Wednesday, September 22, 2021

The Waves of Grief


It's been four long years since I've seen my beautiful mama's face, and yet it feels just like yesterday when I hugged her before she went into the ambulance for the last time. People handle grief so differently, and not way is the right way---your way is what counts. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' too grieving. When my dad died nine years ago, it was such a strange feeling. The long drawn-out, excruciating suffering that went on made is passing more of a sad relief. We were all quiet. Grief struck differently, in waves, and for myself, it came a bit after his funeral. I had already experienced the 'anticipatory grief,' as he was suffering at the end. I remember his funeral all too well. I was greeting people as they came in, while my mom sat in the front with her sister and friend. The memorial video was set up to make people laugh and cry. Some video footages of my dad captured his very essence: funny and 'colorful' with his words. 

Laughter Is the Best Medicine 

As a friend of my sister's approached me, someone who I normally joke around with. He gave his condolences, and I said thank you, along with a funny comment to lighten it up, and then he said to me, "This is not the place to be making jokes. Not appropriate." I said, "Who are you to tell me how I can grieve or what I can do at my own father's funeral?" People there were reminiscing about my dad, telling their funny stories 'of a time when' and it was okay to laugh. There's nothing like being yourself and being genuine when sending someone off for the very last time. 

It's okay to laugh. It's okay to smile. It's okay to wear loud colors at the funeral if you want. Do you truly think the deceased is calculating the details? I know for me, if I was floating around looking at my own funeral, I would tell people to chill the frig out and lighten up. Death is not the end, and people who are grieving need laughter like you don't even know. 

The best thing that happened to me after my mama died was Madelene's sister who was staying with us. She helped us so much. It was so nice to hear laughter in the other room, or someone with a lightheartedness to eat dinner with. I know that without a doubt, I would've been crippled with unbearable grief if she wasn't there. She kept Madelene company when I had to run to my bedroom and cry my eyes out. And then afterwards, I came back out to join them by the fire pit, or at the dinner table to at least be around some positivity. It was needed. 

Don't ever feel guilty for smiling, laughing, joking or doing something that you enjoy while you're grieving. It's all part of the process. Grief comes in waves, and when the waves of happiness and laughter come crashing through, take that opportunity and soak it in. Let it stay for a while, until the next wave comes, where you can purge your heart out. All of it is okay. 

Numbing the Pain

I made the mistake of numbing the pain with countless bottles of wine. I drank so much that it started affecting my heart and giving me arrhythmia. I already was suffering from "broken heart syndrome," and drinking like there was no tomorrow only made things worse. I didn't know why my heart was beating at 200 bpm, and why I was constantly at the ER. My cardiologist finally said, "One day, your heart is just gonna get tired." I knew from that point on, I would never touch a drink again. The alcohol dilates your blood vessels making the heart work harder. In stressful situations, it can cause what's called, tachycardia, (a fast heart rate.) With time, this can turn into afib -- atrial fibrillation. Some people who have this condition are often carted off into the emergency rooms usually after Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve due to eating and drinking way too much. They call this, "holiday heart syndrome." Needless to say, numbing my grief with alcohol prolonged my grief a great deal. I never fully got to purge my heart out properly. After I quit drinking, the emotions rose to the service and I was able to get it all out---well, most of it out. But now I'm at a place of acceptance that I've never experienced before. I still get sad here and there, but it's not debilitating any longer. I don't lose days over it. But this is a personal issue I had to work through. Everyone is different, so if a glass or two of wine helps you to unwind at night, then I say have at it. But if you see that it becomes a struggle to get through the next day, you might want to reel it in. 

Where Did Everyone Go?

With grief comes the absence of friends sometimes. Sadly, this is a very common occurrence and often happens after the funeral itself. All the calls, the voicemails and texts start getting less and less. The offers of "what can I do" become nonexistent, and you find yourself standing in the middle of your living room alone. There's a couple of reasons for this. Remember, your friends and family are also possibly grieving, where they're unable to even help themselves right now, and some people feel awkward to call, or they feel bad and don't want to bother you. They may think that you're surrounded by grieving family and don't want to become a burden on you. Others may feel a sense of fear that this may happen to them, and so even the thought or inclination of this happening in their own lives may cause them to pull away for a short period of time. It's all fear-based. It may be 'too close to home' for them to handle, not realizing that their friend needs them right now. This is also normal and very common. Just learn to forgive and focus on your own wellness and healing. 

