Thursday, April 30, 2009

H1N1 & R2D2

The panic has reached its pique and there are unnecessary numbers of people swarming into the doctors office and emergency rooms in fear they may have the swine flu. The average person who gets a bit freaked out by a cold will hit the doc’s office. For someone like me who relies on her OCD - I steer clear of any doctor’s office or emergency room. Don’t people realize that there are higher risks to catch this flu by communing with others who possibly have it? Think about it: the more sick people joining in one condensed area, the higher the risk for this bug to fly higher. It’s been reported that there were more deaths involved with the normal seasonal influenza than there were with this strain. I’ve also heard that the cause of most of the deaths in Mexico is due to their poor quality and lack of health care. Or, did it just become weaker as people traveled out of Mexico?

Then I heard something that scared me a little: they don’t know how the swine flu reacts - meaning - they really don’t know if the virus incubates for a period of time before showing signs of the flu. So now, you have to think about all the people who look healthy that may be carriers, until they become fully infected. Panic mode thinking: by the time they really figure this bug out, will it be too late? Who cares? This bug is mild, from what the medical centers have reported. It’s no different than the typical seasonal flu. But if they don’t really know anything about this strain, then how is it possible that they already have Tamiflu? Is it something that the doctors are prescribing to make the patient feel better...(anxiety-wise)? You can prescribe a medication to a virus that you have no clue about. Panic if you will. It’s been my only source of exercise lately.

The food and drug administration is asking for people to address the swine flu as “H1N1”, because of it’s impact on the consumption and market of pork products. They want people to know that they can still eat pork. The strain is not contracted by food. But, how do they know if they have no clue about this bug? Again, panic mode.

But good news! I forgot to add my raw alfalfa sprouts into my salad like I usually do, because it was hidden behind my blackberry stash (which by the way, is a product of Mexico). My delicious sprouts are now being taken off the shelves because of a salmonella saintpaul outbreak in six states. By the time I took them out, they were dripping brown gunk out of the plastic container followed by some freaky nasty odor. Now that’s what we should panic over. And, yes to answer the question that looms over your head: I threw out the blackberries too. They were fresh, but...

Just in case, I took my temperature today. 98.8...  A bit on the high side.  Always remember to soak your thermometer after each use.  

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Barack Obama Terrorizes New York?

Yes, you are forgiven Obama. But what was he thinking? He allowed a 747 from the presidential fleet, An Air Force One backup plane and fighter jet to fly very low over in New York. It was a poorly judged photo op that we, the people got taxed for. When I saw the video footage on the news where the people of New York started running and screaming, my heart sunk. It almost made me cry to see they had to feel that terror once again. So, my title fits, Obama is a terrorist. He instilled fear for New Yorkers, once again.  

Definition of "terrorist": a person who terrorizes or frightens others. 

Even Mayor Bloomberg is outraged and cannot believe he wasn't notified of what they were doing so that no panic would set in. How could anyone in their right mind think that this was ok? In my personal opinion, it’s those who live in others states that really don’t “get it”.  They feel and know that 9/11 was a horrible tragedy, but those who weren’t there, living in another state don’t have the same reaction. In fact, I got a tweet from another blogger I have known for a while saying, “It wasn’t the actual Air Force One.”  ...And? If Obama had no knowledge of this, then why did he apologize and take full responsibility? Why are people still defending this guy? So if it’s not his personal jet, then it’s not his fault? 

Listen to the fear in this lady's voice...

Another thing that is baffling: we should be focusing more on this swine flu pandemic, rather than photo shoots around New York. I have never been so outraged over a president before. This just proves to me how naive and inconsiderate this man is.

What do you think about all of this?

What about the video below? Watch the people scatter about in fear of their lives. Yes, Obama, you're forgiven, but this will certainly not be forgotten by many.

Someone took the blame... Does Obama take his "apology and his full responsibility" back now?

NEW YORK (CNN) -- A White House official apologized Monday after he OK'd a large aircraft to fly low over Manhattan -- a sight that sent people reminded of 9/11 running in fear.
"I was here on 9/11," said iReporter Tom Kruk, who saw the plane as he was getting coffee Monday morning and snapped a photo. Kruk called the sight of the aircraft low in the sky "unsettling."
The huge aircraft, which functions as Air Force One when the president is aboard, was taking part in a classified, government-sanctioned photo shoot, the Federal Aviation Administration said.
"Last week, I approved a mission over New York. I take responsibility for that decision," said Louis Caldera, director of the White House Military Office. "While federal authorities took the proper steps to notify state and local authorities in New York and New Jersey, it's clear that the mission created confusion and disruption."
---read more here.

If they had $365,000 to spend on a photo op, they surely have enough money to pay someone off to take the blame.  That's just my opinion though. 

