down with some wine."  I search Google only to find the same 'holistic' advice like deep breathing and meditation, but sometimes I'm just too fired up to even calm down. I did take the suggestion of making chamomile tea before bedtime. It seemed to work for a while until it 'found me out' and said, "Ah ha!" Well, a couple of weeks ago I found something else that seems to work…if you could even do this. I was on Twitter, and there...