Psychics and Mediums

Stop. Do you seriously believe a psychic is drumming up your deceased loved one? Or would you rather believe that your loved one is in the hands of your God? When psychics drum up anything, they're called, "familiar spirits." Familiar spirits is not of God---they are demons and they know everything about you. They know about the locket you have hidden in your nightstand where you sleep, and they can also recall that time at the beach where you lost your flipflop and had to walk barefoot on the boardwalk. They will conjure up memories and items that there is no possible way for anyone else to know. But don't believe it is your loved one. This is a portal where spirits can actually follow you, attach themselves to you and wreak havoc in your life. Anything that has to do with psychics, oracle cards, tarot cards, crystals or saving ceremony is all a part of witchcraft. Please be careful. These are my own beliefs backed up by the Bible. 

"Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them. I am the Lord your God."---Leviticus 19;31

"If a person turns to mediums and necromancers, whoring after them, I will set my face against that person and will cut him off among his people." ---Leviticus 20:6

"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world." ---1 John 4:1

"And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." ---2 Corinthians 11:14

If you're a Christian and seeking out mediums and psychics, this can be detrimental for your salvation! I did this too and found out the hard way. 

For instance, when my mom died, I remember sitting in my living room at 3am reading something online. I heard my mom's voice calling out, "Debbie!!!" (As if she was excited to get through the veil.) Now, whether or not it was her is the question, but something didn't feel right. My spirit knew it wasn't her. It was the devil mocking her voice to get me to inquire more about spirits and ghosts. I ran out of the room and jumped into my bed and cried out for Jesus. I remember that so vividly too. So now when I 'hear' from my mom, it's a subtle hint, like her birthday numbers coming up, or a feather on the ground, even dimes and a seashell I found on our lawn. Weird stuff that can't be explained. Treasure the little gifts that your loved ones' spirits can bring, but don't seek them out with theses psychics....please. 

The best way for me to honor my loved ones, is keeping their legend alive. Whatever your loved one did, try to replicate it or celebrate it. I take all of my mom's recipes and recreate her dishes. We used to cook together, so she used to show me how to make soups and how to make a good Sunday sauce. My dad was also a good cook and I remember him teaching me how to cut properly with good knives. I can tell you other things I learned from Dad, but I'd probably go to jail. (ha) 

Let it All Out

Your grief is your own. Let it come out when you feel it---don't hold it in. Remember, your tears are letting out stress hormones. You know how they say, "crying is good for you?" Believe it. Studies of the various kinds of tears have found that emotional tears contain higher levels of stress hormones than do reflex tears (the ones that form when you get something in your eye). Emotional tears also contain more mood-regulating manganese than the other types. Stress "tightens muscles and heightens tension, so when you cry you release some of that---crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system and restores the body to a state of balance. That's why you feel a relief afterwards. 

Take care of you, because in most cases, nobody else is going to do it. They may try, but you're the best person who knows how to make you feel better. Pray continuously and know that you're not alone. God is with you every step of the way.

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!


Friday, September 17, 2021

Changing the Atmosphere


Did you ever feel as though your prayers weren't strong enough, or that it really didn't do anything noticeable? Why do some prayers get answered and others not? 

I love what Pastor Rick Warren once said, 

"When you’re going through fire, do you ever wonder why you have to go through it? It’s for testing and purification. As you pray about something over and over again, you face tests that reveal more about you. God says in Zechariah 13:9, 'I will refine them like silver and purify them like gold.' 

You test gold by putting it in a big vat and heating it until it gets so hot that all the impurities are burned off. How do metalsmiths know when gold and silver are pure? When they can see their reflection in them. God can see his reflection in you when all the impurities have burned out of your life—after you’ve been through the fire. He says that, after he’s done the testing and purification, 'They will call on my name, and I will answer them' (Zechariah 13:9). Answered prayer comes after the test. Before every blessing, there is a testing. God tests you with stress before he trusts you with success. These are the principles of persistent prayer." 

Before and after losing my mom from cancer, I always woke up with a pit of fear in my stomach. It started late into her treatments, when I realized nothing was working. I'd wake up with this pit of fear---a feeling of doom. My heart would race, or I would be 'off' all day long. It lasted well into the years, even after she passed away. I was never the same. My worst fear had come true---mom's no longer with me. One doctor even told me that I had what's called, "broken heart syndrome," which is an actual real diagnosis. It can even be fatal for some. 

First Things First

Pray. Even before your feet hit the floor, wake up with a heart of gratitude. Speak aloud your thankfulness to God, even if it's the same thing over and over. I always say, "Thank you God for another day!" And, "Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!" After having my morning coffee, I sit down and pray---before even working on anything. I read scriptures aloud, especially Psalm 91, which is super relevant to today's climate. Don't skip on talking to God the first thing upon waking up. You're not too tired to at least say thank you---because let's face it, He woke you up to see another day. It works better than coffee. 