Monday, April 27, 2009

Swine Flu

A video I just did in the morning trying to convince Madelene, who's in sales, to try and not shake hands with customers. Not sure if this is going to work. I also was trying to teach her how to wash her hands the right way. My OCD is kicking up with this Swine Flu going around. I might as well build myself a bubble.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Committing the Perfect Suicide

Wouldn’t it be great if we were like cats and had nine lives? Some people believe that we do come back (reincarnation), but I’m not so sure about that. I’d be scared I would be punished by God and come back as a goat getting my nipples tugged for milk every morning. My life is a little close to that, but no cigar. What if this is it? No, I’m not talking about death now, I’m speaking about life. What if “this is it”? What we’re doing - our jobs, our family and friends as well as the everyday mundane things that occur daily? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like your life is just the same ol’ bullshit day after day after day?

I’m sick and tired of being “stuck”. This is one of the many reasons why I have chosen to write. It’s something I love to do.  After working at 9-5 corporate zombie-like jobs and noticing my anxiety heightening to where they had to take me out of the building in a gurney, I decided it was time for a change. I decided to commit the perfect suicide.  I reinvented myself. No longer would I sit in a cubical literally tied to a phone and computer pushing paper for the rest of my life. I needed change. I needed more God in my life. I focused on God and started writing. I never thought in a million years I would ever publish a book or get a career in writing alone. Never once did I see myself as the artsy type, even though the people described me as very creative and artistic. I went through a traumatic event in my life that made me see things in a different light. Was it perfect? Of course not. I even went around the same mountain and found that Einstein’s words were very real: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

My sister and I were talking and I’ll never forget what she said to me: “If we change the way we look at things - the world changes around us.” I truly believe that other things people were saying to me were messages from God. I’m guilty of having obsessive thought patterns. I constantly badgered---wait----tortured myself with negative thoughts. I’m still guilty of it from time to time. In fact, my thoughts are more on the lines of enslaved thoughts. They take over my entire life and then I slip into a deep depression. That. must. change.

I can easily blame all of my fear and phobias on my anxiety - it’s a great crutch, but I want a better excuse. Do you think anxiety is self-provoked? Do we create our own hell on earth? The one thing my therapist had said to me was, “Stop saying you can’t. You CAN. I CAN drive long distances. I CAN be in a crowded supermarket.”   I AM better. I AM at peace. With positive self-affirmation and reassurance that I AM able to do this or do that, life seems a little more “possible”; a little less scary. One of my great fears or phobias is being rushed. I get high anxiety traveling long distances just to be there for a short while.

So, this weekend I am committing the perfect suicide: My wife and I are taking off and leaving for Montauk for only two days. We typically go for more than a week. I can’t stand the traffic going through Long Island, it gives me agita. So, instead, I AM going to the beach. I WILL enjoy the pleasant Long Island ride over there. I AM content with the chaotic traffic and WILL be on my best behavior when someone cuts me off. I WILL enjoy the rush of packing and unpacking. I might just bring a backpack. You’ll have to check with Madelene if I made good on my word, for I won’t say boo if I flip my lid. This is so out of my character to pick up and go...but much needed!  Things. need. to. change.   "I" need to change. Once again, I am killing off the old me and reinventing myself to become more adventurous.

What’s your best suicide plan?
Enjoy this beautiful weekend!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Close to Your Heart

They say your past defines you; makes you who you are today. Going through struggles and trials in our lifetime builds up character and endurance, so that we can handle future blows much more easily. Is it easier, or is it that we’ve become so desensitized to it all? Maybe some of us are just like, screw it, whatever! Or is it strength? I think it depends on so many various types of personalities. You have one set of people where they would improve their actions, words and strategies to get through it all, and then you have another set of people where they would simply give up and not care. “Your past struggles and trials in life make you stronger” no longer applies to the second set of people who have simply thrown their hands up and either sought solace in a bottle or worse yet, have inflicted some type of harm to themselves, or did the inevitable. It’s a nice, encouraging saying, however it doesn’t apply to all people. And yes, the bible even states this beautiful saying numerous times.

Strength. What is strength? Is it the ability to overcome challenges by facing it head on? Or is it the ability to run away from it and hide? When we hide from our problems, does it mean that it’s no longer there? If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it . . . I’m a firm believer in resolutions. I believe in closure, whether this means ending it completely or resolving the issue(s) with a mending strategy. If something isn’t dealt with (closed), then it is still lingering. There are people who can live with no closure and have that be all. For me, resolving something: say an issue, argument or fight with a loved one - regardless - I want to resolve, forgive, be forgiven or even if forgiveness is not an option, explain my side and have them explain theirs. As for my belief, when there is no forgiveness and we are long gone from this earth (death), I do believe that our souls roam endlessly still looking for that earthly closure, when all along, we could have done that while being alive and went toward the light instead.

There is one exception though: those who lost loved ones through death and weren't able to say their goodbyes. That’s a touchy subject for many. I totally believe that forgiveness takes place in our hearts and souls when we let that person go. Or could it be the same here on earth: letting the person go is closure in itself?   I’ve always compared deaths and breakups to have a similar affect on the human psyche, with the exception of the rule regarding a breakup or a divorce being much harder on the person, because their loved one is still out there with possible negative feelings toward their ex. Many people believe in different ways to overcome challenges such as these. Some feel that a clean break is needed and others feel that complete closure and understanding should take place in order to move onto the next phase.