Changing the Atmosphere 

Have you ever had the feeling of impending doom, or that something bad is going to happen? It's enough to make you wanna curl back up in your bed and throw the covers over your head. I've been there, and from time to time, I can relapse into that mindset. Prayer changes everything. Fervent prayer. I'm talking about the prayer that has you crying, sending goosebumps and chills up your spine. Some would call this the anointing, that Jesus is right there with you---but Jesus is always there with you. It's when you finally believe He is, which sends that message to your soul. Have that conversation with Him, even if you're shaking under the covers---talk to Him and tell Him everything that's on your mind. Watch how the atmosphere changes. It automatically raises your vibration. With that being established, the fear will lessen or diminish altogether. Sometimes, when it's a struggle, I put on worship music. That alone will change the atmosphere, because most worship songs sing out biblical scriptures. The devil can't fight that. Resist the devil and he will flee. 

Conflict Among Friends or Loved Ones? 

Pray. I know that sounds like the simplest solution. But Jesus teaches us to "pray for our enemies"---this isn't meant to sound like they're the "evil enemy"---but to pray for those you're arguing with, or have no contact with. Pray sincerely---not just words to cover whatever you want out of this. It has to be a blessing for that other individual you had a conflict with. A few years ago, I thought I could do it all myself. And while I still can lash out from time to time out of instinctive  self-preservation, to make things better or to restore what was lost (or) accept things that I cannot change---I pray for the wellness and blessings for the other person, even if I never speak to them again. And it's okay to remove people out of your life sometimes. Ephesians and Corinthians speaks a lot about not associating with certain people who are either unbelievers, or who are doing evil things. It literally says, "Therefore, do not be partakers with them." It also says, "Do not be yoked with unbelievers." ----This is not to say to shun those who aren't sure about their faith or who are of another faith. It's the opposition, or even those who say they believe, but their actions speak otherwise. My point is: if an unbeliever or someone of another faith (or set of standards) pushes you to be disillusioned over your own, then cut ties. 

What Others Think of You is None of Your Business

How can you know what someone thinks about you? What conclusions did they conjure up? You have no idea, unless they tell you....or they tell someone else. Then it becomes a 'he said she said' game of telephone. But we sometimes get in this mindset that if someone is too quiet, or not as talkative as they once were, then that means they don't like you, or that they think you're doing something against their moral standards. This is super common. I used to torture myself with these thoughts, until I realized, that the only one I truly care about what they think of me is God, and God alone. You can't control someone's thoughts or first impressions of you...or their last. You can only control your response to whatever situation you're faced with. If you truly care about that person, then call them, make that initial contact and ask them, "Are you ok?" Or just call them as you would normally do. You might just be surprised. And again, as always, pray for those who you are unsure of. 

Shifting a Tense Atmosphere 

Have you ever felt someone else's energy right before they even walk into the room? You know the mood they're in and whether or not to approach them with certain topics. Sometimes, you're even walking on eggshells to avoid the great 'crack.'  Did you know that most people will automatically match your energy? So if you're feeling depressed, or angry---that person who walks in feels it too. They'll instantly shift like a chameleon to match your frequency, unless their frequency is way too high to ever come down. And that's where you want to be. When you raise your vibration, you shift the atmosphere. Little things to push toward that goal is to genuinely enjoy what you are doing, even if it's the most mundane of things. I dance and sing while doing my laundry. It's such a mood lifter. When I cook, I put on my Italian music---(not opera or something too serious)---I put on the goofy Italian goomba music, like the ones they used on 'Mob Hits' back in the day. I dance, sing 'n shake 'n bake like a crazy lady. When my better half walks in the door, automatically I see a smile and I get a big hug! I love hugs. Raise that vibration! 

The Takeaway

Life is too short to be worrying about what someone else thinks of you. Never settle for anything less than sincere and genuine friendships---the ones who can make you laugh while you're down and lift you up just by listening to you. Even if you're isolated and feel alone, it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Society deems that being a loner or being isolated can be bad for our mental health. If isolation bothers you, then yes, you will suffer, but if isolation soothes your soul, then that's a beautiful thing. Of course there's a beautiful balance of mixing the two: isolation and congregating around positive people who love you. Resistance to anything causes suffering, and of course, whatever you resist, persists. Sometimes we have to welcome unwanted changes, and with that, comes acceptance. After those stages, it's up to you whether or not to choose happiness or depression. If you choose depression, then make a conscious decision to stay in it for a little while, feel all your 'feels' and evaluate what you need to do to move forward. We can't be fully happy if we don't experience the lows, and vice versa. 