Different strokes.

In my experience and past, I’ve always sought out for closure and resolutions. I have had a lot of things out there not “closed”. I have moved past certain unresolved issues and have made it out alive, so now these days, I’m wondering, if making a clean break, even if that means no closure, is the better route to take? There’s another phrase which many religions believe: “Let go and let God”. With enough faith and courage, do we truly believe that God has taken all of those burdens off of us? And if He has - how do we finally know? God’s ways are mysterious and trying to understand Him is like fish trying to comprehend algebra. So let me ask you this: is it easier to let go and let God, or is it easier to resolve and try to make closure with something or someone close to your heart?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Love & Hate

We can all sit and mull over the incidents that occurred in our lives and point fingers until the cows come home, but many us aren’t being accountable for our own faults and wrongdoings. It’s easier to be the victim and run over to mommy and tattletale about Johnny poking you too much. There’s never an explanation of why Johnny was poking you though. We’ll just leave it at that and hear one side of the story - I mean come on, you’re the victim here, right?

Maybe you’re not where you are in life because somebody screwed you over. Maybe you’re not out dating anymore because someone has poisoned all potential future mates for you. Get over it. If we really think about long and hard: whose fault is it anyway? Did you let someone screw you out of a heap of money? Did someone cheat on you and leave a bad taste in your mouth? It couldn’t be because you went into the relationship while the person was getting out of another or possibly still in one, could it? There are so many patterns that we miss out on while in the midst of excitement in our lives.  People become completely naive to everything when they’re in love or in the middle of an exciting time in their life. Whatever it is: look at your surroundings. Any red flags?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been duped so many times that I can’t possibly write them all down, however I am not a victim. I’m not innocent by any means. I admit to all my wrongs and find it amusing that those who were in my life that tried destroying it with their own selfish motives, are never accountable for anything. “Why I’ve done nothing wrong.” They actually convince themselves that they’re the victim; they’ve been duped and there is no accountability for what they have done in the past. All of their friends and family get one side of the story, while a whole other movie is being projected on the other side of town. It’s interesting to hear both sides of the story without full knowledge. It’s like completely different dramas stirred into one pot. But, who’s lying? Who’s telling the truth? One can never tell.

Sometimes I’ll watch Divorce Court and mindlessly entertain myself with the wild and fascinating tall tales that these people conjure up just for their own selfish needs. Messy divorces go hand-in-hand with the art of lying. I’ve even seen it go so far to lie about one mate just to get custody of the children. “She cheated on me”, or “She’s abusive and/or neglectful to the kids”. How do they sleep at night knowing they’ve lied like this, when in the past, they’ve once loved that person with all their heart and soul? It’s a shame to believe that love can turn into hate.

Can it though?

It’s amazing how well some people can hold themselves together. To me it’s a talent, for others, it’s unnoticed and usually regarded as coldhearted or uncaring. Have you ever noticed someone going through turbulence in their relationship or marriage, yet they never talk about it? A lot of people figure: “Well it’s none of their business.” And they’re right. But, there are some people that are pent up with such emotional pain and turmoil that it eventually bubbles up to the surface. They can’t help but boil over and tell all - and that’s ok. Each person deals with their emotions differently. Is one way of handling emotions healthier than another? That I don’t know. I do know that being honest when talking to entrusted people is important, be it your therapist, friends or family. Leave things out if you need to - but never tell the opposite of your emotions. Even when I was at my angriest, I never said, “I hate him or her”, when I knew in my heart that I still did cared for this person. Do you think when people say, “Oh I hate him or her” is a reaction to being hurt deeply or do you think that love can eventually turn into hatred? They do say that there is a fine line between love and hate. I never believed that statement. For me, if I love someone, I always love them. It never ends, even if they are no longer with me and if I no longer wish for them to be back in my life. 

That’s just me.
Hate in your heart kills. Love conquers all. 

Simmering the Ego

It’s been a bunch of nonsense lately. I’ve been detoured from blogger onto miniscule problems that caused a huge quarrel in our home. Now granted, the weather has been warmer and more springlike, but there have been a couple of days that were rainy and windy. Monday, I was driving home, got stuck in traffic on a donkey trail back to my place because of a down tree, and then realized I couldn’t warm up as soon as I was back at the apartment. I couldn’t blaze a nice roaring fire in the fireplace, because when it’s windy, it’ll just back up on me leaving me in a cloud of smut, so I made sure the heat was up and I got under a blanket to watch TV. I thought maybe I was coming down with something because I could not for the life of me warm up. I then heard a huge gust of wind that hit the building and saw one of my chairs out on the deck go flying down three stories. Needless to say I had to run out there to get it, which involved sliding down a mountain of lawn because the only entrance is from the front and our deck is over in the backside of the building. We have a henhouse full of bitches who would have put me in a guillotine if I had decided to just leave it there. Luckily for me, I’m right next door to the home owner’s association, aka henhouse.

Madelene got home and said she was chilled to the bone. We had dinner together, watched a movie and realized that both of us was huddled up in the blanket relying on one another’s heat.

“Is the heat up?”
“Yeah, I checked it before you got in.” I said, with confidence.

It only got colder and colder until I finally realized I didn’t hear any clicking noises from the water baseboard heating that we have. I tried putting the heat up noise. I then went to feel if the baseboards were even warm to the touch...nothing. Cold. It was now approaching midnight and it was too late to call anyone at that time. I instantly go to Twitter (which trickles into my facebook account automatically) and asked everyone for advice.

This is some of the comments of which I received:

“Call Greg! 555-5555”

“Good night and good luck! At least if there’s an evacuation tonight you’ll know why! See there’s an upside to everything!”

“Could it be hormonal?”

“Well, I didn’t hear an explosion so you must still be alive and cold.”

Calling Greg would have been a great option, only it was past midnight and I hate calling people out of bed who I haven’t spoken to in somewhat years to ask if they could come over to fix my boiler. But the wiseasses on my facebook account were just mean mean mean!

Madelene and I decided to grab four comforters and snuggle up for the evening. We woke up and called our landlord to come and take a look at the boiler. He made a big fuss at first and advised Madelene to go out herself to check it.

Here’s what concerns me:

1. Madelene asked me the night before how to end windows and shut down on her computer.
2. She doesn’t know how to retrieve voice mail messages on our phone at home.
3. She has trouble with call waiting and usually ends up dropping the first caller.
4. She is on the same technical knowledge as my dear sweet mom. Hell if I’m letting her near the boiler!

Well she got all high and mighty and went outside into the boiler room to try to fix it herself. As I sat inside, knowing that I will have the landlord come over regardless of what he says- she starts reading the 30 year old instructions that’s practically pealed off and faded from the weather. That alone, concerns me. I yelled at her to get back inside and let our landlord do this, since he’s familiar with boilers from the 1800’s. She got offended and that’s when our quarrel began. Not only did our plans for our day off together get squashed due to waiting for the landlord, but it was tense even after he had left. I tried explaining to her that it’s better for the owner to tinker with it than someone who is not familiar with boilers. She wanted to go out there with a match to light up the pilot...or the rest of the neighborhood.  As you can see, at that point I didn't care, I put a log on the fire.

By 7pm, I made her a stiff drink and loaded her up with a delicious dinner and that seemed to simmer her ego down. I know some of you women out there are laughing because you have a “fix it yourself” type of Dan at home. She also hates asking for directions. God forbid if she tries using my GPS!  I sometimes wonder if she’s a female. 

I should know this by now. 

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The "New 29"

Personally, I’ve always thought that women in their 40’s are amazingly beautiful. I’m not trying to kiss up to any one of my friends or my wife for that matter, but it’s true. Being in your 40’s is the “new 29”. Then I watched Susan Boyle sing her little heart out and was so touched by her ability to shock the world, yet amazed how someone her age looks like she's hitting 70. I’m not superficial in the least, and I know that with more fame and work, she will be tackled down by some makeover crew soon enough. Aside from that, I don’t care - her voice rocks. During breakfast, I showed Madelene her video on Youtube and yes, I did see a tear! You rock Susan!

Speaking about age and such, I’ve been feeling a little better lately. My arthritis / gout is seemingly fine in the morning. (It’s morning as I type this.) Oddly enough, after the coffee has drained out of my system, I start feeling like a creaky old bag of bones again. My mom gave me some interesting news that was way overdo. See, my entire right side - my leg and arm, can be pulled out of its own joint. I have clicking hips. My mother says to me yesterday, “Ohhhhh, that’s because the doctors pulled you out from the right side when you were born breech. They also told me you were going to have clicking hips and possible spinal cord injuries. They said you might have problems with your joints, but you were fine growing up so I didn’t say anything...”


Since my mother irritated me a tad with that news, I also told her my hips click during sex. I’m sure she was thrilled to know that. In fact, she did one of those nervous laughs and blew it off as quickly as she could. I can imagine the questions that lurked in her mind when I said, “when I have sex”.  She still thinks that lesbians cannot have “sex”.  We just kiss.

Moving on. My mom will be turning 71 tomorrow. I cannot believe she is in her seventies. To me, she is still in her 40’s. I know, I know, I just can’t fathom her age. But to me, she has the voice of a 40 yr old and she is still “mom” from when I was a kid. I hate seeing my parents age, but they’re so funny and ridiculously idiotic that it’s hard to imagine them as “elderly”. (And yes I say that lovingly.) I can’t even say that word when describing them: elderly. Maybe I’m in denial. My mother and I still have the umbilical cord attached and basically have way too much intuition with one another - a real strong connection, so her age bothers me, although I realize that we all get older. When I was a kid, I used to cringe at the thought of my parents getting up into their senior years. Maybe they cringed at their daughters getting older too. My father still believes that I’m in my early twenties. When my mother says, “I can’t believe you’re 35 now, Deb”, my father rubs his forehead and looks down.