If you're happy, remember, it won't last forever. If you're depressed, remember, it won't last forever. 


Warning: If you're reading this post today, you've been prayed for. Prayers of emotional and physical health from head to toe in Jesus' name. Amen... 

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

What Is Your Plan B?




What you did for yourself and your family and friends, as well as those who may be around you at work or in the grocery store was a morally decent thing to do. You're super brave, and your hearts are all in the right place. There's no question about it---you did what you did with good intentions. Never let anyone tell you otherwise. We're supposed to listen to our doctors, our hospitals and the CDC. We're supposed to believe that the government is helping us. We are supposed to believe many things, until the truth unfolds. But remember, it's not your fault. With that being said, this is also not the fault of the unvaccinated. 

We were lied to. 

From the very beginning, all the people around me were "seemingly" vaccinated. No one said a word if they weren't. I didn't care---I always told people I was unvaccinated, so they could make a decision whether or not to be around me. I wanted to give them that choice. I even did that with a coworker who came into my house. She wore a mask and we both were okay. 

When the mandates came out, the truth came out. Nurses, doctors and every type of healthcare worker started walking off the job due to the ultimatum of "get the jab or get the hell out," from their employers. Why in the world would your nurses and doctors walk out over getting vaccinated? Aren't they 'in the know?' This is why more and more people are waking up and realizing what's being done to them. You can call me a conspiracy theorist all you want, but there's more of me with the tinfoil hats than the vaccinated. 

There was a leaked Zoom meeting that revealed a doctor questioning how to increase the count of COVID-19 patient numbers on the hospital's dashboard report. The leaked video came from a recording from an "internal source" at the Novant Health System that includes New Hanover Regional Medical Center in Wilmington, North Carolina. 

One doctor is seen telling the staff, "I think we have to be more blunt, we have to be more forceful—we have to say something coming out—if you don’t get vaccinated, you know you are going to die,” Rudyk said in the video. “Let’s just be really blunt to these people.”

Fisher asked if she meant every patient who has been in the hospital “since the beginning of COVID?” 

Rudyk answered, “Well, that are still in, and that’s something I can take to someone else, but I think those are important numbers: the patients that are still in the hospital, that are off the COVID floor, but still are occupying the hospital for a variety of reasons.” 

Also on the Zoom conference call was Shelbourn Stevens, president of New Hanover Regional Medical Center, who said those patients are classified as “recovered.” 

“But I do think, from our standpoint, we would still consider them a COVID patient because they’re still healing,” Stevens said. Rudyk said she thinks those patients need to be “highlighted as well, because once they’re off isolation, they drop from the COVID numbers,” prompting Stevens to say that they can later talk offline about “how we can run that up to marketing.”

Listen to this video until the end---it's truly the creepiest thing I've heard. 



Since Biden gave out the mandate, healthcare workers everywhere are walking out and now protesting. Many are protesting right here in New York. 

There are many cases where the vaccinated have either been seriously injured or have died from the jab. People aren't listening. It's especially hard to listen if you're being silenced or banned from sites left and right. 

One clue, even before the mandates was this: if you're vaccinated, and still catching and spreading the virus, what does that tell you? Why are there vaccinated people in the hospital right now? 

Families are uninviting their unvaccinated guests from their weddings, birthday parties and other gatherings. They're dividing, calling the unvaccinated, "selfish" and that "they're killing people." They're also using Biden's lingo, "This is a pandemic of the unvaccinated." They want to see you divide. This is exactly what was planned. I can even feel the pull of my vaccinated friends as well. It's okay, because I know how strong fear can take hold of someone. 

If I'm wrong (if most of the world is wrong) then we can easily fix it by going out and getting vaccinated. 

So to my vaccinated friends and readers, what is your plan B? 

Fauci should be fired for crimes against humanity. Everything is coming out in the open and I'm actually terrified over what will come next. 

Pray without ceasing. Try your hardest to LOVE one another, regardless of your vaccination status. We shouldn't be angry at one another---we should be angry at those who inflicted this virus on us, and then tried harder with the "cure." 

For more of Deb's articles, please visit: www.debrapasquella.com or join her on Facebook and Twitter. Check out her cooking blog at DebsCucina.com for some of her famous recipes!


If They Gossip About Others, They'll Gossip About You Too

Generally, I love people. I love the uniqueness of what each individual can bring to the table, whether they teach you something, give you c...