If age is but a number and it’s “all how you feel”, then why the hell do I feel like I’m 90???

Alrighty then---I’m off to the gym. Wish me luck. Call 911 if you don’t see another post from me. Then again, I’m only 29.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Learning From My Readers

It takes a lot for someone to admit that they’re wrong. Most of the time, it’s either pride or embarrassment that gets in the way. For me, I’ve never been too proud to say, “Hey, you know something, I was wrong and I’m sorry.” Granted, I’m not going to apologize if I didn’t do anything wrong just for the sake of mending a friendship or “making peace”.   There are too many casual statements that get flung around; meaningless words with hidden motives. Don’t get me wrong, I still do the most stupidest things in the world sometimes, and yeah I know that in the future comes along many “I’m sorrys”.   I accept that because I know I’m human.

In my previous post, I enjoyed reading the comment because it really gave me an inside scoop on a lot about what’s going on in many people’s minds. Everyone’s different and everyone has the right to either choose forgiveness, or just forgive a little and hold onto the rest, and of course, to not forgive at all. That’s ok. I wasn’t judging any of you who said you couldn’t forgive. I wonder if that takes a toll on you emotionally though.

I guess I’m a bit morbid. What I mean is, I think about death a lot. I think about what happens to people who survive their offender’s death. Think about it: if the person who offended you died today, what would be running through your mind? “Oh that sunnovabitch died! Good riddance!” Or, would your thoughts be, “Maybe I should have forgiven them?” Either way, there’s no use mulling it over and over in your mind. Would you attend their funeral? Would you pay your “respects”? Would you have any “respects” to pay?   Too morbid for you?   You do think about it though...don’t you?

I’ve made a promise to myself that anyone I have ever hurt is going to get an apology. And they have. I will never leave anything “open” for words or actions to be misconstrued any longer. I don’t want that lingering over my head. Whether they forgive me or not, it is out of my hands and into God’s. I had, and possibly still have a desire for those who I have hurt to say, “It’s ok Deb.” But I know I can’t expect that. I guess it’s part of my egotistical ways to expect an “it’s ok Deb”, so I am letting everything slide off my shoulders and onto God’s. I’m learning to let go without expectations. What’s said is said and what’s done can’t be undone. Just by reading the comment section of my last post has made me come to the realization that I just have to accept “it is what it is” and then let it go.

To all my readers: thank you for teaching me so many things!  It's mainly why I blog in the first place. 

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Thoughts On Good Friday

There are so many qualities in Jesus that I admire that I cannot even fathom obtaining just a few of them. He was mocked, beaten and crucified, all for the love forgiveness. Even before his death, He was battered emotionally by the people He trusted the most. He was also betrayed by them too. The most amazing thing was His ability to still forgive them. It must take more of an evolved spirit; a person who truly knows God, like Jesus did, in order to forgive the people we would least expect to hurt us so deeply.

Whether you believe Jesus is the Messiah or not, you have to respect His ability to give complete forgiveness to those people who wanted to hurt Him so badly. His faith was so great that He believed that His sacrifice on the cross was enough to save everyone and to give us salvation.  To me, that's pure love.

There are two types of people in the world: those who have the ability to forgive with a more evolved spirit, and the others who cannot seek forgiveness in their hearts; usually “inferior”, angry souls, who will retain that resentment for the rest of their lives.

Whether you’re Christian or not, which category do you fall under?

Happy Easter!

The Non-Communicative Station

As you can see from the photo above, our dining room table has become somewhat of a non-communicative place where we eat breakfast, check our email, networking sites, read the paper and then say goodbye for the day. I’m not sure if it was in fact a good idea to get Madelene her own computer, but at least she’s getting more acquainted with current up to date news and other misc. junk from whatever sources she looks up. She has never really had her own computer - she used mine since she rarely gets on the net. Now that her work involves a bit more computer work, I told her it was important that she gets familiar with the internet to better assist her clientele with more information.

We have set down a few rules regarding our life vs. the internet life:
1. When we go to bed, the BlackBerries are turned off. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. They’re off for the entire night. If there is an emergency, then call our landline.
2. Our days off are just that: no internet, other than uploading any videos we have made that day. Only in the morning will we surf the internet for news and info and share with one another. 
3. A few “I love yous” tossed across the table with an instant message is always appreciated.

It’s weird though, by her having a computer, it has actually brought us closer. She’s an excellent writer, so sometimes we’ll just be sitting here in the morning with our coffee writing together and sharing ideas. There are many things I have learned about her through her writing. She may start writing in her blog again, which I’m excited about. She’s somewhat of a private person, but isn’t afraid to share her ideas, faith and stories from her heart with the world.

I guess I’m just happy with everything... We’ve had our ups and downs in the past and this last shot of trying it out again has been such a beautiful experience. And after we got married, it has only gotten better and better. I know that sounds strange, but I feel like I’m ‘dating’ a completely new person, yet a person I already know and have yet to learn about. It still feels new. Some would say it’s the “honeymoon phase” of our relationship - but come on - after 14 years of being together? When she comes home from work, I’m at the door like a puppy wagging my tail. We never run out of things to say to one another and we are constantly yip-yapping until we fall fast asleep at night.

And believe me, when I first dated her we had not one thing in common. She kept insisting that opposites attract. I begged to differ, but somehow we just “worked”. Now, it seems like we have everything in common, and I guess the whole point of this post is: I truly found my best friend. We share the most important things in my opinion: our faith in God/Christianity, our political views, family values and now we share in the same hobbies and activities.

So, let the table be messy and full of things we love to do. Let the house have a little more clutter for our hobbies and interests. I guess by being so clean and tidy, it prevented us from sharing in many things. I guess it’s not so non-communicative after all.

Hope all of you enjoy your holiday!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Mac vs. PC: A Mixed Marriage

Never once have I claimed that I was a techie or some type of computer genius guru, but I have to say that ever since I bought a Macbook, this thing is so user friendly and easy to use that I don’t know why more people don’t jump off the PC boat. The PC for starters are so vulnerable to viruses. Hey, I used to love my PC, but after a while when it slowed down and started heavy breathing, gasping for air because I went into some weird and forbidden websites and opened a few emails from unknown sources, I decided to take my business elsewhere: Macville. I did want to clean out my Sony Vaio for Madelene, because she never uses the computer and I’m helping her get started.

I called this wonderful computer repairman that my sister referred to me. She had nothing but good things to say about him and was pleased with his services. He came over after work and picked up my laptop and dropped it back off to me the very next day all repaired like new. He even help me set up all the wireless networks, because somehow I lost my connection and jumped aboard my neighbor's network for a few months. He even taught me many things I didn’t know about wireless networks, like how vulnerable we all are to hackers and to go to trusted sites. He explained every little detail of what he did to our computer. He even gave me a few blogging tips and optimizing lessons. I’m keeping this guy around!

I usually never plug anyone on my own blog, but this guy is so good, so helpful and very presentable, that I have to mention him. I also never let people know where I live - but he was an exception. He has a very warm personality - one of those types that make you feel as though you’ve known him for many years.

If you’re in the NY/NJ area, give him a call if you need your computer cleaned up, fixed up, hooked up or whatever.  Dinesh saved our marriage with less cost spent on couple counseling. Thanks, Dinesh! 

Dinesh Mistry
Or visit his website:

Visit Dinesh's blog here!  

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Google Street View

A big concern for many of us is whether or not we’re being watched by Big Brother. Personally, I have absolutely no problem with cameras on our streets and in our marketplaces, because I feel that they keep us safer. It has brought down crime significantly. But then again, it’s the lesser of two evils. If we’re not doing anything wrong, then why should we care? If it’s invading our privacy, then what exactly defines the meaning of “privacy”? My home is my privacy, your home is your privacy, but when does it come down to the point of madness when cameras are taking pictures of your home and then launching it onto the internet?

Legally, I can stand outside of your home 1 inch away from your sidewalk and take a photo or video of your house or apartment. If your blinds are open, I have the legal right to view what’s inside and record it. How creepy is that? As long as I am not on your property, I have that right. You have that right. Everyone and their mother has that right. Google Street View takes advantage of that right and has now posted all their street view shots onto the internet.

“Google Street View displays photos taken from a fleet of Chevrolet Cobalts in United States, Opel Astras in Europe and Australia, Vauxhall Astras in the United Kingdom and Toyota Prius cars in Japan. Pedestrian areas, narrow streets and park alleys that cannot be accessed by car are not always covered. However, sometimes Google Bikes are used. On each of these cars (and bikes) 9 directional cameras for the 360° views, GPS units for positioning, Laser Range Finders for the measuring of buildings and 3G/Wi-Fi aerials for whereabouts on 3G and Wi-Fi hotspots are all mounted." --read more

Can you picture some Google geek on his bike taking pictures of your home? I then questioned if it was only for real estate purposes - like insurance pictures of houses, etc. I can’t help but feel a bit inferior to the many cameras that are taking snapshot photos of our homes in many parts of the world now. Why would they let the public view this?  

I only ask Google if they can let me know before stopping by, so I can at least put some make up on and strike a pose.  

What are your thoughts?

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Realizing that the economy is shrinking faster than my pants on a Sunday afternoon, I can’t believe how quickly word spreads throughout the “press”. I had to cancel my subscription to my local newspaper. I couldn’t do it anymore. This paper used to be well written and captured some of the best stories. Their reporters were on top of their game and there was no room for b/s. Pure news.

When I moved into my condo a couple of years ago, I subscribed to the weekender. I loved it. As time went on, I noticed that their stories weren’t as interesting and if anything - they weren’t getting enough stories. There were stories out there on the local news channel on cable TV that weren’t trickling over into the newspaper. The paper’s biggest news was the happenings at your local winery or flea market. I thought they were going through a lull, until it just got worse. Their writing was suffering as well. They would try to spruce up a story by making it sound like a fictional tale. I want news - not some creative nonsense. Who? What? Where? When? Why? Give it to me.

That wasn’t the end of it though. Then, as more weekends passed by, the only thing I was receiving was a little pamphlet full of advertisements and no stories! If there were stories in there, it was about how Marsha Smith cut off all her hair for Locks of Love. That’s great. What else?

I bit the bullet and called up the newspaper company. I had asked the guy if he could stop my subscription. He had asked why and I explained to him that I was only getting advertisements and poorly written news about nothing. I wasn’t mean to him, but I guess he had heard it all, or so it sounded like it. He chuckled sarcastically and said that I could resume at anytime. For now, I’m sticking to the New York Times and holding off on the little guy. It’s a shame because I usually buy everything from the little guys in town, but sometimes it’s just not worth it when nobody wants to do their best at their jobs.

Anyway, this morning I opened the door to get my last of their Sunday issue. I noticed it was mangled up a bit in an orange plastic bag. I never once received a mangled up newspaper. I guess the paperboy found out this was his last stop to my door.  I guess he took the breakup worse than I did. 

Friday, April 03, 2009

Tossing Out the Stony Heart

The average person only sees what’s right in front of them. There’s no time to analyze what it is, or what they truly desire--even with all the “it’s meant to be” theories. Usually, realists and those who are still in question - more so upon atheistic outlooks; basing everything upon scientific views will argue over what I’m about to write in this post. Even with my strong faith in God, I still question everything. It’s normal. Even Mother Theresa questioned everything until her last dying breath. The person who fails to question life and the thereafter, are the ones who have simply given up on learning more, or about learning what’s within their own hearts that cannot be seen or heard.

What do you want? That question is vague and almost unrealistic if you think about it. “What do you want?” Your mind can flip through many of your “want files”, but the real question should be: “what does your soul want?” Last year I wanted a set of entirely different things. My mind said, “I want this”, and I prayed for it. I never received what I asked for. But, that’s because it wasn’t what I truly wanted--or something that must have been known that would have been bad for me.

Then I read something so fascinating that it triggered so many feelings and desires of what I truly wanted. I was praying for “this”, but the Spirit was praying for an entirely different set of things for me.

“In the last part of verse 26 Paul says, ‘The Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.’ What does this mean: “With groanings too deep for words"? Literally it simply says, "with wordless groanings." What does that refer to? Does it refer to groanings that we make? Or groanings that we do not make but the Holy Spirit makes? Or is there a third alternative – the one that I want argue for, namely, these groanings are our groanings which are also the Spirit's groanings because he inspires and directs them in us?” --read more.

In my beliefs, here are my thoughts: if everyday life and distractions causes our physical minds to want particular things due to circumstantial reasonings to fulfill our “needs” and “wants” out of life, and we don’t seek spiritual guidance, then are we praying for the "right" things? If the Holy Spirit truly prays for us (some may believe that the Universe is doing this or a spiritual guide or angel of some sort), because it hears or even does the “groanings” of our hearts and souls for us, then shouldn’t we rely on that? But not everybody believes in the same faith or even has strong enough faith to believe they want something entirely different to have that rest upon something of the supernatural. And I don’t blame them, because we live in a third demential world where spirituality and religion are tossed aside and replaced with worldly views and desires. It’s more believable.

I have always debated this scripture from the bible: “And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart.” --Ezekiel 36:26 (NLT)

It was almost insulting in a way. How can my desires and heart be wrong if it’s something I truly want out of life? I was full of pride and didn't want to be corrected.  And, it doesn’t mean that you’re a stubborn mule because you’re not basing all of your choices upon spirituality, however it does imply that we must trust the fact that some of the choices we make in life are called “mistakes” down the line and into the future. If we’re not listening to that "small inner voice", as some would call it, then it implies that we have a "stony heart", which equates to stubbornness, however sin can be tossed in there as describing the grim outcome. Of course anyone can interpret this in a million ways.

Do you think or believe you have found your true calling in life? Have you prayed for something you have desperately wanted or desired, and received it? Also, would you base your gifts in life through divine intervention or from the supernatural?  Or was it something that you wanted and got for yourself?

Compared to Sylvia Plath...

This morning as I was checking my email and other networking sites, I found that my two sisters sent me a quiz to take on facebook. It’s called, “Which Crazy Bitch are You?” I personally think these tests are idiotic and time wasters, but for the love of amusement, I did it anyway. Here was the result:

You are Sylvia Plath
"You are one intense bitch. You are almost abnormally introspective but this is where your abundant creativity flows from. You love handsome, brilliant, creative genius types but you pay the price when their egos and lustful ways cause them to betray you. You are a very intelligent, classy lady with a black streak and can be very emotional at times. You do have a bit of a morbid side but your words often lead you to be misunderstood as a dark figure but that is just how you protect your soft mushy insides."

If anyone knows me on a personal level, you’re probably laughing and nodding your head right now. I cannot believe how accurate these tests are with just a few questions that enable this thing to hit my personality right on the nose.

The Abnormally Introspective Deb:
I think too much, I feel too much and I overanalyze everything to death. Sometimes I’m not sure whether or not I drum up the drama just to create the energy that enables me to write, compose music and work on other medias of art on a subconscious level. I guess most artists are dramatic and deep. I have a lighter side to me, but I may come across bitchy, more more so, sarcastic. I am drawn to the beautiful creative genius types, and have been hurt in the past by their egos and lustful ways, however I think I have found a happy medium with my wife...unless there is something I don’t know about.  My words can definitely be misconstrued and often at times, I say things out of anger due to my self-defense mechanism. It’s a flaw I’ve been working on. I sometimes use humor to defuse stressful situations or conflicts. Sometimes that may come across as “uncaring”. I do have “soft mushy insides” that people have no idea about. That’s hard to even admit. My mushy side usually comes out when it’s much too late. By then, the person offended may chuck it up to: “she’s just a bitch”.

Thank God Madelene knows me well enough to understand my outer shell that protects me so well. We’ve been through thick and thin and she has proven to me that her love is unconditional. Needless to say that doesn’t mean she sits back and takes my b/s - she’s one tough cookie and I love her for that.

The Morbid Side of Deb:
When I read or hear the words of Sylvia Plath, I envision myself: politically incorrect, always questioning religion, controversial and opinionated with episodes of depression as well as contemplations of suicide (with a stronger willpower not to), however, as you know my faith in God is a bit more reliant, yet I still question everything, which keeps me grounded in hopes for a better future. My past may torment me from time to time, but I snap out of it easier than Plath would have...or should have.  

It was a fun and entertaining test to say the least.  I would hate to have an online networking site analyze my psyche, however it was a bit uncanny for me not to post this up.  

I dare you to take the test and find out which type you are! 

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Antibacterial Does More Harm?

A little friend of mine told me to “write something” while I'm sick in bed. So, here I am writing a post for today. I am grouchy because I am sick with the flu. I’ve had this miserable bug enjoying the destruction of my immune system. It doesn’t help that Madelene was the one who graciously gave me her gift of the germ, but I love her anyway.

I thought I was doing everything right. OCD helps with keeping my hands, counters, doorknobs clean as whistles. Are whistles even that clean? I don’t know why they made up that expression - it’s stupid. So, I figured I’d get myself to the doctor and load up on antibiotics, which I’m highly against if it’s before day 5.

Madelene and I walked into our family doctor’s office. We sat down next to this 54 inch plasma TV screen. See, our doctor’s office was newly renovated and now it’s a cinema/coffee shop/bookstore/florist/plaza full of x-ray and laboratories. I sat down next to a bouquet of a spring flower and tulip mix. Well, let me just tell you that Madelene and myself started sneezing nonstop until someone walked into the waiting room and relieved us by taking us into those small waiting rooms. We were separated and she got the real doctor and I got the pretty nurse practitioner. YES! There is a God!

As I’m sitting there waiting, I’m wondering why in the world that this office always had an electric chair. It’s not really an electric chair, but a peculiar chair. I took a photo of it with my phone cam because I wanted to see if anyone knew what this was. It was in the old building too, but I always stared at it wondering if they just needed to give a few shock treatments, which I’m all game for. There seems to be a contraption which hold's the patient's head in place...but for what?

Then I noticed the examination chair and took another photo. Notice that I’m not sitting on it because look at the paper. Look closely. The most crucial part of that chair is not covered. A long time ago, when I was in a chiropractor’s office, I remember seeing “face marks” from sweat. Ew. They never changed the paper. But even not covering the most crucial part of a seat is disheartening and disturbing.

The gorgeous blond nurse practitioner walked in and we went over medical history as well as what was wrong. She had given me antibiotics that you can drink and be done with. She also gave me cough syrup for children. Umm, hello??? I can understand if she was my pediatrician, but how old do I look? Then she stated because I have a hard time swallowing pills, that she thought it was best to take it in this form. She never really explained the baby cough medicine though.

As she’s poking and prodding at me with those ear scopes and tonsil ticklers, I said to her, “I don’t understand, I always use antibacterial solutions and wipe everything down, including the doorknobs and handles of everything in my home.”

She turns to me and says, “You’re making yourself sicker by doing that. You see, these antibacterial gels are the enemy, because it’s killing off the small bacteria, yet it makes more room for the big bug. The best thing to do is to wash everything down with a little bleach diluted in water. Put it in a spray bottle: one part bleach, ten parts water, and that’ll do the trick.” 

She had also stated that hand washing should be done with soap and hot water, even if the soap is antibacterial, because you are washing off the germs with liquid, whereas the antibacterial gels are only smearing the dead bugs and creating more room for the big guys.

Problem: I HATE the smell of bleach, it makes my gag reflex go crazy. If I smell someone doing a white wash, I gag. This is why I have to open all windows while doing the white wash.

I’m so screwed.  I'm still holding tightly to my Purell.  Old habits are hard to break.

Emotional Self-Preservation

"I'm Sorry." After the last couple of years, and whatever it is that you may be personally going through, it's especially ...